Motivation letter in need of a Critique

Radice — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 13:54:41 GMT

Hi,

I do feel my motivational letter lacks that edge which would gain me admission into this university I'm interested. It lacks some vital education information which is important but do want to include but feel would lower my chances of admission. I just can't seem to correctly place it in there without ... you know... making it a sore read. Could someone please read my letter and I advise how I should go about with it?

This is the missing info:

I finished by Aâ levels back in 2000 during which I majored in Physics and Mathematics Fine Art and Chemisrtry. I have always wanted to pursue a career in aerospace and aviation, which I do believe is a forefront for innovation and technology.

I enrolled in Makerere University for a Bachelor in Architecture for the 2001/2002 academic years, but withdrew after three years. I seemed to be going through a period of questioning, wondering whether I was pursuing the right career. I then enrolled in a Bachelor of Science in Actuarial Science at the same university in 2004, but I left just after one year in 2005, finding it was not the right choice for me either. I have been working in the family businesses; construction, clearing and forwarding and salt trade without any clear job description while looking for the right university that would help me fulfill my pontential and career. And I do feel this is the right university.

Thanks

Ok, here goes...

Dear Madam / Sir

RE: Undergraduate Aerospace Engineering Training Programme

I am writing to apply for the Bachelor of Science Aerospace Engineering undergraduate programme. I am very keen to pursue the course at Delft University of Technology and I believe that it will be a postive step towards building my career.

The Research, Science and Technology sector in Uganda is lagging behind. The lack of professionals especially in aviation and aerospace has led me to feel that training as an Aerospace Engineer would help in the growth and development of this sector in my country.

Pursuing this course in The Netherlands and particularly at the Delft University of Technology is an excellent opportunity for me to learn in an environment more advanced in research and technology. I feel I will have a lot to learn from technology focused university, at the same time, presence of students from the multi-cultural backgrounds at the University will enable me to share and compare several social issues. I expect to learn new values and practices that play a big role in career and human development.

The curriculum of the programme and various techniques of instruction at the university and emphasis on teamwork enhance one's ability to critically think through difficult situations and problems. Essential qualities I believe are very useful and necessary in a developing country where one can intergrate their knowledge, communicate and work in a team enviroment to encourage provision of solutions to transport, logistical and environmental problems.

I have always been inclined to engineering and design, hence the decision to study Architecture after my A'levels where I majored in Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry and Fine Art in order to provide solutions that currently bog down my society. However it was not the right course. During my time at Makerere University, I played Rugby and Basketball where by teamwork is necessary and therefore understand the concept of collective thinking.

I hope my academic documents and CV show I have the skills and potential to join Delft University of Technology Bsc Aerospace Engineering programme. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Sincerely

Radice

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Motivation letter in need of a Critique

RE: Undergraduate Aerospace Engineering Training Programme