Search results for 'tag:Paragraphs tag:Nouns' matching tags 'Paragraphs' and 'Nouns'

Re: help please

OrlandoEnglishTutor — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:53:39 GMT

Good answer, Teri! May I add a couple of things that you overlooked?

First Paragraph, Sentence #1: This sentence needs the verb "is" -- "Do you feel that your life is boring?" In sentence #3, "everyday" is one word only when used as an adjective ("an everyday occurence"), but when "day" is a noun with the adjective "every," as it is here, the two words are separate ("every day"). This is a mistake that many Americans make!

Second paragraph, sentence #2: "Go to walks" is not an expression. The common prepositions are "on" or "for" -- thus, I go for walks (more common) or I go on walks (less common).

Good job! --Sandy

P.S. I believe the use of "may be" in the final sentence is meant as a modifier and should be spelled "maybe" -- but perhaps you mean it as a verb phrase meaning "might be," in which case it is correct.

Re: One of many problems faced by English learners is their own misconceptions.

Avangi — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 23:27:00 GMT

Jackson6612

Avangi
either "learners of the English language," or "English language learners."
Why is article the essential here? There is only one English language. e.g. I'm learning Chinese language these days. Is there any need to specify Chinese language using the? The use of the is justified in sentences as in ''I'm learning the Southern American English dialect nowadays. The article is required in all of these. I honestly have no idea why. My guess is that "language" is the object of the verb "to learn," and would require an article if it were used without "English" as a modifier. To qualify for standing without the article, a "subject of study" must be one of a few very well-established courses. "I'm majoring in Romance Languages at university." Here, Romance Languages is the recognized name of a well-established course of study, as is Chinese. In the case of a dialect, the indefinite article would be used if there were more than one. Avangi
<<One - - is their own misconceptions.>> IMO there should be number agreement here. Possibly, "One - - - is dealing with their own misconceptions."
Yes, there should be number agreement between verb and object. If I followed your suggestion then the sentence would read: One of many problems faced by learners of the English language is that they are dealing with their own misconceptions. Is that what you suggested? That would be fine. I was considering "that they are" to be optional, as the gerund "dealing" may serve by itself as predicate nominative following the being verb "is." Avangi
This is about "learners." You refer back five times with "they." At some point you might remind the reader who "they" are. Eg, "these learners," "the students," something else of your choosing.
Is choosing'' used as a present participle in the above context? I'd say functionally it's a gerund, serving as object of the preposition "of." The other option, "choice," would of course be a noun.
Avangi
<<During the learning process, they should stop taking the machinery of their native tongue for granted.>> As the final sentence of the first paragraph, this seems enigmatic. It's very well phrased, but the meaning is less than obvious (to me.) I feel like I want an additional sentence by way of (=as means of, as a type of) explanation, or clarification. Optionally, you could make your "machinery" image a little easier to connect up.
How can I make the machinery image a little easier to connect up? How did I know you were going to ask me that danged question?? During the learning process they should remind themselves that the machinery of their native tongue was a long time in [the] building and fine-tuning, and they must be willing to devote an equal effort to the new language. (I'm not sure I have your intention right.)
Avangi
In the second paragraph, at first blush (=when first thought of or considered) the antecedent (=a word or phrase which a pronoun refers back to) of "They" would seem to be "English speakers."
Yes, you are right. I will be more careful about such constructions in future.
Avangi
Have you verified that "idiomaticness" is a word? Or is it a "nonce (=occurring, used, or made only once or for a special occasion) word"?
It is a proper word according to the Merriam-Webster's dictionary.

Congratulations on your hard work. - A.

Edit. "Why is the article "the" essential here?"

Re: One of many problems faced by English learners is their own misconceptions.

Jackson6612 — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:13:32 GMT

Hi Avangi,

Avangi
either "learners of the English language," or "English language learners."

Why is article the essential here? There is only one English language. e.g. I'm learning Chinese language these days. Is there any need to specify Chinese language using the? The use of the is justified in sentences as in ''I'm learning the Southern American English dialect nowadays.

Avangi
<<One - - is their own misconceptions.>> IMO there should be number agreement here. Possibly, "One - - - is dealing with their own misconceptions."

Yes, there should be number agreement between verb and object. If I followed your suggestion then the sentence would read: One of many problems faced by learners of the English language is that they are dealing with their own misconceptions. Is that what you suggested?

Avangi
This is about "learners." You refer back five times with "they." At some point you might remind the reader who "they" are. Eg, "these learners," "the students," something else of your choosing.

Is choosing'' used as a present participle in the above context?

Avangi
<<During the learning process, they should stop taking the machinery of their native tongue for granted.>> As the final sentence of the first paragraph, this seems enigmatic. It's very well phrased, but the meaning is less than obvious (to me.) I feel like I want an additional sentence by way of (=as means of, as a type of) explanation, or clarification. Optionally, you could make your "machinery" image a little easier to connect up.

How can I make the machinery image a little easier to connect up?

Avangi
In the second paragraph, at first blush (=when first thought of or considered) the antecedent (=a word or phrase which a pronoun refers back to) of "They" would seem to be "English speakers."

Yes, you are right. I will be more careful about such constructions in future.

Avangi
Have you verified that "idiomaticness" is a word? Or is it a "nonce (=occurring, used, or made only once or for a special occasion) word"?

It is a proper word according to the Merriam-Webster's dictionary.

Re: help me this paragraph please!

AlpheccaStars — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:30:59 GMT

The web site mangled my last post!!! I try again.

I also had experiences like hers ( must be possessive case of the pronoun "she", not the adjective, her) too. ~~When~~ During my first days in United States myfamily and I lived in at San Diego (we live in a city, county; we live at an address such as 100 Main Street) for two months. While we lived (or were living) there ~~on that place~~ my grand uncle, who lives in Stockton, called us and invited us to move into his place. It took two or three weeks for my mom to decided to move into Stockton. ~~When~~ After my mom made plans to go, she told to my grand auntie that we all were going to move the next nest week. When my grand auntie heard that, she was so mad at us that and she didn't talk to us for three days. Finally the day is came and we all packed all our stuff and got to ready for our new life in the new place. On that day we woke up so early and I'm glad that my grand auntie took us to the bus terminal. She was nice and cared for (or took care of) us. I ~~know~~ knew she was mad at us because she didn't ~~don't~~ want us to leave her alone. She bought some snacks for us to eat while ~~when~~ we were on the bus. In the bus there were lots people, ~~and~~ most of them were elderly ~~is the elders~~. I felt tired when traveling because it took eight hours sitting on the bus; it made me bored and tired. When we arrived in Stockton my family and I lived at my grand uncle's. He was the one who called my mom and ask her to move here. We stayed at his house for two months and then we moved again. I really hate moving because it is tiring ~~tired~~ to move from to one place ~~and~~ to another place ~~that terrible~~. But now I'm glad that my mom doesn't have intentions ~~attention~~ to move again. When I hear the world "Move" I feel felt tired and hate it. When moving you needs to buy new things for your new house and need to decorate and clean ~~them~~. You also need to make new friends and learn about the neighborhood too. I think that situation is hard for young people like me because we need to deal with our new life and the things around us. If mom would ask (modal form is better) ~~asks~~ me to move to another place, I would say no to her. I love the place I lived right now and I know someday I will move again.

Re: grammar check!

AlpheccaStars — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 17:03:57 GMT

Ellisa:

This is a very long passage, and your other post seems to be even longer.

The editor at this web site makes it difficult to make corrections to long passages. Also, many teachers do not want to devote a long time working on a single post. If you post only one paragraph at a time, then different teachers can work on them and you will get your corrections faster.

Ellisa

Hello teachers!
I'm summarising a book which is about teaching methods.
I guess there are millions of errors.
Please ~~check those to right one~~ suggest corrections to my sentences.!
Thanks in advance!

13. Teaching grammar

There are two main ways to teach~~ing~~ grammar.(or you can say "ways of teaching grammar". The word "teaching" is a gerund, and must be used as a noun. In this example, it is object of the preposition "of")
One way is ~~both~~ planning grammar teaching in advance and relying on the coursebooks which can help us teach grammar. The other way is teaching grammar as a result of other work. In other words, it is ~~has~~ done as a peripheral activity. In this chapter, we will look at the various different ways to teach grammar. We will look at the range of activities which satisfy not merely efficiency but also ~~appropriacy~~ (not a word; you can use the adjective forms - a range of activities which are efficient as well as appropriate). . Lastly, we will discuss grammar books and their usages.

(You need to be consistent in using imperative versus declarative sentences)

A. Introducing grammar

The following ~~1 to 4~~ examples (, numbered 1 to 4,) are activities which represent a range of possibilities for introducing new grammar.

Ex1) It's making sentences using the present simple in the third singular. First, the teacher holds up a number of flashcards which are about a specific job. Then (? subject - the students )make sentences in ~~contained~~ present simple tense for ~~the~~ each pictures. It consists (or The exercise consists of) of three affirmative and three negative sentences. Then (? subject - the teacher )makes the students guess what kind of job it is. Once students are confident in ~~with~~ these sentences, the teacher asks them to think of one profession and make 6 sentences. Now, they can do activities guessing what profession is being described.

Ex2) It's using texts which contained (present tense) what the students are being taught (past simple irregular verbs). While the students read the text, they come across blanks that they must fill in with the past tense form of certain verbs. Then, (? subject - the teacher )makes them write these past tense verb forms down in the blanks and also write them phonetically using ~~which are shown~~ ~~their~~ phonemic symbols.

Ex3) This is aimed to show the differences between ~~reporting~~ direct speech and reporting things that were said in the past. The teacher draws ~~Draw~~ two people on the board. One, whose name is Jack, is holding a phone and smiling ~~whose name is Jack~~. The other is just standing. The teacher gives the ~~Give~~ students the information that Jack is talking to a girl who he met in the school canteen. Then, the teacher asks the students what Jack tells his friend while taking on the phone. The answers might be in the present form such as ' She says I'm really nice'. In this process, the teacher makes sure that the students understand how 'you' changes to 'I'. The teacher now tells the students that Jack is back home and he was spurned by the girl. He is telling to his mother that 'She said I was really nice' which is past form. The teacher can write both past and present forms on the board to help students.

Ex4) Here, the language which the students are ~~were~~ going to study is ~~was~~ embedded in the texts which they read. The teacher makes the students read the story first. After confirming that they ~~are~~ fully understanood the story by asking comprehension questions, the teacher asks them to make bad or insensible statements using the story. Then, the ~~get~~ students to come up to the board and write the sentences. ~~so that T~~he sentences have to use the modal auxillary "should," such as ~~ncluding~~ 'Should have p.p.' or' Shouldn't have p.p'.(especially here.)

as likely to

Tuongvan — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 11:43:09 GMT

Dear teachers,

Could you possibly tell me the meaning of the phrase" be likely to+ver" as appears in the following paragraph:

A common misconception is that none must always be treated as singular. The customary support for this view is that none necessarily means "not one" (implying singularity); in fact, "none" is just as likely to imply "not any" (implying plurality). As noted in The American Heritage Dictionary: "the word has been used as both a singular and a plural noun from Old English onward.

Thank you in advance

Tracking the mountain lion (Gapped sentences, CAE)

Tanit — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 13:16:58 GMT

This quiz is given by the University of Cambridge as a free sample of Paper 1 (Reading), Part 2 (Gapped Sentences) of the ESOL Cambridge Certificate in Advanced English (CAE).

This type of test assesses how well candidates understand the structure of the text and the development of the theme (so pay attention to demonstrative pronouns and adjectives, time references, sequence of verb tenses etc.)

You are going to read an extract from a magazine article. Six paragraphs have been removed from the extract. Choose from the paragraphs A â G the one which fits each gap (1-6). There is one extra paragraph which you do not need to use.

Good luck!

___________________________________

Tracking the mountain lion

Rupert Isaacson joins a volunteer project to protect mountain lions in Idaho, USA.

[test]
After two hours of trudging up the mountainside through deep snowdrifts, the dogs began to bark. There, in our path, was what weâd been looking for: the paw print of a mountain lion. It belonged to a female that had recently passed by. Kevin and Ken, the houndsmen, consulted briefly with John, the biologist, while the four hounds whimpered with excitement, straining at their leads, eager to begin the chase.
1 "D|A|B|C|E|F|G"
I carried one of the two rifles, followed by a pilot lugging measuring instruments, and a doctor and a postman struggling with cameras and radio antennae. Six others puffed and panted their way behind us, all of them â like me â professional cityfolk unused to such strenuous exertion.
2 "F|A|B|C|D|E|G"
When we finally caught up with the dogs they were bunched up at a rock, behind which an angry female mountain lion snarled and spat, swiping with its claws. We kept back, ready to run if it made a bid for freedom, while John crept down the mountain behind it. Having approached the lion quietly from below, he took his rifle from his bag, loaded it, took aim and shot.
3 "A|B|C|D|E|F|G"
We moved in, briskly efficient, photographing, measuring and weighing as John had taught us. Having changed the battery in its radio-collar, we brought the silken-coated creature round with an injection. Snarling and unsteady, it slunk away into cover and we began the long trek down the mountain.
4 "C|A|B|D|E|F|G"
However, our initial prejudices soon faded, as we realised the pair had more in common with us than weâd thought, and as the skill and dedication which they put into the project became apparent. This was most noticeable the next day, when our task was to provide a mother and cubs with new batteries in their collars. As we reached the point in the canyon where the pines grew thickest, suddenly a large male lion went streaking across the snowy plain. Ken and Kevin set off through the sagebrush.
5 "G|B|A|C|D|E|F"
While this was happening, Ken and Kevin crept up behind and tried to drop a pitifully small lasso â made from the dogsâ leads â over the lionâs head. Sensing their presence, the animal whirled around, slashing with its claws. I went in with the hounds again, and a surreal dance developed.
6 "B|A|C|D|E|F|G"
Of course it wasnât always so dramatic â many of our days in the mountains were quite mundane. But for me, the best thing about the trip was watching hunters and environmentalists sharing an adventure and putting money and energy into conservation, all the while showing that really they are two sides of the same coin.[/test]

_____________________________________________

HERE ARE THE PARAGRAPHS YOU CAN CHOOSE FROM:

A The dart hit the lioness in the back of the leg. It flinched, growled and then turned sleepily back to the hounds. Like a tiring boxer, its slashing movements became slower and slower until it slumped into the snow, unconscious.

B Finally, on the fifth or sixth try, the houndsmen managed to drop the restraint over the lionâs head and tie it around a sagebrush trunk. Quickly and efficiently they did the same with one of its hind legs, then I helped them to sit on the protesting lion until John arrived with the tranquilliser.

C On the way, John told me he had recruited Ken and Kevin, two hunters, to assist in the lion study because of their local knowledge. At first my fellow volunteers felt uncomfortable with this. How could these men kill animals one day, then try to protect them the next?

D The men exchanged nods, then bent down to set the animals loose. And with a whoop, they were off, bounding through the snow, leaving the rest of us to lumber after them, each laden with his allotted encumbrance.

E Kevin barely had time to reply before the lion reached out a massive paw and swiped at the rifle. With impressive speed, John seized his own rifle, and â what seemed like a split-second later â the creature lay motionless on the ground, a tranquilliser dart in its tawny side.

F This motley crew formed the ten-strong paying volunteer group taking part in a University of Idaho study into the effect of habitat fragmentation on wildlife. Our task was to radio-collar mountain lions and gather data on their feeding habits, with the ultimate aim of persuading state authorities to curb urban growth and adopt more wildlife-friendly forestry practices.

G They sprinted effortlessly over the rocky ground, while I stumbled along in their wake. After five kilometres we spotted the lion. âQuick,â said Ken, thrusting the houndsâ collars into my hand. âYou distract it for a moment.â Scarcely able to believe what I was doing, I found myself letting the straining dogs lunge at the lion just enough to make it come at us, then jumping back in time to avoid its claws.

Re: intercept parking lot & combo ...

Clive — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 20:55:50 GMT

Hi,
Is there anybody who knows the concept of 'intercept parking lot'?
If so, would you explain a little bit for me?
(For your reference, I put some context below.)

And as for the second paragraph, if you also give your opinion about it, it would be much appreciated.
(I've tried to find some info about it on websit but hard to find it...so..)
Does the part marked mean 'combo pakages that combine ticket and camping' or else?

Thanks
pb

--
StartFragment>

No 1 :
Colorado Ave, also known as Main St, is where youâll find most businesses. The townâs small size means you can get everywhere on foot, so leave your car at the intercept parking lot at the south end of Mahoney Dr (near the visitor center) or wherever you are staying.

This just sounds like the name of the parking lot. In other words, I think 'Intercept' is a proper noun.

StartFragment>No 2:
Telluride Bluegrass Festival : Held in late June, this festival attracts thousands for a weekend of topânotch rollicking al fresco bluegrass. Stalls sell all sorts of food and local microbrews to keep you happy, and acts continue well into the night. Camping out for the fourâday festival is very popular. Check out the website for info on sites, shuttle service and combo ticketâandâcamping packages â itâs all very organized!

I think it means that you pay one price which includes both an admission ticket and camping charges. In other words, you get both for a combined price.

Best wishes, Clive

Re: What does "essentially" modify?

Infinik — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 07:06:35 GMT

Avangi
I think "essentially" in (a) is just a garbage word which has no function. It's usually used like "mainly" to fatten up someone's poor speaking style, and I'm surprised to see it in a written technical piece.

You may exclude A and B and (essentially) all this other stuff which fits the following definition.

You may exclude (broadly) such things as I'm going to describe. I think if it modifies anything at all, it modifies the verb, "exclude."

The bare sentence is, "Members may exclude plants, animals, and processes." What kind of processes?? Biological processes. All biological processes?? No. Only essential biological processes.

I don't think this is what the speaker means. If he did, essential and biological would both be adjectives modifying the noun, processes. But he says "essentially." Neither essential nor essentially fit the context.

Thanks for the comment. I'm still puzzled by essentially in (a). (a) is quoted from TRIPS Article 27, Paragraph 3(b). If "essentially" were to modify "biological", I still need to figure out what "essentially biological processes" means, both legally and scientifically.

I have another view on (a). The word "essentially" is used because it emphasizes what is not included as non-biological processes. As you've said, it can be dropped without harm. But, just wondering, it could have lawful meaning attached, just like "substantially", which is a legalese in patent specs interpretation.

i

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"