ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: How about write it in this way?

anon1 — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 06:52:40 GMT

Please note my late edits. Look at the bold portion of my previous answer.

Re: How about write it in this way?

yohooo8 — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 06:28:32 GMT

Thank you a lot.(H)

Re: How about write it in this way?

anon1 — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 01:58:35 GMT

Dear Recruiter: (get the name)

I am an expert in networking, computer configuration and troubleshooting, server maintenance, as well as web production. I have a wide range of computer skills from providing effective desktop support to building up a windows server. Moreover, I am a MCSE certified system engineer as well as an A+ certified Computer Technician. With over 7 years of computer experience, and 4 years of professional experience, I am confident that I can handle most computer challenges. Moroever, I am a quick learner who enjoys staying current with technology.

I live in San Francisco and have my own transportation so can travel to any locations around the Bay.

Aside from my expertise with fixing and maintaining all things hardware related, I am also a Flash specialist and an expert in Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Photoshop, HTML, DHTML, javascript, PHP, perl, MySQL database administration, as well as sound and video editing. I have completed a four year Bachelor Degree at San Francisco State University in 1999 put in the correct year.

Given my strong technical background and my passion for computers and technology, I know I would be an excellent addition to your company's technical team. I look forward to meeting you shortly. I will call within two week's to arrange for an interview.

How about write it in this way?

yohooo8 — Tue, 04 Jan 2005 19:55:57 GMT

Dear Recruiter
A little about me: I'm an expert in networking, computer configuration and troubleshooting, server maintenance, as well as web production. I can do it all from desktop support to build up a windows server. I have 7+ years of computer experience, and 4 years of professional experience. And if I don't already know how to do it I can figure it out quickly. I live in San Francisco and have my own transportation so can any locations around the Bay.
Aside from my expertise with fixing and maintaining all things hardware related, I'm also a Flash specialist, and an expert in Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Photoshop, HTML, DHTML, javascript, PHP, perl, MySQL database administration, as well as sound and video editing. I have finished 4 year bachelor degree at San Francisco State University couple years ago. Also, I am now a MCSE certified system engineer as well as an A+ certified Computer Technician.
I have many confidences to work for your company. I think nothing is impossible if you know what youâre doing or youâre willing to try it. Please consider me as one your valuable candidates for this position.. Thanks.

Re: Gammar and sentence structures issue, please help!

anon1 — Fri, 31 Dec 2004 20:39:53 GMT

yohooo8,

Your letter likely won't work well. Your letter seems to be asking for help as opposed to saying what you can do for them.

Rather than discussing all the adversities and how hard it has been, turn those adversities into strengths.

I came to the US at teh age of 15, and since then I have become fluent in English and completed a Computing degree from the University of San Francisco. With my knowledge and talents I have ...blah blah blah.

While I am sure your road in life has been a difficult one, you must take a positive proactive approach in job hunting.

You need to start over and reformulate your letter.

MountainHiker

Gammar and sentence structures issue, please help!

yohooo8 — Fri, 31 Dec 2004 20:29:20 GMT

This is my rencent cover letter.

Dear Recruiter / hiring maneger
I would like to sincerely ask you to provide me an opportunity in your company where my skills and knowledge can be use and expend. I was born in China and grown up in China. I came here when I was 15 years old without speaking a single world of English. I have been walked thou many difficulties and coves to finish the final line. My first computer 486 was gifted from my parents leaded me to the road of technical. I have decided to choose computer related major in the University of San Francisco. , I learned many great theories of technologies in SFSU while I have also worked as a technical support for school part time. I have also 3 years of experiences working with the companies, âCTS, incâ and âACI, incâ. I have adopted great relationships with the employers. All reference letters are available upon requests.

I have spent thousands of time in front the computer day by day. My interests in computer are much wised. I like to create webpage, I like windows programming in visual c++. I like to play around with the networking, and also I like to manage and configs windows servers. I also like to teach people as I have 3 individual students from age 10-65.

Although certification is a must for the IT personals, however, I donât really believe certifications since I have met people who holds numbers of them but working as a person who had never done IT before. I have been go thru both MCSE and A+ tests before and I passed. I am now certified as a System Engineer from Microsoft. But I feel like I didnât learn much from the Certifications tests. What I have real learned from was the hand on experiences the hours I spent in front of the computers.

I have much confidence to apply this job you have offering now, because I believe nothing is impossible if you know what are you doing and I believe that this is what I want to do for tomorrow in the future in your company.