Search results for 'tag:Essays tag:Colons' matching tags 'Essays' and 'Colons'

Re: Essay for Toefl 2

Grammar Geek — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:35:19 GMT

HI Doll,

Describe one event from your country's history, and explain why it was important. Provide clear explanations and details in supoort of your answer. (This is supposed to be a descriptive essay.)

The Gallipoli Campaign still has its memories vivid in our minds although 86 years passed ~~after it~~.It was not only important for Turkey, but also for the other countries including France, Germany, England and Italy.

Starting in 1915, the Gallipoli Campaign was one of the most bloody wars in history. Approximately 53.000 soldiers from Turkey and 111.000 soldiers from other countries fought in this war. One aspect of this war was that there were naval attacks, landings and ~~the~~ air assaults ~~were done ( can I say done~~? not really ) which meant more loss of life.

There are different reasons for the Gallipoli Campaign but ~~if we want to count,~~ the more important ones are these: ( can I count things like that in an essay? Sure) First, the Ottoman Empire had lost Trablusgarp and Bingazi and wanted to gain those lands back; second, (I have no idea about pronunciation. Is it correct? And do I have to count first, second, third respectively? Yes, first, second, third...) England and France wanted to conquer Istanbul; third, Russia needed help via the Bosphours to gain her power back; fourth, Turkey trusted Germany and her power and had high expectations ~~was in a high expectation~~ of winning the war; and finally, ~~fifth,~~ Istanbul was under attack and Turkey was in a complete danger "complete danger" doesn't work - perhaps "was facing the possibility of invasion" or something like that.

No matter what the reasons were, it had no side to be proud of perhaps "neither side could be proud of the resutls.". ~~As well as other soldiers,~~ It affected innocent civilians, not only soldiers ~~too~~. ~~Aside from the great success of soldiers,~~ Turkish civilians showed great courage ~~as well~~. Argh. I'm not sure how to rewrite that. There are too many "as well" and the soldiers are repeated twice. Maybe "The war affected others besides the soldiers -- innocent civilians showed great courage along with their military counterparts"? Even women got involved in the war volutarily. They carried heavy stones and guns on their back and they helped soldiers as snipers. When they ran out of guns, they fought one-on-one with enemies. ~~Maybe just because of this~~ For this reason alone, we can count Gallipoli ~~Campaign~~ as one of the rarest wars in this world.

Gallipoli Campaign left plight ? memories on the others too. For example, Anzacs were just the victims of destiny. This was had nothing to do with them but they had to be involved on other countries' will. Both sides lost numerous soldiers in this war and both sides were really affected badly by poverty, hunger and illnesses during the war.

As with all wars, Gallipoli Campaign has some good? positive? results too. The first of them is that the Turkish people gained courage by defeating enemies despite their poverty~~poorness~~, lack of men and guns. Second, M.K. Ataturk's celebrity and success spread all around the world;( Does it spread? yes, that's fine, but use periods not semi-colons to seperate them) Third, Istanbul wasn't conquered. On the negative side, F~~ourth, unfortunately~~ Turkey ~~gave~~ suffered a big losses and most important, it lost its brains not sure what you mean? they lost their best and brightest? Either way, end with a period. Russia couldn't get enoguh help and was deprived of its aid so she couldn't help Europe.I'm not sure about what you mean here? It left Russia in a weakened position?

The year is 2008 and the effects of the war still lingers in Gallipoli. The cemeteries of Anzacs and soldiers from Europe are now turned into an open museum and the gates of Dardanelles are open to their grandsons.

I felt a bit off-topic. Am I really? I think it would be good to talk about the effects that linger - perhaps on Turkish national identity, or what could have happened if the war had gone differently? I'm not seeing a strong connection to the current state of affairs.

I know I made a bunch of changes, but this is not very far off from what I would expect from an American student. Use more periods and fewer semi-colons! :)

Re: College Application Essay In Need Of Serious Help(I BEG THAT YOU WILL HELP)

Grammar Geek — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 18:52:52 GMT

Hi Collegebound,

Welcome to the forums. Overall, you have a good essay. Stop worrying about your paragraphs. However, I 'm not sure what the topic was that Wisconsin asked for. Where did you put it?

As vice president of my Catholic schoolâs multi-cultural student union, I have learned, first hand, the great things diversity can bring to a school and the many things that can be accomplished with you can also use "through" here determination, organization, and leadership.

For the first two years I was involved in the multi-cultural student union, there was no clear initiative. We had one or two teachers monitoring our âprogressâ and not enough people attending monthly meetings. We were pretty much getting nowhere and everyone was fully aware of it. I was tired of wasting my time coming to the meetings and not getting anything accomplished. It was at that moment you talk about "two years" but you say "at that moment." So you need to tell us more about what "that moment" was. that I took a decisive move. I sat down with a fellow member; we elaborated pick a different word here on ways to develop the union, organized officer positions, and developed a set theme on which the union would forever be based on: incorporating our Catholic faith into our endeavors. This sentence gets quite long with your semi-colon before and then the colon. Both are used correctly, but you may want to think about how you could break this into two sentences. This would be the only way we would gain any respect and recognition from the rest of the community Which community? Your school?. With a more organized platform and determined leaders, we ~~had finally~~ established a foundation on which we would soon expand.

In only a yearâs time, I helped bring many of the minority students together, planned day trips that gave us time to learn about each others possessive - you need a ' different cultures, had the opportunity to hear people speak about the many obstacles they have faced just for being different, and have you changed tense here met with local universities that have given me tips on how to maintain our efforts for years to come. While I feel that I have helped set up a solid foundation for the union, I know there is still a lot to be done. My final project for the union is to work with my schools possessive - you need a ' admissions office on ways to not only increase the percentage of minority students, but also come up with ways for the academic advisors help them to excel in the most challenging courses. I feel that this dream is obtainable considering all that Iâve achieved already. You may want to use we here instead of I

Through the multi-cultural student union, I have learned how to work and cooperate with people of different cultures, I have lost a lot of my previous stereotypes, and have learned perhaps developed a lot values that will carry me into my adult life You will carry the values; they won't carry you. The biggest lesson I learned through the union, though, is good leadership skills can carry you've just used "carry" so change one of them you a long way. Before the union existed, we ~~the~~ minorities were just individuals representing our different nationalities, but when we came together with a common goal and with good leadership, we accomplished things that people never expected. I have never ~~in such a way~~ seen my leadership and organization skills exemplify exemplify what? in such a remarkable way. This is starting to sound a little "braggy." I'd leave this last one out. My accomplishments have given me the confidence to tackle anything that might have seemed too challenging before this experience -- this is just a suggestion. I know that if given the opportunity to attend the University of Wisconsin, I can enhance a lot of students possesive again learning experience by introducing them to principles that I was fortunate enough to discover. I feel like you kind of fizzle out here. What about saying instead that if you attend UW, you will look for other opportunties to apply what you ahve learned to improve your college own experience and the experience of others, or something like that?

Good luck!

Clarification on teacher's comments

TheFisher — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 07:27:08 GMT

I got my essay back from the professor recently and I don't understand some of the comments she made. Here is a paragraph and the comment:

(the essay is on the book The Bluest Eye)

To illustrate, Pecola assigns intrinsic value to light colored things. When Maureen Peal buys Pecola ice cream, the latter chooses orange-pineapple. When Frieda offers her brown, graham crackers, she replies: "'I don't care'" (19), as if she dislikes dark things. She manages to drink 3 quarts of milk in two days, as if she is consuming whiteness. When she is in Junior's house, the multitude of objects, "little lace doilies. . . a large dining table. . . little tables. . . potted plants. . . more doilies," (89) entrance her. When verbally defending the prostitutes Miss Marie, China, and Poland in front of Frieda and Claudia, she emphasizes the monetary value of their company: "'She say she's bad, but they ain't bad. They give me stuff all the time...lots of stuff, pretty dresses, and shoes. . . And jewelry and candy and money. They take me to the movies, and once we went to the carnival" (107). Soaphead Church alludes to Pecola's greed when he compares her request for blue eyes to a request for new shoes (180).

The comment was: "Breakdown in flow" for the second half of the paragraph. But I don't get where the breakdown is, unless it's because I used a colon preceding the last quotation. Any suggestions?

Need to determine whether this sentence is a run-on or not

Idealistic — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 22:23:06 GMT

Is the follwing sentece a run on?

Parrisâ selfish ways remained intact when John Proctor arrived at court with Marry Warren to accuse Abigail and the rest of the girls of fabricating the witchcraft allegations.

If I need any commas, semi colons, or anything please let me know. Oh and it's for an essay btw.

I appreciate any help!

Re: I need to know if I am using my commas semi-colons, and colons right.

Clive — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 05:31:47 GMT

Hi,

Don't use '&' in an essay. Instead, write 'and'.

Generally speaking, my advice to you is to avoid using colons and semi-colons. Most learners who start to use them tend to over-use them as well as to use them when they are not necessary. I've revised some of your sentences to show how you can make them better without semi-colons and colons. Your commas are fine.

To illustrate, two fictional characters will be used. Meet Jack and Mary, who are in their twenties and have been dating since high school. Jack works in a factory, and is a tall, slim, and humble man. Mary is a part-time massage therapist, who loves shopping and partying. She enjoys arguing and being right. Jack and Mary agree itâs time to move out of their parentsâ homes and share a New York City apartment. Mary suggests splitting rent, utilities, and all other expenses in half.

It has a window, with a great view, which happens to be about as wide as Jackâs room. In addition to paying for rent and utilities, costs of food and household articles can be difficult to distribute as well.

He isnât thrilled with the contents of the cart but, nevertheless, he still pays his half.

Best wishes, Clive

I need to know if I am using my commas semi-colons, and colons right.

Anonymous — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 02:46:19 GMT

I need to know if I am using my commas semi-colons, and colons right. Additionally, it would be greatly appreciated if anyone would like to comment on the essay!

When two friends or a couple decide to become roommates they may think that the transition will be smooth because they have always gotten along. What they might not realize is that money can easily ruin a good relationship. Money is a universal cause of friction between two roommates. The following paper will discuss splitting the costs of bills and food & home articles.

To illustrate, two fictional characters will be used: Meet Jack and Mary; they are in their twenties and have been dating since high school. Jack works in a factory, and is a tall, slim, and humble man. Mary is a part-time massage therapist; she loves shopping and partying. She enjoys arguing and being right. Jack and Mary agree itâs time to move out of their parentsâ homes and share a New York City apartment. Mary suggests splitting rent, utilities, and all other expenses in half.

While splitting the price of rent and utility bills in half may seem like a simple solution, 50/50 isnât always even, as different people have different lifestyles. Bedrooms arenât always the same size, and each of the two parties doesnât necessarily use the same amount of electricity, either. Dividing the costs of rent and utilities plays a big role in the friction of two roommates.

Jack and Mary move into their apartment. Mary makes sure she gets the room with the closet, which happens to be the master bedroom. It has a window with a great view; her window happens to be about as wide as Jackâs room. Being a humble man, Jack wonât make a big deal of it and unpack in the smaller room. This obviously isnât fair. Mary should have to pay more for she has the better room.
Later on that week, as he arrives home from his 9-5 work shift, Jack opens the door to a screaming stereo system and two televisions without an audience. He looks for Mary and finds her taking her second shower of the day. Jack doesnât like the idea that Maryâs selfishness is going to be projected onto the electricity bill, but he chalks it up and says nothing.

In addition to paying for rent & utilities, costs of food &house articles can be difficult to distribute as well:

The two roommates decide to go out shopping. They walk into the IKEA furniture store and Mary gets overly excited about couch sets. Mary tugs Jackâs arm and easily reels him into approving the purchase of the pink retro couch. She also gets the matching loveseat and carpet. Mary spends another hour in the store shopping for furniture and decorative items that agree with her personality.

Jack, who is fed up with shopping, walks towards the magazine stand. Meanwhile Mary heads to the bathroom accessory aisle for some more shopping. As she stuffs her cart with redundant items, Jack takes a second look at the ten âDo-Notâsâ in a menâs magazine. Number one reads âNever give your credit card to a woman.â He is amused. He puts the magazine down, and goes to see whatâs in the cart. He recognizes toilet paper and a bunch of cleaning products. He isnât thrilled with the contents of the cart; nevertheless, he still pays his half.

The coupleâs next stop is the food market, where Mary begins her grocery rampage. She the basket up with low carb, high in anti-oxidants, and trans-fat free foods. They get home and unload everything. Jack doesnât think he should have to pay for stuff that he wonât be using or consuming. He shouldnât. If they would have talked about it earlier Jack could have avoided a money related argument with Mary.
Before roommates get an apartment, they should decide how they are going to split the costs when paying for rent & utilities and shopping together.

Clearly, it is unfair for someone to pay for something that he/she wonât be using. With this in mind, before a party decides to sign a lease, they should discuss and establish their own contract. A contract doesnât have to be formal; as long as itâs on paper and has both partiesâ signatures itâs legally binding. This contract will state any rules of which the two parties have agreed upon. Ideally, it will help avoid arguments and drama about money between roommates, which optimally, will help preserve their friendship.

thanks, any help is greatly appreciated

Could you help me to proof this essay?

Cheese1987 — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 18:28:50 GMT

Analyse the formality of the article in SCMP

It is indispensable for us to use an appropriate style when writing. There is no doubt that formal style should be practiced for newspaper as objectivity and impersonality are important. South China Morning Post is one of the most prevalent newspapers in Hong Kong. It is believed that the language style of its article is formal. There is an analysis of the formality of a newspaper article in the SCMP.

High Formality can be revealed when looking at the articleâs choice of vocabulary. Instead of using âa lot ofâ or âlots ofâ, the writer used âthe number ofâ and âmanyâ. âjustâ is also replaced by âonlyâ. However, some informal words can also be found in the article. For instance, âjobâ and âgetâ are less formal words. In order to be formal, âpositionâ and âacquireâ should be used insteadâ. Somehow it is reasonable to use these less- formal words because these words are used in the conversation. In this article, two-word verbs and words from old English are not used. Therefore, It is clearly that SCMP has high formality.

Complete sentences, complex sentences and passive constructions should be used when writing in a formal English style. In this article, every sentence is written in complete sentences. Take the second paragraph as an example. â The study results, released by Oxfam yesterday, showed about one in eight workers made less than HK$5000 a month last year.â this sentence is completed. It is also a complicated sentence because it included complementary meaning. Passive construction is used in the paragraph. Hence, high formality of the article can be seen from its sentences and constructions.

The formality can also be shown by the use of transitional words, phrases and the use of punctuation. . Some of the words such as âmoreoverâ, âwhileâ, âdue toâ, âasâ are often used in a formal article. However, only âbutâ can be found in this article. Also, no semicolons are in it. Although there is only a few âformalâ words or punctuations used in the article, the âinformalâ punctuation such as dashes and parentheses are nowhere to be found too. From this point of view, it is believed that it is a semi-formal article.

Abbreviations and short forms are informal. To write a formal article, they should be avoided. Indeed, there are no abbreviations and short forms in this article. Hence, this article should not be treated as low formality. Instead, it should be seem as semi-formal or highly formal.

In conclusion, South China Morning Post is written in a formal style to a large extent. Its high formality can be shown when looking at its choice of vocabulary, sentence, construction, transitional words, phrases and the use of punctuation. Formal style should be used in the newspaper. SCMP does it well in this aspect it is a good newspaper and worth reading.

Re: compare and contrast essay

Rmontez — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 08:59:48 GMT

Hyena wrote:
Rmontez wrote:

Almost everyone is being manipulated at one point of the day in their lives. Whether they are driving on the highway, reading the newspaper, or watching T.V. the U.S. population is constantly having information thrown at them to sway them to an idea or action. For the most part people donât want to be manipulated. Most people think that if they avoid certain programs they can avoid most advertising and manipulation. It isnât true. Many of the U.S. population have fallen into the reality television craze, preferring it over syndicated television and many still continue to view ~~the~~ news broadcasts. What ever the case, manipulation in the U.S. is a way of life. Manipulation is used in both reality television and in the news to portray a certain point of view or idea.

Reality television has taken over media; more and more of the U.S population have grown tired of syndicated television and want to view ârealâ people (no comma here use colon): not actresses or actors. But these shows are hardly ever true reality. Shows use technology to present footage in a certain light. In James Poniewozik âs How Reality Fakes TV It, you can see that reality show producers may use a technique called Franken biting, to cut out or add certain words or phrases to someoneâs dialogue to portray what they, reality show producers, want or need. A contestant on the show The Dating Experiment disliked one of her suitors, but the producers thought it would make a better show if she did, so they sat her down for an interview and asked her who her favorite actor was; she replied, âI really love Adam Sandler.â Afterward they spliced out Sandlerâs name and added the name of the male contestant. Dating games also portray the producerâs vision and not what really happened. Theyâll place scenes out of order, to liven up a date or create a sense of hostility or even boredom that isnât there. It is also said that the queen of all reality shows, Laguna Beach, a reality series about rich teens in Orange County, Calif., is manipulated. Members of the cast have said that no love triangle existed between L.C., Kristin, and Stephen; in fact L.C. and Stephen were platonic friends (P1). The term âreality TVâ is loosely-based, with all the Franken biting and cutting, one cannot think its better than regular syndicated drama. Newscasters and journalist also deliver manipulated information, although the public is led to believe that it is unbiased truth.

The majority of people do not think they have to view the news or read the newspaper with a discerning eye. News casters and journalists are supposed to give unbiased facts, but almost everything that is said or written in these publications, ~~have~~ has a slant. I bet most people donât realize that only 5 corporations own most media in the U.S.. Ben Bagdikian tells us in The New Media Monopoly that those corporations are Time Warner, Disney, Murdoch's News Corporation, Bertelsmann of Germany, and Viacom (formerly CBS){Tell us why it is important that there are only 5 corporations - just one sentence will work}. News caster donât use Franken biting to manipulate the public{This sentence seems out of place so also tell us why it is important that news casters don't use franken biting - is it illegal?}. In his article, Share the Wealth, Chris Gupta describes a technique that is used from board rooms to the government:

"â¦ the job of the facilitator is to be a neutral, non-directing helper to see that the meeting flows smoothly. Actually, he or she is there for exactly the opposite reason: to see that the conclusions reached during the meeting are in accord with a plan already decided upon by those who called the meeting. The process used to "facilitate" the meeting is called the Delphi Technique.â (Gupta, par. 4-5)

This technique can also be applied to coporations' use of the media.       âUsing the âdivide and conquerâ principle, they manipulate one opinion against another, making those who [donât agree with their point of view] appear âridiculous, unknowledgeable, inarticulate, or dogmatic.ââ (Gupta, par. 1) When writing or speaking about a peace of news newscasters and journalists use certain terms and words to invoke feeling in their viewers, swaying them toward on side or the other. For instance, if a news broadcaster wanted the audience to feel outrage toward an event{no comma use colon}: they might reference another event {no comma} which greatly influenced the audience before. Corporat~~ions~~ {Corporate} agendas get through before the news is told. This manipulation has a definite effect on society.

            Although reality TV shows and the news use different tools to manipulate, they both have manipulation in common. Both forms of manipulation have an affect on society. The most common form of manipulation is suppression by omission. Viewers never see the whole story to make make-up their own mind. Society thinks they are getting the truth,{no comma} but they are being lied to,{no comma, colon} skewing their views on relationships and life. The manipulation sways viewerâs opinion so corporations almost always have their own personal views and opinions perceived as societyâs views and opinions. Society is never without influence from outside sources. Society is lied to by t.v. producers and indirectly influenced by the news, but there is something the community can do to stop it.{This last sentence is out of place - maybe it would make a good statement to open a paragraph}

            This manipulation has produced a coarse and vulgar culture that celebrates the worst characteristics of human nature â greed, deceit, and cheating as a legitimate way to win (Bagdikian 35). Letâs demand for reality shows to show us the reality, not the cut and edited version.   According to experts in the fireld we must decentralize our media sector, to let our press truly become free. Then, one can say that his or her views and opinions are not swayed by anyone but themselves {need a colon here or move "safely" to "Then one can safely say ...} safely.

I don't have the greatest command of grammer but I hope I helped.

Thank you what of the essay though/

Need help checking for grammar errors in these sentences

Anonymous — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 20:34:58 GMT

Hello,

Could anyone tell me if there are grammar errors within these statements? These are lines that I took out of my essay.

"For example, in F. Scott Fitzgerald's, The Great Gatsby, Jay Gatsby falls in love with Daisy."
Is the comma after "Fitzgerald's" necessary?

"When Gatsby invites Daisy to Nick Carraway's for tea one day, the two only speak for a short while before Gatsby urges her to visit his mansion. In his home, Daisy merely cries over Gatsby's shirts..."
Is it proper to use just "Nick Carraway's" or do I have to clarify it by saying "Nick Carraway's home" ?
In the second sentence, do I need to clarify "his home" with "Gatsby's home" ?

"In Aristotle's, On Happiness, he suggests that..."
Is the comma after "Aristotle's" necessary?

"Afterall, a great man such as Mr. Gatsby had a handful of wealth; but, he did not end happy."
I think this sentence is grammatically correct but would it be better (give more emphasis) to use a ", but" rather than the semicolon?

Thanks!
John

Re: Essay correction: Japan Through (or From or In) My Eyes

Lil' Ruby Rose — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 13:30:47 GMT

Essay: (What should be its title? - Japan Through/From/In my Eyes.....which one is correct- through, from or in?)

Japan Through My Eyes = your experiences in Japan: your perceptions and view - the better choice of title, in my opinion.

Japan, the country known for its technology all over the world, and Japanese â¦the conservative people - these are the two things I knew about Japan before I came here. [An awkward structure to this sentence - makes it hard to follow. How about something like, "Before I came to Japan, I know only two things about the country: its progressive technology and its conservative people."]

~~Yes,~~ Japan is so technically developed that the words 'technology' and 'Japan' could almost be used interchangeably. There can be no arguments or questions except to accept the fact. [Not quite sure what you mean here? Something like, "without question"? In English, certainly, it's not the case that the words could be used interchangeably - so there is room for argument!] ~~Coming to~~ As for the Japanese people - they are changing nowadays, though some are still conservative. In fact itâs not bad to stick to oneâs own culture and tradition. ['In fact' is usually used to extend an argument built in the previous sentence(s), so not quite right here. Using 'it's' instead of 'it is' is too informal for an essay.]

After Before? coming here, I heard many of my friends saying that the Japanese people are not very social or they are self-centered. They donât mingle with each other very easily and of course they donât have time for chit-chat. All they are concerned with is (? correct) their work, not who lives next door or who is doing what?

As for foreigners living in Japan, language is a major barrier to communicate with locals. Obviously there will always be the communication gap unless foreigners learn some Japanese. Many of us foreigners have complaints about them [in English this sounds incredibly rude and a little bit racist. Did you mean something like, "Many of us foreigners have difficulties fitting in with Japanese culture and traditions."?] (here I will add some examples) but I would like to highlight their positive points which are worth sharing.

Japanese people, who never care who you are and what you do, will be the first to help you if they see you in some kind of trouble. Despite of the language hurdle, they strive to help, guide and assist you just to solve your problem [all these words mean pretty much the same thing in this context, so the sentence reads a bit strangely]. Even if they have to go out of their way to help you, they will never hesitate. Furthermore, the people who are so time- and work-conscious, also will spare their valuable time just to see the person (whom they donât even know well or who is a different nationality) out of trouble. How many of the foreigners can say it proudly that they helped foreigners in their own country instead of encashing on them? [Don't quite understand what this means.]

Almost all of us might have taken help from them but how many of us say this? [Say what? There seems to be part of this sentence missing.] Isnât it socialization [wrong word]â¦.. [only three dots for an elipse..., but you need a colon here: ] caring for others and reacting when they are in trouble? Or does socialization just mean spending hours of time together and escape when they [not clear who is meant here] really need you.