Search results for 'tag:Motivation letters tag:Paragraphs' matching tags 'Motivation letters' and 'Paragraphs'

Re: College Motivation Letter... MountainHiker, you still on here?

Clive — Wed, 14 May 2008 04:14:02 GMT

Hi,

You need to break this into several paragraphs in order to show the reader how you have organized your thoughts.

If you don't, I doubt that anyone here will want to try to respond to this.

Best wishes, Clive

College Motivation Letter... MountainHiker, you still on here?

Anonymous — Tue, 13 May 2008 22:33:51 GMT

Hi all! I have written this to the best of my ability. I'm pretty secure about the language part, as I'm bilingual, but it's the culture part that I want to check works. Some stuff I need to put in there, like the reason for the GPA - it's part letter, part appeal. But, this is my question, does it come off as too smarmy, too corny, too vague, disorganized, paragraphs need switching around? I just really liked what Hiker said to some other people n here - I have tried to follow the question checklists s/he posted "(Introduction (very quick points) 1a) Who you are 1b) What you want to do 1c) Why do you want to do it 1d) What do you want from them 2) Detailed background 2a) Expand on who you are 3) Detailed background 3a) Expand on what you want to do and why you want to do it 4) Summary 4a) Summarize what you have told them 4b) Thank them for considering your application" and the list for another poster "1) You have a Communication Science degree 2) You want to obtain a Masters Degree in European Comparative Public Policy 3) You want to study at University of Essex 4) You have a passion for European Comparative Public Policy 5) You want to do what or influence what once you are done?" This is an online... ookay, off to edit *edits* *returns* ...online college offering a Liberal Arts MA. Fort Hays State University. And this is my letter: As an immigrant from Egypt with a BA in English literature, including comparative and cultural studies, a background in consciousness-raising work and gender activism, and a lifelong dream of a career conveying these concepts to others and inspiring them to make a difference, I respectfully seek acceptance at your Master of Arts in Liberal Studies program. Culture, critical thinking, history, and social analysis have been the most important fields of study (formal and otherwise) in my life for as long as I can remember. My mission since graduation has been to analyze and question accepted ways of doing things, including sexuality, the monolithic nature of official discourse, and the mainstreaming of the Arabic language and Islam while eroding indigenous tongues and other religions in my native Egypt. As an aficionado of historical narrative, especially that of my native region, the Middle East, and a keen observer of the unseen social currents of religious and gender politics, and cultural norms, mores and values, I have devoted myself to exploring what lies beneath the surface and is visible through the 'iceberg' model of culture. To this end, I have read over 150 books on history, culture, religion, politics and sexuality, among others, mostly about Arab culture. I already am teaching Middle Eastern culture and history at a small language school. The reaction I have received has made me eager to become qualified for a better teaching position in the field of culture/comparative studies. There is so much work to be done in this area to make people truly aware! However, I sense that before being qualified to do this, I am in need of a more thorough academic grounding in epistemology, anthropology and the science of critical thinking skills, as well as in the broader areas of culture and human knowledge, including cross-disciplinary studies and research on cultures outside the mainstream. I am confident that these fields are jut what I need to formalize the learning imparted by my sometimes tumultuous social-political personal experience. While the English Department of Cairo University, where I earned my BA, was a liberal oasis (my majors included Comparative Literature, Civilization and feminist criticism), I later found many of my fellow-Arabs were resistant to a liberal outlook. At that time, the newspapers were abuzz with news of the 'Satanist cult': trumped-up charges (later dismissed by judges as a total fabrication) brought by powerful police officials against American University boys and girls, arrested for wearing black and listening to heavy metal, tortured into confessing crimes they never committed. I became more and more frustrated as people kept telling me, "The newspapers say it; it must be true." For these people, the appearance of difference, and condemnation by the mainstream media, was enough to condemn these unfortunate young people whose only crime had been to assert some individuality and deviate from social norms. The issue became even more complicated and interesting when a number of Europeans I worked with, in a well-intentioned quest for 'cultural sensitivity', ended up with a prescriptive and restrictive definition of Middle Eastern culture: "No, no, boys shouldn't take Home Economics classes. We understand your culture." I preferred to view norms, mores, and values as separate entities and not succumb to the Orientalist view that, lumped together, unchanging and unchangeable, they constituted a monolithic 'culture'. Some of the other questions I asked myself were: What is collective memory? Can one find a descriptive, rather than prescriptive, model of culture? How far does respect for difference erode the rights of the dissenting individual in a collective culture? These are questions whose answers I hope to seek in your program. In 2001, my interest in sexual/religious difference took on a more overtly political nature with the Queen Boat case, where 52 gay men were arrested on trumped-up charges of, yes, Satanism. Unable to stand it any longer, I started a campaign to pressure legal organizations to give them representation in court ("But they're fags! Why represent them?") and alert international human rights organizations to the issue. This had some success; however, it became clear that I was next in line for arrest, and finally I sought political asylum in the U.S. Since coming here, I have studied cinema (earning an associate degree with a 3.8 GPA) made a film on the subject, and am currently preparing a documentary on the veil. In addition to your academic program, which seems to offer a roadmap to the answers for many of my questions, your university is ideal for me in that you offer a course to be taken completely online. This is beyond convenient for me, as I am busy with work and have found that commuting time cuts into my study hours; I would also find it impossible to relocate to Kansas at this time. Also, in an age where education can be, literally, a forbidding expense, my gratitude knows no bounds for your efforts to provide a quality education at a price I can actually afford. I feel it is pertinent here to mention that, just before the exams of my last year at university, I was among a group of students who were holding a peaceful demonstration against the interference of the secret police in student affairs, including sabotaging student union elections. The secret police pelted us with tear gas grenades and rubber bullets; I was unlucky, and had to be carried out of the university with a broken nose and upper respiratory inflammation. When exam time came round, I was not yet recovered (Egyptian universities base the entire grade on one final exam, not on coursework) but made an effort to come to exams and ultimately managed to pass all my tests. However, while my GPA in previous years was significantly higher, as you can see from my transcript, I was unable to make the minimum 2.5 GPA required for the last 60 hours of undergraduate study. This rather lengthy and tedious explanation precedes, as you may be expecting, an urgent and very heartfelt plea that you not allow this unfortunate occurrence to stand in the way of my chances for learning and the ultimate fulfillment of my life's dream. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your university represents a dream to me, not least thanks to the convenience and cost, which means that the dream is finally within my grasp. It is my dearest hope to become a student at the Master of Arts in Liberal Studies Program, thereby gaining an invaluable academic grounding and ideological framework and positively influencing others thereby. If accepted, I pledge to apply myself to my studies diligently, and never give you cause to doubt the wisdom if your decision. Allow me to thank you, again, for considering my application. Yours sincerely

Re: Could You please to check my motivation letter!!! please!!!

MarinB — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 11:57:17 GMT

I dont know what happened. When I inserted, it kooks fine. But if i send it, all paragraphs are have gone May be I have to tape it here, haven't I?

Re: Could You please to check my motivation letter!!! please!!!

Clive — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:10:03 GMT

Hi,

You need to organize what you want to say into a number of shorter paragraphs, each dealing with a particular point that you want to make.

Try that, and repost if you want to, OK?

Best wishes, Clive

Re: LETTER OF MOTIVATION

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 08:29:56 GMT

well your motivation letter is good just arrange it in paragraphs.well...what u are coming to kathmandu...o r in kathmandu at this date I think...well i wrote in because I belong to kathmandu.so good luck with your social works here in kathmandu and hopefull you will like our place.

regards

Re: Motivation letter to Erasmus University Notterdam

Clive — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 13:26:04 GMT

Hi,

now I have some questions:

* In the sentence "and already in high school they brought me to the decision that I would like to continue my future studies..." you placed "even" instead of "already", so we don't use already in this context? Because in Hebrew and Russian it's the most suitable word.. 'Even' sounds better.

* In the sentense "I was always interested in business and economics, therefore during my service I deeply enriched..." you replaced "therefore" with "so", why I can't use therefore here? 'Therefore' is not a conjunction. If you want to use it, start a new sentence or say 'and therefore'.

* I fixed the last paragraph, so please review it:

Finally, I think Erasmus University Rotterdam is an excellent place to start my career. Being very motivated and ambitious, I think my strong points are good communicative and administrative skills. I would like to work and study in a team of enthusiastic and determent students, and eventually to achieve the goals that I defined to myself.

Finally, I believe Erasmus University Rotterdam is an excellent place to start my career. Being very motivated and ambitious, I know that my strong points are good communicative and administrative skills. I would like to work and study in a team of enthusiastic and determined students, and eventually to achieve the goals that I have defined for myself.

Best wishes, Clive

Re: Motivation letter to Erasmus University Notterdam

Emocore — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 12:40:19 GMT

Thank you very much Clive! Your edits was VERY useful.

But now I have some questions:

* In the sentense "I was always interested in business and economics, therefore during my service I deeply enriched..." you replaced "therefore" with "so", why I can't use therefore here?

* I fixed the last paragraph, so please review it:

Thank you!!

Re: Motivation letter to Erasmus University Notterdam

Clive — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 23:58:39 GMT

Hi,

I've made quite a number of edits for you to look at.

I'm not sure exactly what the name of this university is. Some have special names, 'eg 'The University of Toronto', while others are simple, eg 'Bristol University'. What does it say on their website. Can you just call it 'Erasmus University'? Or is there one with a similar name in some other country?

This is a good letter, but I think your final paragraph ('Finally . . ') ends a bit weakly.

Good luck, Clive

This is my motivation letter to Erasmus uni in Rotterdam. I'll appriciate if someone can review it and point out my mistakes..

Thanks

Dear admission officers.

I would like to apply for the International Business Administration program at the Erasmus University, Rotterdam, for the Fall term in 2008. My purpose in this letter is to present my reasons for choosing your university and to provide my general background.

First of all, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Dennis and I was born in Russia in the city of Vladimir. I attended a foreign languages oriented school and concentrated on English.. After I completed 7 years there, my family moved to Israel. Here, I continued my studies still focusing on language learning. Quickly I found that studying in Hebrew, which was totally new experience for me, was not an obstacle for my adaptation to my new country. On the contrary, foreign luanguages became my favorite subjects, and even in high school they brought me to the decision that I would like to continue my future studies in a European university with an international-oriented program.

After graduating from high school, I served for 3 years in the Israel Defense Force, where I reached the rank of first sergeant. Despite the fact that I was unable to start my undergraduate studies directly after high school, my army service was an extraordinary experience. It developed my personality, and gave me various administrative and organizational skills. I was always interested in business and economics, so during my service I deeply enriched my knowledge by following the world of economics and exchange markets through reading related literature. All this hase strengthened my final decision to study International Business Administration.

After researching European universities, I have come to the conclusion that Erasmus University, Rotterdam, is the perfect match for my aims. Among several great features of this institution, the most important for me are the very high standard of studies and the very diverse international program. Students from all over the world are attending a variety of programs and are able to expand their knowledge and share different cultures and opinions. This is exactly what I am looking for. In addition, the Netherlands is a very advanced European country with a modern economy and developed markets.

Finally, I think Erasmus University, Rotterdam, is an excellent place to start my career. Being very motivated and ambitious, I think my strong points are good communicative and administrative skills. I would like to work on a team and to discover all aspects of successful teamwork.

Thank you for considering my application and for your time.

Sincerely yours.

Help me with motivation letter ASAP- it is urgent

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 19:46:20 GMT

Please help me with the motivation letter..specially in the forth paragraph..Any modifications and suggestions will be accepted..This letter answers the following question: "

Please write a clear and detailed description of your academic objectives and the reasons why you wish to pursue them. Discuss your goals both in terms of your field of study in general and within your specific area of specialization. Describe the type of program you wish to pursue and how it relates to your academic and professional background and your objectives for the future. Please keep in mind that the essay will be an essential part of your application for placement into an appropriate program. In your essay do not name specific universities at which you would like to study "

My essay:

Since childhood, I have had a very strong desire for learning everything new. This became a habit of life for me and affected my point of view a lot towards learning as not being just a routine. This habit encouraged me to continually upgrade my academic capabilities. In this regard, getting the master degree is nothing more than one step on my future plan of self-development.

When I was at secondary school, it was the first time I had learned about computers. So, I was very interested in learning so much about computers. My fondness of this science motivated me to join the department of computer and electrical engineering at IUG university fulfill my desire. But during my study, some subjects like internet technology and computer networks attracted my interest. My graduation project was simulations of some cases of computer networks using OPNET. Furthermore, after the completion of my study at the university, I enrolled in Governmental Computer Center and gained CCNA. This step kindled my interest to pursue my education and acquire a deeper theoretical and practical knowledge in a major of computer networks.

"Computer Networks" field is not a random choice. It is a result of profound and long thinking about which field would be the most convenient to my interests, my background, and local society needs. As a developing country, Palestine is in an urgent need for the specialists in many majors and specially IT field to lead the building process. Therefore, getting a master in this field will give me the opportunity to lead several scientific researches that will hopefully contribute to this area of technology.

United States of America is an excellent environment to pursue my education, not only because it is an English speaking country but also one of the most leading countries in IT field in the world. So, I will be close to new discoveries and achievements in my area of specialization and able to learn all I can from abundant scientific resources. On the other hand, getting a master from a multicultural country will boost my cultural experience. As a representative of Palestine, I gained a great experience through my participation in "Reach Out" project which was a regional cultural project organized by British council. It granted me the opportunity to interact with people from different cultures and made me thirsty to know about other cultures.

Finally, I have a strong faith that getting master in this major will be a great benefit for me as it will definitely help in raising my academic background and enhancing my characteristic. It will also be advantageous for the local technological society as it will form an addition to the modern sciences that started to find its way here.

Re: Please help with motivation letter

Triquediqual — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 14:58:48 GMT

Mimoi2 wrote:
Does anyone have any suggestions for this motivation letter? Anything would be really appreciated!

Name

Address1

Address2

Phone

Date

To Whom It May Concern: I would put a comma after the Concern rather than the semi-colon.

With this letter I would like to express my interest in a position in the Global Risk Talent Programme. I am a graduate of the University of Florida. I graduated with a Bachelorâs degree in Electrical engineering in 2002, and a Masterâs degree in Electrical engineering in 2004. After careful thought and consideration, I <Omit the Have>decided to undergo a career change. I am now in the process of becoming an associate actuary. I am originally from Suriname, which is in South America, and I speak fluent Dutch and English. You keep on saying " I am", I think you should vary between "I'm and I am", eg. I'm originally from Suriname.

What attracted me to engineering was the amount of mathematics involved. Math and numbers have always been my first passion. Recently I became more interested in using my math skills in other ways, in particular I have become interested in the Actuary sciences. I am a highly analytical person, and when it comes to problem solving I am as good, or better than anyone else. I <Omitted> started the process of becoming an associate actuary by studying for the first two exams (Probability and Financial Mathematics) and by starting the process of VEE credits by taking Economics, Accounting, Finance, and Probability classes while also employed full-time. My first actuary exam is in November and the second one is in December of this year. I am confident that I will pass both examinations on the first try. I believe that my education in electrical engineering has sharpened my analytical skills, and has challenged me to always give my all and perform well. I believe the design methodologies that I have mastered during my education will prove to be extremely useful in analyzing and managing risks. Again, you keep saying "I am", vary with " I'm". You also keep on saying "I.....<word> have" a lot and should be varied as you repeat yourself over and over here, and you like to use the word "that" in conjunction with "I am" as well a lot and it becomes repetitive and dull to read. Apart from this, you have the paragraph spot on I think.

What attracts me to the field of Risk analysis are the challenges involved. Challenge is what motivates me. The more complex the problem, the more motivated I am to solve it, and the more motivated I am, the more positive the outcome. During my education, it has always been the Mathematics courses and the Statistics Courses for which I received Aâs. Out of the six mathematics courses I took, I had 5 Aâs and 1 B+, while I had Aâs for both Statistics courses I took in college. I believe this will pay off in the risk management and analysis industry. My long-term goal is to become a Fellow of the Society of Actuaries, specializing in the financial industry, particularly in Insurance. I realize this will take a few years to achieve, but I'm willing to put more of my time and energy into it, because I've finally found something that I will truly enjoy. To me there is nothing more exciting than having to work on complex, analytical and mathematical problems as part of your career. I believe that being part of the Global Risk Talent Progamme at company1 will be a major factor in achieving my goals by giving me hands on experience and training in the field. I am particularly interested in the Finance industry because everything around us in this world revolves around Finances. Insurance particularly interests me, because that is societyâs most powerful answer for managing risk. The same problems exist here with I am, I have, I believe I whatever. Don't get me wrong it's not a major problem but if you look at the adjustment of "I've above, it comes off the tongue easier than having a lot of little scrambled words which makes the sentence sound better. Like I said, it's nothing to worry about. It's still grammatically correct.

Through living in the United States and growing up in Suriname, I have become fluent in English and Dutch. For these reasons I am entirely capable of integrating and working/studying in a multicultural environment such as company1. The University of Florida emphasizes team work, especially in a program like electrical engineering. Florida is also a very multi-cultural state and these experiences taught me to listen to people, to develop my leadership skills, and to take into consideration cultural differences.

You have already stated your fluent in English and Dutch.

Company1 represents the perfect environment for a young motivated woman who wishes to enter the finance sector. Company1 also embraces values to which I can relate and in which I can further enhance my skills. Company1's international position also represents an opportunity and an experience that I would like to be part of.
Nothing wrong here me thinks.

Overall, not a bad written letter, and you have made your point sufficiently. I think the problems I have listed should be taken with a grain of salt although I just didn't like reading the repetitive remarks constructed.

As for layout, it's superb. You have made sufficient conclusions and beginnings in the opening and concluding paragraphs and the in-between paragraphs have suitable points and finish the letter off brilliantly.

Hope that helps,

Triquediqual