Search results for 'tag:Motivation letters tag:Negatives' matching tags 'Motivation letters' and 'Negatives'

Re: I need your suggestions-Motivation Letter for LLM Program

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 12:21:44 GMT

hello,

I found your discussion by Google - was seeking for a right advice on how to produce a successful motivation letter (statement of purpose) for postgraduate studies. I have applied a couple of times, but had been rejected and I know why - I have never submitted an appealing statement even though my academic record is fairly good.

So could you please help me? I just want you to assess adequitely the statement below I wrote for the same programme and tell me my chances,

thank you very much!

Dora

p.s. it's a bit lengthy and I didn't insert greetings, etc. is it a great minus?

MOTIVATION LETTER FOR EUROPEAN MASTERS IN LAW AND ECONOMICS COURSE BY D.J.

One of my utmost long-term goals is to pursue successful academic career as a prominent legal scholar. So far I have been interested in law and legal studies only, but after completing my Bachelorâs degree I understood that the area of law is by many means interrelated with other subjects as sociology, politics, international relations, health, culture and, more than all, with economics. Both spheres are mutually influential and, in a well-build system, usually develop in parallel, corresponding to changes of each other, reflecting new trends, new ideas and new modus operandi.

As long as both areas are linked they ought to react promptly to any minor changes in their associates. If not, negative consequences are inevitable. For example, the challenges or gaps in national law may, in some circumstances, jeopardize a logical growth of countryâs economic benefits. In the instance with absence of intellectual property rights protection in a country may restrict certain foreign investors from bringing their businesses into it. Thus the amendment of the existing legal framework of the country will remove barriers in the further progress of the market and subsequently, facilitate increase of the cost-of-living index of the nation and create healthy business environment.

Here is another situation. Assume a developing economy with low GDP results is entering a new stage of its history. Say, it is emerging into a new subject of international law â a confederation or union, or it is dissolving from the former one. At the transitional stage, the economy is apparently vulnerable, because it experiences colossal shock and most of the development cornerstones are challenged. In this period the most active and mercantile actors may realise the profitability of the circumstances and use the chaos for their malicious benefit. For instance, after collapse of former Soviet Union, most of former member states suffered a lot from so-called âfinancial pyramidsâ.

The key of pyramidsâ success was in the populationâs depressive state after the dissolution of the Super Power, disorientation in economic values and not readiness for changes. But the tragedy could have been avoided if not poor and ineffective implementation of legal protection from fraud and financial crimes, which led to increase of MMM pyramid in the mid 90s. The MMM company was a bright example of a financial institution created exclusively for money-collecting purposes. Although established in 1989 it was only June 1994 when President Eltcin issued a special decree prohibiting financial institutions from publicizing the expected income, the aspect, which is, in fact, a ground principle of commercial secrecy law, and thus predicted a soon end of the firm. Somehow during long 5 years the interested parties managed to lobby their interests in the governing stratum and impeded it from issuing any legal obstacles. Meanwhile the company involved at least two million people and collected as much as 1.5 billion USD. In its heyday the company earned about 20 billion rubles (about 11 million USD).[1]

The examples above illustrate how the economic factors can influrnce the creation of favorable legal framework and how the lawfulness and legality ideas may overcome the horror of extremely profitable but fraudulent and unlawful elementsâ economic activity. However, neither law nor business shall be admitted as a dictate. If the law is an absolute prevail, any temptation to act in a manner, different from that one described in normative rules, will be regarded as an offence, or even crime. This will lead to corruption, bureaucracy and, in most cases, excess of official powers and legal norms will never be amended or modernized. Whereas, the economic interest is a dominant, the situation will be far less different than that one occurred in early 90s in post-soviet space.

In order to avoid these disastrous instabilities and illogical situations, in my opinion, it is vital to learn how legal rules and economic factors interact, influence each other and find the optimal ways of parallel co-existence. Over the past decades modern legal scholars have developed a new area of law â âlaw an economicsâ, which is basically concerned with economic analyses of legal theory (Continental, mostly German, scholars see this concept in Staatswissenschaften approach to âlaw and economicsâ and the German Historical School of Economics; this view is represented in the Elgar Companion to Law and Economics (2nd ed. 2005) and partly in the European Journal of Law and Economics.)[2]

âLaw and economicsâ, or, simply saying, economic analysis of law, as a rule, is split into two main trends, positive and normative. The first one employs economic analysis to foresee the consequences of various legal rules. So, for example, a positive economic analysis of tort law would predict the effects of a strict liability rule as opposed to the effects of a negligence rule. While the latter, normative law and economics make policy recommendations based on the economic effects of various policies, thus going one step further than positive analysis of law.

Generally, economic analysis of law uses economic concepts to explain the effects of laws, to assess which legal rules are economically efficient, and to predict which legal rules will be promulgated.[3] It helps the economists to understand better the legal environment in which economic activities must be conducted and lawyers to be aware of the economic effects of current legal rules and the expected outcome under a different legal regime. Sometimes the consequences of law in real life markets may be different from what the lawmakers have in mind and generate adverse counterproductive effects. For this reason, I strongly believe that in-depth knowledge and skillfulness in the area of interaction between law and economy may improve any legal system. Taking this into account, I consider the offered course of European Master in Law and Economics a unique opportunity which allows students to explore extremely interesting and challenging subject of economic analysis of law.

I am definitely in need of prospective studies at European master in Law and Economics course because it will certainly enrich my knowledge and views on the law-economics relationship. In my view, I have all key qualifications necessary to satisfy the criteria imposed for applicants and personal features to comply successfully with an academic policy and study environment of this program. My academic and professional background allows me to consider myself an adequate candidate, eager to be enrolled in this course. In addition, I am confident that following the completion of the program I will be able to start my activity as a legal consultant for small and medium businesses in my home country, thus making an adequate contribution to economic and legal development of Uzbekistan. My future plans also include becoming a parliamentary representative for private sector and hence, I believe, I would be able to put my efforts to influence the law-making process for the benefit of private business and entrepreneurship and for the formation of lucrative Uzbek economic environment in general. Also, I hope that studying of the abovementioned course in famous European institutions such as the University of Rotterdam, Bologna University and others, which have a wide range of information resources and vivid library, will facilitate the development of my skills in conducting enhancive legal research, writing, delivery and presentation and interpersonal communication.

Mention (explain) fall in GPA or not?? (PhD motivation letter)

Andr359 — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 21:28:50 GMT

The GPA of the second year of my masterÂ´s degree is (noticeably) lower -although still fairly okay- than that of the first year. I have a "to whom it may correspond" letter from my Student Advisor of that time explaining the issue. Should I mention this fact in the motivation letter for PhD admissions or should I just ignore it? IÂ´m afraid that any negative comment, even if the explanation is well grounded, can hurt my chances of admission, and would rather concentrate on my "pluses" and leave the "minuses" to the adm committeeÂ´s understanding. Thank you.

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Lil' Ruby Rose — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 18:11:09 GMT

Some suggestions included below - very best of luck with your application.

Dear Sir or Madam, ( Is - most distinguished Ladys and Gentlemen or To Whom it May Concern... - better? No! But if you have a name, use the personâs name)

I am writing to apply as an exchange student for the Sculpture Program at the National Academy of Arts for the winter semester 2007/08. I am an Austrian student attending my fourth semester of fine Arts, majoring in âSculpture â Transmedial Spaceâ studies at the University of Arts and Industrial Design in Linz, Austria.

I know that the experience of studying abroad will help me to develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It has been my ambition to study at the National Academy for the [or of ] Arts in Sophia since I first saw your website four months ago. The university program in Sofia is structured differently from my university's, and that is one reason for my decision and my interest in applying to your academy. For example, we do not have the opportunity to work with materials like stone or bronze, and we do not have such a clear focus on the natural world as the starting point for studies. nor are our studies are based on the study of nature [this clause reads a little strangely - what do you mean here? Life drawing?](I do not know how do describe it in English â I do not mean Life drawing- I mean we do not have nature as example, ideal or model for our works- we are not working in the tradition of naturalism â I do not find the word I am searching for and it is not in my dictionary âis it imaginable to explain what I mean? Is that something like it?). The stone sculptures from my portfolio are up to five years old. They are results of a six day workshop which is run once a year in a Roman sandstone pit in St. Margarethen im Burgenland, Austria. From the very first time I worked with stone I have been fascinated by this material. The possibility of learning more in this area is another important reason for my application. Our courses in Sculpture - Transmedial Space programme focus on experimental work in relation to space and situation-specific work. Through this education I want to develop my awareness and appreciation of the subtle details eye for fine variances [wrong word? Not sure what you mean here] ( another word for minor differences) in my surroundings; to see how tiny variations affect their environment; and from there develop my own projects. which [consider the social life to find a differential few and to learn to develop own projects] - Sorry, I can't work out what you mean here. Is there another way to say it?(minor differences pertaining the social life by means to find a differential view onto situations- to learn to develop own projects of(from) this situation. Is it possible to say it in this way: Through this education I want to develop my eye for fine variances in my surroundings to find a differential view onto situations of the social life, to seek after new ideas to realize own projects.? Is that something more like you mean?) This is also a reason for me to search for an opportunity to study sculpture in a traditional form. I want to experience an alternative approach to sculpture studies to broaden my outlook and explore how traditional and modern forms of sculpture can complement one another.

I was struck (fascinating -I always thought struck has got a negative association â no, can be positive too) by the description of the sculpture program at your university: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. I think this also reflects Bulgaria as a country, in the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the changes the country has made and I think it is open to new ideas. To me, it feels like there is a great forward movement to develop in new directions, [wrong word?] (should I write objectives?) and it is an exciting prospect to be in Bulgaria at this time of change. that makes [it] [what do you mean - Bulgaria, or being in Bulgaria at this time of change?] (both but for me it is more important to be there at the time of change) attractive. My ideas are very different, as are my projects. I often change my materials to find the right one for each idea. This multi-dimensional approach is also shown by my portfolio which I have put together to provide an insight into my creative process. I would be thrilled if you gave me the opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors, as well as the chance to get to know and understand a little about the Bulgarian people and culture. for an [interchange] [wrong word] (exchange of ideas?) with Bulgarian people.

(I am impressed by the descriptions of your program, and as I am particularly interested in fine arts, I found the following highly interesting: [it doesn't seem quite right to be quoting their own prospectus back at them - is this sentence necessary?] I am particularly intersted in fine arts, and would like to take the courses in sculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languages, tp develop my understanding of the theory and history of art, and to enable me to apply it more effectively to my own work. because they will enrich my knowledge and help me apply it at a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not least because of the course variety. I am eager to learn about such a distant culture different from my own and I will make the most of the time I spend there.

I hope you will consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Rova — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:44:53 GMT

dear lilÂ´ruby rose,

thank you for your reply and the correction of my letter of motivation! I have tried to write clear but I am not certain if it works. I have got my doubts about it... So I may ask you for another review to make sure whats behind all this. (or forgotten)

It would be very nice if you can overview it oncemore! thanks a lot! I am so glad you have written me!

Dear Sir or Madam, ( Is - most distinguished Ladys and Gentlemen or To Whom it May Concern... - better?)

I am writing to apply as an exchange student for the Sculpture Program at the National Academy of Arts for the winter semester 2007/08. I am an Austrian student attending my fourth semester of fine Arts majoring in âSculpture â Transmedial Spaceâ studies at the University of Arts and industrial Design in Linz, Austria.

I am convinced that the experience of studying abroad will be very helpful for me to further develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It has been my ambition to study at the National Academy for Arts in Sophia since I first saw your website four months ago. The university program in Sofia seems to be structured differently from my university's, and that is one reason for my decision and my interest in applying to your academy. For example, we do not have the opportunity to work with materials like stone or bronze, nor are our studies are based on the study of nature [this clause reads a little strangely - what do you mean here? Life drawing?](I do not know how do describe it in English â I do not mean Life drawing- I mean we do not have nature as example, ideal or model for our works- we are not working in the tradition of naturalism â I do not find the word I am searching for and it is not in my dictionary âis it imaginable to explain what I mean?). The stone sculptures from my portfolio are up to five years old. They are results of a six day workshop which is run once a year in a Roman sandstone pit in St. Margarethen im Burgenland, Austria. From the very first time I worked with stone I have been fascinated by this material. The possibility of learning more in this area is another important reason for my application. Our education in Sculpture - Transmedial Space programme focuses on experimental work in relation to space and situation-specific work. Through this education I want to develop my eye for fine variances [wrong word? Not sure what you mean here] ( another word for minor differences) in my surroundings which [consider the social life to find a differential few and to learn to develop own projects] - Sorry, I can't work out what you mean here. Is there another way to say it?(minor differences pertaining the social life by means to find a differential view onto situations- to learn to develop own projects of(from) this situation. Is it possible to say it in this way: Through this education I want to develop my eye for fine variances in my surroundings to find a differential view onto situations of the social life, to seek after new ideas to realize own projects.? ) This is also a reason for me to search for an opportunity to study sculpture in a traditional form. I want to experience another kind of sculpture studies to broaden my outlook and explore how traditional and modern forms of sculpture can complement one another.

I was struck (fascinating -I always thought struck has got a negative association) by the description of the sculpture program at your university: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. I think this also reflects Bulgaria as a country, in the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the changes the country has made and I think it is open to new ideas. To me, it seems there is a great forward movement to develop new aims [wrong word?] (should I write objectives?) and that makes [it] [what do you mean - Bulgaria, or being in Bulgaria at this time of change?] (both but for me it is more important to be there at the time of change) attractive. My ideas are very different, as are my projects. I often change my materials to find the right one for each idea. This multi-dimensional approach is also shown by my portfolio which I have put together to provide an insight into my creative process. I would be thrilled if you gave me the opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors as well as the chance for an [interchange] [wrong word] (exchange of ideas?) with Bulgarian people.

(I am impressed by the descriptions of your program, and as I am particularly interested in fine arts, I found the following highly interesting: [it doesn't seem quite right to be quoting their own prospectus back at them - is this sentence necessary?] I would like to take these courses sculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languagesâ because they will enrich my knowledge and help me apply it at a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not least because of the course variety. I am eager to learn about such a distant culture and make the most of the time I will spend there.

I hope you will consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Re: Motivation letter--urgent correction

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 12:31:29 GMT

Hi Maria â itâs looking pretty good. Just a couple of things to look at one final time:

I, Maria Slaby, would like to take part in the seminar in Iceland in March/ April 2007. I have read with enthusiasm about the opportunities this trip offers.

In the last five month of my ecological year, [I have no idea what an ecological year isâ¦ in this context, it doesnât seem to relate to any common English phrase. Will you need to explain this to the person you are writing to?] which I attend till August 2007 in a âWaldschuleâ, a pedagogical facility [not a phrase on common use â school or college would be fine, depending on the age of the students] in the forest, I have gained a lot of knowledge about nature.

I still have much to learn in this area. Iceland represents for me an additional level of discovery with flora and fauna unlike anywhere else in the world. I intend to study meteorology or geoecology, and for this reason Iceland presents unique opportunity to broaden my knowledge. Above all, the particular geology with volcanoes, geysers, usable geothermal energy and the rough climate are very interesting to me. To deepen my understanding about this is one of my core motives. This tour will provide a solid foundation for my further studies and for collecting future experiences.

As I am very open-minded and enthusiastic towards new things, I am looking forward to the exchange of experience with the indigenous people. Living and working together gives one a real insight into the culture and mentality [this word can have some negative connotations â it might be better to say âway of thinkingâ], which cannot be gained as a tourist.

The adapted ecological way of living in the village in particular will allow me to gain concrete knowledge and ideas for its practical application.

On the one hand I would like to carry on my engagement and in order on the other hand enlarge my own physical and mental limits [still doesnât make sense]. I am seeking the opportunity to take individual responsibility and put initiative into action.

At the same time, I would like to improve my knowledge and experience of other countries and cultures.

I am familiar with working with people with disabilities, as my mother works as a carer for people with special educational needs. With hands-on experience, I hope to take new insights for alternatives for our way of living back to Germany. Therefore the international cooperation, which is making this project in Iceland possible, is an enormous investment for the future of the earth. I want to be part of that important aim.

In addition, it tempts me [âtemptsâ isnât really the right word for this context. Perhaps you could say âIâm excited by the prospectâ that the project will help to improve my language ability and perhaps even to learn a little Icelandic. I think I will get an exchange of experiences, which could leave its mark on my future life.

I would like to test my own limits and enlarge these by new experiences and impressions during the time in Iceland.

All in all I think that I am a good communicator and can easily establish relationships. I have an enthusiastic, flexible and energetic personality and would like to try myself in a new environment.

In view of my interests, basics and expectations, I hope I will get a place on the hands-on seminar in Iceland.

Sincerely yours

Maria Slaby

Best wishes, and very good luck to you.

Lilâ Ruby Rose

Re: Motivation letter. Waiting for comments.

Anonymous — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 09:02:40 GMT

You have too much waffle - information that isn't really relevant, so I've cut a few parts down. Some of the information you give creates quite a negative impression - for example the fact that you were indecisive about what to study. Only tell them the positive stuff! If you are sending all parts of your application it is going to be far too long.I've made some corrections for you and also highlighted areas that you need to re-write. Nona the Brit (can't log-in at the moment).

I have dreamt about studying abroad for a long time and Iâm determined to continue studying at a post-graduate level. I graduated with a BA degree in Accountancy, Analysis and Audit from ****State University in June 2002. I obtained high marks in most of the courses. I now wish to further develop my career in accountancy and financial management of the construction industry.

I gained experience of the laws and regulations regarding taxation during my work on tax inspections. Iâm experienced in keeping the all segments of accounting and financial operations according with Russian legal system in favor for my occupation on the site-constructions. I comprehended the structure, characteristics of costs in construction from the earth works to roof and asphalt works. I had a view of the effective methods to organize cash and documents flows under tough pressure of time schedule.

Russia is a country with a short history of liberal economic principals. The construction market is a part of the economy that is developing rapidly. As for rules in legislation, taxation and accountancy aspects they havenât been fully established yet. I face each day difficulties to refer expenses with their real nature, Russian legislation and foreign demands. Participatory dwelling construction and mortgage loan activity are issues have appeared several years ago and correspondingly accountancy and financial policy is complicated item in a company. Therefore Iâm interested in studying foreign statements in Accountancy and Financial management. By getting a strong theoretical base Iâll develop my existing knowledge and understanding of company accounts and company financial performance. My studies would also provide new professional skills and help me create unique business solutions in practice.

Motivation letter

Loutzi — Sun, 05 Feb 2006 12:27:41 GMT

Hello,

I've written this motivation letter for a scholarship for a japanese university.

I've used some parts from other motivation letters that I've found on this website and that looked good to me :-)

Could someone check it for me please, and give some comments? I'd be very thankfull.

Dear sir/ Madam

My name is ***. With this letter, I would kindly like to introduce my candidacy for the XYZ scholarship for the ABC University.

I am a third year student Japanology at the Catholic University of Leuven. I've studied my first two years at the Catholic University of Leuven, Belgium and this year I am studying at Paris 7, Denis Diderot, France. I've specialized in the Japanese culture and history.

During my formation I've seen many different aspects of the Japanese culture and I got intrigued by them. Due to big cultural differences in the background of my parents I've come in contact with different cultures my whole life and that has only strengthenth(?) my interest in foreign cultures. Hence my choice for a study about a very different culture. The big cultural differences between my own country and Japan give me chance to see the positive and negative aspects about not only Japan but also my own country. It is a very enriching research because I learn more about both cultures. Studying in Japan would be a unique chance to study and experience these differences at first hand. It would give me a big advantage over other people who didn't get this opportunity to learn about both their own and a foreign culture.

Offcourse culture is closely intertwined with history and history has also always captivated my interest. It is history that made of the world what it is today. The rich Japanese history, from the JÅmon era to the Meiji restoration and the modern Japan, is very fascinating. And there are also many interesting aspects about post-meiji Japan. The decision of the japanese government to adapt the western way of life and trying to abolish all traditional japanese aspects and the problems that came along, but also the speed with which japanese citizens adapted these changes, while still concerving the traditional values is very intriguing. But these changes caused a lot of problems for the japanese citizens, even up till now the difficulties that emerged with it are still visible in the japanese society. The old traditional japanese values are sometimes entirely different from the western points of view, but still got preserved in society. This struggle between traditional japanese values and modern western values makes Japan a very interesting study-object, almost a unique case in the world.
Also the fact that Japan managed to become, on less than 50 years, one of the big powers of the world is fascinating. These historical facts are a good way to captivate the Japanese spirit and to see the devotion japanese people have to their country and lifestyle. Also if you compare Japanese history to the European history it is interesting to see that mankind has always fought, the middle ages in Europe, the Warring State Period in Japan, but not only war is interesting, also the differences in the importance of religion, family, lords, ... is very interesting. By studying the Japanese history I've got a completely different view about some past European era's
But also more recent, the downfall after the war and the courage with which japanese people managed to rebuild their country is a very notable effort. This courageous rebuilding, this devotion to the country have made of Japan what it is today. But it could only be achieved because of the japanese value of family, groups above individuals also make it very different from the individualistic western world. Again the differences and similarities between post-war Europe and post-war Japan are fascinating. In Europe the war silently evolved in the Cold war between east and west, while there was relative peace in Japan. The japanese society got rebuild quickly and Japan managed to become a very important economical power. You can see the devotion of Japanese citizens to their country and company again very clearly.
All these different aspects and the comparison with Western history makes the study of the Japanese history not only interesting from an historical point of view, but also from a sociological point of view.

Beside my specialisation in the Japanese culture and history I've also had a very intense training in the Japanese language during these three years. It's been a hard but very rewarding struggle. By learning a language that differs entirely from your mothertongue, you get a very interesting view on your own language. The use of Kanji and Kana and an entirely new grammar is very difficult, but you make progress every day, which is a very stimulating progress.

I've kept working on improving my knowledge about Japan and the japanese language during these past thee years, but I feel that I've reached everything I can attain here in Europe, therefore it is time to put my knowledge into practice and specialize further in Japanese culture and history and improve my Japanese further. I think the only way to attain that goal is to study the culture and history from eminent professors and learn the language from native speakers.

Also for my thesis I'm planning to write about the post-war Japanese history, the rebuilding of the country and the much discussed 9th pacific article. The feelings from the average Japanese person towards that article and the war, and the seemingly unlimited devotion towards their company, sometimes even despite of their family. I'm convinced that attending classes or research groups about this subject in particular at XYZ University will be most fullfilling and will be of great use for my research project.

After a thorough research of the ABC programme of your University, I became aware that my knowledge of the japanese culture and history will be improved if I have an opportunity to enroll in these courses. This top-level programme will provide me plenty of knowledge in the field of culture and history which can be very useful for my future carrier. In addition, working and attending these courses, I can meet different kind of people and culture and that will give me different points of view, thus, contributing to my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains. Moreover, I have come to recognize that I can establish a good working relationship with other scholars from all over the world joining the programme, which can give a benefit to me and my collegues.

As a motivated and ambitious young man, I will do my best to accomplish all tasks given in the ABC programme. Furthermore, with my experience gained during my three year formation in both Belgium and France, I would be able to adapt to a constantly changing work environment, and get along with individuals of different culture backgrounds. In addition, with my good command in writing and speaking English, I will not have to come up against any difficulties in studying cultural or historical subjects taught in English.

I understand that admission to the XYZ Scholarship is competitive, but I think that Iâm qualified, eager and prepared to meet all of the challenges I will be presented with. I, therefore, would be most grateful if you could give my application form in your most favorable consideration.

Yours truly,

***.

Re: Time is limited...help me with my motivation letter...THX!!!

abbie1948 — Sat, 02 Apr 2005 13:14:39 GMT

I don't think I would describe yourself as having an "indomitable personality". Although it describes someone strong, brave, determined and difficult to defeat or frighten, it may be misread in a negative sense. You may give the impression of being stubborn! Why not describe yourself as having strength of character?

During my education to date, my strength of character and determination to achieve my goals enabled me to work hard and achieve good grades. Now I find myself ready to reach out for a higher educational goal, and I am applying to you to study for a BA in Cultural Anthropology and Developmental Science.

Please, could you check my motivation letter?

danieeli — Sat, 12 Feb 2005 15:54:05 GMT

Dear xyz.:

I am applying for a job in a theme park/hoiday village in Great Britain.
I would like to do this job because it is a great possibility to bind my passion for foreign countries with a usefull work in order to gain a professional experience for my future career.

One of the reasons why I decided to work abroad is that I always try to spend my free time doing something new and meeting new people beacause it is a way to gain experience and to enlarge my horizons. So shortly after my school leaving axams I want to leave Slovakia to try to live on my own for several months which I hope will be a priceless experience to me.
I`ve chosen Great Britain because it is one of my beloved countries, although I have never been there. At primary school I attanded a special class with extended education of english and german language and it helped me a lot firstly just to understand the music than at secondary school to appreciate english authors like Dickens, Shawâ¦ . I like english culture as well as the everyday life that I know unfortunately just from class and from my friends, relatives and peers experiances. Those who have been to England persuated me to not to wait any more to get there.
I find my language skills at a sufficient level to communcate with collegues and clients. I speak english, french and czech fluently and I am able to communicate in german as well.
I can`t say that I have nothing but good experience with foreigners but in all the situations I was able to deal with any preoblem or missunderstanding and in fact, positive experiencer certainly surpass the negatives.
I attend a blilingual grammar school with extanded education of french language. One of particularities of this school is that it`s students have a possibility to participate on an exchange visit with their penfriends. For three times I profited from this oportunity and I saw a quiet big part of the country and learned about it much more than just a simpe tourists. With my friends we got as close to the everyday life as possible and found ourselves new friends. Since than, I am persuated that to get close to the people and spend with them some time as their friend, collegue or employee is the best way to truely know the country an that is what I am aways trying to do. In my future studies, I would like to get more experience in foreign countries. The university that I am applying for allows students to continue their program abroad without a necessity to stop out.
I know that the work You offer is not ony discovering a country but mostly a hard work, which is absolutely no problem for me. I got accustomed to it when I was working in an english restaurant, Chickencottage, which was opened in Bratislava a half year ago. I found that I am abe to respect strict rools, my colegues, directors but mostly the work I am paid for. I am flexible and able to do an effort to do my duties the best I can.

I look forward for an answer from you

Your sincerely

Daniel â¦â¦.. .

I am suscribed in an agency which should find me a work in GB. The problem is that I don`t know who my employer is going to be and what kind of work am I going to do precisely, so the usual motivation letter doesn`t suit to me.
I would like also a little advice: do you think that they wil realy be interrested in reading it that much?
Tkanjs a lot to whoever help me.

Re: Hi, MountainHiker, I have finished a motivation letter, would you please help me check it?

anon1 — Wed, 12 Jan 2005 19:34:02 GMT

Manager of LLM Program (I doubt it is a manager. You need to check the title.)
Faculty of Law
XXX University

January 10th, 2005

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the LLM (I would not use an abbrevation here. I tend use abbreviations sparingly.) programme.

After the admission to the present key university: one ranking no.1 [don't use no. 1. don't no. for number, and spell out 1 as one.) amongst colleges of Finance & Economics in China and standing on the 211 project list on which universities are significantly supported and financed by national government and on the 985 project list as well, on which universities are more core compared to ones on 211 project list, I have an overview on my future road, so perfect will it be if running a business of international trade. [You need to rewrite your opening paragraph. It is way too long for one sentence. And you need to be more direct without all the "junk" of 985 and 211 and other stuff.]

Sufficiently exploiting the low cost of labor in China, and the advanced managing methods in Europe; familiarly knowing China and European Union, particularly law, all of these will surely be my successful factors. Moreover, having many friends working relating to laws and a large number of friends under different cultural backgrounds from various countries can be in my favor. [this won't work]

[You need to write a paragraph the explains how you want to take advantage of your Chinese heritage by combining it with a western education. And then with your western education, you will be well positioned to assist other companies in China.]

Then, where should be the man of great ambitions to take off? It must be a university involving refined courses taught by first class professors; it must be a campus containing poly-cultural circumstances in which people treat each other friendly; it must be a place combining old traditions with new thoughts. Fortunately, I find that you are the one. The Netherlands sees Hollandâs amazing tulip, surprising soccer, overwhelming economy, at the same time, it sees Belgiumâs hospitality towards people from developing countries in education; it sees Belgiumâs fame upon its education quality; it sees Belgiumâs large exporting trades and strong economy. [This sounds very patronizing. It is terrible.]

There lay hundreds of reasons for me to choose this plane: applying for this program. It should be because the interest in comparing pros and cons to conclude with a more effective method; it should be resulting from the dream on seeking for justice in court, helping the poor; it should be arising out of admirable image of being an attorney that I have selected legal road. It can be the effect of considering economic changes taken in families within two decades in China, it can be the consequence of commonplace desire of being rich, it can be the product of being preparing for the life goal of running international business that I am keen to take part in subjects correlating to business. It will be inevitable for people to communicate with another abroad, along with globalization; it will be of great opportunity for one to run transnational business while chinaâs stepping toward the world market, after joining the WTO; it will be rather wise to be familiar with international circumstances. Reasons shown, the program matches my characteristic, my interest and my goal perfectly. [This sounds very hairy fairy. That means it is too ambiguous and sounds like a fairy tale. Plant both feet on the ground and express you thought in more concrete terms.]

To be suited for the program, my great determinations will be gathering, meanwhile, my capacity in disposing of de facto happenings and cases is helpful, furthermore, my fluent English will be a good tool safeguarding all else, additionally, my strong eloquence will be convenient when expressing ideas, discussing with others and raising questions. In addition, the photo attached to the paper shows that I can deal with relations between friends even under varying backgrounds well.

I will very quickly scan the rest.

It sounds easy for people to reject an applicant for his literal academic records. Nevertheless, I believe that you are not one of them who ignore something else of greater importance. It is indeed regretful to devote the majority of my energy to affairs of organizations such as meeting the freshmen, arranging speeches held by VIP so that I canât achieve more Aâs on my academic recording list, even though I have been the vice president of âIndividual Financing Associationâ and âLegal Associationâ I have been trying to sit myself as much time as possible in library reading books. In another respect, I put myself in many an internship and part-time job as well, resulting in lack of time preparing for the coming semester, though I learned how to dispose of relations and matters occurred in community, and how to complete analyzing and implementing cases, rather than just reciting theories.

Possibly, you can know me when I am one of your students. Perhaps you wonât forget Thomas Edison, an American inventor who was called âaddleheadâ by his teacher and âidiotâ by his father; perhaps you still remember Albert Einstein, a German physical scientists who was worried of being mental retardation by his parents, and being asked to flunk out, said âEinstein, you will attempt and accomplish nothingâ; maybe you keep Isaac Newton in mind, a British scientist who was classified into the worst class in school. Though they are not perfect during their early days, however, they have great potentials, as for me, in likelihood, not a flawless student, but a man of ambitions and potentials. [On this paragraph alone, they would probably reject your letter. Nobody is interested in reading about "idiots" and "retards" and other such negative stuff in an university application letter.]

Thank you very much for considering my request. I have been looking forward to your positive response.

You've got a lot of work to do. I think you can safely scrap this letter and start over. Keep both feet planted on the ground. Do not start writing about abstract or theoretical stuff. What they want to know is why you should be admitted to their program. You need to sell yourself. You did not do that with this letter.

MountainHiker