Search results for 'tag:Nouns tag:Motivation letters' matching tags 'Nouns' and 'Motivation letters'

Re: please check my Motivation Letter

Lil' Ruby Rose — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 08:00:19 GMT

Dear Sir/Madam,

It was unimaginable [wrong word] when I received the first [the first in your country, university or course? Or your first?] foreign scholarship for my Bachelor of Science in Computing [or Computer Science] (B.Sc).The thing that I has really dignified [wrong word] and kept in mind is studying abroad always brings students much value [benefit].

I got first became familiar with [or interested in] ~~the~~ computers quite early during my Secondary School in Vietnam, even though IT was not an official subject. I loved and was fascinated by this small machine which exercises both my creative and our [you need to be consistent in pronoun choice] logical side. My dream was to become a famous IT researcher in the future. I entered Hanoi University of Technology, one of the best universities in Vietnam with IT major [do you mean that the University offers IT as a major, or that you majored in IT?], and as my dream [and fulfilling my dream,], I got the chance to start my B.Sc in September 2002, and earned completing my degree in September 2006 at President University in Indonesia. [This is a very long and complex sentence - can you break it down into two or more sentences?] Living and studying in an industrial environment during my undergraduate years [or as an undergraduate] ~~had~~ helped me develop my personal ability, my skills and my knowledge of Computer Technology. Equipped with fundamental theory in the class and through some part time projects, it empowered my capacity [not sure what you mean here. Perhaps, This was backed up with sound theoretical understanding through the taught components of the course.]. Classes that I engaged in included Internet Programming, Desktop Application Programming and Network Security. I like to work with the Linux environment, especially for firewall protection system. I was a fan of C++ programming language; it was the reason for me to do successfully my thesis [and for this reason I focused my thesis on] âP2P Video Conferencing in the context of Video over IPâ using C++.

My professor Prof. Dr. Muliawati and my dean Ir. Rila Mandala, Ph.D have always encouraged me to pursue further study, and to my mind, I always pursue the dream, [not sure what you mean. Perhaps, and this is also a long-held ambition of mine.] I wish to earn a Master Degree in Computer Science, ~~even,~~ and in the longer term I intend to follow this up with a Ph.D. Therefore I know I must return to the academic world for my family, my research, my dedication to education and further my growth. [This sentence sounds strange in a motivation letter, and it isn't quite clear what you mean. You might want to omit it.]

I know my second opportunity came since I heard about Leeds University [not sure what you mean here. Perhaps, I was very interested to hear about the opportunities for further study available at Leeds University] from my classmate who is studying there. I spoke to my professors, my lecturers and my colleges about this opportunity of with [or offered by]your University. Leeds University is reputable [has a good/strong reputation] for its research facilities and computing resources. In addition, the information from website also gave me much interest in there [??]. I have applied for a scholarship and I believe Leeds University is the right choice for my Master of Computer Science.

Finally, I kindly [wrong word] want to indicate my request in order to be considered [I would like to be considered] for one of the scholarships ~~that is~~ provided offered by Leeds University. I am very ambitious to pursue a career of academic research, and I sincerely hope that my personal qualities and educational experience will be sufficient for you to consider me an appropriate match candidate. If there is any possibility of arranging an interview, I would appreciate hearing from you.

Yours Sincerely,

Re: Please correct my motivation letter to cambdrge college.

nona the brit — Fri, 26 May 2006 14:01:02 GMT

This is a new approach to a motivational letter. I couldn't begin to say whether that is better than a traditional letter or not a good idea. So, if you want to go with this more creative style (and I'm not saying you are wrong) here are my comments.

Check your spelling - ou have one or two typos.

Memories OF England. We don't have football every weekend (it is seasonal), overwhelming is an odd word to describe cafes, nice weather might give them a bit of a laugh as it is our national sport to complain about our weather! Hand-tame squirrels perhaps?

You don't visit courses, you take part in them. English is a proper noun so always has a capital letter.

Your alternative quote seems more relevant.

Re: Can someone help me to write my motivation letter? (A Spanish in trouble..)

Nef — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 07:14:06 GMT

Hello,

Here are a few ideas. I am being fairly picky (critical) because you asked for comments. I understood most of your letter very well. Good luck with your application!

---------------------

Dear Sirs, (If you are sure that only men will read your letter, this is fine. If it is possible that either men or women will read your letter, I think it is better to say Dear Sir/Ma'am, Dear Sir or Madam, or To Whom it May Concern. If you can find out the name or job title of the person who will read your letter, you might use that as a form of address.)

As you know I'm recently graduated in Chemical Engineering. (I'm wondering if you are sure the reader will know this.) Also, you might want to say "I'm a recent graduate in Chemical Engineering." or "I'm a recent graduate who majored in Chemical Engineering."

At this point, I find very important the election of the first significative job, because it can determine the future development of my professional career.

At this point, I find the choice of my first significant job very important, because it can determine the future development of my professional career. (I'm changing the placement of the "very important" and using "significant" rater than "significative," which is not a common word.)

It's very easy to explain why I want to work in a brewery: in one hand, it fit fits my technical expectatives. expectations.

(1. I am not sure what "in one hand" means here.

2. "It fits" is because "it" is third person singular. (I fit, you fit, he/she/it fits...

3. "Expectations" is a common word; "expectatives" may not be a word at all.)

As an (you need "an" here) engineer, the beer industry is a very complete sector where I can learn and share with you my recent knowledge, acquired in all those years, in the last latest technologies of water and solids treatment, fermentation processes, refrigeration systems, gas recuperation... or, related with the management aspects, such as production and distribution control, supply chain, environmental and health implications, as well as the economics of the operation, etc..

I am not sure if "recuperation" is the right word here. "Recuperation" usually refers to recovery from an illness (regaining good health after a disease). Would "recovery," a more general term which might refer to regaining or gathering something, work better?

Also, this is a very long sentence. I'd start a new sentence to discuss the management aspects. For instance, something like: "A job in this industry also would provide me with an excellent opportunity to apply and increase my knowledge of management aspects such as...")

On the other, (OK, now I see what the first hand was for! But your hands are so far apart here, are separated by so many words, that the connection between the two hands gets dropped. I'd suggest not mentioning the first hand at all. If you want to, for the second hand, try saying:

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to explain my personal desire in working in a "life" industry like this. As an enthusiastic enthusiast ("enthusiast" is a noun, "enthusiastic" is an adjective; you could say as an enthusiastic ______, )

If you wanted a shorter sentence, you could say "As a beer and wine enthusiast (in the good sense), I've participated..."

of the culture of the (you don't need, and shouldn't have, this "the") beer and wine (in the good sense...), Iâve participated in the recollection (I'm not sure of the meaning here. Is it possible that you are talking about a harvest?) campaign of the last seasons in one of the most important wine shires (This is the right word for English English; if you want American English, say "counties" instead of "shires") of my country and I would like to work in the production area or any similar like engineer. or in a related area as an engineer.

Furthermore, I have always had a strong desire to work in an international environment. Youâre one of the most important beer productor all over the world and I find this as an unique opportunity. Your company is one of the most important beer producers in the world, and I think this is a unique opportunity.

I would describe myself as an active, mature, curious, hands-on and flexible person. Iâm willing to work on new
projects with new colleagues and to increase and share my knowledgement knowledge. Iâm an enduring a loyal team player but Iâm willing to accept responsibility.

I would be pleased if my application wakes your interest. I enclose my CV for your consideration. Please do not
hesitate to contact me if you require any further details.

Yours faithfully,

Re: Motivation letter

Mister Micawber — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 07:11:04 GMT

Hello Bensou, and welcome to English Forums. The following words and phrases need repair:

providing
thanks of
organization
perfect -- this is a good word, but unbelievable; choose another
although
a new surrounding -- should be plural, but is not a point to be put forward in a motivation letter anyway.
21/2
following-up
hold -- this is a verb; the other items in your list are nouns (or are trying to be)
und -- oops! Is this a bilingual letter?
vacancies, which might occur, within -- no commas
Therefore-- delete this.