Moscow Hotel near Orthodox Monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday"
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: "It is strictly forbidden on our Black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose"
In an office: "Toilet out of order... Please use the floor below"
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: "We take your bags and send them in all directions"
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: "Would you like to ride on your own a s s?"
A laundry in Rome: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time"
Rome Doctor's Office: "Specialist in women and other diseases"
Swiss Restaurant Menu: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for"
Bangkok Dry Cleaners: "Drop your trousers here for best results"
Rhodes Tailor Shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we well execute customers in strict rotation."
Bucharest Hotel: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
In a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed"
Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.
In a Laundromat: "Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out"
In a London department store: "Bargain basement upstairs"
In an office: "Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken"
In an office: "After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board"
Outside a secondhand shop: "We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?"
Notice in health food shop window: "Closed due to illness"
Spotted in a safari park: "Elephants please stay in your car"
Seen during a conference: "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor"
Notice in a farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges"
On a repair shop door: "We can repair anything (please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)"
On the menu of a Russian restaurant: "The beef language in cream with a mashed potatoes with pine nuts with cheese"
On a Japan elevator: "We have a problem with our elevation. The cable is tired due to heavy loads. It will be fixed on. Until this date, residents will be unbearable."
In a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up"
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."
In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk"
In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily"
In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid"
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension"
On the menu of a Polish hotel: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs"
Outside a Paris dress shop: "Dresses for street walking"
In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose"
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists"
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages"
In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today - no ice cream"
In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man"
In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts"
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it"
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar"
In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here"
In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run"
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."
Read more: Did I read that sign right?!!!
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