Search results for 'tag:Football tag:Paragraphs' matching tags 'Football' and 'Paragraphs'

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"

Re: Help corrct my writing, please

Grammar Geek — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:43:25 GMT

I have highlighted errors. You use "he" and "your" and "I" so it's not clear who you are talking about. Your capitalization is uneven, and you need to use the past tense.

Anonymous

Please edit my paragraph writing. Thank you for helping me.
Introduce Myclassmate

The last class I interviewed my classmate His name is Atirach limphaiboon and he nickname is Toon. He is 19 years old. Your birthday is 7th July 1989. He was born in Chiang Rai province and move to Bangkok is a big city with my family when I was three years old. He live in donmuang , North Bangkok until He was 13 and he live near Saphan Khwai BTS, which is about fifteen minutes to Chandrakasem by bus. My favorite sport are football table tennis, volleyball and bicycling with his friends. He is single and lives with his best friend. He enjoy visiting tourists attractions and Traveling. He also enjoy read a catoon book-comic books, going to movies and watching TV. This semester, Atirach is studying art, English, and computer science. After university, He and His roommate work in a restaurant as waitresses. Atirach like his job very much. Your dream job would be to run a successful Internet company that helped people. He plans to become a lawyer. Atirach has an exciting lift, and he seems to have a bright future ahead of his. He have visited Belgium, Bazil, Chile, France and Mexico. He went to Rayong on my last vacation. It was great!. He do not have any pets, but he wish that he had a cat. My apartment does not allow pets. He have one brother and two sisters. if he won a million Baht, He would travel around the world. He would really like to visit New Zealand.

Help corrct my writing, please

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:26:46 GMT

Please edit my paragraph writing. Thank you for helping me.
Introduce Myclassmate

The last class I interviewed my classmate His name is Atirach limphaiboon and he nickname is Toon. He is 19 years old. Your birthday is 7th July 1989. He was born in Chiang Rai province and move to Bangkok is a big city with my family when I was three years old. He live in donmuang , North Bangkok until He was 13 and he live near Saphan Khwai BTS, which is about fifteen minutes to Chandrakasem by bus. My favorite sport are football table tennis, volleyball and bicycling with his friends. He is single and lives with his best friend. He enjoy visiting tourists attractions and Traveling. He also enjoy read a catoon book, going to movies and watching TV. This semester, Atirach is studying art, English, and computer science. After university, He and His roommate work in a restaurant as waitresses. Atirach like his job very much. Your dream job would be to run a successful Internet company that helped people. He plans to become a lawyer. Atirach has an exciting lift, and he seems to have a bright future ahead of his. He have visited Belgium, Bazil, Chile, France and Mexico. He went to Rayong on my last vacation. It was great!. He do not have any pets, but he wish that he had a cat. My apartment does not allow pets. He have one brother and two sisters. if he won a million Baht, He would travel around the world. He would really like to visit New Zealand.

Re: Whant to make friends!

hulagirls — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 08:37:20 GMT

Aloha from hawaii, I was looking at different website which I notice your looking for pen pals by email or postal mail.. I would like help you gain sincere friendship all over the world for free.. look it this

Pacific Ocean pen pal club is publish twice a year ( June 2008 / JAN 2009) for non-profit , Tell about yourself, your country, your hometown, your life, hobbies, etc..Those listed in POPPC are my personal sincere pen pals .*Please,mention your a pen pal of Beatriz capati. If not, they may not response to your postal mail

[all information and addresses about other people removed by moderator]
[Please do not write any addresses or personal information in posts]
[If it's information about you, you can write it in your profile here on this forum]
[Do not post any personal information about other people in any case. Thanks]

P.s ,

Happy birthday to you , you sure look like million dolllers ( haha) ..

I looking forward to read your long letter , correspondence is key keeping a friendship alive

Â· my next issue Jan 2009 , tell your friends about POPPC â¦ itâs free to join, send email or postal letter become listed

Re: Correct the grammar of the paragraphs.

Anonymous — Wed, 21 May 2008 22:28:38 GMT

Right away, it's nearly 11:00 pm. I've just got through replying to a friend , the letter is quite long, so I it took a long time to write. She's Taiwanese, quite nice and very kind. She's extremly curious about Vietnamese culture, activity, attitude with foreigner.... She also wants to travel to Vietnam and have specialities. While I was writing, Tuan buzzed me, gave me a website and asked me to him some advice about choosing which model of shoes he should buy. I gave him my advice, and he had chosen.

I kept on writing into the day. A short while later, Huynh Anh said hi to me. I told her to wait a moment. Then, I continued my business. When I finished, she went off-line for a long time, hey.... sorry for this.

I tried to find someone to chat with, but no one was online. Today, my friend went back to his hometown. He was hoping to get some speciality from his hometown after his return. hehe.

Hmmm, let me remember whether there was any conversations which happened today to relate to you. Ah, Sea Games 24. This afternoon, after finishing the class, my friends and I went to a coffee shop to watch the football match between Vietnam and Malaysia. This match, the Vietnamese team played not very well although beating the Malaysian team. I was quite disappointed; were you ?

Well, I'm getting sleepy. Tomorrow is Sunday, and i wish everybody a beautiful weekend.

Goodnight

Re: Correct the grammar of the paragraphs.

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:11:21 GMT

Right NOW, it's nearly 11:00 pm. I've just gotten through replying to a friend. The messge is quite long, so I have to take a long time. She's Taiwanese, quite nice and very kind. She's very curious about Vietnamese culture, activity, and attitudes about foreigners. She also wants to travel to Vietnam and see some special place of interest. While I was writing, Tuan buzzed me, gave me a website and asked me to give him some advice about choosing which brandl of shoes he should buy. I gave him my advice, so that is done!

I continued writing. A short while later, Huynh Anh said hi to me. I told her to wait for me a moment. Then, I continued my business. When I finished, I discovered that she had been off-line for a long while. I am sorry for missing her.

I tried to find someone to chat with. Today, my friend went back to his hometown. I hope to get something special from his hometown after his return. He he.

Hmmm, let me remember whether there is any gossip that happened today that I can tell you about. Ah yes, Sea Games 24. This afternoon after finishing the class, my friends and I went to a coffee shop to watch the football match between Vietnam and Malaysia. At this match, the Vietnamese team played well, but not that good - although they did trounce the Malaysian team. I am very disappointed. How about you ?

Hix, I'm getting sleepy. Tomorrow is Sunday. I hope everybody has a nice weekend.

Good night.

Re: Correct the grammar of the paragraphs.

Fandorin — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 18:56:20 GMT

Newbie2007 wrote:

Please help me correct the grammar of these paragraphs. Thanks so much.

Right away,-said my mother (for example)- it's nearly 11:00 pm. I've just gotten through replying to a friend (it's very complicated, it'd better to change it), it was quite long, so I have to take a long time. She's Taiwanese, quite nice and very kind. She's very curious about Vietnamese culture, activity, attitude with foreigner.... Also She wants to travel to Vietnam and have a specialities. While I had been writing, Tuan buzzed me, pointed to a website and asked me for giving some advice about choosing model of shoes he should buy. I've done it!

~~Kept on writing~~. (It would better to make sentence, but not a fragment.) For a bit lately Huynh Anh greeted me. I asked her to wait for a moment. Then, I had continued my business. When I had finished, She was being out of network for a long time, hix?.... sorry for this.

I was looking for someone to chat. Today, my friend go back to his hometown. The hope of getting some speciality from his hometown after his return, hehe.

~~Hmmm, let me remember whether there is any talk which happened today to relate to you~~ - terrible construction (is it question or something elst?). Ah, Sea Games 24. Whe we were Finishing the class in the afternoon, I and my friends went to a coffee shop for watching the football match between Vietnam and Malaysia. This match, Vietnamese team played was not good although trouncing Malaysian team. (it's acceptable - Although Vietnamese team played bad they could beat their opponents.) ~~Be quite disappointed~~ (We were very flabbergasted and dissapointed at the same time) . What about you ?

Hix, I'm ~~getting~~ going to have a good sleep.. Tomorrow is Sunday, hope for a nice weekend for everybody.

Good night.

Correct the grammar of the paragraphs.

Newbie2007 — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 14:42:29 GMT

Please help me correct the grammar of these paragraphs. Thanks so much.

Right away, it's nearly 11:00 pm. I've just got through replying to a friend , it's quite long, so I have to take a long time. She's Taiwanese, quite nice and very kind. She's very curious about Vietnamese culture, activity, attitude with foreigner.... She also wants to travel to Vietnam and have specialities. While I was writing, Tuan buzzed me, gave me a website and asked me for giving him some advice about choosing which model of shoes he should buy. To see and give him my advice, done !

Kept on writing. A short while later, Huynh Anh said hi to me. I told her to wait for me a moment. Then, I continued my business. When I finished, She has been off-line for a long while, hix.... sorry for this.

I tried to find someone to chat. Today, my friend went back to his hometown. Hope of getting some speciality from his hometown after his return, hehe.

Hmmm, let me remember whether there is any talk which happened today to relate to you. Ah, Sea Games 24. This afternoon, after finishing the class, my friends and me went to a coffee shop to watch the football match between Vietnam and Malaysia. This match, Vietnamese team played was not good although trouncing Malaysian team. Be quite disappointed. How about you ?

Hix, I'm getting sleepy. Tomorrow is Sunday, hope for a nice weekend for everybody.

Good night.

Re: Translation from Ukranian into English!

Ruslana — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:24:53 GMT

My attempt #2.

Aronika28 wrote:

ÐÑÐ¾ÑÑÐ°ÑÐ¸ Ð°Ð²ÑÑÐ²ÐºÐ¾Ñ ÑÐ¸ Ð°Ð²ÑÐ¾Ð±ÑÑÐ¾Ð¼ Ð´Ð¾ ÑÑÐ°Ð´ÑÐ¾Ð½Ñ Ð·Ð° Ð´Ð²Ñ-ÑÑÐ¸ Ð³Ð¾Ð´Ð¸Ð½Ð¸ Ð²Ð¸Ð´Ð°ÑÑÑÑÑ Ð¿ÑÐ¾Ð±Ð»ÐµÐ¼Ð°ÑÐ¸ÑÐ½Ð¸Ð¼. ÐÐ¾Ð»Ð¾Ð²Ð½Ð¸Ð¹ ÑÑÑÐ±Ð¾Ð»ÑÐ½Ð¸Ð¹ Ð¾Ð±'ÑÐºÑ - Ð½Ð° ÑÑÐ¸Ð»Ð°Ñ Ð³ÑÑ. ÐÑÐ·ÐµÐ½ÑÐºÑ Ð´Ð¾ÑÐ¾Ð³Ð¸ Ñ ÑÑÐ¾ÑÑÐ°ÑÐ¸ Ð¿ÐµÑÐµÐ¿Ð¾Ð²Ð½ÐµÐ½Ñ Ð»ÑÐ´ÑÐ¼Ð¸, ÑÐºÑ Ð¿ÑÑÐ¼ÑÑÑÑ Ð½Ð° ÑÑÑÐ±Ð¾Ð». ÐÑÐ¸ÑÐ¾Ð¼Ñ Ð¿Ð°Ð½ÑÐ²Ð½Ð¸Ð¹ ÐºÐ¾Ð»ÑÑ ÑÑÑÐ±Ð¾Ð»Ð¾Ðº Ñ Â«ÑÐ¾Ð·Â» - Ð±Ð¾ÑÐ´Ð¾Ð²Ð¸Ð¹. Ð¢Ñ, ÑÑÐ¾ Ð¿ÑÐ¾Ð´Ð°Ñ ÑÐ°Ð½Ð°ÑÑÑÐºÑ Ð°ÑÑÐ¸Ð±ÑÑÐ¸ÐºÑ, Ñ Ð¿Ð¾Ð»Ñ Ð·Ð¾ÑÑ Ð¿Ð¾Ð»ÑÑÑÑ, ÑÐ¾ ÑÐ°Ñ-Ð²ÑÐ´-ÑÐ°ÑÑ Ð¿ÐµÑÐµÐ²ÑÑÑÑ Ð½Ð°ÑÐ²Ð½ÑÑÑÑ Ð´Ð¾Ð·Ð²Ð¾Ð»ÑÐ². Ð¯ÐºÑÐ¾ Ñ ÑÐµÐ½ÑÑÑ Ð¼ÑÑÑÐ° Â«ÑÐ¾Ð·Ð°Â» Ð¤Ð Â«Ð¡Ð°ÑÐ°ÑÐ²Ð¾Â» Ð·Ð° Ð²Ð´Ð°Ð»Ð¾Ð³Ð¾ ÑÐ¾ÑÐ³Ñ Ð¼Ð¾Ð¶Ðµ Ð±ÑÑÐ¸ Ð·Ð° ÑÑÐ½Ð¾Ñ 10 Ð¼Ð°ÑÐ¾Ðº, ÑÐ¾ Ð¿ÐµÑÐµÐ´ ÑÑÐ°Ð´ÑÐ¾Ð½Ð¾Ð¼ Ð¼ÑÐ½ÑÐ¼Ð°Ð»ÑÐ½Ð° ÑÑÐ½Ð° 15!

To get to the stadium by car or bus has been problematic for the last two years. The main soccer object is located on the {cannot get the name} mountains. Narrow roads and pavements are overcrowded with people going to a football match. And the usual colour of T-shirts and "roses" has been claret for a long time. Those who sell attributes for fans are under police eye that checks them every hour. While at the central bridge a "rose" of the football club "Sarajevo", after some haggling, may cost 10 marks, the price at the stadium is 15!

I can understand the whole idea of the text, but sometimes it's difficult to translate a separate sentence! I think I'll keep on translating paragraph by paragraph.

Re: use of I "would"

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 18:11:52 GMT

ElevenTattic wrote:

I think you'd rather say "Wherever I look, I see her." without "would", because:

(apparently) the sentence is about anywhere you look, you can see her, and this kind of sentences is about something that's always or usually happening. "The Present Simple" is used in this kind of sentences, when you want to convey a meaning of something that's usually happening, for example:

"I play football everyday." means that football is a habit, that's usually (or even always) happening, and most importantly you "still" have this habit, and you'll still be playing football tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, etc

Hi, ElevenTattic

Let me disagree. Both the OP's original sentences (Wherever I looked I'd see her and Wherever I'd look, I'd see her) are OK, as Tidus wrote, and they both clearly refer to the past.

I'd see her = I would see her, where would expresses past habit / action that regularly happened in the past.

See http://www.1-language.com/englishcoursenew/unit45_grammar.htm (paragraph "past habit").