By Irony, British English

This MAY help: a) May or might (permission): May I see your passport, please? May I open the window? Might I use your bathroom? (especially in British English) Can I help you?; May I help you? (Can I help and am I allowed to help?). You may go now (=you are allowed to go). May I help...

I'm sorry but this initial post strikes me as very ignorant and, as an American, a tad offensive. I would be curious to know if the original poster is a native speaker of English, and why they feel so "disgusted" by any English variant. Anyway, it is true that Americans did purposefully change...