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Correction of an Essay

learner_of_english — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:05:57 GMT

Through History, weâve seen that American people are proud and want to manage the world. Meanwhile, French people know how to live and they have a more collectivism mentality. According to several studies, the US is a more âmasculineâ country than France. Weâre about to study if this is a reality or not.

1Â°/ First, we can compare educational values between these two countries.

The American people educational values are rather funded on individualism.

Each person must show his value to be recognized, the merit is more important than the link formed (relationship) with others. Pupils and students have to be independent, self-confident, their teacher assists them in work but they donât give solutions. They also have to be competitive.

For instance, intercollegiate sporting events are promoted in American football and basketball. These competitions attract not only young people but all sport fans.

In France, educational values are rather funded on collectivism.

The ties between people are privileged, it doesnât matter if a person undergoes many failures his family and his friends will always support him. Devotion in relationships is essential because people donât stand to be alone.

As students, weâre used to partying several times by week, we enter in student associations to share our ideals with others and we think that is the victory of groups which is the more important.

For example, in soccer games, one player goal is the equip goal. (but 1 joueur est le but de lâÃ©quipe)

According to Geert Hofstede (a press article writer), these points show that the US is a more masculine country than France. I think we can reveal there is another aspect of this topic with gender ideas.

2Â°/ The power that is a more masculine idea can be illustrated by American will to possess big things.

Indeed, American cars are big like 4x4 or pick up, they like to eat big burgers.

They use an amazing budget for their movies with many special effects and they often contain fights like Rambo, Terminator or Rocky. Each time, we have the feeling that American glory is bet and itâs always American people who win.

Then, American comics imply heroes with a super strength and a nice physical appearance like Superman or Hulk.

On the contrary, French culture hires the small things and products are adapted to family which is a more feminine idea.

There are small French cars for young people the Twingo, the Clio or the Smart and weâre used to taking a little break with a small cup of coffee.

In France, there are often humoristic or romantic movies like movie of the moment âBienvenue chez les châtisâ which is the best French humoristic movie of the year.

Weâre also used to reading comics like âAstÃ©rixâ or âTintinâ who are not really superheroes.

As we see through all these examples America owns more masculine ideas than France and we really saw a gap between these two mentalities.

3Â°/ However, the feminine culture in France is limited.

We also have a competitive policy as we se through a job or college interview. The selection is tough, there are some oral or written exams and many people are refused.

The vision of soccer as a âsweetâ sport is far from reality because many players are hurt during the games.

Furthermore, there are French action movies like âLes riviÃ¨res pourpresâ, âNikitaâ and âLeonâ which compete with American super production.

In my opinion, the association between masculine culture with men who search for success and power, and feminine culture with women who look after their family is a stereotype. It tends to disappear today, women are more and more independent and they can be companyâs bosses or minister.

For instance, the French company CHANEL is lead by a woman.

To conclude, obviously the US is a more âmasculineâ culture than France. But in my view, there isnât a best culture because self-confidence and relationships are essential to have a happy live.

We can wonder if the promotion of power and success could not lead to abuse.

Sincerely,

Re: Correction of an Essay

learner_of_english — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:10:36 GMT

Hello,

Thanks for your quick answer !

I didn't realise my sentences were so short, I corrected them so I hope it is better now. I added numbers to empasis my main points.

Could you help me to correct my grammar ?