Search results for 'tag:Commas tag:Proofreading' matching tags 'Commas' and 'Proofreading'

Need help proofreading a short cover letter

MorbidSnail — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:13:52 GMT

Hello everyone!

I am writing a cover letter and resume as a class project for a business communications class. I have run this cover letter by several people and they could not find any mistakes. I was hoping one of you guys could take a look at it one last time before I turn it in as each error of any type results in a loss of 25/100 points! The comments in bold are specific questions I have.

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated! I am horrible with grammar so I am paranoid as hell. It doesn't help that none of my friends are English majors!

[my address]
San Angelo, TX 76904

September 09, 2008

Mr. Bob H. Smith
URS Corporation
P.O. Box 201088
Austin, TX 78720-1088

Dear Mr. Smith:

On September 3, Monster.com reported that your organization is looking for someone to fill the position of Marketing Business Assistant. After learning a little more about your company,(comma needed here?) I believe I am an excellent candidate for the position.

The ad you placed on Monster.com stated that you desired someone with a strong background in Microsoft Office Suite and excellent communication, interpersonal, and organizational skills. Due to my experiences in courses such as Statistical Analysis(should I capitalize course names?) and Business Communications,(comma needed here?) I have used the programs available in Microsoft Office Suite extensively and am very comfortable with them. In addition, I experienced success as a delivery driver due to my ability to organize orders, plan efficient routes, and work as a team with my co-workers to ensure orders were delivered in a timely and professional manner. A detailed list of my qualifications, employment history, and education is available on the attached resume.

I look forward to putting my skills and abilities to use at URS and will call during the week of September 15th to discuss a time to set up an interview and detail my qualifications more fully. I am available by email at [my email address] or I can be reached at [my phone number] any time before 11am or after 3pm central time.

Sincerely,

Christian S. Jones

Re: Proofreading essay

Mister Micawber — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:49:06 GMT

.
I have crossed out inappropriate material and underlined some problem areas. You have trouble with commas and with chatting:

In taking upon my Senior Honors Project I have thrown myself over a ledge with the intention to climb back up. Through this year my drive, enthusiasm, and patience have been tested. However, I believe I am within an armâs reach of the top and, with one final grasp, I shall report my experience.I could not have completed my project without some very important ~~outside~~ resources. One of these resources that greatly aided me was the PHP manual on php.net. This website holds information on all of the built in PHP functions. On each page users can post solutions to common problems arisen by the function dedicated to it or describe in more detail how to use them. Using this has cut down on development time by giving me answers to almost all of my syntax and function related questions. If I had trouble remembering the name of a function I could simply look it up on the site. Without this I would either have to use a guess-and-check type of finding the solution or type it into a search-engine and rely on third-party sites. This resource also helped me discover new functions that made my coding easier; I would not have to âreinvent the wheelâ when a built in function existed. The conversations with my project mentor, Ed Sprenger, have also yielded great knowledge. The insight he has given me on all my questions was very informative and he has taught me what I would have otherwise never learned through basic research. Our topics of discussion ranged from future jobs, programming languages, and life in the computer science field to internet security and database advice. It has been very helpful to have someone to talk to who is in the computer science field and understands what I am doing. I cannot imagine getting through this project with someone who didnât know a bit from a byte. Ed Sprenger was a valuable resource in my project and has taught me very well.

One of my objectives from the start of the project was to learn how to program in the windows environment. ~~I am now confident that I am very knowledgeable in this field.~~ Through use of the Windows API (Application Programming Interface) in my project I have learned all about programming windows applications. Some of the main topics I delved into were message controls and message handling. Controls are the things that make up a dialog box or application window: edit boxes, drop down boxes, and radio buttons. These, along with message handling, are all it takes to create a functional and effective Windows program. Message handling is a broad subject and was therefore a difficult ~~subject~~ to grasp and implement. Messages are data that is sent to the main application, child dialog boxes, and controls. These messages range from telling the object it has been clicked upon to telling the object to destroy itself. There are many messages that could be potentially sent and choosing ~~which~~ the ones to recognize and the handling of them is up to the programmer. Luckily the Windows SDK Documentation outlines all the messages and their data.The Windows SDK (Software Development Kit) Documentation and the online documentation at msdn.com ~~both~~ helped me in the application programming aspect of my project. Since the documentation is straight from Microsoft, I can rely on it to tell me everything about the piece of information that I am looking up. It describes itself plainly and clearly and cross references related data that has more than often helped me grasp the subject beyond a basic understanding. Every website needs a directory chain; a way of organizing the folders that hold the files. I got my idea from a web programming job I held with Chad Furman two summers back. ~~I learned a lot from him, holding that job.~~ ~~This directory tree was one thing that I remember~~. I have one main folder that houses all of the main pages of the site. This includes the index page, the login page, and the report card page among others. From there I have a picture folder which houses all the pictures and a folder called âincludesâ. This âincludesâ folder contains all of the PHP helper files that process the HTML forms along with some helper functions. Within lies another folder labeled âclassesâ which contains the PHP classes of the project. Each class has its own file which is included by the different files in the âincludeâ folder. So an example design would be the report card page including the report card include file (in the âincludeâ folder). This included file would then include the report card class file (in the âclassesâ folder). The design is not very complex but it does a good job of organizing my files.One aspect of the site that I was very proud of is the system for logging in. What I have set up is an include file that is required by all pages that require access to user validity or other user functions. This include file holds the user class which contains functions that deal with all aspects to the user. Any page containing the file can check for user validity, log the user in, log them out, and access the userâs data. Parents, teachers, and administrators all use the same login page. However when parents login they only in need of a password and not a username. The database holds all the different types of usersâ data the same way and in the same table. ~~I was lucky for the logging in system to turn out as good as it did~~.Upon logging in every user has a set of session variables. These variables are used for keeping track of the user and their credentials. They will hold their value for as long as the internet browser is open. So a user is logged in, even while surfing other pages, providing they donât log themselves out or close out of their browser. This technique trumps using browser cookies for a couple of reasons. The pro of using cookies to save data over multiple sessions does hold value ~~in my case~~. No one user will be travelling the website often enough for this feature to be worth the trouble of implementing it. Session variables are fine for what I am setting out to do. There are three basic sections that the end user has access to on the website. They are all accessed through the control panel, and depending on which type of user is requesting that page depends on the control panel they see. The control panel checks the session âaccessâ variable, and depending on the value, displays the appropriate options to be linked on the control panel. The most common type of user is the parent. Their control panel consists of one item; a link to see their childâs report card. Clicking this takes them to a table showing their report card. Each entry contains the class, the teacher, and the grade. For a class description they can simply click on the class name and a pop-up window will open containing the text. The only other option the parent has is to logout, which is on all the usersâ control panels. The next type of user is the teacher. They have considerable more options than the parent, as they should. The first thing to be noted is the teacher panel. This page is where the teachers may access and edit the enrollment and grades of their class. They may add and remove students from their class and add, edit, and delete the grades of their students. This is where the teacher will be spending most of their time. The next thing a teacher may do is view report cards. They can see any childâs report card that is in their class. However the only grades that will be listed are the ones from classes that the viewing teacher teaches. So an English teacher will not be able to see the grade a student gets in a Math class. The last thing on the teacher control panel is the class stats page. This page contains a list of all the grades in the class and the class mean, class median, and class range. The last type of user is the administrator. They have access to everything. Right from the control panel they can go into the admin panel which lets them edit almost everything on the site. On this admin panel page there are the categories: Student, Parent, Teacher, Admin, Class, Enrollment, and Grade. Under each of these are the options: Add, Delete, and Edit. So under each of the categories they can add to them (e.g. adding a student), delete them (e.g. deleting a grade), and edit them (e.g. changing a classâs description). With this they can start from scratch and create a whole grading system complete with classes, teachers, students, and grades. Along with this power, the administrator can see all studentsâ report cards complete with all classes and see all classesâ stats pages. The administrator is the person who must set everything up ~~once~~, and after this the teachers and parents may use the site to the max. On every one of the pages that displays personal data there is a security check on each page refresh. This is done to prevent users from seeing what they shouldnât be seeing. This feature works by taking the user id session variable and/or the student id pertaining to that user and checks them against their respective get variables. Without this security, a user could log in and then see other usersâ data. For example, a parent could log in and direct their browser to the report card page. Naturally, their childâs report card will show up. However if they change the user id âgetâ variable and refresh the page they will see another childâs grades. This is where my protection kicks in, preventing this and giving the user an error explaining that they donât have access to the page they are trying to view. With the database designed as it is, deleting data has become a little complicated. For example, when you delete a class, all the grades are still in the database despite the fact that they have no class associated with them. Also when a student is removed their grades stay behind ~~to rot~~. I have fixed this by allowing the administrator (the only one doing any deleting affected by this) the option to delete all associative data relating to the entry being deleted. ~~So now~~ (assuming the user chooses the option) when a student is deleted their grades and their parent user are also deleted. Also when a class is deleted all the grades go along with it. This prevents old and needless data from piling up in the database and causing confusion among the users.

Upon completion of my senior honors project I am confident with my skills and am ready to go out into the world in search of a computer science career. ~~Spending a lot of my free time in front of my computer and programming has put me through the ringer, and I liked it.~~ Before I started, I had no experience working on an organized project with a ~~pre-existing~~ goal. ~~Before, I have just worked on small projects that have not gone anywhere.~~ Now that I am done programming, I can see the product that I have made. I can see that it has been completed with success. I have taken my ideas and integrated them efficiently and successfully. I have learned a great deal this year.

Re: Proofreading here please!

Grammar Geek — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:06:06 GMT

This is very long. I've highlighted anything that raised questions.

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Financial planning is easier and funny more enjoyable?? when you make your own plan.

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But, whatâs the rush? Pay attention please:

Recent researches have shown that if you are from earth are there people here reading this who many not be?? thereâs a 99% probability that you lived or will live experiences I'd say there's a 100% probability we'll have "experiences" such as: Say something like "The vast majority of us will experience at least one, if not several, of the following." Keep them parallel (-ing words to start each one), don't use commas, and do NOT end with etc., etc., etc. You may want to group them - family ones together, education/professional ones together. By the way, what about paying for a child's wedding? In the US, that's a pretty major expense too!

Â· Obaining a master's degree and/or doctorate,

Â· your weeding, not everyone has a garden. :) I think you mean wedding. Getting marriede

Â· the purchase of a car and/or house, purchasing a car or home

Â· the dreamed trip,

Â· expecting your baby (or perhaps babies), having a child

Â· your dismissal in the last downsizing, losing a job

Â· your business bankruptcy, going bankrupt

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Â· the childrenâs education, educating your children

Â· that unfortunate accident, being invovled in an accident

Â· your divorce, getting divorced

Â· your widowhood, losing a spouse

Â· your retirement, retiring

Â· caring your elderly parents (who obviously hadnât a financial plan), why obviously?

Â· your long illness, experiencing a prolonged illness

Â· etc, etc, etc

Â· finally your death (this one has a 100% probability).

Even more interesting is that it has been shown that there is a 100% probability that you will need money to afford those experiences. Therefore and considering these findings, we believe that is prudent to begin your financial planning today. Sarcastic but true, right? You know what? This tone is offensive. I don't need to be told that I need money to pay for something, and the sarcasm, so freely acknowledged, would cause me say "screw this" and stop reading.

If the fear arises when youâre thinking about these issues, you are not alone. I was so scared that I didnât want to get married until achieve financial security. Fortunately I heard about the benefits of financial planning and understood that:

financial security is not achieved overnight,
is a personal process, and
the sooner and better youâre organized, the shorter the process ~~is shorter~~

When we started our family financial planning my bride and I wanted to do it independently to avoid receiving biased advices and because, as CPAs, we thought we would be ~~were~~ able to do it. This decision gave us enough flexibility in our planning but also forced us to research and select tons of information. Anyway, we had to talk to a tax specialist and an insurance broker but they were timely advices because we had clear where we wanted to go.

We enjoyed a lot our financial planning because we had a dream and knew what to do to make our dreams come true. Now thatâs the challenge we live with a lot of faith and hope and because we know that every step we take is worthwhile.

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Re: Help proofreading "A Doll's House"

Mister Micawber — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:53:58 GMT

I have underlined some problem areas:

The Woman Within the Doll

The Baltimore Sun wrote that back in 1879, âA Doll's Houseâ by Henrik Ibsen âshocked and offended people wherever [it] was played,â and that the dramatist assured it was not about a woman, but about âanyone who had to live according to the rules created by othersâ (Hyder). Society thought to be outrageous that a woman would get involved in manly things, for her role in society was exclusively to care for the family and please her husband. Women did not enjoy the rights women do now. They were not taken seriously, and decisions were made by the man who was and still is considered the head of the family. Nora's choice to become free, independent and leave her husband, along with some of the characters' actions made this play to be scandalous for its time.

Ibsen wrote in a letter that the story in âA Doll's Houseâ was about a woman who feels:

" Oppressed and bewildered by belief in authority, she loses her faith in her own moral right and ability to bring up her children... [She is bittered because,] like certain insects, (ought to) go away and die when she has done her duty towards the continuance of the species... [she shakes] off of cares, [but then she feels] a sudden return of apprehension and dread. She must bear it all aloneâ (Doll).

Nora had a beautiful life, she had a husband, beautiful children, and everything she wanted. Earlier in her marriage, his husband suffered of an illness of which he needed to recover somewhere in the south, but this was concealed from him by the doctor and Nora. Not having the means to afford a trip so costly and out of love and desperation, Nora decides to ask for a loan without letting Tolvard know. She forges her father's signature to obtain the loan because she does not want to trouble her father either, who is very ill himself too. However, she is responsible and works secretly from home in order to make the payments. Eventually, Tolvard finds out about her secret and feels that his life, happiness and reputation will be lost once Krogstad, who lent the money, publishes the then scandalous situation out of revenged for having fired him from the bank he now manages. He quickly turns against her. That is the moment when Nora starts to understand things she did not understand before; she realizes she does not love Tolvard anymore just as he does not really love her as she thought, and decides to leave for good to discover herself. [Too many pronouns-- I don't know who's doing what to whom]

The scenery consists of the Helmer's apartment and nowhere else. The description of the apartment depicts the decision that Nora will have to make. There is a door to the right which leads to the entryway and another to the left which leads to Helmer's study. Nora will have to decide which door to take: freedom or Helmer [Tolvard / Helmer: we don't know if they are one or two]. The place is not âexpensively furnishedâ, but it is comfortable, just like Nora's marriage, she lives a comfortable life, but there are certain things she lacks that are more important than riches. No woman could even consider back in the 1800s doing such a scandalous things as to leave not only the husband, but her children too.

The main character in the story is Nora, a seemingly selfish, materialistic woman who cares a lot about money and in living a good life. This is to be expected since her father liked to spend money himself and live a life he could only could afford with credit. He used to called her his âdoll-child, and he played with [her] the way [she] played with [her] dollsâ (Ibsen 1041). She was obviously very protected and spoiled by both, her father and her husband, who provided anything she needed or wanted. Her father raised her not think for herself and just play her role in society. âWhile [she] was at home with [her] father, he used to tell [her] all his opinions, and [she] held the same opinions. If [she] had others [she] said nothing about them, because he wouldn't have liked itâ (1041) [All the bracketed pronouns are distracting; it would be better to give the exact quotes]. This repeated again as a married woman; she would not express her opinion to Tolvard, for they never talked seriously, but seemed to have trusted Dr. Rank better. Norah was greatly misunderstood. She was a loving person, she loved her husband so much that she was willing to forge her father's signature to obtain a loan to take her husband south in order for him to recover from a deadly illness [You said all this before; cut it.]. She is willing to do anything for him. Eventually she realized she does not have to play the doll anymore. One can only imagine people's reaction throughout the play's events.

Tolvard Helmer seemed [Be consistent in verb tenses] to be an ideal husband. He is loving, admirable, honest, ethical, hard-working and successful, but there seems to be a dark side of him. He is a prideful man, he won't ask for money to anyone, to [Commas are not conjunctions.] do so would be humiliating. To him, honor and appearances are more important than family. He does not believe people can change and become good, as he did not believe Krogstad was a good person although he had been honest for a long time already. Also, he is so affectionate that makes one wonder of his sincerity; he calls Nora diminutive names such as featherbrained, spendthrift [These are not diminutives.] , a squirrel, a song-bird, lark, strange little being all the time (994). One cannot think of a woman who would like being called like that and who would not be affected emotionally. Tolvard's reaction after finding out Nora's secret is amusing. He had told Nora that sometimes he wished â[she] was in some terrible danger, just so [he] could take [his] life and soul and everything, for [her] sakeâ (1038), yet he quickly turns against her calling her a wretched woman, a criminal, unprincipled, untrustworthy of raising her children, incapable, etc. His hypocrisy is clearly revealed when as soon as he realizes that Nora's mistake won't affect his reputation he forgives her (1039-1949). There's a saying that goes something like a good friend is hard to find, specially during difficult times; Tolvard was nor a good friend neither that perfect husband he seemed to be. He loved to have control of his wife's life, and his conversations usually tend to imply that Nora would be lost without him; that she needed his guidance and teaching. Tolvard did not love Nora, â[he] thought it fun to be in love with [her]â (1041).

Dr. Rank is in love with Nora, and that seems to have been the main reason he visited the Helmer's house. This character is not essential in the play, but it causes outrage when he dares to reveal Nora his secret. This is almost vulgar for him to do, and very dishonorable, specially during those times in which people were very conservative. It is as if he had taken advantage of the trust the family had in it and ended up tarnishing his reputation.

Mrs. Linde is one of Nora's old friends from school. She gave up her true love for money, but in the end things did not turn out the way she had expected. Her husband died leaving her in a terrible financial situation making [On the other hand, commas are essential for separating dependent clauses.] it necessary for her to work in order to sustain her mother and brothers. After her mother passed away and her brothers did not need her help she left town. Not to have someone to take care of made her feel âcompletely alone in the worldâ, and it frightened her âto be so empty and lostâ (1032). She needed âsomeone to take care ofâ, she wanted to be a mother and wanted the companionship of a husband. In the end, she was supposed to have helped Nora hide her secret. She could have convinced Mr. Krogstad to get the letter back, but she did not intercede (1033). She might have been envious of Nora, after all, Nora had all she was longing for; a husband, beautiful children, and a good life.

Lastly, Krogstad is the one who lent Nora money to save her husband, and threatens her to tell her husband if she does not convince Tolvard to let him keep his job at the bank, but just as Nora did, he once made a mistake, which caused him to loose his reputation. He was a man who seems to have been harden by life's difficulties. When he was left by the woman he dearly loved âit was as if all the solid ground dissolved from under [his] feetâ (1031). This might have caused him to become the âhalf-drownedâ kind of man, as he refers to himself. After finding love in his life he turns from the revengeful person into a forgiving one.

In conclusion, Nora realized of her true value as a human being and as a woman. She decides to leave everything and everyone, husband, children, luxuries to a journey to liberate herself. To do such thing was unthinkable at that time and caused turmoil, but it was the best choice she could ever make. To leave one's children is a terrible things to do and was not necessary, but looking beyond that, without prejudices, it is not hard to understands she is trying to figure out who she really is and what she believes in. This is essential to one's happiness; therefore she is determined to make necessary changes in her life even if people think bad of her. It seems that daring to do so back in the 1800s was just as bad as selling drugs or prostituting oneself.

10 Universities Offering Free Writing Courses Online

Paultx — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 22:26:37 GMT

Universities Offering Free Writing Courses Online

Whether you are currently writing professionally or are looking to break into the field, formal writing courses can help you to hone your skills. If you don't have the money or the time for campus-based courses, there are plenty of universities offering free writing courses online.

1. Massachusetts Institute of Technology (mit.edu)

MIT offers dozens of free writing courses online through its MIT OpenCourseWare initiative. Course topics include everything from writing fiction, poems and essays to analyzing all forms of literature. Lecture notes, videos, suggested reading lists and more will help you to become the writer you've always wanted to be. No registration is required.

2. Utah State University (usu.edu)

Utah State University's Department of English publishes three free courses devoted to the art of writing through the school's OpenCourseWare program. The courses are extensive and may take up to 16 weeks to complete if you study at the average pace. No registration is required.

3. Open University (open.ac.uk)

The UK's largest academic institution, Open University, offers a number of different writing courses through their OpenLearn website. The free curriculum includes both undergraduate and graduate level courses that are available to everyone regardless of country of origin. No registration is required.

4. University of Utah (utah.edu)

The University of Utah's English Department offers free courses to self-learners around the world. Currently, there are only two free writing courses. Both offer strong preparation in their topic and are built for beginners. No registration is required.

5. Western Governors University (wgu.edu)

Western Governors University has made free course materials available through an open content license. There are several free writing courses courtesy of the university's Liberal Arts Department. All courses are split into convenient self-study modules. No registration is required.

6. Purdue University (owl.english.purdue.edu)

Purdue University brought their writing lab to life online in 1994 to offer a writing resource to students no matter where they were located. Online Writing Lab (OWL) materials are now free to everyone regardless of location or student status. The OWL site offers writing instruction, grammar and usage information, individualized help from tutors and much more. No registration is required.

7. Steven Barnes' UCLA Writing Course (lifewrite.com)

9-Week Introduction to Screenwriting Course

Best selling author and screenwriter Steven Barnes offers a free version on his website of the writing class he has been teaching for many years at UCLA. The course offers in-depth instruction on writing, which is why Barnes suggests completing each part of the nine-week course one week at a time. Nevertheless, the course can be downloaded all at once. No registration is required.

8. News University (newsu.org)

News University has a solid e-learning program designed to providing training to journalists. Most of the courses offered at News U are free, especially those that are self-directed. Courses cover everything from writing and editing to reporting and ethics. News U also offers a newsletter, a blog and other great resources. Registration is required, but the course is free for everyone.

9. E-Zine University (ezineuniversity.com)

E-Zine University offers quite a few courses written by Internet publisher Kate Schultz and visiting professors. Although the courses offered at E-Zine University are designed mainly for web writers and e-zine writers, they would be helpful to almost any scribe. Courses are very short and don't take much time to complete. No registration is required.

10. Wikiversity (wikiversity.org)

Wikiversity is an active learning project that encourages people to create and benefit from online courses and tutorials. There are currently several different writing courses that can be found at Wikiversity. Although these courses vary in length and content, there's something for everyone. No registration is required.

proofread please

Sterling — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 22:34:13 GMT

Will someone please proofread this for me thank you.

Proofreading a conversation for correct use of apostrophes, quotation marks and underlining (italics)

(1)âI knowâ he replied âbut I got lostâ. Someoneâs directions were incorrect. (2) Itâs all right, âCara saidâ. Did you deliver Mrs. Martinezâs package? (3) âYesâ, and do you know what it was? (4) It was some of her husbands old books and records. (5) I saw an old copy of the book âBridge of San Luis Reyâ and an original recording of âCoplandâs Appalachian Springâ. (6) âSo thatâs why youâre lateâ, she laughed. Did you listen to any of their records? (7) âWellâ, he admitted, âonly to be politeâ. Mrs. Martinez says I believe that the older the record is, better it sounds. (8)âCara saidâ, Some of us are going to see Star Trek IV. You may join us, âunless you would rather listen to old recordsâ!

Using Commas

Add commas where need in the letter below.

September 23, 1993

Dear Lisa,

(1) I donât have much time to write, but I thought Iâd drop you a short letter. (2) After I graduated from high school, I decided to work for a little while to raise money for college. (3) In the shopping mall near my house, there is a Nature Shop. (4) The shop which sells fossilâs, and books, and science games is a busy place. (5) I run the cash register most of the time, but I sometimes get to wait on customers as well. (6) Mom, Dad, and Maria send their love, and say they hope youâre enjoying college. (7) Well thatâs all the news on my end.

Write soon.

Love,

, Paco

Comma in heading

Philip — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:27:14 GMT

While proofreading a newsletter for an organization I belong to, we had a little argument regarding the heading of an announcement: "Attention All Members". There was one person who insisted on a comma after "attention". While I couldn't argue with her basic premise, I felt that it was rather silly, if not unnecessary, to insist on it in the case of a heading. What do you gurus think?

Re: proofreading#2

Castellano — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 22:39:22 GMT

Ever since its birth, this dog has been with Larry. Now, the dog was malodorous, old, crippled and blind, but Larry was always with it. (The adj. stinky is too colloquial to be employed in written English.) Larry's roommate, John, wanted to get rid of the dog because he was bothered by the smell. Even though the dog left the room, the smell would still remain in the room. One day, they sat opposite each other at the table, playing cards. John said that his friend's dog herded a lot of pups and that he wanted to get some of them; but Larry paid no attention about what he said.

-----

Couple of things:

- You need to connect your sentences. A good solid sentence will always remind the reader of something and introduce the reader TO something. Connect your sentences with commas, semicolons, hyphens, etc... Use adverbs too, like but, also, because, etc...

- Use spell check; it will pick up or flag spelling and grammatical errors.

Now, try to edit your second paragraph. If you still think you need help, write back!

-----

A bunk house stood somewhere in the plain. There was about eight beds in it. All labor men who worked in the barley farm lived there. The boss's daughter-in-law lived a miled away. People in the bunk house talked about her. She was a tramp who gave the eye to every one she saw.

Re: Proofreading please help

Anonymous — Fri, 26 May 2006 21:43:57 GMT

Here are some suggested edits: ( I hope they help! )

I am writing to discuss my progress in the completion of my degree. So far, I have completed all of my core courses and am nearly finished with taking the required courses for my major.

As you know, my goal is to go into the field of veterinary medicine. To achieve this goal, I have volunteered at the Humane Society and have shadowed a veterinarian at the Northeast Animal Clinic. From these experiences, I have gained nearly 100 hours in animal experience. I also have gained some leadership experience by becoming Secretary of Sigma Alpha Lambda, an honor society on campus.

I have already taken the necessary prerequisites for admission into the Texas A & M College of Veterinary Medicine, and have maintained a GPA of 3.3, in (delete the word "in") which I hope to improve by the end of my junior year. I have already taken the GRE, (delete comma) and plan to retake it in August to improve my scores. I havenât yet put in a letter of application to the school, but I hope to do this the by (reverse the words "the by" -- it should be "by the" ) the end of fall semester 2006.

At our last meeting, we discussed options of alternative degree programs in case I donât get admitted into a veterinary program. One program that I expressed interest in was the Master of Public Health at the UT Houston School of Public Health. To help gain a perspective of this field, (add comma) I will be taking Environmental Health in the summer and Introduction to Epidemiology in the fall. Also, (add comma) to gain more field experience, I will begin volunteering at the Department of Veterans Affairs in which (change "in which" to ", where") I can interact more with patients and learn more about the healthcare environment.

Overall, I believe that I am on track towards the completion of my degree and my plans for the future. I hope that my progress report was insightful, ( add comma) and I hope to speak with you in the future to provide more (change "more" to "a further") update on my success.

Comma use and "that" vs. "which"

Anonymous — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 23:07:40 GMT

I've been proofreading my friend's novel and the experience has left me very confused. I'm a native Spanish speaker, and maybe that's causing interference in my English. But anyway, if anyone could help me with the following on comma uses, it'd be great. Any elaboration on rules is welcome.

1) John gave him this, so he could finish.
or
2) John gave him this so he could finish.

1) Jeremy came to the new theatre on Bourbon street because he wanted to finish the movie.
or
2) Jeremy came to the new theatre on Bourbon street, because he wanted to finish the movie.

1) Henry, Tom, and Dick went to the movies. (I was taught this way in high school)
or
2) Henry, Tom and Dick went to the movies. (I was taught this by a journalism teacher)

1) John gave this to him, but not to Henry.
or
2) John gave this to him but not to Henry.

1) John gave this, but not that.
or
2) John gave this but not that.

1) John gave this, but stole it back.
or
2) John gave this but stole it back.

Finally, my most confusing question deals with the use of "that" and "which":

1) There were trucks in the warehouses, which James bought with his fortune.

Does that comma make "which" grammatically refer to "warehouse" or to "trucks"? I noticed that my grammarcheck on Microsoft Word would highlight it as wrong if I'd write "warehouses which". I'd the "which" to refer to "trucks" in this case. If I use "that" in the original sentence, I'd assume that what James bought were the warehouses, not the trucks.

Thanks for any help.