ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please correct this essay

julielai — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 14:53:31 GMT

You need to fix the parts in red.

Belly
There's an old saying which goes" Blood is thicker than water"- which means that your parents and other relatives will stick by you in times of need more than your friends will. Do you think this is true? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion. If you like, you may describe an experience which illustrates your point of view.

"Blood is thicker than water"- that old adage has always been true for me. There are some reasons to uphold my opinion~~: Friends can be unstable while parents and relatives may not and because parents and relatives are the ones who really care for us~~.

for one thing, friends can be unstable while parents and relatives will always be there. That is mostly true, especially in my case. Even who you call "bestfriend" can change because he/she usually receives the same pressure as you do. For those who are in adolescent, their bestfriends' mood are very easy to oscillate each and every day. At the same time, parents- who have already lived with us since the day we were born- is the ones who understand us most. Moreover, they have already been through almost all our experience, so they can give us advice ~~and that helps, much or not~~. I myself do not want to confer with my best friend about my very secrects for fear of him revealing it to everyone ~~the day he changes~~, but my mother~~. She~~ gave me some good advice, ~~though,~~ and I am sure that she never told it to anyone else.

Although you may also whining about your scores at school to your close friends but in all probability, what we receive often are mild comments ~~with several phrases~~ like" Oh, I am very sorry to hear that" or "Try harder next time" ~~or even pretend to have deaf ears and ignore our whining completely~~. Few really cares for others apart from themselves, but that is not in the case with our parents. They stand by us most of the time and give us good hints to help us resolve our problems. I remember talking to my mother about some bad scores I had got, she said that it is not the end of the world and she also had had many many appalling results back at school. She fostered me to go on and never give up or feel ashamed about those bad scores because I surely learned a lot from them. I think it was a very nice comment of hers.

By and large, I think friends do not understand us as much as our parents and relatives, so we have to count on them and never let them down.

Re: Please correct this essay

Creativeguru — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:50:58 GMT

My take for 1st para

The old adage âBlood is thicker than waterâ holds true for me. My experience had made me realize this. Friends may not be stable but parents and relatives will be, because they are the ones who really care for us.

you had written, there are some reasons to uphold my opinion, which i think is not correct because you donât uphold opinions, but you express opinion based on your experiences for the subject under consideration. You uphold the set standards in the society or the rules of the organization, this are just few instances I had given to make my point clear to you, further I leave to native speakers to elaborate on this.

Please correct this essay

Belly — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 06:04:51 GMT

There's an old saying which goes" Blood is thicker than water"- which means that your parents and other relatives will stick by you in times of need more than your friends will. Do you think this is true? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion. If you like, you may describe an experience which illustrates your point of view.

"Blood is thicker than water"- that old adage has always been true for me. There are some reasons to uphold my opinion: Friends can be unstable while parents and relatives may not and because parents and relatives are the ones who really care for us.

Friends can be unstable while parents and relatives may not. That is mostly true, especially in my case. Even who you call "bestfriend" can change because he/she usually receives the same pressure as you do. For those who are in adolescent, their bestfriends' mood are very easy to oscillate each and every day. At the same time, parents- who have already lived with us since the day we were born- is the ones who understand us most. Moreover, almost all our experience they have already been through, so they can give us advice and that helps, much or not. I myself do not want to confer with my best friend about my very secrects for fear of him revealing it to everyone the day he changes, but my mother. She gave me some good advice, though, and I am sure that she never told it to anyone else.

Although you may also whining about your scores at school to your close friends but in all probability, what we receive often are mild comments with several phrases like" Oh, I am very sorry to hear that" or "Try harder next time" or even pretend to have deaf ears and ignore our whining completely. Few really cares for others apart from themselves, but that is not in the case with our parents. They stand by us most of the time and give us good hints to help us resolve our problems. I remember talking to my mother about some bad scores I had got, she said that it is not the end of the world and she also had had many many appalling results back at school. She fostered me to go on and never give up or feel ashamed about those bad scores because I surely learned a lot from them. I think it was a very nice comment of hers.

By and large, I think friends do not understand us as much as our parents and relatives, so we have to count on them and never let them down.