Search results for 'tag:Motivation letters tag:Commas' matching tags 'Motivation letters' and 'Commas'

Re: Please help with motivation letter

Triquediqual — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 14:58:48 GMT

Mimoi2 wrote:
Does anyone have any suggestions for this motivation letter? Anything would be really appreciated!

Name

Address1

Address2

Phone

Date

To Whom It May Concern: I would put a comma after the Concern rather than the semi-colon.

With this letter I would like to express my interest in a position in the Global Risk Talent Programme. I am a graduate of the University of Florida. I graduated with a Bachelorâs degree in Electrical engineering in 2002, and a Masterâs degree in Electrical engineering in 2004. After careful thought and consideration, I <Omit the Have>decided to undergo a career change. I am now in the process of becoming an associate actuary. I am originally from Suriname, which is in South America, and I speak fluent Dutch and English. You keep on saying " I am", I think you should vary between "I'm and I am", eg. I'm originally from Suriname.

What attracted me to engineering was the amount of mathematics involved. Math and numbers have always been my first passion. Recently I became more interested in using my math skills in other ways, in particular I have become interested in the Actuary sciences. I am a highly analytical person, and when it comes to problem solving I am as good, or better than anyone else. I <Omitted> started the process of becoming an associate actuary by studying for the first two exams (Probability and Financial Mathematics) and by starting the process of VEE credits by taking Economics, Accounting, Finance, and Probability classes while also employed full-time. My first actuary exam is in November and the second one is in December of this year. I am confident that I will pass both examinations on the first try. I believe that my education in electrical engineering has sharpened my analytical skills, and has challenged me to always give my all and perform well. I believe the design methodologies that I have mastered during my education will prove to be extremely useful in analyzing and managing risks. Again, you keep saying "I am", vary with " I'm". You also keep on saying "I.....<word> have" a lot and should be varied as you repeat yourself over and over here, and you like to use the word "that" in conjunction with "I am" as well a lot and it becomes repetitive and dull to read. Apart from this, you have the paragraph spot on I think.

What attracts me to the field of Risk analysis are the challenges involved. Challenge is what motivates me. The more complex the problem, the more motivated I am to solve it, and the more motivated I am, the more positive the outcome. During my education, it has always been the Mathematics courses and the Statistics Courses for which I received Aâs. Out of the six mathematics courses I took, I had 5 Aâs and 1 B+, while I had Aâs for both Statistics courses I took in college. I believe this will pay off in the risk management and analysis industry. My long-term goal is to become a Fellow of the Society of Actuaries, specializing in the financial industry, particularly in Insurance. I realize this will take a few years to achieve, but I'm willing to put more of my time and energy into it, because I've finally found something that I will truly enjoy. To me there is nothing more exciting than having to work on complex, analytical and mathematical problems as part of your career. I believe that being part of the Global Risk Talent Progamme at company1 will be a major factor in achieving my goals by giving me hands on experience and training in the field. I am particularly interested in the Finance industry because everything around us in this world revolves around Finances. Insurance particularly interests me, because that is societyâs most powerful answer for managing risk. The same problems exist here with I am, I have, I believe I whatever. Don't get me wrong it's not a major problem but if you look at the adjustment of "I've above, it comes off the tongue easier than having a lot of little scrambled words which makes the sentence sound better. Like I said, it's nothing to worry about. It's still grammatically correct.

Through living in the United States and growing up in Suriname, I have become fluent in English and Dutch. For these reasons I am entirely capable of integrating and working/studying in a multicultural environment such as company1. The University of Florida emphasizes team work, especially in a program like electrical engineering. Florida is also a very multi-cultural state and these experiences taught me to listen to people, to develop my leadership skills, and to take into consideration cultural differences.

You have already stated your fluent in English and Dutch.

Company1 represents the perfect environment for a young motivated woman who wishes to enter the finance sector. Company1 also embraces values to which I can relate and in which I can further enhance my skills. Company1's international position also represents an opportunity and an experience that I would like to be part of.
Nothing wrong here me thinks.

Overall, not a bad written letter, and you have made your point sufficiently. I think the problems I have listed should be taken with a grain of salt although I just didn't like reading the repetitive remarks constructed.

As for layout, it's superb. You have made sufficient conclusions and beginnings in the opening and concluding paragraphs and the in-between paragraphs have suitable points and finish the letter off brilliantly.

Hope that helps,

Triquediqual

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Lil' Ruby Rose — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 15:24:04 GMT

[Through the description of the sculpture program of your university I found out that the program bases on the knowledge of traditional art and opens itself for new ideas] I was struck by the description of the sculpture program at your university: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. I think this [is also reflected by the country Bulgaria through the] also reflects Bulgaria as a country, in the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the [alteration] changes the country has made and I think it is open [for] to new ideas. [For me it is in] To me, it seems there is a great forward movement to develop new aims [wrong word?] and that makes [it] [what do you mean - Bulgaria, or being in Bulgaria at this time of change?] attractive. My ideas are very different, ~~likewise~~ as are my projects. ~~Therefore~~ I often change my materials to find ~~out~~ the right one for each idea. [This multifarious aspects are] This multi-dimensional approach is also shown by my portfolio which I have [composed] put together to provide an insight into my [doing] [work? craft? working methods? creative process?]. I [should be glad] would be thrilled if you gave me the opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors as well as the chance for an [interchange] [wrong word] with Bulgarian people.

[I am enthused about] I am impressed by the descriptions of your program, and [since I am attracted from the topic of] as I am particularly interested in fine arts, I ~~have~~ found the following highly interesting: âsculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languages.â [it doesn't seem quite right to be quoting their own prospectus back at them - is this sentence necessary?] I would like to [visit] take / study these courses [no comma] because they will enrich my knowledge and help~~ing~~ me [put it to] apply it at a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not [only] least because of the course variety. I am eager to [meet] learn about such a distant culture and [take the best] make the most of the time I will spend there.

I hope you will consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Yours faithfully,

Motivation letter for a Master's degree: feedback highly appreciated

Eeva — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 20:08:56 GMT

Hello,
I was looking around on Internet for help on writing a motivation letter for applying to a Master's degree and found this very worthy site.
I would be really grateful if someone had time to take a look at mine. I do understand that I am the one to write the letter but I would appreciate comments from others as sometimes it is easy to lose track of what is important and relevant and what not when re-reading one's own writings.
Also, I do not have a feeling of commas in English so I tend to just leave them out. Maybe it would be possible to take a look at that.
Thank you very much in advance.

Regards,
Eeva
P.S. Do not hesitate to contact me if you have similar problems with Estonian, I'd be glad to help.

Dear Mrs. Hamilton,

I am writing to apply for the Master of Science programme in Econometrics at the Universiteit van Amsterdam.

I graduated from the University of Latvia with BSc in Economics in June 2006. During my studies I became interested in public sector economics and especially in statistical analysis of problems related to the field. In fact, I am planning to pursue a career in public policy research with an international research or regulatory organisation where the use of econometric methods is highly relevant. For this reason I want to develop my quantitative abilities further in an environment that supports intensive learning of a broad range of methods and applications of econometrics.

Already prior to my third-level education I had a strong interest in mathematics and enjoyed problem-solving and as a result attended various mathematicsâ contests throughout the secondary school. During my studies at the University of Latvia I developed a strong interest in the application of statistical methods in economics. The related courses at the university taught me the use of such statistical analysis tools as STATA and SPSS which later on were utilized in my bachelor thesis writing process. I further used the acquired analytical abilities while working for a research project for the Baltic International Centre for Economic Policy Studies. In fact, I am currently employed by FirmX where statistical tools are used daily to analyse market research problems.

There are several reasons why I think this course in the Universiteit van Amsterdam in particular is the best place to develop my quantitative skills. Firstly, this specific course has an interdisciplinary approach to teaching econometrics. This allows the development of a wide range of expertise guaranteeing broad-minded graduates who have all the prerequisites of becoming successful in a number of specific fields without losing a broader perspective. Secondly, the very good research reputation of the Faculty of Economics and Business of the Universiteit van Amsterdam corresponds to my desire to deal with economic research further and ensures the superior quality of the provided education. Last but not least, the international aspect of the university as well as the city of Amsterdam is very appealing. Not only does the multiplicity of backgrounds provide a variety of opinions which in study process is an asset in itself but it also constitutes a valuable experience in the light of a possible career in an international organisation.

I believe that my analytical abilities and interest in the application of mathematics and statistics in economics provide a solid base for the MSc programme in Econometrics at the Universiteit van Amsterdam and a policy researcher position later on. Please do not hesitate to contact me in case you have any questions. Thank you for your consideration. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Eeva Mmm

Re: Motivation letter to PhD program

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 14:57:32 GMT

Thank you for your comments.

I really get myself in trouble when deciding where to put commas because in portuguese we have different reasons to use them. And it also seem that i missed that preposition class...

I will review it and post it again, ok?

Daiane

Re: Motivation letter to PhD program

nona the brit — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 15:19:35 GMT

Problems highlighted for you in blue. Comments in yellow.

I am writing to apply for *** PhD. Program on Marketing field of concentration (this makes little sense to me - are you sure it is correct?) next September. I got a master degree at *** Business School from University *** , one of the most prestigious graduation programs on business in Brazil. I worked on a dissertation under the direction of Professor ***. Currently working at a business consulting group, I already had experience on teaching, tutoring and academic research. I believe that my teaching and tutoring experience combined with my course work and research background in consumer behavior using on-line ethnography technique make me a strong candidate for the your qualitative track in Marketing field.you are missing several commas in this last sentence. In fact, a large number of your later sentences are also lacking important commas, so check through carefully.

As my application form shows, I have had excellent opportunities to conduct a variety of research projects during my graduate studies, including multi-methods investigations. I have also worked as a teaching for undergraduate students, a position that involved instruction in advertising writing and the application of consumer behavior theories to advertising. Among the most satisfying experiences for me as a teacher has been instructing students on an individual basis as a tutor in their major papers. I believe this kind of one-on-one interaction to be essential to their development as researchers and professionals and to accomplish to teacherâs continuous learning process. I use to get enthusiastic with their research ideas and at the present I am still working on and reading about the subjects they approached on their major papers.

My interest at the consumer behavior at the internet and my preference for qualitative methods provided me with the subject for my dissertation research. The project, ***, examined the online communities to verify their role as reference groups at different stages of the decision processes. I used netnography, an adaptation of ethnographic technique to investigate online communities, combined to Computer-Mediated Discourse Analysis, which brought very interesting results. These results were published at an important Latin American periodic: *** Vol. VIII, n. 3, Sep â Dec. 2006. (http://www.***.br). A working paper I wrote on the subject was also published at *** (Volume 1)/15.

To further my career aspirations of becoming part of a university or business school faculty, and to work as an international business consultant, I want to obtain a PhD. Degree in Business Administration from an European school. Having this knowledge will allow me to better understand management principles and to combine practice with most advanced theories. Added to that, the international dimension provided by studying at *** the philosophy of interdisciplinary training will prepare me to deal with the most diverse situations in professional activities.

I believe no education is complete without experience. Armed with a solid understanding of academic principles, I can continue my career where I will add to with my experience. I believe obtaining a PhD. Degree will provide the necessary background for me to be to conduct teacher, researcher or consultant activities in the best way.

Please find included at the application form all the documents needed. I will be happy to send you any other information you would like to.

Hope to hear from you soon, very informal

Re: please help me to correct my motivation letter....URGENT

nona the brit — Sat, 14 Oct 2006 09:52:41 GMT

Looks good, just a few little grammatical changes and tidying up a few stray commas-

parameters in the Indian Ocean

I was appointed Junior Research Fellow

Module was modified to get a better representation

To achieve that I developed a new smoothing technique named the one pass desmoother in Terrain module of MM5 mesoscale model.

used successfully in any part of the world

In this project I am dealing with Mesoscale - if you are still on the project 'I deal with.... 'If you are not still on the project 'I dealt with...'

co-ordinate, is used to

or presented at Workshops

during this work, which resulted in papers

International is one word

I successfully completed

as I have always been an ambitious

something new, is always fascinating and

Another reason is the high reputation

expertise is

great experience

Motivation Letter Master Programme Deadline Soon

Marulka — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 18:15:52 GMT

Hi everyone!

I'm applying for a master programme at a german university and of course I have to write a motivation letter. The whole programme will be held in English. And because I'm not a native speaker I'd greatly appreciate your constructive criticism for the revision. The deadline is April, 25. I have some concrete questions:

When should I write a capital letter (Financial or financial?, University or university) ? And the commas?

Should I put a double space after a dot?

Should I print my name or should I write it by hand?

Thank you so much!

Marulka

Dear Ms. ***, dear Prof. Dr. ***,

I am writing to you to apply for the Master Programme International Business and Management in which I am particularly interested.

I have chosen the *** University for several reasons. Its bilingual Master Programme IBM is well known for the high-quality level of studies and the orientation to professional practice. My aim is to work in an international field related to Financial Management and Accounting. Therefore, I would like to gain a deeper theoretical knowledge in these fields in a multicultural context. In addition, I was very pleased to find out that the programme includes the opportunity not only to spend a study semester abroad, but also to receive a double-degree in Master in a partner university. Last but not least, there is a growing need for trained and experienced professionals in the financial sector in my country and this degree will prepare me to accomplish my long-term ambition.

In May 2006, I will complete my bachelor's degree in European Studies at the *** University. My major was focused on the politics and economics of the EU in European and international context and my minor on international economic relations. The degree programme has guided me through systematic researching, analytical thinking and information evaluation but most of all it has provided me with deeper insight into international economic and financial issues, implementing continuous learning.

During my studies I already have realized internships that helped me to enhance my theoretical knowledge with practical experiences. My traineeship as junior financial assistant in the Budget Committee at the *** University in ***, where I was as well studying, has given me a fantastic experience not only in the âworld of financesâ, but also helped me to improve my organization and communication skills and leadership presence, especially as I was chosen to carry out the ISO 9001:2000 Certification in my department. During my internship in the directorate of European Integration and International Relations to the Ministry of Transport and Communications in *** I accomplished different management projects in both departments working independently, as well as part of the team, learning to meet important deadlines.

I have been also volunteering two years as a tutor at the International Office for foreign students at the *** University, so I am able to adapt to a constantly changing work environment and to get acquainted with other cultures. My international experiences attest of my capacity of integration and adaptation and made me flexible and open-minded. Personally, I describe myself as a social, positive, considerate, someone who is responsible and ambitious. Of an exceptional motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic and professional activities to carry out my objectives. Further, with my good command of English and German, I will not have difficulty in studying subjects taught in those languages.

My dreams cannot be true without solid theoretical and practical experience in Financial Management. An opportunity to complete the masterâs degree in your university will augment my future career and provide me the knowledge, confidence and contacts to realize my dreams. That is the reason why, now I am very enthusiastic and eager to participate in your M.A. programme. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

HELP! I wish feedback on my motivation letter

Emilia — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 12:33:13 GMT

Hello all wonderful members!

I am lucky because I found this community by chance, it seems to be a great place!

I am writing a motivation letter for an organization offering a full-year scholarship at an U.S. top unversity. (The application also includes a resume a study plan and two letters of recomendation.) I would really appreciate if a native speaking person could read though my letter. I especially find it tricky with the prepositions and where to put the commas!

My outline for the letter is this:
1) Essential background, and short argumentaion
2) Why I am applying; my motivation, my study plan, how it connects to my studies
3) Why I, as a person, am the perfect represent for organization
4) Conclusion

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sirs and Madams;

Here I am; an open-minded Swedish-speaking young Finnish woman. I am studying for a masterâs degree in Mathematics with a specialization in teacherâs training at the Faculty of Mathematics & Natural Sciences at the University ***. I always wanted to incorporate an international experience into my degree; however, the moment has not been right until now. Receiving one of the scholarship offered by the YY Organization would make it possible for me to participate in the degree program called the âJoint Masterâs Degree in Mathematics and Educationâ at the University ZZ. Courses in this program would definitely provide my degree with an individual profundity and to have been studying at one of the top U.S. universities is a notable experience for the future.

I am now studying for the fifth year, I have a strong academic background and my plan is to have completed all courses in the main and minor subjects by the end of this academic year. During the academic year 2006-2007 my intention is to take some additional advanced courses and write my masterâs thesis. I am contented with my choice of study field. I have worked full time as a teacherâs substitute for one semester and it was a very positive experience. Topics on mathematics education and how a young person develops his or her mathematical thinking are engaging me. In five years I picture myself working professionally with these issues, it is very likely that I am doing research. At the University ZZ I intend to participate in courses from the âJoint Masterâs Degree in Mathematics and Educationâ program. There are special courses focusing exactly on this special area of mine and simultaneously this program will give me the chance to interact with other like-minded students in intercontinental environment. Since I also would participate in the program representing the good Finnish reputation in mathematics, I am convinced that I could contribute to broaden their international point of view as well.

I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore my personality shows a big sense of responsibility and consideration. I easy adapt myself to new situations and I only regard it as multi-faceted experience to study and live at a big campus. I have been volunteering one year as a tutor for exchange students coming to Finland so I am quite familiar with what one might come across abroad. I enjoy meeting new people and get acquainted with other cultures. I particularly hope to befriend native speaking people in order to improve my English skills in a natural way. As link in the chain, this would also facilitate the work on my masterâs thesis, since I opt to write it in English. I am an active person with a lot of energy and a big passion for nature and outdoor sports so the region of Madison with its magnificent nature is an ideal place.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Emilia

Re: motivation letter, please check it

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 13:39:16 GMT

(I forgot to log in again, sorry-- MM)

Thank you, Yohanna, but you didn't find all of the spelling mistakes.

Colon, not exclamation mark, after Madam
from August, not form August
Always two spaces after the period at the end of a sentence
the capital, not a capital
Faculty of Social Sciences and Economics
Delete this sentence: It is a very famous and acknowledged school in the country.
I am studying, not I learn
life are not life is
a member, not the member
it is very hard, not it is a very hard
comma after programs
the welcoming of first-year students, not celebrate of first-years-students
schools' websites, not schools website
delete this: all kinds of
which made me curious about, not that made me curious of
very curious, not so curious
education system (no hyphen)
very interested, not so intrested
come and study, not go and study
English
opportunity, not possibility
for my educational fee, not to my educational fee

Re: Can you please check my motivation letter? Thanks in advance..:)

Mister Micawber — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 07:34:01 GMT

To whom, not For whom
Colon, not comma after concern
for the patent, not for patent
spell out small numbers: three
in a good, not within good
to European, not at European
no hyphen: North American
no capitals: the construction site
gained in not gained into the
no comma after problems
don't use the ampersand in business letters
willingness not wiling
myself is one word
a key role, not key role
approaching, not getting closer to
commissioning not Commissioning
forward to not forward of
No comma after job
the engineering domain, not engineering domain
an electrical engineer, not electrical engineer
current not at current
the electrical engineering domain

Delete this: With the hope that you will consider my profile as applicable for patent examiner position, I wish you all the best

and add this: I hope that you will find my application of interest for your Patent Examiner position. Please advise me if you requir any further information.

Yours faithfully,