http://www.englishforums.com/search/pro.htm?q=tag%3aJokesSearch results for 'tag:Jokes' matching tag 'Jokes'en-USXMOD (Build: 3614.32638)http://www.englishforums.com/English/ThisJustIn/lpnxb/post.htm#996460Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:32:11 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:996460cliveHi, Yes, this news item just arrived in our office. Today the phrase is a little joke, but years ago (eg the 1930s/40s ?) it was used seriously. Clivehttp://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lxxhb/post.htm#991688Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:52:06 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:991688mister micawberIt sounds as if his children do not want to be near him, so the co-worker wonders what is wrong with him.http://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lxxhb/post.htmWed, 18 Nov 2009 13:39:25 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:991679wowenglishI would like to know why the next passage ia a joke. At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a yearlong research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away?"http://www.englishforums.com/English/DoesSuperstitionVerbForm/lnwbr/post.htm#985043Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:49:30 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:985043califjimperhaps I'm missing a joke here. The winking icon was the signal that it was a joke! CJhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/DoesSuperstitionVerbForm/lnwbr/post.htm#985029Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:35:08 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:985029raenOr "superstite"? But "superstished" is not a real word, is it? Or perhaps I'm missing a joke here. Thanks for the suggestion, CJ, and the correction too.http://www.englishforums.com/English/SirWinstonChurchillJoke/lnrnj/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 18:33:12 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:982830hitchhikerA joke is a very serious thing.http://www.englishforums.com/English/LudwigJosefJohannWittgensteinSerious-Philosophical/lnrnw/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 18:33:11 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:982829hitchhikerA serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.http://www.englishforums.com/English/GilbertKeithChestertonTest/lnrnh/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 18:33:11 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:982828hitchhikerIt is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.http://www.englishforums.com/English/ThorntonNivenWilderComicSpiritGiven/lllvn/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:36 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976034hitchhikerThe comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape.http://www.englishforums.com/English/SidCaesarComedyBased/lllvm/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:35 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976033hitchhikerComedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.http://www.englishforums.com/English/PeterUstinovComedySimplyFunny/lllvl/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:35 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976032hitchhikerComedy is simply a funny way of being serious.http://www.englishforums.com/English/MontyPythonReadingBook/lllvk/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:34 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976031hitchhikerA reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20: Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy. And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ? Now did the Lord say, ?First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou...http://www.englishforums.com/English/MelBrooksTragedy/lllvj/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:34 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976030hitchhikerTragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.http://www.englishforums.com/English/JeanBruyereLifeTragedy/lllvw/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:31 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976029hitchhikerLife is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.http://www.englishforums.com/English/JamesAgeeUsedGreat/lllvh/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:30 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976028hitchhikerHe used this great, sad, motionless face to suggest various related things: a one-track mind near the track's end of pure insanity; mulish imperturbability under the wildest of circumstances; how dead a human being can get and still be alive ...http://www.englishforums.com/English/HoraceWalpoleLifeTragedy/lllvg/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:30 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976027hitchhikerLife is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.http://www.englishforums.com/English/CharlieChaplin/lllvz/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:29 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976026hitchhikerAll I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.http://www.englishforums.com/English/CarolBurnettComedyTragedyPlus/lllvv/post.htmMon, 16 Nov 2009 14:32:28 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:976025hitchhikerComedy is tragedy plus time.http://www.englishforums.com/English/ICantUnderstandStatement/lkpgx/post.htm#972334Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:22:52 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:972334cliveHi, It's just a joke. You do not have to keep your promise if you were drunk when you made it. Unless it involved money, in which case you friend will take your money. Clivehttp://www.englishforums.com/English/ToweringSunday/lkvkv/post.htm#969386Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:27:26 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:969386tinanam0102Hi Mister Micawber, Thank you for your help. I like to give the rest of the sentences to see if you could help me. "As dusk crept over England, it seemed as if the match would have to be suspended for darkness. A cruel, truncated joke of a Monday after this towering Sunday. But then, with thunderclap sunddenness, it was over. Nadal won and crumbled to the grass." > May I know what "a cruel, truncated joke of a Monday after this towering Sunday" implies? Thank you. Tinanamhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/ToweringSunday/lkvkv/post.htmThu, 12 Nov 2009 05:07:07 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:969191tinanam0102Dear teachers, Nadal-Federer final at Wmbledon last year. "As dusk crept oer England, it seemed as if the match would have to be suspended for darkness. A cruel, truncated joke of a Monday after this towering Sunday." 1. Could I know if "towering Sunday" in this content mean "the match stretched across an entire Sunday carrying forward into Monday."? 2. Could you help me make corrections on "The match stretched across an entire Sunday carrying forward into Monday."? I'd like to make sure this question I asked is gramatically correct. Thank you. Regards, Tinanamhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/AlignOneselfWithCauses/ljqzr/post.htm#968301Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:17:25 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:968301newguestThanks for the answer and for the jokehttp://www.englishforums.com/English/AlignOneselfWithCauses/ljqzr/post.htm#967804Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:37:17 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:967804delmobileI would interpret those two particular phrases to mean that men need to identify with something outside themselves, in addition to enjoying being a member of a group. The two often come together in one package. Here is an old joke for you: A man moves to a small town and opens a business, but he's not doing very well. He decides he needs to join one of the local organizations, so he heads down to the Masonic lodge and says he wants to join. They ask if he's a Catholic, and he says, "Yes, I am a Catholic." Sorry, they say, Catholics are not welcome in the Masons. So he goes further down the street and finds the Knights of Columbus building. When they ask if he's a Catholic, he thinks fast and says, "Uh, no!...http://www.englishforums.com/English/AJokeEverybodyLovesRaymond/ljdhb/post.htm#963946Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:45:29 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:963946califjimYou're supposed to conjure up an image of someone of his mother's age, weight, and stature attempting to get out of a hammock. Imagine the struggle, the hammock swaying to and fro, and possibly flipping over, unceremoniously depositing her on the floor. She would be lucky to accomplish the task without falling on the floor and breaking an arm of leg. I don't watch that sitcom. I, too, sometimes don't get the humor. CJhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/AJokeEverybodyLovesRaymond/ljdhb/post.htmSat, 07 Nov 2009 03:36:49 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:963935akdomIf you've seen the show, would you kindly explain my question? Here is a joke in the episode "The Christmas Picture". It's in a scene when Ray and Robert were thinking about gifts to their mother. And in here, Ray doesn't think mom would like Robert's gift﹕ RAY : Hammock? ROBERT: That's right, it's the perfect gift. RAY : Yeah? You really see Mom fighting her way out of a hammock? ROBERT: Shut up, she'll love it. It's like an outdoor couch.. The idiom fight one's way out/through means " struggle to get out of " So I don't see the logic in this joke. Please explain it to me. I want to laugh too .http://www.englishforums.com/English/RegPastTenseHad/lwlrn/post.htm#961319Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:33:16 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:961319mister micawber'Have' has far too many uses to examine on this thread. Here is one dictionary's list: HAVE –verb (used with object) 1. to possess; own; hold for use; contain: He has property. The work has an index. 2. to hold, possess, or accept in some relation, as of kindred or relative position: He wanted to marry her, but she wouldn't have him. 3. to get, receive, or take: to have a part in a play; to have news. 4. to experience, undergo, or endure, as joy or pain: Have a good time. He had a heart attack last year. 5. to hold in mind, sight, etc.: to have doubts. 6. to cause to, as by command or invitation: Have him chttp://www.englishforums.com/English/WhySimpsonsInfluence/lwwqp/post.htm#960761Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:18:13 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:960761chiliblossomA bad influence on whom and why? Children? This is not meant to be a kids show. I watch it mostly for the entertainment value, to be honest. I find myself laughing at little things- stuff that may not seem funny to others. This usually happens when I see a reflection of myself, my beliefs and/or experiences, an inside joke if you will. Einstein once said: " Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth". Over the years, The Simpsons has done precisely that - provided an intelligent critical analysis of virtually every aspect of society (North American society primarily) through parody and satire.http://www.englishforums.com/English/IsGrammaticallyCorrectMisuseWords/lhwnv/post.htm#957737Sat, 31 Oct 2009 03:21:42 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:957737khoffPeople might say "go haunted housing" as sort of a joke. When I go out to visit a bunch of garage sales, I sometimes call it "garage saling."http://www.englishforums.com/English/HaggisQuitsScientology/lgqhx/post.htmMon, 26 Oct 2009 00:16:07 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:952966mchttp://gawker.com/5389594/oscar+winner-paul-haggis-publicly-resigns-from- church-of-scientology-over-gay-rights When it rains, it pours on the Church of Scientology. First, spokescreature Tommy Davis publicly flamed out on his prime time interview. Now, Oscar-winning Crash director Paul Haggis' public resignation from Scientology has leaked. And it's incredibly damning to them. The entire letter to‹of all people‹creepy Church spokescreature Tommy Davis is below, but here are the highlights: Haggis has been asking the church to resign their support of Proposition 8. He registered his distaste for the church's stances on homosexuality via phone calls and letters. Davis told Haggis that "heads would roll" over this...http://www.englishforums.com/English/JestJests/lgmvb/post.htm#952855Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:34:12 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:952855avangi"Games" and "tricks" are sometimes used to describe serious endeavors. In my opinion, "jest" is always used to describe something which is intended as a joke - although the court jester usually spoke the truth more often than did the kings advisors. Only you can decide what you mean here. It sounds like your speaker is quite serious! << What I'm actually asking is can I refer to a variety of puns/tricks/games as a single jest ?>> No, I don't think so. I'd use the plural. But you might consider that the countable "jest" is used infrequently these days (in my opinion). The uncountable is more common: "He didn't realize that I was speaking in...http://www.englishforums.com/English/Sword/2/wvbzr/Post.htm#952705Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:03:59 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:952705kooyeenKooyeen, I'm African American and being black has NOTHING to do with pronouncing the word "sword" nor does it have anything to do with Ebonics. That is an ignorant, stereotypical statement... It was just a guess, since CB said he heard it from a black singer. I have no idea how my guess could be "ignorant" or "stereotypical". Furthermore, the mispronounciation of many words often has more to do with the region one is raised as opposed to race (although culture definitely has an influence). For example, when I moved to Tennessee I noticed that many people truncated words and their accents altered the way they pronounced words. I don't think I said otherwise. In fact, I don't consider...http://www.englishforums.com/English/JestJests/lgmvb/post.htm#952537Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:19:49 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:952537grammar geekGives me the possibility of winning, something along those lines I'm sorry, but I still don't understand. Could you use more words to explain what the original thing is supposed to mean. Your jokes never give me a chance to have a come-back? I can tell you for sure that "chance" is not a transitive verb, and if it were, then it would be "me" not "I."http://www.englishforums.com/English/NoLaughingMatter/lzhbd/post.htm#947454Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:52:17 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:947454anonymouseg Fred: My uncle died yesterday. Jim: Ha-ha. Fred: It's no laughing matter. Hi Clive, Thank you very much for your helpful explanation. Does Jim think what Fred say is true but doesn't take it seriously or think what Fred say is just a joke and so doesn't take it seriously in your example above? Thanks.http://www.englishforums.com/English/7SentencesWordPhraseBetter/lzklb/post.htm#946500Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:35:13 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:946500avangiCould someone help me with this? 1 I restored factory setting so the computer is the same as when it came out of the store. This is okay, but "settings" is more common. 2 Every woman has occasion when she wants to look her best. Use the plural (occasions) here. You may be thinking of the infinitive use, "Every woman has occasion to regret her marriage." 3 She's very short in relation/in comparison to/compared to her husband. (I know compared is ok , which of the other two would use?) Neither, but they're both correct. 4 I got 70 % of its price/ I sold it for 70 percent of its price. (how would you say this?) I sold it for 70% of list price. 5 John is a much faster walker than I am, and would...http://www.englishforums.com/English/RandomJokes/2/wvbxp/Post.htm#946237Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:18:01 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:946237kooyeen2. I think there is not much to understand for this one. Just that we are reading a joke and the bartender asks if this is a joke. (Maybe I didn't get this either!) 5. I don't get this one either A blonde, a brunette, a red-head, a priest, a nun, an irishman and a talking pig walk into bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?!" Lots of popular jokes start with someone walking into a bar. Also, there are often some kinds of stereotypes in jokes: Irish people always drink too much, blond girls are not intelligent, lots of jokes are about animals, priests, rednecks, etc. So as soon as the bartender notices that those particular kinds of "stereotypical" people walked...http://www.englishforums.com/English/RandomJokes/2/wvbxp/Post.htm#945987Sun, 18 Oct 2009 12:14:36 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:945987danijelaHi Kooyeen, I really enjoyed your jokes, so when we can expect something new for a good laugh and at English in the same time? Best whishes, Danijelahttp://www.englishforums.com/English/WhatWouldYouDo/lzwwd/post.htm#945771Sun, 18 Oct 2009 07:01:41 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:945771remysunNow, if I've thought of it, you can be damned sure bet someone else has thought of it. Do I write a treatment, pitch it, go all out and try for quick-and-dirty, or do the best first-draft possible? All I know is that there are hundreds of Anne Frank/Balloonboy Kanye Interupt Tweets and nothing with my Michael Jackson punch line, even though that's not even very original either. But it's mine and I'm the only one telling it so far. What does that mean? I don't know. A screenplay is harder than a joke, but I still say trust your instinct. If you can get meetings, go for the pitch, go for the treatment, lock down the deal. If you can't, write it up and trust that you can write better than all the other people who...http://www.englishforums.com/English/Question/lzhwl/post.htmSat, 17 Oct 2009 22:06:49 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:945466pleasehelpI'm asking someone a question and he replies with a joke: I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was Kirk Douglas.. Shouldn't it be were instead of was since it's a conditional sentence?http://www.englishforums.com/English/NoLaughingMatter/lzhbd/post.htmSat, 17 Oct 2009 19:22:06 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:945339anonymousHi, Could you explain what 'it's no laughing matter' means? In what situation would you use the expression? If someone tells a joke and I don't think it's funny, can I say 'it's no laughing matter'? Thanks.http://www.englishforums.com/English/Grammar/lvqkc/post.htm#943507Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:20:45 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:943507coloraday-Whatever you do, don't GET them telling you jokes. Get + object +...ing means 'make somebody/something start ...ing'.http://www.englishforums.com/English/Grammar/lvqkc/post.htmThu, 15 Oct 2009 13:41:24 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:943179anonymousPlease, I'd like an explanation for when to use "have" or "get", for example: - If you don't leave immediately, I'll HAVE you arrested -Whatever you do, don't GET them telling you jokes. -I opened the door to find we HAD/HAD GOT mice nesting in the wig collection. (in this case, what's the difference between had and had got?) Thanks a lot - I'm taking CPE this year!!! Enzelhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/TheWordBrung/lvjgz/post.htm#941107Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:45:26 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:941107cliveHi, The word is 'brought'. 'Brung' is found in some uneducated speech. It's an error that is sufficiently egregious for educated people to say it occasionally as a little joke in their very casual speech. Best wishes, Clivehttp://www.englishforums.com/English/ThePrecisionConstruction/2/zjblx/Post.htm#936329Sat, 10 Oct 2009 07:57:52 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:936329califjimOrdinary language logic is not the same as mathematical logic. Consider the basic idea of equality. Jack was assigned to clean out the stables, but he was not the task. Note the measurement 'upward' from an assumed 'low' starting point of 'no ability to do the task'. And how 'equal' is synonymous, in some sense, to 'up'. There is no possibility whatsoever that this sentence could mean that Jack cleaned the stables even better than expected. Likewise, as strong as = equal to the strength of = up to the strength of; not as strong as = not equal to the strength of = not up to the strength of (where equal has its ordinary language meaning -- not its mathmatical meaning). All gradable...http://www.englishforums.com/English/RoastAndToast/ldzxd/post.htm#935405Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:10:42 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:935405philipMost nuts are also roasted before being eaten, and I have eaten corn on the cob that was roasted on an outdoor grill (delicious!). A "roast" can also be a playful celebration of a person, the life and work. The person is usually famous, at least in the area where the roast takes place. Different people take the stand and tell funny anecdotes or make jokes about the honoree before the audience, all of this usually taking place after a dinner (and possible fund-raiser for a charity of the honoree's choosing).http://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lclhp/post.htm#931911Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:24:09 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:931911kooyeenBecause her husband kept complaining, and insulted her all the time on their way back to the restaurant, like she was extremely stupid for forgetting something and having him turn the car around. -- While you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too. But that sentence implies her husband had actually forgotten something too (his hat), and he had probably just realized it, and that makes him just as stupid, if not more so.http://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lclhp/post.htmWed, 07 Oct 2009 11:46:07 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:931870wowenglishI would like to know why the next writing is a joke. While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too."http://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lcwmq/post.htm#931210Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:20:26 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:931210califjimThe sentence Sentence below is supposed to be a joke! It's only a joke if you know the original saying: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. = When things become difficult, people have to work their hardest to accomplish the goal. (Advice to encourage people to do their best to overcome hardships.) When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. = When things become difficult, people stop trying and take a break. (What people often really do instead.) CJhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lcwmq/post.htm#931114Tue, 06 Oct 2009 22:49:44 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:931114cliveHi, Sentence below is supposed to be a joke! But shouldn't it be the tough takes a coffee break? 'When the going gets tough, the tough (people) take a coffee break.' Clivehttp://www.englishforums.com/English/Joke/lcwmq/post.htmTue, 06 Oct 2009 22:31:13 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:931089pleasehelpSentence below is supposed to be a joke! But shouldn't it be the tough takes a coffee break? 'When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.'http://www.englishforums.com/English/Laughter/lcgxd/post.htm#930615Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:36:56 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:930615cool breezeThe sentence is correct. You could also say: When/On/After hearing my joke, my uncle let out a peal of laughter. There are subtle differences in meaning. After implies the most clearly that your uncle first heard the joke and laughed afterwards. In the original sentence your uncle may have begun laughing while listening to the joke. CB