Hi I ve gone through the first paragraph for you and highlighted problems in the rest Your main difficulty seems to be the use of singular plural verb tenses and knowing when you need a determiner There are other errors as well though Once again NO CAPITAL LETTER AFTER COMMAS Nicely planned essay...
ESL Essay, Writing World
by
nona the brit
2 yr 156 days ago
Essays, Paragraphs, Commas, Dates, Tenses, Capital Letters, Verbs, Plurals, Football, Articles, Determiners