ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please help my writing improve

julielai — Sun, 18 May 2008 13:57:50 GMT

Highlighted a few things for you to fix.

By the way, you never explained why you have to work for your beloved. What will happen if you don't?

Belly

"Save for a rainy day"

"Sacrificing for the future is fine for many, but for some of us, it may never come. Enjoy the present, for it is the only thing of which we all are certain."

While some hold the idea of indulging as much as you can for now, others advise sacrifice for our future. In my opinion, it's absolutely necessary for one to save for his future because the purpose of our life is to work for their beloved's benefit. This essay will discuss why people have to save for their future by swinging into action today.

First of all, if we don't get goal, we will never achieve anything. ~~As said,~~ our purpose of this ephemeral life is to work for our beloved's benefit. It would be bad if we just sit there and overindulge. Nothing will be accomplised, thus we would be considered" a loser". ~~After all,~~ our life is will be just a mess.

The second reason why we should sacrifice for our future is inside and outside factors. Over-indulgence can debilitate over physical as well as mental strength (how?). ~~Therefore, we would be in a sluggish state and soon lose our taste in life.~~ ~~Moreover,~~ if you enjoy yourself too much, you'll soon get bored. Then you may catch yourself asking" Why is there nothing for me to do?" ~~In constrast~~ , In fact, there are lots of interesting stuff awating ~~for~~ you ~~at the same time~~.

I once hold the idea of reveling myself in too much entertainment when I was at grade 9. I slept late and let loose myself for about a week. The next days then turned into series of lethargy and sleep deprivation and all they lead to my poor performance on the final examination. Hence, I had to study in a mediorce high school, which I now regret having applied in.

So, by and large, I believe our sacrifice for the future certainly brings god result. Even if you are nearly die, you can do something really beneficial to your living relations and the living world. After my children are born, I will instruct them not to waste their present doing trivial things which can lead to their failure in school performance and later, in life.

Re: Please help my writing improve

Belly — Sun, 18 May 2008 12:10:31 GMT

Ah, I made a mistake:

"Save for a rainy day"
"Sacrificing for the future is fine for many, but for some of us, it may never come. Enjoy the present, for it is the only thing of which we all are certain."

It's the topic, I forgot to put it in a quote

Please help my writing improve

Belly — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:07:14 GMT

"Save for a rainy day"

"Sacrificing for the future is fine for many, but for some of us, it may never come. Enjoy the present, for it is the only thing of which we all are certain."

While some hold the idea of indulging as much as you can for now, others advise sacrifice for our future. In my opinion, it's absolutely necessary for one to save his future because the purpose of our life is to work for their beloved's benefit. This essay will discuss why people have to save their future by swinging into action today.

First of all, if we don't get goal, we will never achieve anything. As said, our purpose of this ephemeral life is to work for our beloved's benefit. It would be bad if we just sit there and overindulge. Nothing will be accomplised, thus we would be considered" a loser". After all, our life is just a mess.

The second reason why we should sacrifice for our future is inside and outside factors. Over-indulgence can debilitate over physical as well as mental strength. Therefore, we would be in a sluggish state and soon lose our taste in life. Moreover, if you enjoy yourself too much, you'll soon get bored. Then you may catch yourself asking" Why is there nothing for me to do?" In constrast, there are lots of interesting stuff awating for you at the same time.

I once hold the idea of reveling myself in too much entertainment when I was at grade 9. I slept late and let loose myself for about a week. The next days then turned into series of lethargy and sleep deprivation and all they lead to my poor performance on the final examination. Hence, I had to study in a mediorce high school, which I now regret having applied in.

So, by and large, I believe our sacrifice for the future certainly brings god result. Even if you are nearly die, you can do something really beneficial to your living relations and the living world. After my children are born, I will instruct them not to waste their present doing trivial things which can lead to their failure in school performance and later, in life.

Thanks in advance