Search results for 'tag:Jokes tag:Vocabulary' matching tags 'Jokes' and 'Vocabulary'

Re: MM's 10-letter word

Mister Micawber — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:34:26 GMT

.
pejoration -- No. What happened to pluperfect?
Is it ... an adjective? a noun? a verb? -- A noun

Would you say it's related to ... grammar? vocabulary? pronunciation?-- Pronunciation.

I'm not going to be very coy with this one, because I don't think it's in anyone's active vocabulary. I just happened to think of it because it's related to Spoonerisms... and I had to look it up to check the spelling. It is a phenomenon which produced this mouldy old joke:

A Latino named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got his ticket, it was in the nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, "Mama, they made a song in America just for me." -- "How does it go, hijo?" -- "It goes, 'Jose, can you see?'

Re: GUESS MY WORD

Grammar Geek — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:18:44 GMT

Anonymous wrote:
I know this has nothing to do with your puzzle, sorry, but how do I post something on the forum like how you and other do?

Go to whichever section applies (grammar, vocabulary, jokes, etc.) and click on "post" to start a new thread. Obviously, you know how to reply to a thread that already exists.

Re: I have Problems understanding English dvd movies

Kooyeen — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 18:26:37 GMT

Hi David,
2 x 3 = 6 movies in 2 days! LOL, that's a lot!
Anyway...

David Little wrote:
My problem is i could"nt understand the dialogues properly without the sub-title turned on.

...hmm, ok, let's try this. Try to answer this question.
When you don't understand, you turn the subtitles on. After you have read the subtitle, do you say something more similar to #1 or more similar to #2?
1) Oh, yeah, they really said that. I could have figured it out if I had listened more carefully.
2) Damn, this is difficult. I would have never guessed a single word. They talk too fast.

If you answered #1, your problem might be vocabulary and common expressions. You just need to get used to common expressions and learn vocabulary. This is my problem, for example. This takes time, an awful lot of time, but you'll notice you improve little by little.
If you answered #2, your problem might be pronunciation. You don't understand because you can't hear the words.

Note 1: there are movies that are difficult. There are movies (or animated cartoons) where I can understand 90% of what it's said, and movies where I hardly understand a single word. I'm not kidding! Many characters have regional accents too.
So, don't always watch movies. Try sitcoms or something else, until you find something that sounds easier to you.
Also, using headphones will help you hear the words better.
Note 2: you don't have to understand everything. Try to understand as much as possible, but don't worry if you don't understand a whole sentence or joke. I never use subtitles, because I find them distracting and I noticed they are often wrong, therefore they could be misleading. If I don't understand... who cares. I don't need to understand everything to follow the story and enjoy it. If I don't understand a joke... who cares. I always think "one day I'll understand almost everything, when I'm better at English". And believe me, I don't understand a lot of things.

Re: What does "pantsuit joke" mean?

Grammar Geek — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 04:18:22 GMT

This isn't vocabulary, it's just culture.

Hilary Clinton, when she makes public appearances, is generally not seen in jeans, nor regular pants, nor does she seem to appear in dresses or skirts. She doesn't wear suits with skirts. She wears suits with pants. This is called a pantsuit. She is so well known for wearing them that David Letterman, a comedian with a late-night talk show, has frequently made jokes about them.

Obviously the threat is not a real threat and there is no ill-will between them or she would not be making her seventh appearance on his show.

Quick help needed, this is important (grammar).

Jacekkr — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 00:00:32 GMT

Hello ladies and gentlemen,
I am completely new to this forum (as you may have already noticed), so please be understanding if I'm posting in the wrong category.

But first, let me introduce myself. My real name is Jacek (my English friends simply call me Jack, although that's quite misleading) and I come from Poland, I'm a 17 year-old high school student. My interests are generally computers (with an emphasis on web authoring), rock music, the English language and motoring... Well... I'm not good at speaking about myself, so if you have anymore questions about my person feel free to ask.

I'm writing this, because I'm taking part in a school contest in English and I need some help with grammar. You see, I've got quite a few sentences that I need to translate from Polish to English using the correct forms and tenses (and vocabulary, obviously). I know there might not be many Polish-speaking people around here, so I'll just post my translations and all that I am asking from you is to check whether they make sense from the grammatical point of view. This is really important, so I'd be incredibly grateful if someone could check and possibly correct these sentences as quick as it's possible (the contest's commencing on Monday).

Behold:

1. We certainly cannot accuse Fred of being shy. Look how he enjoys talking about himself in front of television cameras.

2. It has just been announced that everyone of those who has obtained less than 50 percent will have to take another exam. All of those, who will not be able to come to the US in Spring may apply for taking the exam in US embassies.

3. Since no more than half a bottle of syrup was left, Granddad must have been taking his treatment very seriously. I bought five bottles last Monday.

4. The new sytnthetic costs three times as much as cotton. But since it's here, no teenage girl will even look at old costumes. Well, the money which they spend isn't theirs, but their parent's.

5. The fact is that no female journalist from the newspaper, whom had thrown these accusations was not present at the dinner, during which the Collonel has been telling or, as he claims, he hasn't been telling those racist jokes.

6. Having decided months ago in advance what will be the topics of main speeches and who will be making them after whom, the organisers were unwilling to make any changes last-minute changes.

7. Listen to this! Doesn't this change in Simon's voice suggest, that he might have realized at that moment, that the conversation is being recorded.

8. Because of safety regulations we had to send two drivers instead of one. After a few hundred kilometers it turned out, that although they both have been driving buses for many years, none of them was used to driving in such heavy traffic.

9. I doubt wheter they have a clear idea themselves how many rehearsals there should be before the show is ready for television.

10. Before the conference I would never have thought that translating a lecture about the history of fashion can be so difficult. I am afraid that a few listeners could have had doubts about my knowledge of French.

11. Please do not expect owners not to get upset when they are told that since the beginning of the strike you haven't managed to make a list of negotiators and experts.

12. As far as buying cosmetics is concerned, Laura is sceptical about advertising. She thinks, that the least advertised products are usually much cheaper than those that can be seen on TV.

13. From our point of view the latest proposal seems to be acceptable under the condition, that we won't have to pay for the equipment, we will not be using in the future.

14. Let's not argue about specific questions to be asked both guests until we make sure that Father John won't have anything against appearing in the same show with a strip dancer.

15. The manager decided that the best way of convincing customers that the juice is not radioactive was having every hundreth bottle checked by an independent laboratory.

Thank you in advance.

Less than 600 word Essay (short!)

Brittli — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 00:47:02 GMT

Ok, this is just a short essay that I had to do for English, a couple things are kind of inside jokes so if you don't get it, trust me it's ok. If you could correct it to the best of your ability that would be great!

Survivor Has Nothing on This

    Just when you thought the animals were safe... we stick Mrs. Sackett on a deserted island. No, the essay prompt said nothing about this, but through innovative thinking only one conclusion can be drawn - she must be placed on a deserted island. One would also conclude to save mankind gifts of peace should be in order. Well... youâre right! I would ship over a Vera Wang dress, a tape recorder, and Dr. Scholl's Gel Insoles. So let us began with our rational, though slightly biased reasoning.
    If you have ever looked at the cover of Vogue you have seen various stars modeling the latest fashions. For example, Natalie Portman modeling on a deserted island. Well, we have the scenic view, why not throw in a dress? The gift of such an expensive dress could subside the anger until a later date when all inhabitants of mankind are at least 10,000 miles away. Also, it is not just any expensive dress! Vera Wang has designed dresses for Jennifer Lopez, Uma Thurman, Mariah Carey, and many more high-profile clients, Mrs. Sackett would be no exception. When that is not enough, only another gift will suffice.
    For safety reasons another gift should be shipped as soon as the first wears out. The tape recorder would have to be the next sent. It is not as much to her benefit but to othersâ entertainment. Though it stands to make her a substantial amount of money, realization might not hit as she mutters random threats into it.    Scientists will pay momentous amounts of money to get their hands on her tapes, it will be the first time such an isolation has been documented. Magazines around the globe will be offering up large sums of money just for the transcripts. After a while she will find the tape recorder unamusing, and useless and will be about to toss it when another gift is sent.
    This gift will be sent overnight by UPS, because the FedEx guys are much to important to spare. As she savagely rips away the wrapping her eyes will meet the telltale electric blue which could only belong to Dr. Schollâs Massaging Gel Insoles. This gift she will want to chuck immediately but after trying them will decide they are much too comfy. In effect the tape recorder will be saved and various remakes of the Dr. Schollâs Massaging Gel Insoles commercials will be documented. After three more long days on the island with only the company of Jack - a friendly native coconut, Mrs. Sackett will have extended her vocabulary to 30 words that rhyme with gellinâ.
    George Washington will look like a fad, and Lincoln like a phony. Books such as To Kill a Mocking Bird and Lord of the Flies will be books of the past, schools will require their students to read autobiographies of Mrs. Sackett. Her desk, and year old gum will be auctioned off on Ebay and their profits will go to MAET - Mothers Against Eyeliner and Thongs. Let me remind you what made this powerful, and moving piece of history; a Vera Wang dress, a tape recorder, and Dr. Schollâs Massaging Gel Insoles. So remember kids, stay in school, dropping your teacher on a deserted island is always an option.

Re: Received Pronunciation & Mid Atlantic English

Colombo — Tue, 16 May 2006 10:41:48 GMT

Tallulah Tam wrote:

I feel that Alan Jay Lerner was not so concerned about his own grammar when he wrote the song, he insults the intelligence of the audience by using the word "hung" incorrectly, especially when putting the words into the mouth of Professor Higgins who as I said, should, and most likely would, have known better. Also the rhyming is bad.

Henry, 'Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered.
By law she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.'

I would modestly suggest:-

Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable to utter.
By law she should be taken out to hang
For the cold-blooded murder of the English twang.

First of all, I like your version of the verse! But then, does "murdering the English twang" make one deserve being hanged? (I'm sure I'm slipping up with my grammar here!) Isn't twang one of the things that murders the English tongue? (I'm intending no pun or joke, it's only a vocabulary question.)

I've always taken for granted that Alan Jay Lerner, being an American, would take great care not only over making Higgins' speech irreproachable, but also over avoiding americanisms and anachronisms. As far as I know he's done the latter, but I'm amazed to find ungrammatical sentences from Higgins! Even if it's for the sake of rhyming, I think he should have tried to think of something better. After all, it's his job... But Tallulah, you say the rhyming is bad. Is it? I've just looked it up in the dictionary, and all the words seem to rhyme well (the exact words in the song are "gutters" and "utters").

Incidentally, all the rhyming words ("gutters", "utters", "hung" and "tongue") contain a vowel sound (that represented by an inverted v) that I think Scousers pronounce in a funny way. As an anecdote related to English accents, in the English examinations over here there always are several questions about phonetics (which, more than my cup of tea, are my cup of bitterness). Well, the only questions about vowel sounds I have some chance of getting right are those about this "inverted v" sound. All I have to do is to imagine how George Harrison or Ringo Starr would pronounce a word, and I know whether it contains that sound or not. Stupid little trick... But it works.

Tallulah Tam wrote:

Personally I DO think such a transformation is possible one only has to witness the transformations of Glynnis Paltrow and Madonna who now speak better English than the English. I am also personally acquainted with a Dutch Professor who speaks perfect English with Received Pronunciation and no trace of a foreign accent. Richard Burton is another example; when once asked how he managed to lose his Welsh accent he replied, "blood, sweat and tears". I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you remember The Jenkins brothers Clive and Roy? British politicians. To hear them speak you would not have believed they were reared in the same household. Clive had a very thick Welsh mining community accent but Roy who won a scholarship to Oxford cultivated a Received Pronunciation accent so far back it was almost ridiculous.

No, I had never heard of the Jenkins brothers (probably I'm too young, or maybe they're not so well known outside of England, I don't know). But, apart from the Dutch professor, I think all the persons you've mentioned have English as their mother tongue (people from Wales speak both English and Welsh, don't they?) So I wonder whether all they have to do is to get used to pronouncing certain sounds in the proper places. I mean, when I speak English my main difficulty is to try to produce sounds that are not in my own language and that I haven't got accustomed to hearing from an early age. I simply can't do it with most of them. But when Eliza Doolittle says, for example, that "the ryne in spine sties minely in the pline", although it's all wrong, I don't think she is uttering any sound that doesn't belong to "normal" English; only that she uses them where they don't belong. (Although, of course, I'm on dangerous ground here; I know very little about English accents and my ear isn't sharp, to say the least, so maybe Eliza's speech is full of non-standard sounds.)

Tallulah Tam wrote:

My handy encyclopedia is Macmillan's, and it only lists Sir Rex Harrison, (Reginald Carey Harrison) as a British actor, followed by his achievements. It does not mention his place of birth. But actors are usually exceptionally good at mimicry (although Robert Redford refused to learn a British accent for his part in "Out of Africa"). Sir John Mills for instance was never heard speaking in any other accent but what was considered to be a high class English accent, except if the part called for it, such as in "Ryan's Daughter, but someone once commented that his natural accent was quite a strong West Country accent. James Mason is yet another example who killed his Huddersfield accent to play upper class British gentlemen in his films. The first time I heard James Mason speak with a flat accent (in a film) I was quite shocked! As you say, it would have been "a bit shocking" to have heard Rex Harrison speak with a Liverpudlian accent.

Rex Harrison was born very near Liverpool (in a place called Huyton, I think), but what I don't know is what is considered the scouse area. I suppose that, even if it's not properly a Scouser, Rex Harrison's accent can't be very different from it... Now that you mention all those examples of actors' accents, I realize that watching all the films dubbed doesn't help to learn to speak English, does it? I think I have seen less than ten films in English in all my life. There are some cinemas that show films with subtitles (not in my town), but I loathe them. I'm not used to it, so when I go to one of these cinemas I cannot watch the film, I spend all my time reading the subtitles! "My Fair Lady" is one of the exceptions; I bought the DVD and now I almost know it by heart in English.

(Now starts the off-topic section. My apologies!)

As to the film "Pygmalion", I recorded it from the TV a couple of years ago, only to find that, with those nasty timetables, the film had started more than one hour too late, and I could only see the beginning. So I cannot compare it to "My Fair Lady". But I had already heard that it was much more faithful to Shaw's play than "My Fair Lady". Probably, "Pygmalion" expresses much better Eliza's pride, intelligence, idependence, etc. As Shaw said at the end of the play, "Galatea never does quite like Pygmalion: his relation to her is too godlike to be altogether agreeable" (I liked it, so I learned it by heart). However, Alan Jay Lerner preferred his own ending (which I have found purists and feminists equally abhor ). When he wrote "My Fair Lady" (the theatre play) he explained how Shaw had written a sequel in which Eliza ends up with Freddy and not with Higgins. Lerner also said "Shaw and Heaven forgive me!, I am not certain he is right" (once again, I liked it ). I suppose that's the schmaltzy in me, but I prefer "My Fair Lady"'s ending! As to the scenes that quotation mentions... "Stiff and affected"... It's a good excuse to watch it all again, although I suspect what my verdict will be (I'm slightly partial to "My Fair Lady", hadn't you realized it?)

Re: And what is your favourite language?

pieanne — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 14:27:48 GMT

And yet...

I would compare Belgian French with Canadian French. The grammar structures are the same as those used in French French, but the vocabulary, the idioms, and even the way we (Belgians) "manipulate" the language can be very different from the French French. I've been living in France for over 12 years, but at the beginning some things I would say would draw a blank with my French interlocutor, and vice-versa. I have a 10 year-old son, and we often joke about how I'm teaching him "Belgian", that is words that don't exist in French French, and describe things or actions for which French people have no word. I'm very proud of it!

Re: How To Teach Vocabulary

TeacherJoe — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 08:05:29 GMT

I have tried various methods to teach vocabulary - mnemonics (memory 'tricks'), word games (including quiz games), flash cards, etc. However, the most effective way was already hinted at in the post on 'graded readers'. The very best way to learn, and therefore teach, vocabulary is IN CONTEXT. When students see new words or expressions in context, there are two advantages: 1) students remember the words better 2) students see HOW the words are used.

When I teach, I use all kinds of stories. I use children's stories, news stories, jokes, (click to see the best jokes I have collected), magazine articles. Sometimes I introduce the difficult vocabulary first, sometimes I let students read quickly first to get the main idea. I always have many questions prepared before class. Some are relatively simple comprehension questions, some are discussion questions. Most of the questions encourage students to use the vocabulary when speaking, but I don't want to force them to use any words unnaturally.

Now, there is one advantage to teaching vocabulary out of context, from word lists or with games of any kind. Students see the words they are supposed to study and believe they must be making progress. At least, they feel that way in class. When they leave the class, they don't remember the words or don't use them correctly and so are misunderstood. By then, of course, they can't blame the teacher, they blame themselves! So teaching vocabulary 'out of context' is safer for the teacher. Teaching vocabulary 'in context' is more effective.

Anyway, this is what I have observed in teaching and in learning French, Spanish, Japanese and Chinese. Other opinions are welcome!

Teacher Joe

Teen metaphor :P

Tearsofjoy — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 16:31:54 GMT

Courtesy of www.jumbojoke.com

We've been told these are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Yeah, as if.

---

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 storeys, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy! comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Enjoy!

- Joy