http://www.englishforums.com/search/pro.htm?q=tag%3aColons+tag%3aSponsorship+letters&tag=Colons,Sponsorship+letters&orTags=0Search results for 'tag:Colons tag:Sponsorship letters' matching tags 'Colons' and 'Sponsorship letters'en-USCSMOD (Build: 3191.21962)http://www.englishforums.com/English/ExpertiseWriteGymnasticsSponsorship-Letter/2/kvjl/Post.htm#50450Thu, 14 Oct 2004 19:29:57 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:50450anon1Hi, <br /> <br />Changes made throughout. Mostly small edits. <br /> <br />I answered your essay questions, and sure, I will assist with your proposal to the fitness club. <br /> <br />MountainHiker <br /> <br /><hr> <br /> <br /> <br />From <br />xxxxxxx <br />xxxxxxx <br /> <br />date <br /> <br />to <br />xxxxxx <br />xxxxxx <br /> <br /> <br />Dear YYYY: [need to use a colon] <br /> <br />I am writing to you to solicit a $275 donation or more for my daughter xxxxxxx xxxxxxx, she is a level 7 gymnast at xxxxxx. In return for your donation, we will provide a 3' x 5' (feet or inches?) banner advertising for your company [displayed where?] Of your $275 donation, $125 goes towards the printing of the banner and the remaining amount goes towards mmmmm assessments. [Reality is, if they donate you'll likely get the $275 amount, unless you can show an added benefit?] <br /> <br />Gym name currently has approximately 1,400 families that attend classes between 4 to 20 times a month depending on the studen's level. This a very large market of active, athletic families that will identify your business on a daily basis. <br /> <br />Gym name intructs toddlers through AGE XX at who participate on the Level 10 team. Our teams travel nationally and throughout the state of California. Last year the Level 7 team received first place in a [distinguish?] meet in Chicago and third place at the State Championship. The Level 7 team placed in the top 3 at most of their meets. <br /> <br />There are many benefits to being a gymnast, including learning discipline, setting and achieving goals, time management, teamwork, and integrity. Moreover, a gymnast learns to be attentive, self motivated, and how to motivate others. At our gym many of the gymnasts represent a broad range of cultures. This too helps our gymnasts better understand others. Key benefits for corporations are that the gymnasts learn the value of hard work, perseverance, and teamwork, all of which are vital for becoming part of tomorrow's workforce and especially part of tomorrow's leaders. <br /> <br />I sincerely thank you for your consideration. Should you have any questions, I can be reached at (xxx)xxx-xxxx or (xxx)xxx-xxxx. I will follow-up with you in a week's time. [If you get turned down, ask them if there was anything you could have done different, written differently, or anything else to improve your chances for success.] <br /> <br />Sincerely,http://www.englishforums.com/English/ExpertiseWriteGymnasticsSponsorship-Letter/kvwl/post.htm#50433Thu, 14 Oct 2004 17:32:19 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:50433anon1How's this? Don't be afraid to make changes. We can have a few iterations. <br /> <br />MountainHiker <br /> <br /><hr> <br /> <br /> <br />From <br />xxxxxxx <br />xxxxxxx <br /> <br />date <br /> <br />to <br />xxxxxx <br />xxxxxx <br /> <br /> <br />Dear YYYY: [need to use a colon] <br /> <br />I am writing to you to solicit a $275 donation or more for my daughter xxxxxxx xxxxxxx, she is a level 7 gymnast at xxxxxx. In return for your donation, we will provide a 3' x 5' (feet or inches?) banner advertising for your company [displayed where?] Of your $275 donation, $125 goes twoards the printing of the banner and the remaining $150 goes towards mmmmm assessments. <br /> <br />gym name currently has approximately 1,400 families that attend classes between 4 to 20 times a month depending on the studen's level. This a very large market of active, athletic families that will identify your business on a daily basis. <br /> <br />Gym name intructs toddlers through level 10 team. Our team levels travel nationally and throughout the state of California. Last year the level 7 team received first place in a distinguish meet in Chicago and third place at the State Championship. The level 7 team placed in the top 3 at most of their meets. [There are much cost incurred for travel and assessments, approximately $3,000 just for axxxx this season.---I would be inclined to remove this sentence as people know that all sports are expensive.] <br /> <br />There are many benefits to being a gymnast, including discipline, setting and achieving goals, time management, teamwork, and integrity. Moreover, a gymnast learns to be attentive, self motivated, and how to motivate others. At our gym there students come from a broad range of cultures. This too helps our gymnasts better understand others. A key benefit for corporations is that the students learn the value of hard work, perseverance, and teamwork, all of which are vital for becoming part of tomorrow's workforce and especially part of tomorrow's leaders. <br /> <br />["The student learn the value of hard work, perseverance, and teamwork, all of which are vital for becoming part of tomorrow's workforce and especially part of tomorrow's leaders." Comment: The part in quotations, I am not sure what you want to do. Is that a summary sentence? If so, we need to work it into the paragraph a bit better. There I worked it in above.] <br /> <br />I sincerely thank you for your consideration. Should you have any questions, I can be reached at (xxx)xxx-xxxx or (xxx)xxx-xxxx. I will follow-up with you in a week's time. [I know, I hate calling people too, but it is a necessary evil. Even if they can't assist, they might know of someone who can.] <br /> <br />Sincerely,