Search results for 'tag:Essays tag:Sentence Structure' matching tags 'Essays' and 'Sentence Structure'

NEED HELP. RESEARCH PAPER!

kandlerirene — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:29:09 GMT

I have an essay due.. well TOMMOROW! and i'm stressing because of my thesis:
my thesis is " The great gatsby is an irony whereas it is argued otherwise as a tragedy.."
first off, i don't know how to state that, and how to start off my paper.

Re: please read this and evaluate it for me

ferpectedit — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:13:27 GMT

I work for an online editing and proofreading service. See my profile for more info. Your essay is too long for me to edit here, but I will show you how I would revise the first paragraph.

When I was younger I was always an outsider among other children. Looking back, I can see many reasons for this gulf between the other children and me. I was aggressive and arrogant, mostly because I did not want to be hurt by others. Having no friends is devastating for a child. I hated going to school and harbored a fear of meeting new people, especially other children my age. I was afraid they might reject me as others had done. Fear made me assume the worst of everyone. I could have become caught in a vicious cycle in which my fear and my arrogance deepened and pushed me further away from others. A number of factors made me change, but I will never forget the role my little sister played in pulling me into the world again.

Your introduction is original and compelling, so I have tried to retain the best elements of it. To keep readers focused on your story I have removed or replaced awkward words (like "egotistic"--note the first "t"), deleted redundant or unnecessary phrases (like "in any case" and "especially for a little one") and simplified some of your sentences for clarity. I also moved some other sentences for continuity. When you write of the many reasons for having no friends the question the reader will ask is "So what were the reasons?" I moved the sentence describing your aggression and the reason for it as the answer to that question. Good luck!

Re: whats wrong with this paragraph???

bernice.farrugia — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 10:43:31 GMT

(1) We only played one ... and it was four years ago. - You need to use the PAST SIMPLE here because you're talking about something which happened 4 years ago.

(2) ...between his wife and the girls' coach... - you need the apostrophe after 'girls' because it's a possessive

(3) ...he packed his and his wife's bags... - same thing 's for possessive

Bernice

Re: About this sentence...

bernice.farrugia — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:03:15 GMT

The first sentence is correct. The second one is not grammatically correct. TO BE (in the infinitive - so as it is in this sentence) cannot be followed by a noun (perfection is a noun).

Bernice

Re: please help for checking any grammer mistakes.Thanks

bernice.farrugia — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:17:39 GMT

Below is the real-life story ofmy classmate, Susan who used to be my best friend. She always used to hand in her homework on time. Everyone thought she was a good student but unfortunately this stopped being a fact 2 years ago.

One day, I saw Susan walking with her friends on the opposite side of the street, so I walked up to her. One of her friends took out a packet of cigarettes and asked us whether we wanted. I told him I didnât smoke. Then he gave a cigarette to Susan and told her to try smoking. Susan didnât refuse at that time, instead she asked him if he had a light. I was really shocked. She started smoking due to peer pressure and in no time she became addicted to it. Susanâs health took a turn for the worse when she started smoking. On one occasion we ran together during a P.E. lesson and I discovered that she ran slower than she used to in the past. Furthermore, she got sick with influenza easier. I also observed that she was looking tired all the time and that she couldnât concentrate on what the teachers said during the lessons. As a result of this she produced work of a much lower leven and therefore, teachers did not trust her as much as they used to do before. Her classmates kept their distance to avoid passive smoking. Her parents and I encouraged her to stop smoking, but she didnât take any notice of our advice. The father of the guy who gave Susan her first cigarette quit smoking last month because of some serious disease, and consequently the guy himself quit too. He told Susan not to smoke anymore, and she thought about it seriously. A few days later there was a talk about the damage caused by smoking at school, and Susan discovered that she was in danger. So she decided to quit smoking.

Dear Sweet_love take a look at the following corrections above and keep in mind that when writing an essay you need to have some sort of structure - the most basic form being INTRODUCTION; BODY; CONCLUSION. This means that you need to have at least 3 paragraphs in your essay.

Hope you find this information useful

Bernice