Search results for 'tag:Paragraphs tag:Cricket' matching tags 'Paragraphs' and 'Cricket'

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"

in the least

User_gary — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 11:08:06 GMT

It might be helpful if you could please tell us what sport are they talking about. It sounds like cricket to me, which I do not know in the least.

What does `in the least' mean in the above paragraph?

Could you explain it?

Re: correct please

User_gary — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 11:41:07 GMT

Doll wrote:
Don't tell an Indian that you wrote this paragraph or else they may hit you.I am kidding, Gary don't add this sentence in your paragraph.

I will sent this message to Indian team and Indian people because I am also an Indian. The basic problem with us (Indian people) is that we expect too much from our team. As I already told Indian cricket team wins only 25 to 40% of their matches. Still we hope to win `World Cup' which is practically not possible.

So, I am sending my messages which have been corrected by you to Indian team/people.

correct please

User_gary — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 07:58:21 GMT

I believe this is(losing matches) nothing new to Indian team. As we know Indian team only wins 25% of its matches. The Indian team is known for losing matches on many occasions. They hardly win any matches. But still the Indian people are crazy expecting too much from their team. Indian people should realise their cricket team is not good enough to play against mighty teams. They are just like Bangladesh, Zimbabwe and any other low considered teams.

Dravid or any other who would give interview should simply say, "We are known for losing matches and it has happened again". Do not mess up the situation by giving too much unwanted/unbelievable excuses.

Please correct my sentences/two paragraphs.

Hello, could some please check my personal statement

VJVJ85 — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 01:21:05 GMT

could someone please check it for grammer, paragraph structure and to see whether the sentences are structured correctly. Basically I want to make sure everything is correct. I hope someon can help me, it is a page long though:

Ever since I can remember I've always liked sports so when the opportunity came I decided to take Physical Education for AS I had previously taken GCSSE Physical Education and thoroughly enjoy the subject and also enjoyed it at A Level. I learnt about adaptations to training. I also about what the body systems have to go through to biologically improve which is one of the reasons I want to take sports science; I want to learn more about the connection with Sports & science using this information with within a career of coaching sport I would be able to help athletes reach the next level of their sport, help them get their career back on track /their usual level or rehabilitate them. At the same time of coaching individuals or a team I want to show them they are not just throwing a ball or kicking a ball, I want them to know that is scientifically superior to others or they can reach the level of those who are superior to them through the combination of science and sport, not through gamesmanship or banned substances.

I first realised I wanted to coach and help athletes reach their potential in their sport when I did some coaching in Antigua (West Indies) with my uncle, who was a former International Football Player. My uncle was coaching children aged 7&8 who went to school. I was lucky enough to be asked to help coach, which improved my ability to perform demonstrations. I also learnt how to interact with kids who live different lifestyles, adjust to a different environment and how to bring new ideas into training sessions. Through coaching my experiences in Antigua the knowledge I would gain from my degree would help the performers improve technically, physically & also I would help their self-esteem if they are confident or not making them better performers and individuals.

When I am not studying I like doing recreational activities with my friends such as football. I enjoy watching & participating sports such as football, cricket and elite track & field (especially IAAF World Championships) but Football is my favourite sports though injury, I played for my school football team which we reached an borough cup final which we lost & I also played Enfield F.C for a long time. I am currently looking for a team but I also have persistent hamstring injury. I also like reading material on Caribbean Culture & History, socialising with friends & being with my family.

My love for sport makes more me determined to get on the course and I know I will be totally committed to it.

I mostly developed my sporting interest through my uncles who are heavily involved in football I have had trials with Colchester & Leyton Orient. While going to training on a regular basis at their training grounds I got to see that football teams consisted more than the managers and I got to see the professional footballers at work. What I learnt about these positions I knew I liked the idea of being a physiotherapist or a top-class fitness coach.

I will be looking forward to going to university to learn about sports science, especially as I know it will take me to the career I want also hopefully after this degree I will do another in Sport Rehabilitation and Injury Prevention or Physiotherapy. Doing another degree will widen my knowledge & increase my chances of a career I desire in the professional sports world.

Re: PARAGRAPH CORRECTION

CalifJim — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 19:58:05 GMT

Americans only use "practice" for both noun and verb, so I'll leave that aspect of your question to others.

People are practising cricket (Or: Cricket practice will be held) this Sunday at 9 am at the Student Recreation Complex grounds*. Anybody who is interested in practising the game before the (omit) next week's tournament is invited to join the practise match. This will be a good training session to learn the game for people who haven't played before!
(*This may be American. I don't know if British English uses "ground" in that case.)
CJ

PARAGRAPH CORRECTION

rishonly — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 19:44:44 GMT

"People are practising cricket this sunday at 9 am at Student Recreation Complex ground. Anybody who is interested in practising the game before the tournament next week are invited to join the practise match. This will be a good training session to learn the game for people who haven't played before!".

Would you please verify if the following corrections are OK? In addition, are there any other grammatical mistakes? Can I use 'practice' , as a verb or noun, instead of 'practise'?

People are practising cricket this Sunday at 9 am at Student Recreation Complex ground. Anybody who is interested in practising the game before the next week tournament is invited to join the practise match. This will be a good training session to learn the game for people who haven't played before!

Re: Can you review my college essay?

anon1 — Sun, 31 Oct 2004 19:19:07 GMT

Hi,

Here are my comments.

I hope they are of value.

Good luck.

MountainHiker

âBritish Airways flight 332 departing from Gate 6 is now boarding, first class passengers please come forward with your boarding passes,â called out the air stewardess on my last day. At that moment, since I was 10, I did not know any better. âMy last dayâ to me was leaving behind my friends, âmyâ life, âmyâ school, âmyâ cricket, and âmyâ country. At that moment, I did not know the emotions that were flowing within my body--I was only 10.

I stood there with my parents, my brother, my two uncles, my two aunts, and my cousin, who had knocked out my teeth by accident earlier that year. I held my passport that my dad had given to me, giving me more responsibility and making me feel I was older. I stood there with my passport and my tiny backpack packed with a hand-help video game at the Ahmedabad International Airport in India on my last day.

Even at 10, I had realized that after I leave India, I would not be able to do the same things that I had once done. Each time I thought about the friendly, yet competitive, cricket games with my neighborhood friends against our conjoined apartments [you played cricket with apartments??], I would want to reconsider the move. Emigration is always an extremely difficult feeling to cope with, especially for a 10 year old. Since I had lacked [mature] experiences, all the minor experiences I had had were stuck with me as major familiarities.[you need to fix this prior sentence.] Then it came.

âWould seats 37 through 57 please board the plane at this time,â nonchalantly demanded the overhead speakers. She was not merciful to my feelings.

I feared look[ing] at my boarding pass to get a glance at my seat number. I knew what it was a week ago, since I had inspected the ticket almost forty times the week before[.] [But] I had never gone on a plane before, and so I was expecting to be extremely excited about this day. hen I glanced at my ticket, it was as if all of my worst fears came together. [What fears, why???] All of us slowly walked towards the entrance and towards the plane.

As soon as I boarded the plane and got in my window seat, it [what is "it"?] was all over for me. I knew I would never get to see my old way of life ever again. My memory still troubles me to think that I never have been the same ever since that experience. I was moving to the United States of America. I knew adapting to a new language, a new [set of] custom, a new way of life, new food, and new friends would be extremely difficult, but I knew what I had to [proceed or go on or do it]. []I knew I had to grow up quickly, because if I did not, I would not be able to keep up with the new life. I had so much new to learn. But, I was willing. All this was going through my mind on that lonely cold night in February in Ahmedabad, India, as the plane noisily departed the airport, climbing to 35,000 feet in a matter of minutes. I looked down as the plane ascended, watching as we passed over buildings that had lights. They were the flickering stars of Earth that will soon be forgotten in my naÃ¯ve 10 year old mind.

Now when I look back at this moment, I can unquestionably say that I have overcme all those [challenges] that I once [worried] about as the plane was ascending. I overcame the language barrier. I have became [accustomed] to the new life and custom. But, the most important change I have had is my passion for education.[reword prior sentence.] I strive to learn more. [Achieving the best I can acquire, I have had an opportunity in this country to be what I want to be, and I will not let this opportunity, as the clichÃ© goes, slip through my fingers....tighten prior sentence.] I want to continue my need [???] for education, and the next step in my chapter is college. I know I can succeed in my education, bringing my diverse knowledge into one concrete institution and applying this knowledge to further my opportunities within the greater community. My move to the United States has shaped my life, making me view education, especially, as a window to many other opportunities. I view education as a car; I view myself as the driver. And, if I am given an opportunity to get the car of my dreams, I know I can drive it to places where my opportunities will not be lost. [I would rewrite this entire last paragraph. You seem to be trying to hard. It seems clumsy.]

When I look back at this moment, I know I overcame those all those challenges I worried about as the plane as ascending. I am now fluent in English and have adapted to the American cultures and customs. One of the benefits of living in America is the availability and accessbility to higher education. I am passionate to acquire a solid education that will provide me with the knowledge and skills to pursue my dreams [whatever they might be??]. I am grateful to my parents for having moved the family to the United States where I feel I have more opportunities if I am willing to study and work hard.

Notes:

You say you were 10 years old numerous, numerous times. Once or twice ought to suffice.

Are you modern ?

indian123 — Sun, 04 Jan 2004 23:30:50 GMT

hey, my schooling life in getting over in 2 months, studying in modern school, was quite an experience, here is an article i have decided to submit to the school magazine, hope you like it. it would also familiarize you to the new delhi present day teen culture. please do post your feedback and suggestions for improvement.
ashish

Are You Modern?

Before pounding at my keyboard over this controversial topic, I was in a dilemma, weather or not I am inviting criticism and if I would be added to your hate list, but eventually temptation got the better of me. Even though I realize that, I may indeed be inviting criticism, but I believe the motive behind writing this article, is an attempt to refine the so called âTypically Moderniteâ attitude and therefore although at certain instances I may sound a bit harsh, but I believe whatever I am writing is for a brighter future of my schoolmates, and my endeavour to take My school to new heights, its my attempt to do âMYâ bit for âMYâ school.
So Ms Xyz jumps out of her seat after reading this article, or may be even after a glance at the very first paragraph and declares âHe thinks, heâs a philosopher, heâs trying to suggest me how to manage life, I am much more successful, I from the top-notch in my class and moreover I am Bill Gates daughter, he stands no where in comparison and here heâs suggesting me, how things are done.â Mr. Abc, the captain of blah blah sports team, and the owner of Walmart, joins in and says âHe hasnât been in school for two years out of which he was absent for one and a half, and here heâs teaching me, the coolest dude in Modernâ. And finally the big Bond joins in and says, âbloody hell, damn itâ. Well, well, well keep your criticisms to yourself, take it or leave it, a typical modernite would have said, but what I can say is no doubt you are the boss, you are the best judge, take it or leave it, but do mail me you criticisms if any, or correct me anywhere if you think I am wrong at the e-mail address mentioned below, and I will owe you one for giving me food for thought.
My first day in school, lots of plans, zillions of ideas, and myriad dreams, in my class I come across this guy, who says, âhey dude, whatâs your nameâ, âAshishâ, âcool, so which car do you haveâ, yes, this was indeed the second question he asked me not the hundredth. I was completely bamboozled because the question came out of the blue, I wondered what made him ask such a questions before knowing a thing about me, secondly I fail to understand how it makes a difference to him. If I have a 1910 two seater, I wonât obviously ask him to give his car to me, and if I have a stretch limo, I wonât really plan to gift a Honda city on his birthday, would you? Well, this was just one in a series of such questions, like whatâs the dadâs income? The scope for earning âupar kiâ income, number and models of mobiles I change every month, and the brand of music system in my car, woofer was a compulsion. Well, many told me this is called being âModernâ, and the person asking such questions with arrogance and shirt hanging out a âModerniteâ, do you really think so? The first thing that came to my mind while these interrogations were on by so many so called Modernites was, am I in a crime cell? And the person asking such questions should actually be called a CBI officer. Oh yeah, trust me, the person asking these questions was in class 11th and not in 1st. So what I basically want to convey is these things are of little or no importance, what matters while choosing friends is, weather you have common interests or not, if your wavelength matches or not, comparative levels of tempers, i.e. weather you are icy cool and the other person an earthquake or vice-versa, and the list of criteria is equal to the number of stars. So often, I believe, present day teen Delhites tend to fall for a financially solid person in comparison to a person at par, ( now I donât want to talk about those below par ), and the reason is our expectation that he will give us a bite out of his pizza or he will introduce us to all the hot steamy girls he meets at the disc, or he will take us for a looooooong drive in his new Lamborghini, but it takes us a few hundred bad experiences to realize that if rich start to share, what makes them rich, then they wont be exclusive any more, in short its every man for himself, if you want a ride in a Ferrari than you will have to earn it with your own skills, hard work and tact or win a lottery, your Ferrari owner friends wont really gift you even a scooter, then why is there a need to make that distinction between a rich friend and someone not as rich. I donât say you should or shouldnât be friends with a particular class of person, but that distinction on the basis of money should be done away with, and that will help you pick and choose the right kind of long lasting friends rather than the pretentious, voguish, and swanky kind of one month friends.
when I joined the school my plan was to win lots of friends by being nice and casual, still in my early days, first few were not the best but anyways it was a new school so does takes time to adjust, what I observed was that the nicer and sweeter I tried to become the more people tried to dominate, so I got a but puzzled, to add to the agony the funky rappers in my bus tried their best to get the hell out of me with their innovative kind of ragging attempts, their leader was a well built wrestler and she had a swashbuckling sense of humour and when she combined it with lies, Tehelka could have got a mission, and when it comes to arguing or proving a point to girls, I feel a bit helpless. So coming back to the topic, guys were getting aggressive by the day and so I got to witness what is called a âGang Bangâ in our school, i.e. a gang of people kicking and hammering, smashing and bashing, beating the hell out of a helpless bloke, just for fun. In a case, the guy who was regularly gang banged was one who tried to be a part of the âCool-Dudes Groupâ, or you can say â The Bangersâ, was a victim, just because he wanted the girls to believe that he was one of the cool dudes too, it took him about one year, a thousand bangings and approximately one million bruises to realize that the group wasnât for him ( seeing his number of attempts, I am sure he had read that spider story ), I guess you got my message again, group should be one where you feel comfortable, and can actually enjoy without caring about what the group of girls standing 20metres away is thinking about you and the people you are standing with, it doesnât always need to be the one with cool dudes in it, who kick your butt if you donât buy a coke for them, from the canteen on their orders. So, for a second I imagined myself being banged and the message which flashed through my mind was, âsweet and nice arenât welcomedâ, I was further assisted by suggestions from a new comer friend, whoâs a sensation today in school. I still remember his words â if you want to make a name in this school, if you want to be a champ, insult everyone, get the Mickey out of everyone and once in a while slap the so called âLOOSERSââ, he didnât gave his advice for free, he knew I could actually be of use to him, as we both were newcomers, we became pretty close friends, and he came to know quite a lot about the so called deadly people I knew which constitute a persons âBACKâ as termed in our school. For days his words strained every little vein in my brain, and that guy lying on the floor with thirteen kicking the different parts oh his body, from head to toe, turn by turn, became a horror dream for me and I wondered, if there is any possibility of me being there in place of that guy one day?. My plans to be popular by being nice needed big time revaluation. So do I really need to use the deadly weapons or at least expose them? Should I call that dreaded guy who âBONDSâ generally make brother because he roams around the city on his Harley Davison carrying a lethal Kalashnikov rifle? And most importantly, was my new and to be famous friends advice worthy? The answer was yes, why not. Oh no, no, no, how can I be that bad? Oh câmon thatâs the only way to be popular here. The cool-dudeâs dictionary defines nice people as âLOOSERSâ. So I got struck in between. Although not intentionally, but luckily or unluckily because of a few friends in school who came to know about my so called, âBackâ, major part of my batch came to know about it, barring the girls, I guess. I earned a lot more friends. In 12th life changed by leaps and bounds. I always knew that I havenât earned true friends barring a few; I was banking on fear psychology.
There are many so called âBONDSâ in our school, who I often came to know, got smashed outside the school, even though, they claimed they knew Dawood Ibrahim and they ruled Modern. What is the reason for this? The false impression that they developed when they dictated a small group of a few hundred and got the reputation of âTHE BONDS OF MODERNâ, notice carefully âof modernâ they actually didnât notice it and forgot there is a world much bigger than the school, and may be at that level there are bigger BONDS and then one fine day due to that over confidence gathered by dominating those few hundred they go and bump into the big-guns outside, remember in Delhi, no matter how big a BOND you become, one day somewhere or the other you will find a âBAAPâ. What will we in Modern call that person...Ummmâ¦..BOND DADDY???
Before I move forward, letâs clear the concept of BONDS and BACKS. What is meant by BACK and whoâs a person having a solid back? No No, itâs not a person with a solid backbone strengthened by eating green vegetables and fruits. This is what I assume what most of my schoolmates would define it, âA person having a solid back is a big GUNDA knowing GUNDAS bigger than him, the more GUNDAS he knows the bigger a BOND he is and the stronger is his BACK, he has the right to gang bang, heâs always fighting and if he slaps you once in a while, keep your mouth shut, always go and shake hands with him, and say âAUR BHAI, KYA HAALâ, even if he doesnât answer and looks away, embarrassing you on the spot, doesnât matter keep trying, one day he will give you the privilege of allowing you to buy him a coke, and then you can feel assured that if you ever have a PANGA, he will come to your rescue (doesnât mean he actually does). Just because he has a solid back and is called a Bond, it means he definitely puffs away all day and boozes too. BACK means a group of people, who have an AK-47, hidden in their toilets and carry a mouser in their socks, if they donât like something you say, in a split second they will, take out six from the other side.
How is BACK nurtured and enhanced?
Go to all the pubs, gyms, nightclubs, discs; meet the desperados, punks and thugs, and all other kind of lawbreakers. Say hi, buy them a Bacardi rum, exchange numbers and then once in a while, send another bottle, maybe perfumes, cash will rock, if the package looks thick enough and then one fine day with your collar up, shirt hanging out, using smart slangy language challenge the biggest BOND in your school to meet you outside the school at 1.40, call the BHAI you made at disc, and tell him to do a favour of building a reputation for you, rest is his job, so now you are âA BONDâ if you were just another guy, and â THE BONDâ, if you were âA BOND.
Different people, in different spheres of life will define a BACK in a countless ways, but what is mentioned above was derived from some of the things which fly around my ears courtesy of people who sit close by, in my classroom, and I guess they are the âstandard modern definitionsâ, but I believe they are completely eccentric and vague. Here I want to highlight the real concept of BACK and how it should actually be used, BACK may or may not mean knowing the rugged kind of criminal guys. For a political leader back may be the support he has from his party members, for a team leader, the support he has from his team-mates, and for a business the links it has with govt. and various financial institutions which can pull it out of bankruptcy in an emergency. Ok so coming onto the very modern definition of BACK, i.e. knowing and using GUNDAS for dominance. After carefully scrutinizing and analyzing the facts I have observed that this culture has led to a groovy life for a selected few, while others have got habitual to Hitler style tyranny. I have seen guys in my batch who turn away when they are 50 metres away from a BOND on the presumption that if they lock eyes with him, even by mistake, they may fall a victim to what can be termed as a BONDS TIME PASS. Well ok now I am not completely sympathising with the oneâs who get dominated, because this is actually what the scenario is, there is a hierarchy of BONDS, everyone wishes to be one, some of the highest class, which constitute âTHE BANGERSâ group, some a bit lower, and some who after coming to 12th, once in a while dare to try their hand on a 8th or 9th class guy because of the âhit-or-you-are-a-looserâ factor. So in short, everyone wants to suppress the weaker ones, and this culture goes right down to the wire, and funnily enough, sometimes, the âTO BE BIG BONDSâ of school, who are on a learning spree in junior school, have the courage to challenge a senior because they have already started building a BACK. I recall, once I heard this one classmate of mine saying to another, âDonât ever mess with this class 6 lad, because he knows so and so BHAI. I donât say building a back is wrong, actually the true meaning of building a back is building contacts, good or bad is also another matter, and using them when required, not intentionally creating situations and then asking for their favours. A perfect example of creating situations can be, intentionally getting involved in a duel with someone only to realize that he has a big bro and then calling for a favour from your built up back. (Luckily sheâs donât need it because in India they just need to shout âhelpâ once and hundred guys will be at service). Once you have built a back doesnât mean you have to necessarily use it against people who modern dictionary would define something like âBACKLESS LOOSERSâ. A question which occupied me for hours was, as I know all these mobsters, should I make my claim of being a part of BONDS group, and the very moment I decided no way, because I knew that would only help me loose on the BACK I had built over the years. Wonder why? When you become a bond, when you think you are the best, and when you try to get the hell out of every person who doesnât jump through the hoops for you, that is when your back starts to dwindle. Why? Hereâs an example, you have 10 so called BHAIS constituting your back, you fight with this new fellow in school, unaware that he has 5 such BHAIS too, now you go for a game of cricket to a club, you tell that stranger guy who is in your team to bring you a glass of water, he refuses, SMACKâ¦on his cheek you go, you are used to doing this in your school, so you cant curb your instinct, now he knew 4 BHAIS too. I donât need to mention that, it will take them no time to set their BHAIS mobile on fire, to get one back on you. So you began the day with 10 solid blokes providing you with the psychological advantage which makes you a BOND and now you have 9 solid musclemen waiting to get a bite of your flesh, your aggregate BACK at the end of the day, 10-9 = 1, now only hope that the nine donât get hold of you when you are on a drive with your girlfriend and I want to tell you I have seen this thing happening with some of my schoolmates at least thrice in the last one year. So my message should be crystal clear by now, BACK should be to for self-defence and not for domineering, if you try and become an aggressor you never know what kind of a person you may bump into one day. Trust me if you want to enjoy life there are one million ways, but why do you want it to be at someone elseâs expense? If you can do it by sharing a joke, shaking a leg at the discotheque, etc. then why is there a need to involve someone else and then tag him a LOOSER. This is the major difference between the Delhi culture and English culture, they weigh their words so well before they come out of their mouth that I sometimes feel, that there is an automatic scanner and eraser fixed in their mouths, which automatically scans and eliminates things which may hurt others. As so many of my friends are going to UK, I would recommend them to revaluate and make the necessary adjustments if they want to be successful there, because English culture demands, control and class, its very different from the US one, which I believe is more similar to the Indian one, people being more BINDAAS.
Jack and Jill, best friends from class 7, on a breezy winter morning entering the class to attend the English period when Jack spots that stunning girl whom he talked to, on her first day in school, two months ago, decides to bunk the period and have a chat with her. Just their second conversation, and she asks, âWho was the guy with you there?â, âMy friendâ he says, âHeâs your friendâ¦.YUCK...he looks sickâ, âoh well, actually heâs just a hi-bye friend and I was with him because he wanted a favour and you know I am too sweet to say no, otherwise I have hardly ever talked to himâ, âoh I see..anyways I got to go, my eco periodâ. So jack sits for the rest of the period alone, as she decides not to bunk the period. Sitting under the tree jack is analysing was it a mistake he did by being friends with Jill, was it the reason he didnât get a girlfriend in school, from class 7th, heâs ugly man, how could he have chosen him a friend? Period gets over, jack heads back to the class, Jill âHey buddyâ, and Jack looks to the other side and passes by. Next day, Jill, âHey Jack, today the new movieâ¦helloâ¦listenâ, Jack ignores him once again, since then they never talked. This was one in a million cases, I witness daily in our school, I see people who sit together in the break, pass by one another in the morning, just because they want the other person to say the first hi, I see some of the people, with a smaller ego dare to go and shake hands with Mr. popular, and just when that hand is hanging in the air, Mr. popular turns a blind eye, and before the guy could get over the pinch of the moment, the gang of girls who saw his hanging hand move to adjust the strand of hair in embarrassment, burst out laughing and what was just a pinch, feels like an arrow has just divided a heart into two and that arrow could be seen by only one person, the person who committed the crime of greeting Mr. popular. Stop here and think for a moment have you ever felt the arrow strike you, or have you left that arrow to strike some one by moving away when that hand came up to you or by gliding your eyes away just when that person was approaching you to say hi, I can bet more than 90% belong to at least one of the category.
If this is called being modern then I feel the people in UK are tribes, they arenât urbane at all. If this is called being modern then I feel the word respect and friendship have been deleted from the modern dictionary. If this is called being modern then I wish I lived on an undeveloped island with a few sweet people who I could talk to all day without thinking what they are thinking of what I have to say, without worrying about the fact that I may be sounding dowdy and frumpy, and allowing the talk to flow freely rather than my words looking left and right, up and down, then getting scanned in the modern dictionary before finally coming out. I donât understand why is everyone trying so hard here, to score points over others, I donât understand what Mr. BOND gets by seeing a bruised eye, I donât understand what Mr. popular would loose if he had shaken that hand, I fail to understand how does it makes a difference to the girl, whoever jacks hangs out with, and Jack, come on how can you leave a five year old friend for a girl, who didnât even stay with you for a single period and who you donât even know if you will ever see again or not. Trust me, shaking hands with someone less popular will only make one more person per handshake like you, thereby making you more popular, and saving someone from embarrassment, so no oneâs at a loss. We all know, how much difference, who we hang out with makes, in our school, in my first few months, this new Sensation frequently asked me why the hell I roamed around with that guy who is considered a LOOSER even though I have a solid BACK. Why shouldnât I? I feel he has more common sense and I am damn sure he hasnât got beaten as many times as you have Mr. Sensation. When I chat on the net and say I am a modernite trust me in 90% of the cases the other person inevitably uses the word âtypically moderniteâ, even if it makes no sense, it seems to be becoming a pre-conceived notion that modernites have an ego problem, and I want to change that image, I want and I hope you want people to say that modernites are modern, cool, and sweet, not modernites are modern, cool and egoistic. Should I go to those peopleâs house, bring back their neck and hang it in my house and say I did it because I am loyal to my school, or should I try and convince my schoolmates, ok here, lets give this some thought, why do outsiders say this, come on shut their mouth forever, feel more relaxed in school, remove the facades and be yourself, make life a bit better for everyone and yourself, rather than only the BONDS, if everyone gives up a bit of an ego, the overall scenario will change so much, and with the time, modern will be universally modern and modern in true sense. I am not a mahatma Gandhi fan, nor am I very SHARIF, I have done and do anything and everything I feel is naughty and exciting, donât want to mention what because I am sure my dad will get hold of this article some day, but my enjoyment has never been at the expense of someone elseâs emotions. To make my life more exciting, more enjoyable, I donât make any one elseâs life bitter, because I know it canât give a person satisfaction in the long run. Itâs high time we take action, batches will come and go, but there is no reason why we should allow more BONDS to bloom out of those batches.
So give some time, and analyze whatever you have done in your school life, at whatever level you are, there is always time to change, if you are one of the bonds and brats, think about those 9 guys gearing to crush you into pieces, if you are one of the loosers, then learn to speak up, no Mahatma Gandhi Is going to come and revolutionize the modern culture, but lots of loosers together can. So I sign off with best wishes to all of you and especially to those of my immediate batch for a very successful career and an enjoyable UN-BONDISH kind of life.

Cheers
Ashish Monga.
Please send your suggestions and feedback at budds_ashish@hotmail.com