Search results for 'tag:Articles tag:Rugby' matching tags 'Articles' and 'Rugby'

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"

Re: another covering letter!

Feebs11 — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 20:02:47 GMT

Anonymous wrote:
Hi, I 'm a newbie on this forum, and I'd like you to read through my cv and covering letter for a work placement in a translation company...

Thank you in advance!

(If I can help anybody in french... )

Goulven LE GOFF

Born: 15-04-1985

Age: 21

Nationality: French

Mobile phone: 0033 ***

goulvenlegoff@***.fr

140 Bis, Rue Robespierre

29200 Brest

France

Education

Sept 2004 â Jun 2007   Bachelor in Modern Applied Languages (LEA)

                                      UniversitÃ© de Bretagne Occidentale, Brest, France

Spent one year abroad in Giessen, Germany, as an Erasmus student

                                      in 2005-2006



2003-2004                     First year of a Bachelor in Biology

                                      UniversitÃ© de Bretagne Occidentalale, Brest, France

2003                               BaccalaurÃ©at Scientifique (equivalent of an A level; specialized in Sciences) with distinction



Employment

Jun to Aug 2004            Summer employee in a seed growing company

                                      Responsible for the transport of hives

Jul - Aug 2003               Summer employee in a nursery garden

Jul - Aug 2002               Summer employee in a nursery garden

Other Skills

          Languages: Mother tongue: French

                              Fluent in English and German

                              Basic knowledge of Spanish

          Computer literate: good knowledge of Word, Excel, Power Point, PhotoImpact

                                         Able to use PCs and Macs

          Driving Licence

Interests

Reading, listening to music and watching movies (often in English)

Playing rugby

Travelling

Playing the guitar

Dear Sir or Madam

Re: work placement

I study Modern Applied Languages (LEA) at the UniversitÃ© de Bretagne Occidentale in Brest and I am currently looking for a 3-month work placement in a British translation company. This work placement will be the conclusion of my Bachelor.

My courses range from English and German to economics and law. I also passed a scientific Baccalaureate (the equivalent of the British A-Level): I had the chance to attend many different kinds of courses which is an advantage in translation.

I already had the occasion to see what the translatorâs job consists of. For example, I translated articles and lyrics for a bandâs fan site. In my courses in France, I had different translation courses (translation from French to English or from English to French, consecutive interpretingâ¦). I spent the second year of my degree abroad in Germany where I attended a German-English translation course.

Next year, I will apply for a master in translation either in France or abroad.

I am OR I would be available for this work placement from the 15^th February and am always available for further questions or for a possible interview.

Yours faithfully

Goulven LE GOFF

another covering letter!

Anonymous — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:22:51 GMT

Hi, I 'm a newbie on this forum, and I'd like you to read through my cv and covering letter for a work placement in a translation company...

Thank you in advance!

(If I can help anybody in french... )

Goulven LE GOFF

Born: 15-04-1985

Age: 21

Nationality: French

Mobile phone: 0033 ***

goulvenlegoff@***.fr

140 Bis, Rue Robespierre

29200 Brest

France

Education

Sept 2004 â Jun 2007 Bachelor in Modern Applied Languages (LEA)

UniversitÃ© de Bretagne Occidentale - Brest, France

Spent one year abroad in Giessen - Germany as an Erasmus student

in 2005-2006

2003-2004 First year of a Bachelor in Biology

UniversitÃ© de Bretagne Occidentale - Brest, France

2003 BaccalaurÃ©at Scientifique (equivalent of an A level specialized in Sciences) with distinction

Employment

Jun to Aug 2004 Summer employee in a seed growing company

Responsible for the transport of hives

Jul - Aug 2003 Summer employee in a nursery garden

Jul - Aug 2002 Summer employee in a nursery garden

Other Skills

Languages: Mother tongue: French

Fluent in English and German

Basic knowledge of Spanish

Computer literate: good knowledge of Word, Excel, Power Point, PhotoImpact

Able to use PCs and Macs

Driving License

Interests

Reading, listening to music and watching movies (often in English)

Playing rugby

Traveling

Playing the guitar

Dear Sir, Dear Madam

Re: work placement

I study Modern Applied Languages (LEA) at the UniversitÃ© de Bretagne Occidentale in Brest and I am currently looking for a 3-month work placement in a British translation company. This work placement will be the conclusion of my Bachelor.

My courses range from English and German to economics and law. I also passed a scientific Baccalaureate (the equivalent of the British A-Level): I had the chance to attend many different kinds of courses which is an advantage in translation.

I already had the occasion to see what the translatorâs job is made of. I translated for example articles and lyrics for a bandâs fan site. In my courses in France, I had different translation courses (translation from French to English or from English to French, consecutive interpretingâ¦). I spent the second year of my degree abroad in Germany where I attended a German-English translation course.

Next year, I will apply for a master in translation either in France or abroad.

Iâm actually available for this work placement from the 15^th February and always available for further questions or for a possible interview.

Yours sincerely

Goulven LE GOFF

more phrasal verbs decoded

Kvinchuca — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 01:52:00 GMT

At explained

The particle at appears to be the goal or objective of opportunists who attempt to take advantage whenever possible. Some verbs show an endeavour to do something by the subject but we do not know if the attempt was successful or the goal was attained. The objects of some verbs are close to the subject, being within arms reach or at a distance that can be covered by a leap.

The particle is always followed by the accusative which denotes the importance of the object, or goal.

Because there is much effort in trying to accomplish something but no evidence of it being successful, there is a feeling that the subject is somebody who has not quite mastered the art of his craft, rather like an apprentice. So we can think of at as being more to do with adolescents rather than more mature and proficient adults.

There is much rough and tumble, grabbing, grasping, snatching, with sudden attacking, leaping, jumping, flinging, throwing, and flying at the target or objective, verbs that are aggressive in nature. Therefore who are these aggressive apprentices?

During the Middle Ages, vassals, who were people who swore allegiance to a nobleman in return for land, would send their sons to the lordâs castle at the age of seven, where they lived as a page to the noble family, this being the first stage in their preparation to be a knight.

For the next seven years, the child was brought up by the women of the household, helping in the kitchens, serving at the table and being taught how to behave. At fourteen the page became an esquire. During the next seven years, the esquire (or squire) was educated in all aspects of combat and warfare becoming a master of fighting on foot or on horseback proficient in the use of sword and shield, mace, axe and lance. Training daily with these weapons, the young adolescent developed a strong physique and stamina. When not training for combat his duties were to serve his knight, look after the knight's armour and weapons and accompany him to tournaments acting as the knightâs personal assistant.

Though strong and formidable combatants, they were still adolescents and had all the traits of juvenile behaviour. Groups of these young men who accompanied their knights to the tournaments very often became a source of trouble, picking fights with the esquires of other knights, or even fighting amongst themselves. The tournaments were very popular and drew large crowds, knights and esquires from all parts of the country and even abroad.

These juveniles were a serious problem, clashes between opposing groups resulted in death and injury, not only amongst themselves but also amongst the local populace. The breakdown of law and order, pillaging, raping and deaths were so common, that in 1260 King Richard the First issued the Statute of Arms. This was a law that restricted any knight attending a tournament to a maximum of three squires. The squires were required by law to wear the badge of their knight, so that they could be identified. The statute also declared that:

âââ¦no Knight or Esquire serving at the Tournament, shall bear a sword pointed, or Dagger pointed, or Staff or Mace, but only a broad sword for tourneyingâ.

Failing to obey the statute meant the forfeiture of horse and harness, arms and armour and three or more years in the dungeon.

This shows how problematic and out of control these young men were; anyone familiar with the world of football hooligans will see exactly what we are talking about.

There are several verbs meaning to âsuddenly attackâ.

To come at sb means to move in the direction of sb as if to attack them as in fly at sb, go at sb.

There are attempts to take hold of something, the movement is sudden, as if on impulse, eg. to grab, grasp leap, snatch, and throw. These suggest a melee, rather like a scrum in the game of rugby and the particle with several verbs are synonymous with the verb âto tackleâ as in rugby (which is the action of one player throwing himself at an opposite team member who has got the ball, his arms locked around the legs, in order to bring him to the ground). Throw yourself at sth, and go at sth, meaning to start to do sth such as a job or difficult task, working hard to do it and getting the job finished.

There is opportunism, as in jump at sth, leap at sth and snatch at sth , meaning to accept an opportunity with enthusiasm. To stick at sth meaning to work in a determined way, tackling the problem until it has been overcome.

Although there is an element of surprise, the surprise is always on the part of the victim, who has been assessed as a possible easy target by the attacker. Examples are look at sth meaning to closely examine, think or consider about sth, and to put sth at sth, meaning to estimate the age or weight etc. of sth. In this case the âsthâ is the target to be attacked. After looking at and putting sth at sth, the attacker can decide whether the target or victim will be easily overcome. If, because of the age, weight, size and probable fighting ability of the examined target is rather too much of a challenge, the young squire would go in search of an easier target.

The knight was a mature and accomplished suitor, with refined powers of seduction, the esquire however was a juvenile lacking in his masterâs polished skills of love. Therefore we have fling and throw oneself at sb, a clumsy attempt at seduction, with the result that other squires would laugh at him. A successful squire who managed to attract his desired maiden, could have received a knowing look from a fellow esquire, who would wink at his advances. Likewise, to wink at sth is to show acknowledgement of sth that sb has done that is illegal, or for the squire, perhaps a breach of the code of chivalry.

The squire could be criticised for behaving badly by his knight who would talk at him, or level sth at him, thus giving the squire a cause to worry at sth, being anxious or preoccupied about some problem or the future outcome of a passed misdemeanour.

Play, to act as if you are, or to pretend to be, when used with at suggests the horse-play of the squires in a rough and tumble, but without any serious

intent to cause injury.

With peck, pick and sniff at sth, we can see the young squire who is accustomed to eating fine food from his masterâs table, showing distaste at food not cooked to his liking.

Kind regards and merry Christmas from Kevin chuca.

Re: Would have.....Had have....???

MrPedantic — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 23:41:35 GMT

Hello, Mr Pedantic. May I call you Mr P?

Of course you may, JTT.

{Please don't ever take my direct manner in these discussions as any type of personal attack. I only want to address the facts. If I believe you or anyone to be in err, I'll plainly say so and I hope you and others will do the same for me. And point out why too please.}

Likewise and vice versa as appropriate.

{I don't think something this complicated will be solved in one go}

I would concur. Moreover, conditionals have a tendency to breed monstrously long posts. And my attention span is pitifully short these days. So I'll take your points one by one, if that's ok with you.

There are no grammatical reasons for it to be excluded.

What do you mean by 'grammatical reasons' here and elsewhere? (I need to know whether we're playing rugby, soccer, or some curious five-a-side hybrid from Massachusetts.)

2.

'Had I have known it was ... ' OR 'If I had've known it was ...'

I agree that this formation sometimes occurs, especially in conversation. Nor is it particularly new. Fowler (1926) has an interesting article about it. But how would you analyse the structure?

Let's take 'If I had have known...'

'Have' here is part of a verb. It follows 'had'. The parts of verbs that can directly follow 'had' are:

a) past participle ('I had gone')
b) gerund ('I had swimming last night')
c) to-infinitive ('I had to go swimming last night')

For the verb 'to have', this gives us 'had', 'having', and 'to have'. The last is the closest to the 'have' in our example, e.g.

d) 'I had to have a haircut last night.'

Is our phrase then an ellipsis for 'If I had to have known'? But that means something different: 'if it was necessary for me to have known'. We're looking for an intensified 'if I had known'. So it can't be that particular ellipsis.

Let's try it another way.

Since you describe 'if I had have known...' as an 'intensified' form, you would presumably accept that the usual non-intensified form = 'if I had known', i.e. 'if' + the past perfect of 'know'.

A past perfect consists of [simple past tense of auxiliary 'have' + past participle].

We have the auxiliary: 'had'. We have the past participle: 'known'. Where then does the 'have' fit in? Does it belong with the 'had' or the 'known'?

We've already seen that 'have' can't directly follow 'had' in any of its senses. So it must belong to 'known'. So that makes 'I had have' a compound form of the auxiliary 'to have'. But we've already seen that 'have' â etc etc.

So: how do we analyse 'if I had have'?

Over to you, JTT!

MrP