Search results for 'tag:Commas tag:Jokes' matching tags 'Commas' and 'Jokes'

Re: When do we put a comma before and?

Clive — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:12:33 GMT

Hi,
I would say that a comma is OK here but not essential.

Do you know this joke?

A: My dog lost his nose in an accident.
B: Poor thing. How does it smell?
A: Terrible !

Clive

Re: Spitfire.

Osee — Sun, 27 May 2007 21:19:31 GMT

I understand the first sentence means the nun's clothes is getting burned. The second means the nun is cooking meat on a fire. Anyway, I do not get it.

Nona, you said this is an unpleasant joke, if you would not like to explain it here, would it be possible to tell me by email? Thanks a lot!

Nona The Brit wrote:
It's an unpleasant joke. I'd rather not. Replace each comma with the word 'then' to work it out.

Re: Spitfire.

nona the brit — Sun, 27 May 2007 11:54:51 GMT

It's an unpleasant joke. I'd rather not. Replace each comma with the word 'then' to work it out.

Re: comma splices

Tanit — Sun, 27 May 2007 09:29:50 GMT

Hi,

The whole sentence was a joke. One of the mods (sorry, can't remember who ... MrP?) was basically saying that instead of money or presents, they get loads of mistakes for Christmas.

Here are two good pages for comma splices and dangling modifiers .

Here are two examples:

- comma splice: "Italy is well known for its monuments, there are amazing churches in Rome" (two independent clauses separated by a comma).

- dangling modifier: "Being in a dilapidated condition, I was able to buy the house very cheap." (this example is not mine ! who is in dilapidated conditions? the house or I?)

Re: About the tenses 5

Grammar Geek — Tue, 15 May 2007 14:01:23 GMT

Vincent Teo wrote:

(a) I'm very happy to have such a best friend. Okay

(b) She helps her mother to do house work / housework. Okay, but you can also write this without the "to." I use "housework" as one word. You can also say "the housework."

(c) Her neighbour often praised her for being a filial girl / such a good girl. I have never seen "filial girl" together. Please don't post 18 citations from Google showing it exists. I'm just saying it's not common.

(d) Although we are different, ~~but~~ we have same hobby: ~~, that is~~ reading. Okay with changes. You can also keep the comma and use "which" instead of "that."

(e)She is a very smart girl and often gets good results in her examination. Okay with the "a." I would say "on her exams" not "in her exams" but that could be American.

(f) We normally share our problems to with each other to get good advice.

(g) When I was sad, she will tells me some jokes that make me laugh. These tenses don't go together. When I was sad, she would or When I am sad, she will tell or When I am sad, she tells

Re: my trip

nona the brit — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 09:55:41 GMT

Hello, I've made some corrections in bold and the highlighted areas are other problems that I've left you to work out for yourself. Your main problems are with prepositions and articles. You are missing out lots of these. You also have a lot of problems with punctuation and are just putting lots in at random. Don't leave a space before any punctuation, such as commas. Stop using random rows of full stops (periods) as punctuation, it doesn't mean anything. An ellipsis ... (three dots only) can be used in some circumstances but you shouldn't over-use it, and most of yours are not being used appropriately.

Though again..., What had I done in a whole year? After Christmas, we went on the gospel trip to small villages. One was " Myint Kyo" and another one was âKyawe da Nyin Gone" (buffalo....village). The journey was so hard, especially as it was over a long distance; the first thing we rode was the train, then there was a long car journey, a pony-cart, a car and a canoe ... and then we arrived at âMyit kyoâvillage.

When we arrived at the village I felt that ????..and then, at that night our performance has been good recently such as drama, mime, puppet show, solo, Duet, Group song and Burmese dance with play a joke..this part doesn't make sense.We finished at 1:30am.

The next day, we couldn't get up early in the morning, but we would try and celebrate with a Christmas party at Myit Kyo church. After that we were packed off to another place and we went by canoe, car, motorcycle and on foot. The motorcycle couldnât get over the bridge so we must have walked 4 miles.

When we arrived at âkyawe Dan yin goneâ village, weâve had problems with the water supply (lately) everybody looks like jungle man... You know, weâve been breathe dustâ¦. No more water, no light?????? So what could we do? We took dinner first & prepared for night program and then we started at nearly 9:30pm itâs getting cold. Timeâs too late but weâve got another problem. Generator doesnât work so we prayed a lot bless it. Everybody wait seeâ¦â¦ nobody went back home.

Our performances was as same as "Myit Kyo" program & we finished at 2:00 am. After that we went back hostel. Everybody wants to take a rest but not enough for mat. Weâve got one mat. How could we sleep? (20 girls)We were in big, big trouble

Re: Composition

Clive — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 05:33:22 GMT

Hi,

My physics teacher

The best teacher I have ever had was a friendly and middle-aged woman whose name was Blanca. She wanted to work for NASA in the US as an aerospace engineer. She liked everything connected to space, stars and so on, but she couldnât get a job with NASA so she had to work at my high school.

Although she taught physics using a usual boring book, the lessons werenât as boring as they used to be beforel she became my teacher, because she told a lot of jokes about what we were studying.

I got high marks in physics because she explained really well and it was not necessary to study.

Unfortunately, nowadays I have another physics teacher. I wish Blanca was back.

You can't just join two sentences by using a comma instead of a period at the end of the first one. You have to use a joining word, or else make it two sentences.

Best wishes, Clive

Re: Less than 600 word Essay (short!)

Anonymous — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 02:30:14 GMT

you must be a highschool student. I really can't help you too much because I don't know how much weight this essay carries for your GPA. I'm guessing your goal is to write a humor piece about marooning your teacher on a deserted island, I could be wrong but it is hard to say as this entire essay reads like one big inside joke. I think that the best course of action would be to call this a rough draft and start over. Here are some things that you can do to fine tune this piece:

Stop adressing the reader as "you". It is a bad habit and it is hard to break but your essay will take on a much more mature sound.

"..." or elipses are not used unless you are breaking down quotes, get them out of there! Here's an example of how to use elipses

original quote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
quote with elipses, "It was the best of times..." and then all hell broke loose. <---see how the quote now supports your original thought?

As funny as inside jokes are, remember that only insiders understand them! If your teacher doesn't have a sense of humor or doesn't get your joke, then guess what happens to your grade? It's a bad scenario.

Lastly, you have a load of comma splices(separate sentances joined by commas) and a bundle of sentances that don't make sense period end of subject (the very last sentance is an example).

I do think you're having a lot of fun with this, but if you expect a decent grade you need to take more time with your writing. I hope you have found this helpful ^_^

Re: Incorrect comma usage or style concern?

Aperisic — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 19:36:10 GMT

Juanita is brilliant and Shalimar has a pleasant personality.

Here you just give the attributes of Juanita and Shalimar, who are sisters for example.

Juanita is brilliant, and Shalimar has a pleasant personality.

There must be a reason for a comma. For example someone has just said: "Juanita has a pleasant personality and Shalimar is brilliant." You are sure that the one confused their attributes and you reply: "No, no, no. Juanita is brilliant, and Shalimar has a pleasant personality." If you do not have a reason like this, there is no comma.

"Whether you win this race or lose it doesn't matter as long as you do your best."

You can't use one comma here except "Whether you win this race or lose, it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." (but read ahead).

If you want to you can use two: "Whether you win this race, or lose [it], it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." This is a light of irony, almost a joke. There is a similar joke in "I love you, even though you are my sister." which confuses what "love" really means here :o) (I said that to my sister when she made me mad.)

However, if you read carefully "Whether you win this race or lose it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." it just does not sound proper... "Whether you win or lose this race it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." Only this way both "win" and "lose" are equalized. In "Whether you win this race or lose it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." there is a tiny moment of the said joke. Why "lose" is so distant?

"Whether you win this race or lose it it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." is better. Yet, now you can place one comma, and better you do it because you have "it" doubled, "it it": "Whether you win this race or lose it, it doesn't matter as long as you do your best." which is inversion from "It doesn't matter whether you win this race or lose it as long as you do your best."

Re: Have a question about British accent.

tragically_l33t — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 02:56:45 GMT

yeah water is one of the more difficult words to say with an american accent because the brits say it as

"war ter" the americans... i think its "wha tuh" there arent many british sounds like that, its like the russians they use lots of sounds that just dont exist in english as do the chinese and japanese.

the other hard word to say with an american accent is "squirrel" i overheard and english man and his american wife/fiancee/girlfriend asking their little son what this thing was, the father said "its a squirrel" and the mother said "no its 'squirl'" and they argued for 15 minutes like this (i followed on a path next to it just to hear this interesting argument)

now ive just took some painkillers and im going to go to bed because, and i know your all going to laugh, but my eyebrow hurts!

infact thats something that your not supposed to do in english writing but its necessary to properly transcribe speech patterns... the pauses are showed with commas. that sentence should be read with a pause at each comma as it shows one thought being interrupted with a second, related thought and then the first thought being finished. I forget what thats called, but its against the rules of english grammar but necessary to properly get across thoughts. like capitals show shouting or angry, italics or underlining shows emphasis on a word... all necessary to make a thought understood.

id have an example but you might not read them right, if i could record and play it to you... infact it just doesnt work... this is the reason people dont understand british humour, its subtle, and if you dont come from britain, then you dont read it with a british accent and you miss the subtle changes in tone and pitch that make british jokes funny.

this is why british TV is said to be "dumbed down" for american audiences... its only because you dont use and therefore wouldnt be receptive to the subtleties (is that even a word? i dont know, or frankly care, if it is) (( infact, that there is another example of subtle tone change, the bit "or frankly care" should be said with a lower pitch, as if it was aimed at yourself, said under you breath kind of thing, read that without changin tone and it comes across as "i dont know and i dont care!!!" but lower your tone with the commas and it becomes something with a different meaning alltogether: "i dont know, and it doesnt really matter anyway so why am i telling you that im not sure how its spelt, ha ha, isnt this funny how im saying things that arent important" and a brit would laugh at that... maybe you will (if your not british) when you read it spelled out for you... and thats why its seen as 'dumbing down' because we have to spell it out or you miss it as a quirk of the british accent

i hope that made sense because its a zillion degrees in here (maybe im ill... that would explain the eyebrow hurting, at least its better than being crazy, or maybe its because im in an enclosed room with a computer on heating the air to 40 degrees then spitting it out, ill open a window) and its 3 am