Search results for 'tag:Jokes tag:Essays' matching tags 'Jokes' and 'Essays'

Re: Please help me with the repetition! ( Essay ) - Tricked

julielai — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:27:58 GMT

As you read more short stories, you'll find more satisfying ways to end your own. Here're a few possibilities:

1. Offer a solution to the conflict in your story, and if possible, add a little something about what we can learn from it. For example, if the bigger ant kills the smaller ant, Julie will have to think about whether something similar happens even in her own life.

2. Something that offers a nice comparison or contrast to the beginning of the story. In your last story, mom was mad at dad about the cage in the beginning but they made up. You can have mom and dad joke about the cage thing as an ending.

3. Symbolic image. Mom's stomping her foot on the ant may be a good symbolic image (power of humans over helpless insects or something like that).

italian article

Anonymous — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:29:42 GMT

hallo everybody - i really would like you to have a look to this... article. actually is not an essay nor something serious - just a proof. i would like to improve my skills in english writing (since i wanna become a journalist - maybe an international journalist) so i'm trying to write something in this language that's not my native one. i chose as subject my country, something i know, just to make it a little bit easier - but my pourpose is not just to write in a correct english, i need to write as an english native speaker would write or speak. that's really difficult - and that's just my first attempt. so i will really appreciate any kind of help you can give me, starting from grammar and ending with structures, synonimouses and also "i would have written this sentence like that" - really, everything will be helpful.
thank you very much - and hope not to bother you too much with my text :-D

italy

it's a strange air the one we are breathing in italian streets in these last months - quite difficult for a stranger to understand. but an italian - every italian - can understand what i mean. it's a new air - full with sadness. with resignation. with indolence.
it's a feeling that covers everything we are doing and thinking - you can read on the newspaper, maybe in some books - but overall you can read it on the faces of people walking by in the streets. the few you can meet, at least.
i was having a kebab in the centre of my small town yesterday (Xmas) and the turkish guy who sold me it was quite astonished. "there's no one in the streets tonight. last year they were crowded and full with people - every restaurant was open, as well as every table were occupied." "yep i know - was my answer - in a few years you'll see italian people looking for a job in turkey". he laughed. it was not supposed to be a joke.

like many other italian students i had my erasmus last year - and more or less all of my best friends left this year. i went to berlin, someone else to sweden, someone to spain, one in china - and the great shock of seeing how different life can (should!) be produced the same results: and we all agree we won't come back, we wanna stay where we were. we want to have a future different from the one that's waiting for us in our country.
old people at the government, no working economy, no spaces for young people to work or innovate - university and hospitals in the hands of the old "baroni", the old doctors or professors who decide everything, who give their sons and relatives the jobs we should get through a test. a young graduated who works for an university earns 1000 euro pro month - if he's lucky. and the contract has to be renovated every year. good resercherer with 40 are still waiting for a "real" job - and they won't get it.
you can get one if you join a party - that's the best way. join a party, start to follow the people who have power - and then wait. in any case. 'cause the average age of deputees and senators is more than 50 years. and these were just example: there's no young people in any branch of public administration - nor in the private factories not transnational. energies are just waisted in this "everything must change, so that nothing changes" country.
of course i'm not blind nor stupid, italy has a lot of great things it can exploit - as every tourist knows. art, monuments, wonderful cities and landskapes - but our richness is our damnation. nothing can be changed in our cities - nor a tree can be moved, nor a parking lot can be built. nothing can be renovate. if you knew what happened in florence when the major decided to build a tram-rail (wich was supposed to cut down pollution and traffic - and make the city more pleseant for the tourists) you would think i'm joking. every little block, every street, every *** condominium has its own commitee wich defends its rights - the "not in my backyard" logic is winning everywhere.

and so - young people are just tired. no jobs, no chances of doing something - not even chances of saying our own opinion. our politicians' show wich runs everyday on television and newspapers of taking and stealing as much as possible now before the ship sinks is clear and depressing for everybody. and we escape - simply.
first the graduateds - the ones who have a chance to get good jobs elsewehere. i already decided to study abroad - as well as many of my friends. doctors, engeneers, journalists - everybody who has a little knowledge of other languages and a little chance of improving his own life-conditions
and then the others - employees, clerks, accounters, baby sitter.
maybe the last will the the cooks and the waiters - in the "land of tourism and beauty" this kind of job will be the last to disappear.
yep - when we'll see as many pizzerie in istanbul as many kebabs are now in europe we'll be able to say: italians have lost.
poor italians.

Re: And strong were they.

Mister Micawber — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 04:08:03 GMT

Yes, and both are rather literary or poetic-- not to be used in an argumentative essay or in casual conversation with close acquaintances unless you are smiling broadly to share the joke.

Re: Business letter

Feebs11 — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:03:13 GMT

Anonymous wrote:

I tripped over these fourms just on accident looking for advice on a formal letter that is due. If it isn't any trouble could someone point out any areas that need revision. here it is:

*** Bunting Drive

North Augusta, *** ***

November 1, 2007

Mr. B

Assistant Academic Dean.

X College

X Road

X-town, State zip code

Dear Mr. B:

Subject: Grade Disputation

The reason ~~why~~ I am contacting you is because of my strong disagreement with my final grade in English 102 (Fall 1, X). I feel that I have received this grade unfairly and wish it to be reviewed. ~~I must emphasize on the imbalanced acts that were made during the quarter.~~

My concerns primarily deal ~~a lot~~ with my final paper. Mr. X informed the class that âeveryoneâ could and should turn their paper in for him to review before the due date. I tried to take advantage of this but was rejected because of Mr. Xâs busy schedule. On September 20th my final paper was due. I had to appear in court and was not able to make it to class (documentation attached). I turned in my paper at the next class and was notified that it would be counted late and after a quick review was told that I would fail the paper. He identified the major format errors I had made within five minutes of looking at my paper. I do not know why he could not have taken five minutes before the class to tell me about these errors that needed to be fixed. I asked if I could quickly change these errors and turn back in a revised copy. I was rudely told, âYesâ¦next quarter.â I was dissatisfied with myself but life goes on.

I left in disappointment and walked to my next class with another one of Mr. Xsâ students. I asked her how she did and was shocked when told that she was allowed to take her essay home and revise it. She forgot to type major parts of her paper and had many format errors. Mr. X told her that if she didnât redo the paper and turn in back in on the 23rd, she would fail (a due-date altered from the rest of the class). I had asked Mr. X for the same privilege minutes before and was denied. When confronted about it, he told me that it did not matter as she failed anyway. I found out when talking to him a second time that she had actually made a âBâ.

The second of my concerns is about my âdaily gradeâ. I ~~just~~ recently found out about this and should also be brought to your attention. Mr. X enlightened me that I had earned a âDâ for my âdaily gradeâ when I initially spoke with him about my disputation. His reasoning behind it was that I slept in class âall the timeâ as he put it. It is hard for me to grasp this because of the fact that we had to write an essay every class besides the first week and a half. The first week and a half was âan exact repeat of English 101â as Mr. X put it. The repetition of the material made it hard to fight dozing off. I saw this in many students' faces. I dozed off twice during this time period. I would like to bring it to your attention that I was not the only one falling asleep during his lectures. It became sort of a joke about Mr. X and his dictionary. He would prop it up acting as if he was reading, but was clearly sleeping. After the introduction of the course, our assignment from then on was to write an essay each class. It is rather hard to fall asleep writing an essay that is due in two hours. I am 100 per cent sure that I was awake for each paper. Not only was I awake for each essay, but I made it a goal to stay in class until everyone had left ~~early~~. He told us that he wanted us to stay the full two hours even if that meant writing another twenty pages. I figured that was the reason I had received such a low grade in English 101.

Yours sincerely,

Cory X

<mod note: Specific names and places have been removed>

Business letter

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 17:22:02 GMT

I tripped over these fourms just on accident looking for advice on a formal letter that is due. If it isn't any trouble could someone point out any areas that need revision. here it is

*** Bunting Drive

North Augusta, *** ***

November 1, 2007

Mr. B

Assistant Academic Dean.

X College

X Road

X-town, State zip code

Dear Mr. B:

Subject: Grade Disputation

The reason why I am contacting you is because of my strong disagreement with my final grade in English 102 (Fall 1, X). I feel that I have received this grade unfairly and wish for you to review it. I must emphasize on the imbalanced acts that were made during the quarter.

My concerns primarily deal a lot with my final paper. Mr. X informed the class that âeveryoneâ could and should turn their paper in for him to review before the due date. I tried to take advantage of this but was rejected because of Mr. Xâs busy schedule. On September twentieth my final paper was due. I had to appear in court and was not able to make it to class (documentation attached). I turned in my paper the next class and was notified that it would be counted late and after a quick review was told that I would fail the paper. He identified the major format errors I had made within five minutes of looking at my paper. I do not know why he could not have taken five minutes the class before to tell me about these errors that needed to be fixed. I asked if I could quickly change these errors and turn back in a revised copy. I was rudely told, âYesâ¦next quarter.â I was dissatisfied with myself but life goes on.

I left in disappointment and walked to my next class with another one of Mr. Xsâ students. I asked her how she did and was shocked when told that she was allowed to take it home and revise it. She forgot to type major parts of her paper and had many format errors. Mr. X told her that if she didnât redo the paper and turn in back in on the twenty-third, she would fail (a due-date altered from the rest of the class). I asked Mr. X for the same privilege minutes before and was denied. When confronted about it, he told me that it did not matter she bombed it anyway. I found out when talking to him a second time that she had actually made a âBâ.

The second of my concerns is about my âdaily gradeâ. I just recently found out about this and should also be brought to your attention. Mr. X enlightened me that I had earned a âDâ for my âdaily gradeâ when I initially spoke with him about my disputation. His reasoning behind it was that I slept in class âall the timeâ as he put it. It is hard for me to grasp this because of the fact that we had to write an essay every class besides the first week and a half. The first week and a half was âan exact repeat of English 101â as Mr. X put it. The repetition of the material it was hard to fight dozing off. I saw this in many students faces. I dozed off twice during this time period. I would like to bring it to your attention that I was not the only one falling asleep during his lectures. It became sort of a joke about Mr. X and his dictionary. He would prop it up acting as if he was reading, but was clearly sleeping. After the introduction of the course, our assignment from then on was to write an essay each class. It is rather hard to fall asleep writing an essay that is due in two hours. I am one-hundred percent sure that I was awake for each paper. Not only was I awake for each essay, but I made it a goal to stay in class until everyone had left early. He told us that he wanted us to stay the full two hours even if that meant writing another twenty pages. I figured that was the reason I had received such a low grade in English 101.

Sincerely,

Cory X

<mod note: Specific names and places have been removed>

Re: Less than 600 word Essay (short!)

Anonymous — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 02:30:14 GMT

you must be a highschool student. I really can't help you too much because I don't know how much weight this essay carries for your GPA. I'm guessing your goal is to write a humor piece about marooning your teacher on a deserted island, I could be wrong but it is hard to say as this entire essay reads like one big inside joke. I think that the best course of action would be to call this a rough draft and start over. Here are some things that you can do to fine tune this piece:

Stop adressing the reader as "you". It is a bad habit and it is hard to break but your essay will take on a much more mature sound.

"..." or elipses are not used unless you are breaking down quotes, get them out of there! Here's an example of how to use elipses

original quote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
quote with elipses, "It was the best of times..." and then all hell broke loose. <---see how the quote now supports your original thought?

As funny as inside jokes are, remember that only insiders understand them! If your teacher doesn't have a sense of humor or doesn't get your joke, then guess what happens to your grade? It's a bad scenario.

Lastly, you have a load of comma splices(separate sentances joined by commas) and a bundle of sentances that don't make sense period end of subject (the very last sentance is an example).

I do think you're having a lot of fun with this, but if you expect a decent grade you need to take more time with your writing. I hope you have found this helpful ^_^

Less than 600 word Essay (short!)

Brittli — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 00:47:02 GMT

Ok, this is just a short essay that I had to do for English, a couple things are kind of inside jokes so if you don't get it, trust me it's ok. If you could correct it to the best of your ability that would be great!

Survivor Has Nothing on This

    Just when you thought the animals were safe... we stick Mrs. Sackett on a deserted island. No, the essay prompt said nothing about this, but through innovative thinking only one conclusion can be drawn - she must be placed on a deserted island. One would also conclude to save mankind gifts of peace should be in order. Well... youâre right! I would ship over a Vera Wang dress, a tape recorder, and Dr. Scholl's Gel Insoles. So let us began with our rational, though slightly biased reasoning.
    If you have ever looked at the cover of Vogue you have seen various stars modeling the latest fashions. For example, Natalie Portman modeling on a deserted island. Well, we have the scenic view, why not throw in a dress? The gift of such an expensive dress could subside the anger until a later date when all inhabitants of mankind are at least 10,000 miles away. Also, it is not just any expensive dress! Vera Wang has designed dresses for Jennifer Lopez, Uma Thurman, Mariah Carey, and many more high-profile clients, Mrs. Sackett would be no exception. When that is not enough, only another gift will suffice.
    For safety reasons another gift should be shipped as soon as the first wears out. The tape recorder would have to be the next sent. It is not as much to her benefit but to othersâ entertainment. Though it stands to make her a substantial amount of money, realization might not hit as she mutters random threats into it.    Scientists will pay momentous amounts of money to get their hands on her tapes, it will be the first time such an isolation has been documented. Magazines around the globe will be offering up large sums of money just for the transcripts. After a while she will find the tape recorder unamusing, and useless and will be about to toss it when another gift is sent.
    This gift will be sent overnight by UPS, because the FedEx guys are much to important to spare. As she savagely rips away the wrapping her eyes will meet the telltale electric blue which could only belong to Dr. Schollâs Massaging Gel Insoles. This gift she will want to chuck immediately but after trying them will decide they are much too comfy. In effect the tape recorder will be saved and various remakes of the Dr. Schollâs Massaging Gel Insoles commercials will be documented. After three more long days on the island with only the company of Jack - a friendly native coconut, Mrs. Sackett will have extended her vocabulary to 30 words that rhyme with gellinâ.
    George Washington will look like a fad, and Lincoln like a phony. Books such as To Kill a Mocking Bird and Lord of the Flies will be books of the past, schools will require their students to read autobiographies of Mrs. Sackett. Her desk, and year old gum will be auctioned off on Ebay and their profits will go to MAET - Mothers Against Eyeliner and Thongs. Let me remind you what made this powerful, and moving piece of history; a Vera Wang dress, a tape recorder, and Dr. Schollâs Massaging Gel Insoles. So remember kids, stay in school, dropping your teacher on a deserted island is always an option.

Re: My first essay

Mister Micawber — Sun, 07 May 2006 07:26:15 GMT

Hello Stringer,

Your essay reads reasonably well, but it is-- as are most essays-- too wordy, redundant and convoluted. It should be much simpler, clearer and more direct. Let me whittle away at your first paragraph, for instance:

ORIGINAL:

A typical policeman, in most developed countries, would instill a sense of security in oneâs mind, exhibit honesty, confidence and last but not the least discipline. In contrast, an Indian policeman reminds one of the ubiquitous jokes in magazines, satellite channels etc ridiculing their unfitness, greasy hands, cowardice etc. That the police system is the backbone of the society and is very imperative for the smooth functioning of it is not a top secret. Unfortunately in India, we donât have enough virtuous politicians and office bearers to realize it and do the needful to rejuvenate the present weary police system

REVISED:

A policeman in most developed countries instills a sense of security, and exhibits honesty, self-confidence, and discipline. In contrast, an Indian policeman reminds one of the media jokes ridiculing their unfitness, cowardice and greasy hands. The police system is obviously the backbone of a society and is essential for its smooth functioning. Unfortunately, India has too few honest politicians and office holders to realize this and rejuvenate its worn-out police system.

My first essay

Stringer — Sat, 06 May 2006 10:47:08 GMT

This is my first essay. Your suggestions on how to improve it are most welcome.

Rejuvenating the Indian Police System

A typical policeman, in most developed countries, would instill a sense of security in oneâs mind, exhibit honesty, confidence and last but not the least discipline. In contrast, an Indian policeman reminds one of the ubiquitous jokes in magazines, satellite channels etc ridiculing their unfitness, greasy hands, cowardice etc. That the police system is the backbone of the society and is very imperative for the smooth functioning of it is not a top secret. Unfortunately in India, we donât have enough virtuous politicians and office bearers to realize it and do the needful to rejuvenate the present weary police system.

Attitude â the biggest problemâ¦.

Studies and research on attitude have confirmed that attitude contributes 85% to oneâs success irrespective of profile of job one is involved in. So, attitude should be the primary parameter based on which a trainee is selected, which will ensure that there is a basic will in a person to be a policeman rather than treating it as just a money spinner. Once this is identified, it has to be nurtured during the training, which plays an important role in sending out a trainee with a right attitude. The performance of the current policemen doesnât show the current training program in good light, which is all the more reason that it must be reviewed. One feels that the current training system is too insipid and purposeless and its only achievement is that it leaves a trainee sapped of all his/her energy at the end of the training program. This scenario can be changed by asking the army personnel to conduct the training that would concentrate on integrity, discipline, and high-level fitness and at the same time maintain the high energy levels of the trainee and also impart the importance of internal security of a nation which is equally important as the external security. This kind of training program is suggested because of its proven track record in keeping the morale of the soldiers high in spite of them having to work amidst adverse atmosphere (environment).

Post training

If a trainee comes out of his training program unscathed, then he must be ready to face the wicked politicians and venal higher police officials waiting in the wings to exploit. The politicians can be punished directly by the people during the elections. When in power these people can be monitored by the honest police officers. Where to get the honest police officers from is a million dollar question. The answer is they have to be encouraged and changed. Encouraged if one is basically honest and changed if he is not.

Encouraging a basically honest policeman is comparatively easier job since it involves only recognition of work done, rewarding the performance and nurture. Recognition of work and rewards can be in the form of promotion, periodical increments and performance-based increments other than a reasonable pay package. Changing an existing venal policeman into a honest one involves implementation of a blend of hostile and cordial measures. Cordial measures can be similar to the above one where as hostile measures can include punishing the family members of a policeman for their acquiescence to his misdeeds. Apart from this, the president of the local welfare associations can be appointed as unofficial watchdogs of the respective area police stations and their report on complaints solved by that police station can be taken as one of the factors that would decide the increments. The other factors that should decide the increments and promotions are fitness levels as it deteriorates drastically from the day of joining and overall performance of that particular station as this will ensure that each member will be the watchdog of the other in a police station. Each station can be provided with a small basic gymnasium, which will encourage the fitness conscious policemen. Policemen who are averse to fitness should be coerced to stay fit by conducting fitness test for every four months and unfit policemen should be sent back to training for certain hours a day and any policeman found unfit more than once must be declared as unqualified for increments and promotions for the next certain number of years depending on the present grade.

Apart from the pay package and other benefits, the infrastructure and the work atmosphere can be improved which will contribute substantially in making a police man more efficient and duty conscious. The present day rifles are more often than not heavier than the policeman himself and most of the police jeeps are 15-20 years old, which are the main culprits of air pollution. When a common man enters a police station, the atmosphere inside is intimidating rather than inviting. Skeleton walls, a huge obsolete fan and a broken table is a common scene in most of the police station, of course few stations in the city may be exceptions. These must be rapidly changed for the betterment of the policemen and in turn the society. The policemen also contribute in intimidating the layman through their arrogant and flagrant speech, body language and physical looks. In fact, the public relations should be a cardinal part of the training, which will assist in changing the intimidating atmosphere to a more cordial one pertinent to policemenâs behavior.

By these measures we can achieve a certain level of honesty and discipline in the police system which will automatically keep a vigil on politicians in power and there will be a dearth of dishonest policemen to connive with politicians unlike in the recent riots in Gujarat where active and dutiful police officers were transferred and replaced by those who can be of help to the mob to carry out the barbaric acts. So, our first job at hand in rejuvenating the police system is to identify few honest and sincere politicians and police officers who are receptive to above measures and will fine-tune and implement it. Whether can we find a few of those is anybodyâs guess.

please give comments on the essay.Its content, organization and grammar.

Anonymous — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 12:06:59 GMT

I still remember when my family gathered around after one fine dinner. All my sweats, come here and sit down.â I want to tell you about your sisterâs attituded when she was a child, â said my mother to us. I so excited to hear and just smiled when my mother when my mother started. She said about my stubborn, clumsy, careless, lazy, caring and funny.

âOk! Listen carefully my sweathearts. During your sister around five years ago her palm was injured. It was because she was impatient and became clumsy when lunch time. She took her dish by herself by using chair. When she jumped down, her cloth attached to the chair. Thus, her dish was broken and her hand was touched the chip of dish,ââ said mum emotionally. All of us were shocked. She told that, then I was sent to the nearest hospital and my palm was sewed up. I was put in childâs ward and stayed there for four days.

Other than that, my mum told that I never eat any medicine when I am sick. I still remember, one day, I was stubborned to eat the medicine. My parents tried and forced to me to eat that. But, I ran and hid beside the refrigerator. At that day, I am not lucky because my parents got me. All my family laughed at me. They asked me, How about my feeling when I eat it? I told them that I felt suffered. After that moment, I promised to myself to take care and be healthy always.

Another of moment, my mum told us, I always careless when I was walked. My head bumped at wall around 15 times. My leg collided furnitures and cause my nail broke. Besides that, when I rode bicycle, I had fell because I unrealized there was a hole infront of me. This cause my knee injured for the tenth times. My family sympathy at me. My mum also told I was lazy to read books. But I was the first person who will watch cartoons. My parents advised me to read educationâs book. I became lazy because I will fall a sleep when I read a book.

However, I also have a good attitude which is really care to my siblings. That was what my mother told. For example, when my young sister was sick, I helped my mother to take care of her. I also sang them before they sleep. Besides that, I would shared food and drink together. My mother also said that, I am a funny person. This is because if any of my siblings was cried, I did joke until they smile again. Moreover, when my the family gathering together, I will make the situation more exciting.

After we listened the story, all of us laughed together. I felt happy but shy too. My mom always advised us when ended each story. She said, âwe should be a patient person and calm down when do something. Futhermore, we have to improve ourself from time after time.â I will never forget her advises for my entire life.