Search results for 'tag:Numbers tag:Jokes' matching tags 'Numbers' and 'Jokes'

Re: could have sworn

RayH — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:22:03 GMT

I think you are right about number three, try this version: "Good one, but even funnier is that I could have sworn I told you that very joke a couple of months ago."

A Little Help with Capitals

angel_tristan0409 — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 10:07:10 GMT

A Little Help with Capitals

This handout lists some guidelines for capitalization. If you have a question about whether a specific word should be capitalized that doesn't fit under one of these rules, try checking a dictionary to see if the word is capitalized there.

Use capital letters in the following ways:

The first words of a sentence

When he tells a joke, he sometimes forgets the punch line.

The pronoun "I"

The last time I visited Atlanta was several years ago.

Proper nouns (the names of specific people, places, organizations, and sometimes things)

Worrill Fabrication Company

Golden Gate Bridge

Supreme Court

Livingston, Missouri

Atlantic Ocean

Mothers Against Drunk Driving

Family relationships (when used as proper names)

I sent a thank-you note to Aunt Abigail, but not to my other aunts.

Here is a present I bought for Mother.

Did you buy a present for your mother?

The names of God, specific deities, religious figures, and holy books

God the Father

the Virgin Mary

the Bible

the Greek gods

Moses

Shiva

Buddha

Zeus

Exception: Do not capitalize the non-specific use of the word "god."

The word "polytheistic" means the worship of more than one god.

Titles preceding names, but not titles that follow names

She worked as the assistant to Mayor Hanolovi.

I was able to interview Miriam Moss, mayor of Littonville.

Directions that are names (North, South, East, and West when used as sections of the country, but not as compass directions)

The Patels have moved to the Southwest.

Jim's house is two miles north of Otterbein.

The days of the week, the months of the year, and holidays (but not the seasons used generally)

Halloween

October

Friday

winter

spring

fall

Exception: Seasons are capitalized when used in a title.

The Fall 1999 semester

The names of countries, nationalities, and specific languages

Costa Rica

Spanish

French

English

The first word in a sentence that is a direct quote

Emerson once said, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

The major words in the titles of books, articles, and songs (but not short prepositions or the articles "the," "a," or "an," if they are not the first word of the title)

One of Jerry's favorite books is The Catcher in the Rye.

Members of national, political, racial, social, civic, and athletic groups

Green Bay Packers

African-Americans

Anti-Semitic

Democrats

Friends of the Wilderness

Chinese

Periods and events (but not century numbers)

Victorian Era

Great Depression

Constitutional Convention

sixteenth century

Trademarks

Pepsi

Honda

IBM

Microsoft Word

Words and abbreviations of specific names (but not names of things that came from specific things but are now general types)

Freudian

NBC

pasteurize

french fries

italics

Re: Noun number and determiner

Goodman — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:20:43 GMT

Hi KVE,
Welcome!
<<<<Variations in noun number and determiners:
. - If he is a pianist or a singer, yes, you can say. "he performed [for ] many charities [last year]". Note the brackets.
. "Perform" is a verb with broad meaning. He performed poorly on the project= He didn't show his best ability on the project.But your sentence also carries a hint that he could be involved with charity work.

She loves to pull your legs.- This is ok. This means she loves to do practical jokes on you, or kid around with you.

Re: fish is/are

RayH — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:08:35 GMT

MissLadybird
What about these two sentences?
1. There is a lot of fish in this river.
2. There are a lot of fish in this river.

PS the dictionary says that "fish" is singular if we speak about fish as food, and plural if we speak about animals which live in water. However, google search gives results like "there is a lot of fish" AND "there are a lot of fish" in the same context (fishing reports). I am confused!

I think I have enough experience on these forums to be able to say with some conviction that indiscriminate Google searches send people off in the the wrong direction far more often than they shed light on a question. Google is a fine a useful tool but it is not a reliable method of determining the whether something is grammatically correct or not.

That said, only sentence 2 is natural sounding. Number 1 is not something you will hear, except as a joke perhaps.

Re: if the job paid better.

Phyllis — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 21:34:56 GMT

I agree, number 2. She is almost making a joke, if somewhat bitterly. I believe the author used this particular sentence to bring a bit of levity into the scene.

Re: reading questions

Mister Micawber — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 06:46:55 GMT

.
And very freely adapted-- you have made a number of mistakes.

The story is a joke, Lynn. The old man's question is sarcastic-- he purportedly wonders if the police driver has any other way of stopping his squad car besides crashing into another car.

Re: correction 3

Delmobile — Sun, 18 May 2008 22:46:59 GMT

That's not true; your version was very natural. I loved the box of doughnuts joke, and the crack about the rain, too. I only filled in a little bridge here and there.

I chose "walk up" because, at least in my experience, when a cop pulls you over, they then pull over behind you and walk up to your car. Or I suppose sometimes they are in front of you and then walk back. "Over" sounds like he was parked next to you, which seems a little odd, particularly if you are on the side of the road. I added the "window" part to make it clear that you had remained in the car.

Sure, "for a moment" would be fine. "He hesitated for a moment. I thought he had somehow read..." Or you could move the moment part to yourself. "He hesitated before answering. For a moment I thought somehow he had read..."

"Tag" numbers are just what they are called where I live, so to be honest I changed it without thinking. I'm not sure whether this is a regional thing and if so where the regions are, but come to think of it "plate" is probably more universally understood than "tag." So change it back :)

correction 3

New2grammar — Sun, 18 May 2008 14:43:31 GMT

On my way to work this morning, I was pulled over in front of the gas station. Passing motorists curiously stared at me as they cruised down the highway. It was the first time I was pulled over in 3 years. The officer walked over and asked, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I thought to myself, "Because you saw a box of doughnuts on my dashboard?". Holding back the thought, I seriously said, "No. Did I violate something?" He hesitated for a moment that I thought he somehow read the criticism on my face, "Where have you been?" "Nowhere. Just got up and on my way to work. Why?" "Your car seriously need a wash. The plate number is nearly invisible (please suggest a word)." At this point, I was a bit annoyed. I'd been pulled over because I'd been working hard every day for the last 3 weeks and hadn't have time to wash my car. Give me a break. But I politely said, "Sorry, Officer. I've been really busy lately." Trying to be funny, "It looks like it's going to rain. It'll be like new in a couple of hours." He didn't buy (Is this a right word to use?)the joke and gave me a warning and left after checking my driver's license and insurance.

Are there any mistakes?

Thanks in advance!

Re: Required Modern Sentence

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:23:59 GMT

The truth is "Kindly do the needful" has absolutely no direct translation. In an email, formal or informal, Americians do not have an "exit line" that says anything remotely close to that. I'm sure it's a culture thing, but americians see this as you saying "Do your job." It seems more like a command and less like a friendly jesture.

Agreed, Americians see "Kindly do the needful" and get a good chuckle, make a couple preverted jokes, and move on. Thats because we simply don't use "needful" much less "the needful". For Americian english... and I would suspect brittish as well, try this...

Hi Joe,

Customer number 55477 is looking to see where his order is. Can you check if this customer exists? I've looked everywhere but cannot find any record of this customer.

Thanks

- Bob

This is a completely formal letter for a common inter-office/business email. So my suggestion, simply drop the line entirely. It serves no purpose in modern english.

Re: comparison ...can't get the meaning

Avangi — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 03:33:36 GMT

If I understand you, number one is the correct analysis. Number two is extremely unlikely.

I think you're suggesting that instead of playing a laugh track to "infect" the audience with laughter, they might instead try having someone slip on a banana peel to generate the laughter; and if they did, it would not be as fast.

The blue sentence is used to elaborate the first sentence and is only meant to emphasize the speed. The stuff about artificially generating laughter comes later.

We have common expressions for speed, like "quick as a wink," "faster than you can say Jack Robinson." (Don't ask me where that came from!) The banana peel image is appropriate because of the show biz - vaudeville - pratfall - clown sort of connection. Banana peel jokes are common.