Search results for 'tag:Learn English tag:Jokes' matching tags 'Learn English' and 'Jokes'

Re: the best way to learn english?

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 13:59:48 GMT

The best way to learn English is to read a lot of topics through your favourite topics. That is learn through your passionate topics. I came across a product called learn English through Love & Romance. If you like love related sweet readings go for it. It has more that 4000 pronunication sessions! I heard the same publisher has many other products like Englsih through Success Secrets, Movies, Jokes etc. Wonderful!

hi everyone who want to teach english wito me me

Asitpetix — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 09:38:36 GMT

hello everyone.I want to improve my english.also I must learn english jokes:)my msn addy: [e-mail removed by mods, please add it to your profile]
thanks...see you...

Re: Me or I

Kooyeen — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 18:33:04 GMT

Grammar Geek wrote:
Kooyeen, you seem to enjoy learning the rules of grammar and then deciding which ones to break. I cringe when people I considered to be well educated and professional use this. I really encourage you not to. To me, you will sound like an uneducated, unprofessional rube. Why not go whole hog and start saying "I seen it" too?

LOL, so you considered me well educated and professional, then you cringed... and now I'm a rube. Sounds good!
Come on, GG, I think you know the way I'm learning English, don't you? I'm not learning the rules and then decide to break them, it's more like "I try to pay attention to the way natives use English and learn as much as possible, so that I can then decide for myself what to say." It is obvious that to do so I need lots of advice, and from lots of people too. It's only this way that I can get the big picture and finally understand English.
As for "I seen it", I've never asked about that because I've never heard it often, so I think I don't need to spend much time on that, at least for now. But that "Me and somebody else", yep, I keep on hearing it. I remember I also heard it in a podcast that was supposed to be useful to ESL learners. It was "Learn English with Bob and Rob", or something like that. One of the two was British, the other was American. They talked about many different topics. I just listened to one podcast, I wasn't much interested, but I managed to hear a "Me and ..." used as subject. Wow! They were not 8-year-olds for sure.
Anyway, I believe you when you say that I'll never catch you using "me" as subject. If I'm not mistaken, I remeber you once said that you were happy when a sign in a store was changed from "10 items or less" to "10 items or fewer", and you also said that other people didn't care much about that change. This probably means that you really pay attention to certain rules, so it is understandable that you cringe when "me" is the subject. But what I'm saying is that if I hear something or I notice a certain feature in your language, I can't disregard it, as a learner of English as a second language.

Hey Feathers, I asked about "us + subject" in this forum some time ago, the result was that I was told it was not ok. But the problem is that you'll keep hearing that. And this problem is a problem only because someone says there's a problem, you know what I mean? In other words, according to some people or some rules, you'll keep on hearing wrong English. So don't ever turn on the TV or the radio to learn English, because it's wrong English after all! So just keep on reading grammar books... (NB: the last two sentences were said as a joke, you can and you actually should turn on your radio and TV)

I guess it's all.
Sorry to be so anti-prescriptive, sometimes I feel like I'm kind of subversive.

Re: a few jokes...

Fleder_m@u_S — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 07:34:39 GMT

Cristoval wrote:
this is my first topic, ~~iÂ´m starting~~ I have started to learn english, so be nice with me please anyway ~~this~~ these are translations from another language
**********
a lady asked to the shoes seller.
~~did~~ Do you have crocodile shoes?
and the seller answered:
that's depend lady, what number ~~wear~~ does your crocodile wear?
**********
why the angels laugh so much?
because of the grace of god
**********
GUY: Doctor, doctor, i have a metal testicle and other of wood
DR: did you have sons?
GUY: Yes, Robocop and pinocchio

Hi Cristoval
Wellcome to the Englishforums
Thank you for the jokes, I hope my correction is useful for you somewhat...
If there is any mistake, somebody please correct them again.

a few jokes...

Cristoval — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:52:30 GMT

this is my first topic, iÂ´m starting to learn english, so be nice with me please anyway this are translations from another language
**********
a lady ask to the shoes seller.
did you have crocodile shoes?
and the seller answer:
that's depend lady, what number wear your crocodile
**********
why the angels laugh so much?
because the grace of god
**********
GUY: Doctor, doctor, i have a metal testicle and other of wood
DR: did you have sons?
GUY: Yes, Robocop and pinocchio

:-D

Re: What is English for You?

Destroy — Sun, 28 Jan 2007 22:17:32 GMT

it is a very beautiful language...maybe it is "trivial" at the moment, now, it isn't a lost or unknown language!...but in my country a lot of people can't know it.. maybe here it isn't a true reason (if you not go away for work or passion) to learn english..there isn't this culture of learn foreign lenguages...we are attacked at our origin , at our origin's language..(latin for example)

so, for me, it is an alternative passion, my friends aren't speak english..(ok, at school, but at school english is a joke!)

Re: :::::: HOW TO SPEAK AND LEARN EGNLISH ::::

Exclusive — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 04:40:42 GMT

How To Learn English ?

PART 2

Learning a language is mainly based upon self-struggle. Maybe the only thing to be done by the teachers on this subject is to advise a method. Because, in a sense, language cannot be taught but learned. So, itâs suitable that the students are shown ways to increase their capabilities and advised methods that give path to discoveries, instead of being obliged to memorize piles of information.

In language learning process, a target should be made clear at first. What can be expected from a student who cannot answer the question âWhy are you learning this language?â. This point should not be forgotten: Language itself is used to reach some certain aims, to make some certain plans real in the real world. Therefore, one should have a target while s/he study a language.

Under the light of these facts, what must your target be? The decision seems to depend on you.
Success in learning a foreign language is closely related to the studentâs knowledge of his/her native language (But, unfortunately, because of the variety of materials in ELT, English is taught in better ways than the native language). A student adds the information s/he knows about his/her native language to the language s/heâs learning at present. Sometimes just the opposite is also possible. A foreign language can make understanding of the native language easy. The student realizes that his/her native language is another language among the others and becomes much more aware about the activities s/he carries out about his/her native language. As Goethe says âOne cannot know his/her native language if s/he does not know his/her native language.â

Repetitions and using the language are vital in language learning. Itâs very easy to learn something if you really need it. Therefore, âmotivation,â which has a main role in learning, should not be ignored.
A language seems to be a pile of infinite rules, but you do not have to know all of them. Once you learn the basic rules, you start to analyze and realize the other rules with ease. The important thing is to understand where these rules are applied, not to memorize them, anyway. Using a language sufficiently is more important than knowing a lot about it.

Learning a language requires talent as well as knowledge; and talent is gained only through practice. You may know how to drive a car, but you have to have much practice to be a good driver.
Practicing with simple examples is not a good idea. Everybody should try to use the language in complexity to gain the ability to think and express him/herself fast.

Memory
Repititio est mater studiorum. (Repetition is the basis of learning.)
The things you remember are the ones to which you pay attention to. Itâs vital to repeat in order not to forget. The secret in not being able to forget the things of great importance to us is repeating them.
The more you know about something, the easier it is to remember it. The more you know about somebody you have met recently (i.e., his/her country, fatherâs name, occupation, school, etc.), the easier it is to remember his/her name, for instance. Addressing him with his name several times, establishing connections between his attributes and the others you have known already makes remembering his name easy. Because, if newly learned information is based upon the old ones, they will not be forgotten with ease.
To learn a new word is similar to meeting a new person. To have information about this new word in detail (itâs written form, pronunciation, word type, base, affixes, etc.), using it orally and in written form several times, establishing links between our past and present knowledge can make remembering easy. This fact must always be on your mind: To remember something, you must recall a clue about that invoke your feelings.
Systematic information may easily be acquired. The opportunity to make a comparison among the arranged sections gives strength to the message and meaning of the text. Only the meaningful things can be remembered.
Another obstacle waiting for the students is to digest the unfamiliar information getting familiar with them in time. Itâs the teacherâs duty to arrange this unfamiliar information and present it to the students.
â¢    Knowledge about language can be divided into three main groups:
1. Knowledge of Vocabulary
Words in target language may be divided into two:
a. Words we recognize: They are the ones we understand passively as if we work out their codes while reading or listening.
b. Words we use: They are the ones we produce actively as if we write a code for them.
(A warning: Communication mustnât be understood that simple. The network of concepts in the brain is in a very complex relationship.)
In understanding process, we follow a way that is from sounds and images to meanings. In oral or written forms, this way is from meanings to sounds and images. Perception is based upon analysis, recall and memorization. Usage is related to synthesis and reproduction. In language learning, perception must precede using the language. If the studies are directed to writing in the target language, learning should take place from a word in the source language to its equivalent in the target language; if directed to reading, this should happen from a word in the target language to its equivalent in the source language.
Researches about memory have shown that words are memorized by connotations. There is also a close relationship between recognizing a word in different texts and using it sufficiently. Therefore, to comprehend the word, it should be put in the middle of a firm network of connotations knitted by preliminary knowledge.
Words in our memory are in a relationship with each other not only in the viewpoint of sound, part of speech and meaning but also in the viewpoint of âshapeâ. We link the words alike in our memory. This link also exists among the words in a text. Coherence, that is the relationship between the concepts, reinforces the connection of meaning. For that reason, reading on a specific subject systematically, that is to say directed to a specific aim, increases the knowledge of vocabulary.
Fries, a linguist, divides knowledge of vocabulary into four:
1. Fundamental words necessary for recognition the structure of the language.
2. Words necessary for forming new words.
3. Words necessary for recognition while reading or listening.
4. Words necessary for special.
Essential points that must be focused on in choosing words for memorizing can be summarized as:
1. Frequency
2. Extensivity
3. Usability
4. Suitability for learning
Continuous listening and reading are the best ways to increase the knowledge of vocabulary. In more contexts you meet a new word the more it is easy to digest it. However, it is possible to make use of some methods before proceeding into this condense reading phase.
You can find the most appropriate method for you trying the ones about memorizing words below:
a. Try to use the newly learned word not only in one sentence but also in a context formed by several sentences. You may use some new words together and even write a short story with them. So, the number of links in your ânetwork of connotationsâ will be increased. This network of connotations is very important in improving the talent of communication.
People think with the help of frames of concepts. For instance, there is a mental frame of Lincoln in an Americanâs mind, and inside the frame are full of information piles. As an example, pronoun âheâ is used when heâs mentioned for that heâs male, he was the sixteenth president, he was assassinated and killed, etc. These piles of information differ accordingly with experiences. The frames in a new studentâs mind are not full at the beginning. Then, as the experiences increase, the frames get filled. These frames are not in an order as one after the other, but they are in a complex network. This complex network, formed by the frames of concepts in relationships, plays a great role in comprehending the multi-directional and delicate meanings in texts.
b. Record the words and their meanings on a cassette and listen to them.
c. Write the difficult words in another color so that it draws your attention.
d. One of the biggest problems of vocabulary is memorizing the abstract words. Therefore, start with the concrete ones.
e. Make use of the words borrowed from the target language. (e.g. system, method, information etc.). But be careful with the change of meaning on some words.
f. Try to remember the words with the resemblance of the sounds with your native language.
g. Memorize the words dividing them into classes. (e. g. colors, fruits, vegetables, etc.)
h. The connotations increase if you memorize the words that are similar in written forms together. (e.g. stationary - stationery)
i. You can use some mnemonics while memorizing words. E.g. in the above-mentioned example, âstationaryâ is an adjective. The only difference between the two words is on the last third letter. The one with this last third letter âaâ is the adjective. (That is âstationaryâ)
j. Words starting with the same letters (or sounds) can be memorized together (e.g. when, which, who, where, what, etc.)
k. Remembering becomes easy if a relationship is established between the word and its physical attributes such as color, sound, smell, etc. (E.g. fruits)
l. Some other relationships such as the words and their functions are also useful. (E.g. furniture that is used for sitting, sleeping, etc.)
m. Memorizing the words with their pronunciation makes remembering easy.
n. Words with the same roots can be memorized together. (E.g. white, whiten, whitish)
o. Connections between the words and the texts can be established.
p. Practicing on texts with some words excluded, guessing the words not written or written partly are also good study for learning the words in context.
The elements causing connotations between words can be ordered as:
a. Synonyms (e.g. flower = blossom)
b. Antonyms (e.g. wet X dry)
c. Classifying as sub-groups (plant > rose)
d. Classifying as upper-groups (spinach < vegetable)
Or: Some other links may be organized between a word against two words.
giving X receiving    = taking
old X new     = young
good X bad    = poor
Elements helpful for guessing the meanings from the context are:
a. Title: Calls up the words related to the subject since it determines the subject
b. Repetition: It is easy to guess the meaning of the word that is repeated in different sentences.
c. Logical correlation: To guess the meaning of a word you can look for logical correlations such as the cause and result relations of the word with the other words.
d. Definitions
e. Examples
f. Similarities
g. Synonym and antonyms
h. Summary: The summary of a text may have clues about meanings of words since itâs a repetition in a sense.
2. Pronunciation
a. Repeat a word carefully after hearing it.
b. Record your own voice on a cassette and compare it with a native speaker.
c. Try to say a sound first on its own, then in words or even in tongue twisters.
d. Make a list of âdifficultâ words for you and study them more carefully.
e. Choose a dictionary and try to get familiar with its transcription system.
3. Grammar
a. Decide on which areas are you successful at, such as changing the tenses of sentences, filling in the blanks, translations, answering the questions, writing a composition etc.
b. Use the tenses not in different sentences but in the same one.
c. Make sure if you are good at oral or written exercises.
d. Decide if an exercise is more useful with rules given beforehand or after.
e. You can notice the exceptions if you put every new grammar rule into an empty grammar table in an orderly fashion. Do not forget to add extra information for unclear points while repeating.
Basic Skills
1. Listening
One learns to understand and speak the target language imitating and listening to a native speaker. Listening to the target language not only improves your reasoning but also helps your pronunciation and speaking.
Choose the listening material according to your aim. If you have started recently you may improve your memory by listening to the cassettes of a text and your pronunciation by repeating what you listen to. Further on, you may increase your perception, grammar and vocabulary by listening to cassettes of conferences, stories and interviews.
The obstacles while listening to something in the target language are:
a. Not being able to remember the long texts
b. Fast speaking of native speakers
c. Unknown vocabulary
The biggest mistake of a student while listening is that s/he tries to understand each and every word. On the other hand, as it is the same in our own language, we usually understand someone not according to what s/he says but according to his/her intention. (Thatâs why we listen to him/her as nothing happened when s/he says something wrong not on purpose). Once we understand his/her intention we do not pay much attention to every word s/he says. Hence, we hear what we hope to hear in a sense. Because, we face with familiar structures and expressions continuously. (Even the ones we are surprised at are within a limit of familiarity, but when this limit is exceeded we react. For instance, we laugh when we hear a child talking like an adult, or an adult talking like a child.) Perception requires choosing the âimportantâ; but if we try to concentrate on every word we hear we cannot talk about perception because of the weight-load of the mind. We need time to get used not to pay attention to the extra information.
A successful communication depends on understanding the person you are speaking to by reasoning with the help of his/her sayings. Besides, talent of communication improves not only with being expertized in language but also with the increase of experiences in society. It is hard to keep the sentences in mind in a foreign language. So, it is suitable to classify them briefly in order to remember them.
Repeating what you listen both reinforces the memory and helps you comprehend the logic of that language listening to something to talk about it later helps you concentrate on that subject. Gestures and mimes also make understanding easy. Body movements, facial expressions, instant changes in breathing, stress and duration of pauses are âbeyond languageâ clues of that kind.
2. Speaking
Speaking about a subject requires some conditions.
a. Meaning
b. A correct grammar
c. Correct pronunciation
d. Suitable words
Mistakes in speaking tend to increase since you have to express yourself faster than in writing. Other conditions are not usually so distinct because meaning is important. Few mistakes of the speaker are accepted because examining each sentence of his/her is too hard for the one s/he is speaking to. The important thing is to notice the repeated mistakes. There is a âtolerance of mistakesâ in each language. Knowing the limit of this assures you speak in a more comfortable way.
Social English (How do you do, see you around, etc.) is also necessary for a fluent and sufficient speaking.
Memory plays a great role in dialogs. Responding the one you are speaking to depends on using the memory adequately. Answering a question of someone relies on comprehending the intention of him/her and guessing his/her allusions.
The importance of knowledge of vocabulary is unquestionable in fluent speaking. But, it is wiser to reach the level of talking about what you mean briefly instead of trying to memorize every word you meet. Because language is for communication. A parrot repeats words but it cannot speak.
3. Reading
Do not look up each word you meet in a text, so be careful while choosing the texts you will read. Look up the words you do not understand after reading the text several times. Do not lose time with the ones you are able to guess. Increase the number of pages and the level of texts as days pass. Choose texts on your favorite subjects. Do not forget to study the magazines and newspapers as well as books. Pictured materials are more comprehensive with the clues they contain. âWho,â âwhere,â âhow,â questions are very useful to perceive the flow of the events and the gist of the text. If you do not understand some words do not give up. Go on reading. Some ambiguity prevails in our native language as well, but we do not give up reading hoping the text will be clearer after a while. This is the same for a foreign language.
Dialogs are easy to remember since they contain real communication among people and are social units. Therefore, they are more important than written texts; and the best way is to stay in the country in which the target language is spoken.

4. Writing
Writing helps us make established to expressions we learn In the target language more lively and remember them. Keeping a diary, writing a short story, summarizing the daily news can contribute to us in acquiring a writing habit. Writing about your ideas of a book you have read, extracting some passages, taking notes on some aphorisms may be beneficial.
5. Translation.
Though it seems as an outdated method, translation is a helpful element that helps students improve their basic skills (reading, writing, listening, speaking). Especially, students can acquire conscience about language through the knowledge of Text-linguistics which studies the elements of a text. Besides, students will have a general information about the subjects they translate. While making a literal translation a method mentioned below may be used. First you read the text several times. You can talk about the ambiguous points in consultation with others. The unknown words are looked up in a dictionary. Then, with the help of a Thesaurus you find these words in the target language that draws the border of the semantic field of the one in the source language. After learning this frame of concept of the word you can find the exact word in an English to English dictionary (if you are making a translation into English). Using a dictionary that gives details about the conceptual fields of a word and its usage is very helpful. (e.g. Collins Cobuild Dictionary.) You choose the best word with the aid of your intuition. Then, you may check which verbs, objects, adverbs, etc. to use with the word in a dictionary such as BBI Combinatory dictionary of English.
Translating on technical fields is also attractive for students; and in that way they can memorize the terminology of a specific field.
Practice is essential
Language should not be a pile of rules but a skill. The points mentioned below may be some of the exercises in the target language.
a. Grammar exercises
Students generally accept a rule as it is and do not try to use it in a different way. The rules should be used as flexible as possible.
b. Vocabulary exercises
When you hear a word try to use it with different objects (E.g. to finish, to finish a school, to finish a work, etc.)
c. Exercises on suffixes, affixes and prefixes
If you know the suffixes, affixes and prefixes in forming words you may memorize words very easily (E.g. reader, rider, teacher, etc.)
d. Speaking exercises
The easiest way to practice is to make repetitions silently, because there is no need for a specific place, time and book. For instance, you can try to say the names of things around, or translate the dialogs during shopping, etc.
e. You can make use of word games, puzzles, etc.
Conclusion
The ability of understanding and using a language is improved not only by learning the meanings of words but also with social experiences, different relations initiated with several people and with continuous studying. As your ability is improved you start to think in the target language. Meanwhile, understanding the jokes and dreaming in the target language are proofs of your progress.
While learning a foreign language a successful student does not claim that he does not know anything about that language. On the contrary, s/he tries to save time finding the similarities and differences between the two languages in the fields of vocabulary, pronunciation and grammar. With constant practice he tries to acquire a firm thinking and an effective communication ability.
Do not forget:
âPractIce makes perfectâ

Re: adding further problems to my previous post

Phuongninhbao — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 13:23:22 GMT

Your questions are very intelligent. Why don't you learn sll thing that your teacher has taught you? It seems you are very lazy like me. When I began to learn English, I never learnt vocabulary and after that I had anything to write. Punctuations are not a problem, you should imitate your mother tongue and that's it. Grammatical l mistakes are very difficult to improve. You should learn by heart some rules and their examples.I remember my teacher's joke: 'You should learn all thing I give you and you shouldn't forget them because you take an examination But I can forget them because I don't need to pass exam.' Once, she confused some gramartical notes. she told me like this.To be a teacher, I think she had reason.When I teach a grammar rule, I should prepare a lot of thing such as Formula, real situations, pictures, examples, questions for all kind of students and some guessing answers of students in order to correct them easily in class. Every month ,we should have a conference about the problem we have faced.So ,I have nothing to advise you besides learning, learning and learning. Mistake is OK. After that , you'll have experience and you can avoid itby making more exercises.

Phuong ninh

Re: Blonde Jokes( no offence to you blondes)

Edre — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 12:44:54 GMT

Hello friend

i .d know neow friend also learn english

so i hope we will hellping each other

good luck

EDRE

A silly guy from China! lol

Guest — Sun, 17 Oct 2004 06:39:52 GMT

hey you guys! i cannt imagine there is a site where it offers English online lessons to those none-English spoken users for free.wow that amazes me a lot ( because basically i learn English by reading English magazines and newspapers at my dorm,never thinking about websites like this forum which enables me to meet different people who has the same aim at improving English.this must be an interactive communication. well... yes i forgot to introduce myself. i was born and raised in a village of China where you can live with many cows that milks a lot of people andl lie in the blue sky enjoyablely breathing the fresh airs,sometimes you can hear the birds singing to you. six years were spent there with my grand parents.when i was six,my parents took me to a big city about 2 hours drive away from this village.the moment i moved into a new apartment,i began to realize that i would live in another different world.yes that's where i got educated from elementary school to High school.but every teachers at school hated me as a childish boy. lol i often played bad joke on them and even quit some lessons to feed animals in the zoos i can only see in the village where i used to live.now i have grown up to be a medical college student with great enquirey about the world expecting to travel abraod to see what it is happening out of China,it inspires me to learn more about the western countries culture and their lanuages. so i picked up English as a tool that makes me have acesss to fullfil my dream.i really appreciate learning it.but i know this is not enough.i still need a lot of works to do better.so anyone who is interesed in me.write some exciting and funny stories or experiences about you to me.i will remember to reply to you. my Email is henry_dengbin@hotmail.com....lol donnt hijacked me with a bomb,i would be scared. ok thank you for listening to me so long.