Re: Another composition to correct, please

Clive — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 23:36:23 GMT

Hi,

Here are a few overall comments. Please consider them, and perhaps revise what you have written, then post again. You have other problems that we can then discuss.

Clive

I have to write a composition which is titled: "Your boss is retiring and you have been asked to collect money for a present. What do you say to your colleagues in the office? It seems to me that you have been asked to write about what you would say when speaking directly to your colleagues. Is that right? What you would say and what you would write are not the same thing.

This is the composition:

Dear Colleagues,

I am writing to inform you about what I would like to do about Mr. Steed's retirement. This sounds like it's your idea, but it's not. You were asked by the boss, so it's his idea. Say, eg Mr. Smith would like to know if you want to contribute to a retirement gift for Mr. Steed.

In my culture, the boss would normally leave such social matters up to his employees. If he didn't, some people would think he was trying to force them to contribute, because poeple don't like to say 'No' to the boss.

You all know Mr. Steed is retiring next month at the age of 63 after nearly 35 years working with the Coca Cola Company, so he will be able to dedicate more time to his family and enjoy his life .

I think it would be great if we give him a present to express our sorries about he's retiring. The present could be a watch, a pen or a pair of cuff links or anything you think and tell me about.

In order to give him a present we would have to collect some money. Since we are 25 people in the office, we would have to give from â¬5 to â¬10 according to the present we will buy him.

Many of you won't want to give him a present<<< You can't say something like this. It's negative and unpleasant. You need to be positive. because you may have had an argument with him or so, but remember, he is the one who helped you and offered you the job you have. This proposal is not obligatory, that's for sure, but I do think it is a good way to say goodbye to Mr. Steed.

I hope you contribute so we make a good impression to him.

Yours Faithfully, Don't say 'Yours faithfully' to colleagues, say 'Yours sincerely', or just say 'Regards'.

[MY NAME]

Re: Best regards, Kind regards, or Yours sincerely, - which is correct

Goodman — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:19:15 GMT

I have to say I agree, but yet, disagree with some points about e-mails. At work, I do probably between 3-5 e-mails a day; sometimes more, for communication, acknowledgment and âCYAâ purposes. With the nature of the business being different, I donât think we can use a fixed generic closing expression for all purposes. For matters relating to business, the most commonly used are [best regards], [regards], [warmest regards], and [sincerely] which is the least seen in my observance. [Respectfully] sounds too cheesy and [faithfully] is too personal for my taste. In any case, each of us may have a slight interpretation and perception of each closing expression. Use your own judgment and pray itâs the right one! For those who are still feeling fogging about closing line and expression, Below is something thatâs worth checking out. It may help clear some of your questions. As far as e-mails are concerned, I think they serve the purpose as documented evidence and proof. People tend to be more liberal with words which they may not use otherwise in person because the negative effect is not immediately felt. That's just my two cents.

http://www.speakspeak.com/html/d2h_resources_letter_writing_phrases.htm

Search results for 'tag:Negatives tag:Yours sincerely' matching tags 'Negatives' and 'Yours sincerely'

Re: Another composition to correct, please

Re: Best regards, Kind regards, or Yours sincerely, - which is correct