Need a critique of my Pinsky's The Inferno Versus Mark Musa's The Inferno

HappyGilmore — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 05:37:14 GMT

This essay is giving me Hell. I always seem to have poor organization but I never see it. Can anyone help? Also if there is anything that you know of to help this essay further please post it on here too please. Thank you. Oh yes... If you are wondering about the "Wren 1" and the choppyness, it is because it is in MLA format and I just copy and pasted from my Microsoft Word program.

Wren 1

Joshua Wren

Mr. LaPalme

AP English 12

11 April 2007

Classical Versus New and Improved

Satan, lesser than God but master of all that is evil, is banished forever to his icy tomb, never to see the light of Godâs heaven again. Dante Alighieri depicts this beast in the ninth level of hell in âCanto 34â of The Inferno. Robert Pinsky, with a classical approach, and Mark Musa, with a modern approach, both translated Danteâs âCanto 34â. Pinsky tried to keep his translation as close as possible to the original text. However, Musaâs diction, although the same description as Pinsky produced, illustrated a story-like poem by playing on the readerâs senses; such as touch and hearing. Not only is the two writerâs diction different, but the structure and punctuation that each of the writers use gives a different tone to the poem.

Although both Pinsky and Musa describe the same icy hell that Satan dwells in, neither of the two follow the same structure in developing their translations of the canto. Pinsky follows much of the same form that Dante used when developing the poem. He mimics Danteâs rhyme scheme as close as he could without changing the meaning of the stanza. The terza rima that Dante used depends heavily on available rhymes, making it very difficult for translation in the English language. Pinsky has to make moderate usage of half-rhymes in order to keep similar to Danteâs terza rima. An example of Pinskyâs mimicking of Danteâs terza rima is shown here in lines fifty-eight through sixty, ââ¦the

Wren 3

front mouth gripped/ â¦the claws, which sliced/ â¦ his back was strippedâ (pg. 395 Pinsky). You can see the âa b aâ rhyme scheme in the three-line stanza is maintained. This is unlike Musaâs version, which ignores the terza rima but keeps the three-line stanzas. Even though Pinsky and Musa had differed in their choice in

rhyme, both translators kept intact the iambic pentameter that Dante used when creating The Inferno.

Aside from the structure of the poems that the writers use, the choice of punctuation that Pinsky and Musa use differentiates the tone in each of translations. Pinsky never uses a single exclamation mark in any part of his translation of The Inferno. Instead, Pinsky ends every sentence with a period. Musa, however, makes good use of exclamation marks where he felt they were needed in order to strengthen the voice in that section of the poem. For example, line twenty-five âI did not dieâI was not living either!â in Musaâs version as compared to âI neither died, nor kept aliveâ¦â in line twenty-eight of Pinskyâs version is a stronger voice. The exclamation mark makes the voice of Dante is fretful at the truth of his own words.

When Pinsky translated The Inferno, he tried to preserve the terza rima and descriptions that Dante used in his text. Musa disregarded the terza rima, but kept the same story and made it stronger with his diction. Musa wanted your body to sense exactly what Dante felt in the presence of Satan and the worst of his hell. For example, Pinskyâs âHow chilled and faint I wasâ compared to Musaâs âHow chilled and nerveless, Reader, I felt thenâ is much weaker in diction (pg. 394 Pinsky). Musa uses ânervelessâ rather than

Wren 3

âfaintâ to suggest that the fear he feels makes his body seem as if it has no nerves whatsoever rather than his body feels weak.

Besides appealing to the readerâs sense of touch in a stronger fashion than Pinsky, Musaâs translation appeals also to the sense of hearing much stronger. For example, line fifty-six of Pinskyâs version reads âThe teeth of each mouth held a sinnerâ (pg. 395 Pinsky). In line fifty-five of Musaâs version reads âIn each of his three mouths he crunched a sinnerâ (Musa). The word âheldâ sounds like Satan merely keeps them in his mouth. Musaâs âcrunchedâ makes the reader hear the sinnerâs bones crack and break under Satanâs gnashing teeth.

Robert Pinsky translated Danteâs The Inferno with a classical style, trying to keep in touch with the terza rima that Dante used. Musa, however, dropped the terza rima from his translation and developed a blank verse poem. Mark Musaâs version in comparison to Robert Pinskyâs has more emotion developed into it. Musa utilized a stronger diction in order to set the tone of the poem as being less of a poem and more of a story. In all, Pinskyâs version of The Inferno is classically set, whereas Musaâs version is modernized.

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Need a critique of my Pinsky's The Inferno Versus Mark Musa's The Inferno