Search results for 'tag:Invitations tag:Proofreading' matching tags 'Invitations' and 'Proofreading'

Re: proofreading#17

YoHf — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 21:36:48 GMT

Widget wrote:
The sky was becoming dark as John left his house to take an evening walk. He looked up at the gray sky. Then he extended his right palm to see if was raining. He was walking up the street, with his soda, beef jerk and chips. When John finished his chips, he began to eat beef jerks. He chewed it hard. After a while, he went into a bakery store because he wanted to see [or 'liked seeing'] a girl who worked there. The girl beamed happily at him and asked him how he was doing lately. John answered her, smiling back, and ordered a pastry and a cup of lemon tea. As soon as he was about to walk out of the store, the girl went up to him to see if he would like to go to a concert with her on the following Sunday. John said 'yes' as he ate his pastry. He walked across the street while he turned his volume high on his I-pod for his favorite song. There was a little drizzle when he was almost at the supermarket. He went to the store and grabbed the items that his mom wanted him to buy. The cashier knew John because they had a chemistry class together. She talked to John about her birthday party and invited him to come on Sunday. John declined the invitation because he was not free. After a few minutes, John went past [or 'John passed'] the [?hard]ware store. Then he heard something from behind. He thought it was a dog barking so he turned his head back. Actually the hardware store was closing its gate. When [or, 'By the time'] he was about three blocks away from his cozy home, the rain was pounding down in the street. He was running and cursing himself for not bringing his umbrella. He looked all over the street to find shelter, but there was none. He was drenched all over. Also, the gusty wind had made him cold. John kept running until he arrived home. When he took his clothes off, rainwater dribbled on the floor.

I could read only a few lines, but i think it should be: Then he extended his right palm to see if it was raining. You should also try to improve your punctuation.

Just my two cents though.

Re: proofreading#17

Widget — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 21:25:46 GMT

The sky was becoming dark as John left his house to take an evening walk. He looked up at the gray sky. Then he extended his right palm to see if it was raining. He was walking up the street, with his soda, beef jerk and chips. When John finished his chips, he began to eat beef jerks. He chewed it hard. After a while, he went into a bakery store because he wanted to see [or 'liked seeing'] a girl who worked there. The girl beamed happily at him and asked him how he was doing lately. John answered her, smiling back, and ordered a pastry and a cup of lemon tea. As soon as he was about to walk out of the store, the girl went up to him to see if he would like to go to a concert with her on the following Sunday. John said 'yes' as he ate his pastry. He walked across the street while he turned his volume high on his I-pod for his favorite song. There was a little drizzle when he was almost at the supermarket. He went to the store and grabbed the items that his mom wanted him to buy. The cashier knew John because they had a chemistry class together. She talked to John about her birthday party and invited him to come on Sunday. John declined the invitation because he was not free. After a few minutes, John went past [or 'John passed'] the [?hard]ware store. Then he heard something from behind. He thought it was a dog barking so he turned his head back. Actually the hardware store was closing its gate. When [or, 'By the time'] he was about three blocks away from his cozy home, the rain was pounding down in the street. He was running and cursing himself for not bringing his umbrella. He looked all over the street to find shelter, but there was none. He was drenched all over. Also, the gusty wind had made him cold. John kept running until he arrived home. When he took his clothes off, rainwater dribbled on the floor.

proofreading#17

BW2/3 — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 06:35:05 GMT

The sky was becoming dark when he was leaving his house to take an evening walk. He looked up the sky which was gray. Then he extended his right palm hand to see if was raining. He was walking up the street, with his soda, beef jerk and chips. When John finished up his chips, he began to eat beef jerks. He chewed it hard. After a while, he went into a bakery store because he liked to see a girl who worked there. The girl beamed happily at him and asked him how he was doing lately. John anwered her, smiling back, and ordering a pastry and a cup of lemon tea. As soon as he was about to walk off the store, the girl went up to him to see if he would like to go to a concert with her on the next Sunday. As John was eating the pastry, he said 'yes'. He walked across the street while he turned his volume high on his I-pod for his favorite song. There was a little drizzle when he was almost at the supermarket. He went to the store and grabbed the items that his mom wanted him to buy. The cashier knew John because they had a chemistry class together. She talked to John about her birthday party and invited him to come on Sunday. John declined the invitation because he was not free. After a few minutes, John past the ware store. Then he was hearing something from behind. He thought it was a dog barking so he turned his head back. Actually the ware store was closing his gate. When he was about three blocks away from his cozy home, the rain was impounding down the street. He was running and cursing himself why he did not bring umbrella. He looked all over street to find a shelter but there was none. He was drenched all over him. Also the gusty wind made him cold. John kept running until he came back home. When he took his clothes off, the rain from it was dribbling on the floor.

Thank you