Hi,
I've gone through the first paragraph for you and highlighted problems in the rest. Your main difficulty seems to be the use of singular/plural, verb tenses and knowing when you need a determiner. There are other errors as well though. Once again, NO CAPITAL LETTER AFTER COMMAS! Nicely...
ESL Essay, Writing World
by
nona the brit
2 yr 119 days ago
Essays, Paragraphs, Commas, Dates, Tenses, Capital Letters, Verbs, Plurals, Football, Articles, Determiners