ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

julielai — Mon, 08 Nov 2004 06:22:41 GMT

Lanatim,

For what it's worth, there are internet acronyms that don't belong to the dictionary and there is informal English. BB (bye bye), ttyl (talk to you later) and such belong to the former; wanna and OK belong to the latter.

I use "wanna" mostly in informal discussions, at least in the ones that resemble live conversations. Strictly speaking, you hear the word more often than you read it.
Remember the song "I wanna hold your hand"?

Anyway, we'll write our posts here the way we do our essays. I guess that's what MountainHiker is getting at.

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

lanatim — Mon, 08 Nov 2004 06:07:14 GMT

Thank you a lot. That was good about wanna . I thought it is right to use it. Thank you

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

anon1 — Mon, 08 Nov 2004 01:41:17 GMT

Julie,

There is another section for discussing forum issues. Please Forum:4.

I actually enjoy fewer (read none) rather than more things blinking at me. It is like listening to a buzzer going off and on as I try to read.

MountainHiker

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

julielai — Mon, 08 Nov 2004 01:19:47 GMT

I'm a learner myself. (Your Emoticons still won't come up!)

Perhaps it would help us all if these are explaned in the thread on "Requests for Letters and Other Forms of Written Communication".

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

anon1 — Sun, 07 Nov 2004 20:37:47 GMT

Julielai,

We try as much as possible to get the people asking for help to use proper grammar. So we ought to do the same when responding.

We don't have to use formal English, but we should stay away from the OK (okay), U (you), wanna (want to), cul8r (see you later), and on and on.

The students learning English are looking at how we use English to pattern their own writing habits.

The online dictionaries contain many words that I would not want to use here. Some of those words are profane and vulgar, while some are nonstandard--for example, ain't--and yet others shouldn't be encouraged. I understand the need for a dictionary to include "wanna." When others use a very colloquial or slang term, a reader can at least find out what is meant. So just because a word is in the dictionary doesn't mean we should incorporate it in our advice or requests.

This is not meant to be a big deal. Your help in this forum is sincerely appreciated. And we can use all the help we can get. But let's make sure that we set the bar high for those learning English.

MountainHiker

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

julielai — Sun, 07 Nov 2004 20:03:41 GMT

Oh! I thought it was OK since I found the word in many online dictionaries.

I won't do it again, I promise. :-o (I can't get your Emoticons box to come up)

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

anon1 — Sun, 07 Nov 2004 18:08:38 GMT

Hi Julielai,

You may wanna provide more specific comparisons between the three "crushes".

I try to encourage the students NOT to use "shorthand" stuff such as "wanna", "u", "ur" etc. Once the bad habits start, it is hard to break.

MountainHiker

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

Pilita — Sun, 07 Nov 2004 07:29:52 GMT

I like your essay. Your thinking is clear and your writing is quite clear too.but you need to be more specific in some points.

The main point of Araby, The Things They Carried and A&P is men' s feelings of love. They are all in the world of fantasy of romance that incites them to hasty acts and lead away from actuality. However, they undergo the collapse of imaginations that play in their heads because of collision of such fantasies with cruel reality. Love is a beautiful feeling to which we open our hearts and souls to the people whom we have deep feeling for[I like this sentence]. In the three readings, each character experiences different type of love that involves into deep thoughts about themselves and their life.

The theme of Araby is about an innocent love. The main character of the story is a young boy who displays signs of adolescent love towards a young girl that[who] lives in the same building. This is a perfect setting for romance to seed and nourish. The boy demonstrates his attraction to the young girl next door by waiting for her day after day and daydreaming about her. "Every morning I lay on the floor in the front parlour watching her door... When she came out on the doorstep my heart leaped. I ran to the hall, seized my books and followed her. I kept her brown figure always in my eye...â. This is a good explanation of first love because for the first time young person doesnât control feeling.He [the boy] just feels what he feels and does what his feelings tell him to do.
This love is going from a heart not from a head. The boy also has uncontrollable thoughts on her, he pointed all details; her clothing wrapping around her body, her rope like hair and her soft, smooth neck. Yet, something in the young boy prohibits him from his love to the girl. He waits in the shadows for her from the street; he looks for her from behind the blinds from the safety of his home, he trembles when he thinks about her.

In the other side, on the reading The Things They Carried the author[it doesn't sound right], Tim O'Brien, presents us a platonic love. This love appears in the character Lieutenant Jimmy Cross to a girl named Martha, a junior at Mount Sebastian College in New Jersey. An example of this love is: "They were not love letters, but Lieutenant Cross was hoping, so he kept them folded in plastic at the bottom of his rucksack." So, Jimmy Cross understands that Martha doesnât love him even though she is writing letters to him. The letters weighed ten ounces. They were signed Love, Martha , but Lieutenant Cross understand that Love was only a way of signing and did not mean what he sometimes pretended it meant. " Like in Araby in The Things They Carried authors show deep feeling from the men's side and no answer from girls. Jimmy Cross's love for Martha was so strong that she was constantly on his mind and a priority in his life. The daydreaming about Martha is a way that Cross took himself completely away from the war. He could be thousands of miles away on a quiet beach in Jersey as the war raged on around him. Like in Araby this dreaming is escaping from reality, from cruelty to the romance and happiness.
The last story "A&P" related to the others mostly by Sammy' desire to change his life by quitting his job that revealed after he saw girls in bathing suits in the store. Like Jimmy Cross desires to be far away from a war at the beach with Martha and was there in his head, Sammy wants to have another life. Like Jimmy Cross[,] who doesnât know what he is doing in the war, Sammy doesnât know why he is in this store and doing this boring job. The only thing that gives him the courage to quit, is his attraction to Queenie, love makes him strong. Sammyâs entire world consists of the grocery store, which is artificially heated and cooled, and has everything one could ever need in the way of food and many other products. One day, when three girls walk into the store, Sammy is strongly attracted to one of them. " She kept her eyes moving across the racks, and stopped, and turned so slow it made my stomach rub the inside of my apron..." Similar to Arabyâs boy whose heart leaped when he saw young girl Sammyâs Queennie arouses his interest. Later, when the manager warns the girls not to return to the store if they are wearing swimsuits, Sammy tries to come to their rescue by standing up to his boss, and even quits his job for them. In other words, Sammy is, or wants to be, their knight in shining armor--] he wants to rescue his Queen. Like boy in the Araby and Jimmy Cross in A&P [,]Sammy also fells heartache and sorrowful emotions.
In all three stories main characters experience deep feeling and conflict with themselves. Love can be happiness or can destroy if a person is not control his emotions and feelings.

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

julielai — Sat, 06 Nov 2004 06:30:18 GMT

Just my 2 cents.

You may wanna provide more specific comparisons between the three "crushes".

Dwell on one similarity/difference each paragraph and draw specific examples from each story to support each comparison.

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

lanatim — Sat, 06 Nov 2004 00:38:38 GMT

The assignment was to choose three young men characters from short stories , develope an idea that similar to three of them. That why I wrote about love , all of them feel love.Thank you a lot for helping me.

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

julielai — Fri, 05 Nov 2004 23:27:42 GMT

By the way, I thought "The Things They Carried" isn't a love story. (It's been ages since I last read it though)

Re: Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

julielai — Fri, 05 Nov 2004 23:23:00 GMT

Tell us more about your assignment first.

Please check the grammar of my essay and critic it.

lanatim — Fri, 05 Nov 2004 22:32:17 GMT

The main point of Araby, The Things They Carried and A&P is men' s feelings of love. They are all in the world of fantasy of romance that incites them to hasty acts and lead away from actuality. However, they undergo the collapse of imaginations that play in their heads because of collision of such fantasies with cruel reality. Love is a beautiful feeling to which we open our hearts and souls to the people whom we have deep feeling for. In the three readings, each character experiences different type of love that involves into deep thoughts about themselves and their life.
The theme of Araby is about an innocent love. The main character of the story is a young boy who displays signs of adolescent love towards a young girl that lives in the same building. This is a perfect setting for romance to seed and nourish. The boy demonstrates his attraction to the young girl next door by waiting for her day after day and daydreaming about her. "Every morning I lay on the floor in the front parlour watching her door... When she came out on the doorstep my heart leaped. I ran to the hall, seized my books and followed her. I kept her brown figure always in my eye...â. This is a good explanation of first love because for the first time young person doesnât control feeling. He just feels what he feels and does what his feelings tell him to do. This love is going from a heart not from a head. The boy also has uncontrollable thoughts on her, he pointed all details; her clothing wrapping around her body, her rope like hair and her soft, smooth neck. Yet, something in the young boy prohibits him from his love to the girl. He waits in the shadows for her from the street; he looks for her from behind the blinds from the safety of his home, he trembles when he thinks about her.
In the other side, on the reading The Things They Carried the author, Tim O'Brien, presents us a platonic love. This love appears in the character Lieutenant Jimmy Cross to a girl named Martha, a junior at Mount Sebastian College in New Jersey. An example of this love is: "They were not love letters, but Lieutenant Cross was hoping, so he kept them folded in plastic at the bottom of his rucksack." So, Jimmy Cross understands that Martha doesnât love him even though she is writing letters to him. The letters weighed ten ounces. They were signed Love, Martha , but Lieutenant Cross understand that Love was only a way of signing and did not mean what he sometimes pretended it meant. " Like in Araby in The Things They Carried authors show deep feeling from the men's side and no answer from girls. Jimmy Cross's love for Martha was so strong that she was constantly on his mind and a priority in his life. The daydreaming about Martha is a way that Cross took himself completely away from the war. He could be thousands of miles away on a quiet beach in Jersey as the war raged on around him. Like in Araby this dreaming is escaping from reality, from cruelty to the romance and happiness.
The last story "A&P" related to the others mostly by Sammy' desire to change his life by quitting his job that revealed after he saw girls in bathing suits in the store. Like Jimmy Cross desires to be far away from a war at the beach with Martha and was there in his head, Sammy wants to have another life. Like Jimmy Cross who doesnât know what he is doing in the war, Sammy doesnât know why he is in this store and doing this boring job. The only thing that gives him the courage to quit, is his attraction to Queenie, love makes him strong. Sammyâs entire world consists of the grocery store, which is artificially heated and cooled, and has everything one could ever need in the way of food and many other products. One day, when three girls walk into the store, Sammy is strongly attracted to one of them. " She kept her eyes moving across the racks, and stopped, and turned so slow it made my stomach rub the inside of my apron..." Similar to Arabyâs boy whose heart leaped when he saw young girl Sammyâs Queennie arouses his interest. Later, when the manager warns the girls not to return to the store if they are wearing swimsuits, Sammy tries to come to their rescue by standing up to his boss, and even quits his job for them. In other words, Sammy is, or wants to be, their knight in shining armor: he wants to rescue his Queen. Like boy in the Araby and Jimmy Cross in A&P Sammy also fells heartache and sorrowful emotions.
In all three stories main characters experience deep feeling and conflict with themselves. Love can be happiness or can destroy if a person is not control his emotions and feelings.