Search results for 'tag:Paragraphs tag:Essays' matching tags 'Paragraphs' and 'Essays'

Re: Help improve my thesis statement

Mister Micawber — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:09:37 GMT

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Begin with a very brief description of what a video game is and a comment on their rise in popularity. The first paragraphs of your essay, then, can add documentation to their evolution and nature.
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Help with creating a thesis statement

patriciaa — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 04:25:59 GMT

Hi. This is my first researh paper I have ever done. My topic I have to write on is "Both qualitative and quantitative methods are used when conducting research. Explain the differences between the two methods and the advantages and disadvantages of each. Which method would you prefer to use?" I just don't know where to start. I need to hand in an outline for my essay along with with my introductory pragraph. In my introductory paragraph should include a topic sentance (thesis), catch the reader's interst, and give a brief outline of what arguments/points I will make in my paper. I am so lost and confused on where to begin and what to put in this paragraph. I have also never ever done a thesis statement. Can anyone help?

Correction

MIA6 — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 18:31:19 GMT

The topic of the essay is : Is it better to be underrated by people than to be overrated by them?

<So my first sentence starts off with âI thinkâ to show my opinion, but somehow I feel itâs weak.> I think it is better to be underrated by people than to be overrated by them because once you realize you are underrated, it motivates you to work more industriously (I am not sure if I used the word âindustriouslyâ right here. I put it to replace âharderâ); the rest of the first paragraph is omittedâ¦.

People stereotyped me as someone who couldnât speak much English. I reacted to this by getting high scores in English class and spoke fluent English in front of those people. <Did I use the phrase in blue right? And somehow I feel awkward to say âspoke fluent English in front of those people.>

He underestimates his neighbor Charlesâs son Bernard. He thinks Bernard canât even be compared to his son, so he doesnât expect that Bernard will become a successful lawyer. <Is there a shorter way to say Bernard canât be compared to his son? Itâs just wordy I guess.>

THanks.

Please correct my essay!

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 11:01:34 GMT

The topic is a personal essay, writing about a story from your life. I think I improperly used quotation marks and such, and kept repeating words very often. I'll appreciate your input :) (especially in grammar usage) I also need better vocabulary.

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Although I was born in Seattle, Washington, I grew up surrounded by the Korean language and Korean traditions. I attended a Korean church, went to Korean school during the weekends, had only other Korean friends, and wasnât really exposed to much of American culture or white people for that matter besides watching the television or occasionally playing with my neighbors. It wasnât until I hit kindergarten where I was struck with a culture shock.

As I entered kindergarten, there was one essential missing piece to myself. I could not speak English. I remember picking out my prettiest dress that matched with my prettiest shoes for the day, never considering the fact that my lack of knowledge for the English language would be a problem. As the day went on and I realized that I was not able to communicate my thoughts to my peers, I began to question, âwhat have I done wrongâ? How could I, who lived in America for my whole five years of life, only know a few select words such as âHiâ or âByeâ? I used to be so proud of the fact that I was a master at the Korean language. My parentâs friends would often remark about how fluently I spoke it, and would assume that I had just come from Korea. Now, it was completely different. I was ashamed of knowing this language that no one in my class ever spoke or heard of, and I detested being the odd one out.

Luckily, surrounded by other carefree five year olds and very helpful teachers, no one was ever judgmental of me not being able to speak English. It was only me who could not get over my insecurity of not being able to fluently communicate with other people. My teacher arranged for me to get a special tutor to help me learn how to speak in basic ways, and the entire class would listen every week to the new words and sentences that I had learned. In a year, I was able to communicate freely to my friends without difficulty.

**However, there were some rough patches along the way. One day, as I saw one of my friends in class, I went to go say hello. I decided to, what I perceived as lightly, pat her on the back of the shoulders with both of my hands to get her attention. I guess she took this the wrong way, and told the teacher on me for hitting her. ** <-- (I think this whole paragraph is worded very awkwardly but I don't know how to change it)

âWhy did you hit Chloe, Lisa? Thatâs not a very nice thing to do!â My teacher exclaimed. She went on scolding me for another five minutes.

I was in complete shock. I did not do anything wrong! I was merely acknowledging my friend by patting her on the shoulders! I tried my best to somehow communicate, âI didnât mean to!â, but I could not come up with the words. I was so frustrated by not being able to tell her this, but there was nothing I could do. I simply stood there and took my punishment, trying my best to hold back my tears.

However bad that might sound, there were actually a lot of enjoyable experiences. As I learned the words around, behind, in front of, etc., my classmates would often join in when I had to demonstrate these words in the context of being by a desk. All of my classmates would try and help me learn a few words or phrases, and I made a lot of close friends during that year from just that.

Learning English was definitely one of the most difficult experiences I had to go through in school, but the rewards of being able to communicate with my peers was so much more rewarding. I learned to be patient and maintain persistence, as well as get over my insecurity of being different. Now, I am so appreciative of the fact that I am able to speak two languages; it is like I am apart of two totally separate worlds that I can switch in and out of.

Re: Please correct my essay

AlpheccaStars — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:08:55 GMT

Program:

You essay has many statements that are factually questionable, and many problems with grammar. It will help you a lot if you make a title (a topic that you will defend), list the main points you want to make on the topic, order the points logically, and then write a paragraph for each point. Example:

Topic: Racial prejudice is a problem today, but will disappear in the future.

1) We have racial prejudice today because...

2) People do not socialize with people from other cultures today because....

a)... b).. c)..

3) The positive aspects of races not socializing with other races are ...

4) The positive aspects of races socializing with other races are.

5) (Conclusion) There are forces present today which will reduce prejudice... and therefore

For thousands of ~~or may be million~~ (it's not clear that modern humans have existed millions of years) years ~~ago~~, people used to (they still do) live in separate groups around the world. They didnât have the communication technology as we ~~already~~ have it now, they ~~have been~~ lived in absolutely different cultures. Now, after the human development (? biological) , cultures start to contact each other. (People of different cultures have warred and traded with each other for thousands of years, too.)

Every being on this planet, whether fish, bird or mammal, has a preference for its own kind, and defends its territory against ~~real or not real~~ threats (Rabbits do not defend their territories against predators). It's a common theme, people do tend to naturally gravitate to whom they are most like, and loathe of everything is not consistent with. (Do people loathe dogs or horses?)

Sometimes it is the sense of priority (? wrong word) or feeling of superiority, especialy when the other side (what other side - do you mean when 2 people meet each other? ) comes from a backward (more primitive? ) society. Sometimes this sense is involuntary and not from a known cause. It (do you mean prejudice?) passed down in families, in culturesâ¦not examined.

The different racial (? missing word) occasionally, lead to the racism which it gives rise to increasing of crimes and ~~destroy~~ destruction and disruption of community development.
Some people, in spite of being brought up with the idea that all people are equal, ~~they~~ are racist. It is insecurity and lack of understanding of other party.

On the other side, specially from the viewpoint of medical (?missing word), they (who are they?) find that the mixing of races is produce more a healthy society because, âas everyone knowsâ that repeated mating within the same race leads to the emergence of diseases that appear only in one race. (More often, interbreeding results in genetic abnormalities, but it must be extreme inbreeding. Give an example of such a disease.)

~~More over~~,Moreover, ~~the~~ a community consisting of different races helps to develop society, and benefits from the traditions through the exchange of expertise (wrong word?) and fills gaps (give an example) that may be present in one of ~~them~~.the individual groups.

Educational plays a significant role in deepening the sense of this assistance (wrong word) or to get rid of it (what does "it" refer to? ). I think that schools where students of different races (missing verb, "students" is the subject) helps (missing - subject of "accept") to accept the issue of co-existence. (I don't think that co-existence is an issue)
If the system (what system?) continues, after several generations, we will find communities become more homogeneous ~~homogenization~~, and the sense of ethnicity will disappear because everyone ~~every one~~ will know that he came from the same type (race?) that the other came from.

Re: Please correct my essay

AlpheccaStars — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:08:55 GMT

Program:

Topic: Racial prejudice is a problem today, but will disappear in the future.

1) We have racial prejudice today because...

2) People do not socialize with people from other cultures today because....

a)... b).. c)..

3) The positive aspects of races not socializing with other races are ...

4) The positive aspects of races socializing with other races are.

5) (Conclusion) There are forces present today which will reduce prejudice... and therefore

Please check my essay

Anonymous — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:57:58 GMT

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Through the ages the role of women and men was family and socially defined. The stereotype of the woman who stay at home, cooking, washing the dishes, raising the children disappeared as quickly as the vision of man being the only familyâs support. The world is less curious when things seams to be the same. Changing society and the role of both genders causes sometimes funny situations and NOT funny incomprehension between this two equal but different sexes. Understanding, accepting and loving the behaviors and differences between men and women can be a serious problem. Some of the most obvious differences can be illustrated by watching typical reaction of men and women in particular situations. This essay will clearly give you some examples of this diversity.

Each gender approaches problems in a totally different manner than the other one. This problems can touch things like: using bathrooms and telephones, dressing up, bringing up children and many, many more. First of them, which can be discussed in his essay are colors. It is generally known that colors can be fully distinguished only by women. Men just think âblue is blue, and it is niceâ, âgreen is green, and it is also niceâ, so why do not put them together and wear green shoes and blue trousers? Such blend gives the impression of being neglected, tasteless and tawdry, what create the feeling of disguise in/on/at the opposite sex. For petticoats it is obvious this two colors do not fit each other and look good only in the nature.

Next thing worth consideration are children. A mother knows everything about her offspring. Her knowledge about them include their friends, favorite foods and drinks, girlfriends (or boyfriends), planes for the future, material needs, clothes or dentist appointments. A mother knows what is dangerous for her child and not recommended in care of it. A father usually knows the number of people living at home, place of hidden sweets and alcohol and time of football matches on âEuro sportâ or some local television.

Men are everlasting babies. Little girls play with toys and dolls at least to the time they reach about twelve years old. Than they lose interest. Men inversely, only formally. As they grow up, become older, their toys become more and more complicated, more and more expensive and more and more impractical. Buying ingenious toys for children and forbidding them to play with them without presence of father can be a good example how man hide their childish outbursts and minority.

On the other hand some of the character features of womenâs have not changed since being a nine-year old girls. This is for example their mania of dressing up. A statistic woman is able to dress up even 5 to 6 times a day! It happens when she goes shopping, goes to the swimming pool, cooks a meal, meets her friends, goes to the doctor, feeds childrenâ¦

Second example is when she goes shopping. During this luxurious activity she buys a numerous number of items, that she really donât need, but they are on sale-half-priced. Later, in her bathroom are 186 strange items. In contrast man dresses only for weddings or funerals, buy things he need only for elementary needs (in bathroom he has six items: soap, toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream, electric razor and a towel. He is not able to name or idenyify more than 15 of womanâs bathroom staff.

Some psychologists have noticed that women speaks in the whole paragraphs, but men speaks in words, sentences more possibly. It can be seen in doing some of the activities like using the telephone. Men use it as a communication tool- they send short messages and have short calls in order to zaÅatwiÄ sprawy. The opposite sex as soon as she reaches home after four-day visiting friend, she calls her âonly to say sheâs on placeâ and talk with her and gossips for another two or three hours.

Thinking of getting married, notice that women expect man he will change after wedding, but he doesnât. A man hopes his wife will not change, but she does. Think twice before making up your decision.

Re: Help me to correct my essay please!

ferpectedit — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 01:16:11 GMT

I work for an online editing and proofreading service. Please see my profile for more info. I won't go through the whole letter here, but I will show you how I would revise the first paragraph.

Dear __ __:

Although I am grateful for the information and DVD you have sent me about the military I have decided not to join. I want you to remove my name and address from your list. Please let your recruiters know about my decision, so they stop following me around campus. Also please stop calling me on the phone. I donât want to join the military. Please respect my decision.

The salutation should be the supervisor's rank and last name followed by a colon. If you don't know his name or rank, call up the office and ask. Your first sentence sounds like a thank you note. I truncated it and joined it with the second sentence, to let your reader know more quickly what this letter is about. I also omitted the redundant phrases and unnecessary clauses, so your message is clear. Good luck!

Re: Help editing this paragraph.

AlpheccaStars — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:32:02 GMT

Now I can see the essay, the thesis is better written:

Power-hungry rulers can rise to leadership and govern in different ways, but the end result is the same: the destitution (or impoverishment) of their people.

Help editing this paragraph.

xpistonsx — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:01:23 GMT

This paragraph is part of a compare/contrast essay. I am comparing one character from Animal Farm and one from either Julius Caesar or Lord of the Flies. The two I chose are Napoleon and Jack. Some guidelines I have to follow are: Only a max of 2 "to be" verbs per paragraph and use present tense. I don't think my second example (about the limitations) is the best, so if you can come up with a better one please suggest it. Also, I need some help restating my thesis for my conclusion paragraph. Any help would be appreciated. Here is my contrast paragraph:

Thesis: Both William Goldingâs Lord of the Flies and George Orwellâs Animal Farm, illustrate that people are hungry for power.

Napoleon, a pig, and Jack, a human, differ in their hunger for power. One example is how they use their power to get their respective societies to do what they dreamed about. Napoleon uses his power to keep the animals in check and to take care of the farm. Napoleon forces the animals to work most of the week to build the windmill and to harvest the land for food. He also uses it to direct the animalsâ attention from the growing shortages and inadequacies on the farm. Jack, on the other hand, uses his power to turn his group of boys into blood-thirsty savages. He turns the groupâs focus to killing pigs and dancing around campfires. Both charactersâ actions prove to be costly and lead to negative effects. Second, different limitations are another example of how the characters could use their powers. Napoleon is looked up to as a leader, which practically gives him the power to mostly do whatever he wants because the animals think he is always right. But he still must follow the commandments which he secretly changes, though, through Squealer to give him more power. In contrast, Ralph appoints Jack a leader position at first as head of the hunters. His power is limited by Ralph because most of the society will listen to him. Since Jack wants more power, he makes the decision to leave Ralphâs group and form his own. This gives him more freedom and ultimately unlimited power. The limitation each character has on their powers affects their decisions and ultimately the end result of their societies. Both characters fail to utilize their powers for the good of the societies and cause destruction and mayhem.