ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Essay for Toefl 1

Doll — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:12:33 GMT

Thank you Julielai for all your corrections and suggestions. I shouldn't lose myself while writing.

I need more practice, more practice and more practice.

Re: Essay for Toefl 1

julielai — Sat, 03 May 2008 14:21:43 GMT

Since this is not supposed to be argumentative, I suggest avoiding the standard "pros/cons" format.

Highlighted a few things that need to be fixed.

Vegetarianism

Vegetarianism, preferring not to eat animal products, is followed by lots of people. (Define it and avoid the passive voice.) It used to be a prefer at first but nowadays it is ~~followed by lots of people as if it was~~ a fashion. Though it is up to us to decide to be a vegetarian, we should be very carefully before deciding this because ~~it is more than not eating any animal product.It can have both~~ of the positive and negative affects that decision has on us.

~~To start with positive affects,~~ Many people currently choose to be a vegetarian to stay healthy. ~~first of all we can say that~~ if we choose a vegetarian life, we will not have any problem with cholesterol. As we know, animal products have a big affect on our body. ( elaborate)

~~The other affect is that we~~ Others become vegetarians...(elaborate) ~~ill not put on weight easily. (I am so sure here)~~ Eating animal products make our body store the fat in it and if we cut on eating them, we will have a less chance of being fat with a good diet. (I suggest doing some research on this.)

Of course, there are other reasons...we will not even have the slightest possiblity to catch dangerous animal ilnesses such as (elaborate)

Also, being a vegetarian will help us save money. ~~As we know,~~ ~~(used second time)~~ we have to pay more to consume animal products.

(What about religious reasons?)

On the other hand, living on non-animal products may lead some negative affects on us too.

First of all, though it may sound good to have less susceptiblity to ~~have~~ cholesterol problems, a big danger waits for us: cancer. Avoiding animal products weakens our immune system and no matter what a good diet we follow, we will have a ~~more~~ chance (Is this a chance?) of being cancer than non-vegetarians.

We can also add loss of protein in this downside too. Loss of protein will lead illnesses such as memory weakness, feeling tired, flu and soe skin ilnesses.

As a third disadvantage, we can count memory weakness. The B6 protein exist in animal products more and it enables us to have a strong memory. Stopping eating meat can result in serious memory loss problems. (already mentioned)

Despite all the possible..., vegetarianism is still followed by numerous people around the world. ~~Concerning all these things,~~ we should keep in mind taht it is more than just a prefer or life style. ~~It must be regarded as a shadow which will always follow us and~~ we should think carefully before coming to a decision about vegetarianism.

Re: Essay for Toefl 1

Doll — Sat, 03 May 2008 11:43:14 GMT

It was so simple. Write a descriptive essay about vegetarianism.

Re: Essay for Toefl 1

julielai — Sat, 03 May 2008 00:33:49 GMT

Could you provide us with the essay question, Doll?

Essay for Toefl 1

Doll — Fri, 02 May 2008 20:11:51 GMT

God, my destiny forced me to write essays here too. I don't like writing essays but I have to. Till now I was given 45-50 minutes to write an essay and I had plenty of time to plan, write and proof read my essay but this time I had to do all these things in 30 minutes! Of course I couldn't write a good piece in thirty minutes. It was too short for me. I hope it is just a matter of practice or else hard days are waiting for me. I read it before posting here and I didn't like it. It is too childish! But, but thirty minutes is not enough. Anyway, in short, I will be happy if someone will check my essay. ( I remember this sentence seeing somewhere. :P). Don't try to be kind. Hit my mistakes on my face. But if you don't want to read it, it is okay. ( I know even reading them is boring.)

I bought myself a course book set for Toefl and I follow this set. Here is the first subject according to its schedule. I type my essay here without changing anything.

Vegetarianism ( Offf, boring!)

Vegetarianism, preferring not to eat animal products, is followed by lots of people. It used to be a prefer at first but nowadays it is followed by lots of people as if it was a fashion. Though it is up to usto decide to be a vegetarian, we should be very carefully before deciding this because it is more than not eating any animal product.It can have both positive and negative affects on us.

To start with positive affects, first of all we can say that if we choose a vegetarian life, we will not have any problem with cholesterol. As we know, animal products have a big affect on our body. ( no further explanation)

The other affect is that we will not put on weight easily. (I am so sure here) Eating animal products make our body store the fat in it and if we cut on eating them, we will have a less chance of being fat with a good diet.

Another affect of its on our body is that we will not even have the slightest possiblity to catch dangerous animal ilnessessuch as ( I realized that I don't know any related illness name. :()

Also being a vegetarian will make our money to stay in our pockets. (That was too funny. I laughed a lot while I was writing it and I am still laughing. Thanks vegetarianism! I will be rich now! Wheeee! But please don't laugh at me that much, don't forget that my eyes were on the clock!) As we know, (used second time) we have to pay more to animal products. ( Yeah, at least the situation is true in Turkey.)

On the other hand, living on non-animal products may lead some negative affects on us too. (Leading negative affects?)

First of all, though it may sound good to have less susceptiblity to have cholesterol problems, a big danger waits for us: cancer. Avoiding animal products weakens our immune system and no matter what a good diet we follow, we will have a more chance (Is this a chance?) of being cancer than non-vegetarians.

We can also add loss of protein in this downside too. Loss of protein will lead illnesses such as memory weakness, feeling tired, flu and soe skin ilnesses.

Despite all these ups and downs, vegetarianism is still followed by numerous people around the world. Concerning all these things, we should keep in mind taht it is more than just a prefer or life style. It must be regarded as a shadow which will always follow us and we should think carefully before coming to a decision about vegetarianism.