Re: Part of application letter, please review

abbie1948 — Fri, 06 May 2005 23:52:07 GMT

Hello ha-nocri,

Do I understand that you only want comment on articles and definite articles, and that you are generally happy with the English in your letter? If that is the case, I have removed them in the quotes below.

If you really want a critique:

Among the broad range of interests that arose during my time as a student of economics and philosophy at University, macroeconomics and finance unquestionably distinct themselves the most.

In this sentence, you speak of a "broad range of interests". It is perhaps not clear whether you are referring to academic interests or hobbies.

unquestionably distinct themselves the most

this phrase is not well constructed. "Distinct" is an adjective but you are using it as a verb.

What begun as zealous study of macroeconomic history as well as of the current macroeconomic issues, under the guidance of professor Bicanic was heightened by the knowledge of the European Unionâs specific macroeconomic issues through participation in the classes and research of professor Jovancevic.

This sentence is far too long, contains too much information, and so becomes difficult to understand. It would be better to break it down into 2 seperate sentences.

What begun as zealous study...

You need the simple past of "begin" here, and I feel that "zealous study" may be a bit of a hyperbole.

That being said, the choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among the other departments was rather straightforward.

This sentence does not really say what you intend.

Furthermore, I believe that a traineeship in the Council of Europe Development Bank could be a major step in my professional development. This is due to several facts: first, somewhere along the evolution of my macroeconomic focus, the European Union has set itself apart from all the other interest domains and now definitely takes a very special place. Most importantly, however is the traineeship opportunity itself â such a unique training experience could be of a crucial importance to my career development and could hardly be attained in any other way.

This is due to several facts

but you only state 2 reasons.

Again, your sentences are too long and contain too much information.

all the other interest domains

This phrase does not really work in English

However, it would be wrong to think that all the benefits should be expected on my side alone â I am confident that I will be a valuable asset as a trainee in the Council of Europe Development Bank. Immense enthusiasm and well-developed sense of professional behavior are here to secure that.

I know what you are trying to say, but the phraseology could be a little better. It makes you sound a little over-confident, at least to English ears.

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Re: Part of application letter, please review