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Personal statement - editing help

tazeri — Sat, 17 May 2008 20:58:30 GMT

Hi everybody,

I'm working on my personal stetement for postgraduate programme (Media and Communications Studies). I've managed to put there everything I wanted, but I'm not sure whether it's uderstandable, gramatically correct, atc.

Any advice appreciated!

Thankx.

Dear Sir or Madam:

My interest in media studies dates back to my years at high school when I started to realize how mass media and new means of communication change our everyday lives. I had a chance to observe a huge media system transformation in my country. After years of limited and communist government ruled media scene there were first commercial channels, advertising upswing and later on also mobile phones and internet hype. This experience influenced my decision to pursue undergraduate education in the field.

During my undergraduate studies I had the opportunity to be exposed to the wide range of practical journalism courses and media studies courses. The Media Studies and Journalism programme at the Faculty of Social Studies offered us a chance to explore not only news writing, web page creating and photography but also courses focused on media research techniques, critical media thought, media audiences and media effects. During my studies at the Masarykâs University Iâve realized that I would like to extend my knowledge of media theory and research in the future.

The first opportunity for independent research work was my final thesis. I decided to explore the way in which womanâs glossy magazines represent green goods and green consumerism in general. The experience of designing and conducting the research by myself belongs to the most valuable gains from the undergraduate programme. The results of my final thesis were published in a journal specializing in environmental topics.

Faculty of Social Studies has an excellent reputation for its demanding and up to date courses. With a grade average of 1.67 I belonged to the top quartile of the students on the course.

As my related work experience is concerned I already had a chance to benefit from the university gained knowledge in the professional field. In 2006 I was volunteering for a non-profit Fair Trade organization in Brno. I was responsible for media activities such as press releases and press briefings. Currently Iâm taking part in an internship with the A.B.C company which is one of the biggest producers of medical goods in the Czech Republic. At the position of a Brand Manager trainee I had a chance to work on advertising campaigns and customer researches. It was an excellent opportunity to see the commercial media world from the clientâs point of view which involves all the advertising deals and media lobbying.

In terms of a future career, I see myself either working in media research (commercial or university based) or finding a placement in within advertising business.

In my studies towards a masterâs degree, I hope to extend my knowledge on the subjects such as environmental discourse in media, gender and minority media representation and the impact of new media upon society. I was glad to find out that these topics belong to the research interests of the Centre for Mass Communication Research and some of them are covered in the courses offered. Another reason to take the Masters Programme in Mass Communications at your Department is its long established tradition of media research, wide variety of related learning resources and academics who are involved in the current research in the field. Iâm also attracted by the possibility of studying in the multicultural setting of the University of X.

As stated above, Iâm highly interested in pursuing my masterâs degree in Mass Communications. As I am aware of the superb reputation of the Department of Media and Communication I hope you will give me a chance of continuing my studies at your institution.

Best regards,

X.Y

Re: My Personal Statement for Scholarship for Masters - Please Comment

Mister Micawber — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 06:25:41 GMT

I have underlined some problems. It is also a bit wordy, and I have struck out phrases which should be eliminated (you will probably have to revise the sentences to accommodate these omissions):

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing this personal statement because of the need of external funding in order to improve my intellectual capacity by mastering on European Studies and create higher utility for Turkish Cypriot society by making new linkages, learning new languages and being aware of other cultures, which is currently very important to Turkish Cypriots on the stage of significant turning point.

~~I am Mertkan Hamit.~~ I will be graduated from Marmara University, Istanbul, Department of Economics at the end of 2007 â 2008 study year. After my graduation my target is making my master degree on the area of European Studies. The main reason, ~~making my master degree on European Studies,~~ among the many problems and conflicts in Cyprus ~~island~~, it emphatically remain as a European Union Member-State ~~country~~ either Cyprus problem solved or not . ~~There is a fact that,~~ Cyprus ~~island~~'s two zones' are inequal in terms of economics or welfare. ~~As a young person who is being aware of this fact~~, the main need of ~~the~~ Turkish Cypriot society is professions who knows Europe very well, and have academical point of view for European ~~states'~~ economics, politics and culture. From my point of view, all those that I have implemented, can not be learned just from ~~the~~ academic works, nevertheless living and sharing the same atmosphere is substantial .

~~Having studied for~~ four years, in Istanbul have brought me great range of benefits. Living in a metropolitan like Istanbul, helped to broaden my vision ~~in wider perspective~~. During my bachelor studies I became a member of Cyprus Youth Platform, which is a student association for Turkish Cypriot students who are studying abroad in countries such as Turkey, England, Germany, USA, Canada, France, Ukraine and the Netherlands. Currently I am the Secretary General of the organization and have participated in many conferences and workshops about Europe and the Euro-Mediterranean region in various countries. Personally I am or under the name of Cyprus Youth Platform many projects constituted that funded by United Nations Development Program (UNDP) and the European Union. The primary goal of these projects is the re-unification of Cyprus which we hope to achieve by focusing on ~~re-~~rapprochement between the Turkish-Cypriot and Greek-Cypriot communities. We aim to bring Turkish Cypriots closer to Europe and help all Cypriots to build a culture of peace on the island. Also with our projects we aimed to improve youth's direct relations with Europe, by visiting European Union states, increasing awareness and improve the socialization of youth.

As well as these macro-level goals, Cyprus Youth Platform also aims to develop solutions to problems facing young Cypriots. We print a monthly magazine, that I am in editorial board, called "Cypriot Youth", which educates and raises awareness around issues such as drug addiction and sexual discrimination and so on.

We have also formed a working group to improve studentâs rights and employment prospects in North Cyprus. The working group involves many participants including the office of the President, the Ministry of Education, state planning boards and universities in North Cyprus. It aims to develop ~~long-run~~ sustainable education policies through targeted hands-on solutions.

The main reason why I am applying for such a scholarship is I am planning to make master in Netherlands which is one of the former-state of European Union, on the topic of European Studies. In this one-year study period, the university ~~that I have applied to make my masters~~ is located in city of Maastricht that denominated European Union's economic criteria. ~~Being~~ aware of ~~this fact, out of~~ Maastricht University's high academic reputation, I believe that it help me to analyse Europe better. Spreading the ideas that I will learn or the linkages that I will make while studying abroad would benefit Cyprus and all Cypriots in many ways. ~~On the other hand~~ I know that there are ~~considerably high number of~~ many youths from Turkish Cypriot society and Greek Cypriot society studying in The Netherlands, which will give me another advantage. I believe in a country like Netherlands, all attempts on improving bi-communal relations and relations with other countries, will form new ideas that increase ~~the~~ tolerance in understanding that will give Cypriots and whole Europeans extra value added.

~~It is a fact that,~~ on the Northern Side of the island, there is a high need for professionals which have master on European studies and related areas. ~~The scholarship that I get in order to make~~ my master on European Studies, will fill ~~the~~ one of the urgent need of Turkish Cypriot society. ~~That means,~~ having this education give me high chance in employment when I return back to Cyprus after my studies over. Moreover it is my goal that being the person who serves ~~for~~ Cypriots in order to minimize ~~the~~ problems occur on integration process to European union in political, cultural or economical points. Out of benefiting only Cyprus, incorporating growing European Unions' problems and producing solutions from Cyprus, will both give practical and intellectual benefits to whole Europe. This will lead all Europe to gain surplus value from the scholarship ~~that I will get in order to make my master on European Studies~~.

Finally, the scholarship ~~that is~~ for Turkish Cypriots who are somehow victims because of political reason on European Union state Cyprus, make Turkish Cypriots to widen their visions and perspectives by visiting new countries, facing with new cultures and having new relations with new people. To sum up, I think this scholarship is an excellent opportunity for my career and ~~the scholarship~~ seems like the perfect opportunity for me to facing with other cultures, meeting with new people, learn other languages and experience the European education system.

Please find enclosed my curriculum vitae, academic records and my references. Please contact me if you require any further details or documents. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Best Regards

Mertkan Hamit

My Personal Statement for Scholarship for Masters - Please Comment

Anonymous — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 14:49:18 GMT

Dear Sir / Madam

I am Mertkan Hamit. I will be graduated from Marmara University, Istanbul, Department of Economics at the end of 2007 â 2008 study year. After my graduation my target is making my master degree on the area of European Studies. The main reason, making my master degree on European Studies, among the many problems and conflicts in Cyprus island, it emphatically remain as a European Union Member-State country either Cyprus problem solved or not . There is a fact that, Cyprus island's two zones' are inequal in terms of economics or welfare. As a young person who is being aware of this fact, the main need of the Turkish Cypriot society is professions who knows Europe very well, and have academical point of view for European states' economics, politics and culture. From my point of view, all those that I have implemented, can not be learned just from the academic works, nevertheless living and sharing the same atmosphere is substantial .

Having studied for four years, in Istanbul have brought me great range of benefits. Living in a metropolitan like Istanbul, helped to improve my vision in wider perspective. During my bachelor studies I became a member of Cyprus Youth Platform, which is a student association for Turkish Cypriot students who are studying abroad in countries such as Turkey, England, Germany, USA, Canada, France, Ukraine and the Netherlands. Currently I am the Secretary General of the organization and have participated in many conferences and workshops about Europe and the Euro-Mediterranean region in various countries. Personally I am or under the name of Cyprus Youth Platform many projects constituted that funded by United Nations Development Program (UNDP) and the European Union. The primary goal of these projects is the re-unification of Cyprus which we hope to achieve by focusing on re-rapprochement between the Turkish-Cypriot and Greek-Cypriot communities. We aim to bring Turkish Cypriots closer to Europe and help all Cypriots to build a culture of peace on the island. Also with our projects we aimed to improve youth's direct relations with Europe, by visiting European Union states, increasing awareness and improve the socialization of youth.

As well as these macro level goals, Cyprus Youth Platform also aims to develop solutions to problems facing young Cypriots. We print a monthly magazine, that I am in editorial board, called "Cypriot Youth", which educates and raises awareness around issues such as drug addiction and sexual discrimination and so on.

We have also formed a working group to improve studentâs rights and employment prospects in North Cyprus. The working group involves many participants including the office of the President, the Ministry of Education, state planning boards and universities in North Cyprus. It aims to develop long-run sustainable education policies through targeted hands on solutions.

The main reason why I am applying for such a scholarship is I am planning to make master in Netherlands which is one of the former-state of European Union, on the topic of European Studies. In this one year study period, the university that I have applied to make my masters located in city of Maastricht that denominated European Union's economic criteria. Being aware of this fact, out of Maastricht University's high academic reputation, I believe that it help me to analyse Europe better. Spreading the ideas that I will learn or the linkages that I will make while studying abroad would benefit Cyprus and all Cypriots in many ways. On the other hand I know that there are considerably high number of youths from Turkish Cypriot society and Greek Cypriot society studying in Netherlands, which will give me another advantage. I believe in a country like Netherlands, all attempts on improving bi-communal relations and relations with other countries, will form new ideas that increase the tolerance in understanding that will give Cypriots and whole Europeans extra value added.

It is a fact that, on the Northern Side of the island, there is a high need for professionals which have master on European studies and related areas. The scholarship that I get in order to make my master on European Studies, will fill the one of the urgent need of Turkish Cypriot society. That means, having this education give me high chance in employment when I return back to Cyprus after my studies over. Moreover it is my goal that being the person who serves for Cypriots in order to minimize the problems occur on integration process to European union in political, cultural or economical points. Out of benefiting only Cyprus, incorporating growing European Unions' problems and producing solutions from Cyprus, will both give practical and intellectual benefits to whole Europe. This will lead all Europe to gain surplus value from the scholarship that I will get in order to make my master on European Studies.

Finally, the scholarship that is for Turkish Cypriots who are somehow victims because of political reason on European Union state Cyprus, make Turkish Cypriots to widen their visions and perspectives by visiting new countries, facing with new cultures and having new relations with new people. To sum up, I think this scholarship is an excellent opportunity for my career and the scholarship seems like the perfect opportunity for me to facing with other cultures, meeting with new people, learn other languages and experience the European education system.

Please find enclosed my curriculum vitae, academic records and my references. Please contact me if you require any further details or documents. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Best Regards

Mertkan Hamit

Re: Please check my personal statement (motivation letter)

Anonymous — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 22:37:55 GMT

My strong desire to take a Business-related course in Great Britain began three years ago when I realized I was attracted to this dynamic field of logic and consistent patterns. Having a broad interest in many subject areas, I now seek to become as versatile as I can. Therefore, choosing a Business orientated degree seems to be a logical step for my studies at your University.

My vision for the future began very early, with a background selling newspapers and other things to my
neighbours as a child. However, my real familiarization with Business came later, during summer holidays, when I worked with documentation and contracts as an assistant for a construction company. As a result, I have gained invaluable experience working and communicating with clients. Moreover, I understood that every company's success is based on being a well-run organization with smart management. I have also participated in seminars and have read books related to business so that I could have a wider viewpoint of this competitive field. Regular reading of The Economist has kept me up-to-date with all the changes in economics, politics and business around the world. Knowing several foreign languages, such as English and German, will definitely be useful in my future career.

During my studies at the gymnasium, I obtained much new knowledge and experience. Participation in the gymnasium's academic and social life taught me to overcome challenges, to be a team player, and to adapt to any situation. This experience encouraged me to take on new challenges.

In my spare time I take part in extracurricular activities, such as playing guitar, taking photographs, reading books, travelling and sports. Apart from basketball, I also played football for 6 years and I was a candidate for Lithuania's National Football team. I am a determined and responsible person who appreciates hard work, is motivated, and enjoys creative challenges. With regards to Business, I think that these three features are the key to success.

Business studies at a British University have long been my desire. Studies at your University would certainly help to improve my language
and cooperation skills as well as guarantee interaction in a competitive atmosphere. It is no wonder why many international students prefer British Universities, since this country has the finest reputation for higher education around the world. In joining your University's community, I hope that my personality and hard work will bring some particular distinction to your institution.

Thank you for considering my application and I am looking forward to your positive reply.

Please check my personal statement (motivation letter)

jdaniels — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:26:38 GMT

Hello, I wrote this letter for international studies..I'd be very thankful if somebody could correct grammar and style in this letter. Thank you in advance :)

My strong desire to take a Business related course in Great Britain dates back about
three years ago, realizing that this dynamic field is the most attractive to me with it's
own logic and consistent pattern. Having a broad interest in many subject areas I seek to
be versatile as much as I can. Therefore, choosing a Business orientated degree seems to
be a logical step for my initial career at your University. So what are my future visions
and intentions?

I have always wanted to earn my own money by selling newspapers and other things to my
neighbours since I was child. However, my real familiarisation with Business came later.
During my last two summer holidays I had been working with documentation and contracts as
an assistant at a construction company. As a result, I have gained invaluable experience
working and communicating with clients. Moreover, I understood that every company's
success is based on it's well-run organization and smart management. I have also visited
few seminars and have read books related to business so I could have a wider viewpoint of
this compulsive field. Regular reading of The Economist keeps me up-to-date with all the
changes in economics, politics and business around the world. Knowing several foreign
languages such as English and German will be definitely useful for my future career.

During my studies at the gymnasium I have obtained a lot of new knowledge and experience.
Participation in gymnasium's academic and social life taught me to overcome challenges,
to work in a team, and to adapt to any situation. This experience encourages me to take
new challenges. Studies at your University would certainly help me to improve my language
and cooperation skills as well as it would guarantee a competitive atmosphere for further
perfection.

In my spare time I take part in some extracurricular activities, such as playing guitar,
taking photographs, reading books, travelling and sports. Apart from basketball, I also
had been playing football for 6 years and I was a candidate for Lithuania's National
Football team. I am a determined and responsible person who has a strong attitude and
particularly appreciates hard work, motivation and creativity. With regards to Business,
I think that these three features are the key to success.

Business studies at a British University have long been my desire. No wonder why many international students prefer British Universities, since this country has the
finest reputation for higher education around the world.
Joining your University's community, I hope that my personality will bring some particular distinction in your institution.

Thank you for considering my application and I am looking forward to your positive reply.

Cud anyone pls help me check my personal statement- urgent! tks

Anonymous — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:02:51 GMT

Hi folks,

Hereunder is my personal statement for application to an university. Cud anyone do me a favor to help me check and revise? Your comment will be highly appreciated. Thanks a lot in advance!

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing this letter to apply for the Master of Business (Logistics Management) at *** University. I am an undergraduate student with a B.S. degree of Traffic Engineering from *** University and now in my fifth year of working in the field of Third Party Logistics.

After years of schooling and working intensively focused on transportation and logistics, I have developed solid problem solving skills and capability. As a territory sales manager in *** now and as a corporate account coordinator in *** once, I also gained experience with regard to the issues how to interact with different people and different personalities. My responsibilities are focused on the supply chain management, material and information flows, logistic processes, performances, supply chain design, decision making and operations in general.

As my goal is to be an excellent professional in logistics with outstanding skills, I am convinced that the experience of studying abroad will be very helpful for me to further develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It has been my ambition to study at *** in *** since I first heard *** holds the topnotch Logistics Management master program in *** few weeks ago.

I am also impressed by the description of Logistics Management master program at ***: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. The program is organized around core courses, and options to enhance people knowledge in growing professional sectors. I believe this specialized program provides training in tools, conceptual methods and implementation of logistics for professionals wishing to become project managers which is my personal aim in future career.

As a committed, thoughtful and diligent person with long time experience in transportation field, I believe that I am a qualified candidate for the masterâs program in Logistics Management at ***.

Thank you very much for your consideration and hope you can regard me as a well-motivated candidate to this program.

Motivation letter HELP!! PLEASE!! :))

Marmi — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 09:17:20 GMT

Hello, everybody!

I am applying to universities this year, and I have to write an impressive personal statement or motivation letter but I am not sure if I am doing OK. Could you please revise my essay and recommend some amendments? I would greatly appreciate your help!

Regards,

Ina

Here it is:

At first, I was stunned by my desire to study European Studies, i.e. be involved in politics, because in my country, it is common to hear that politics is âa dirty business.â However, I cannot deny politics is a constant source of great emotions for me. I had many ideas about what I wanted to study before deciding what I wanted to work. I realized I wanted to look for personal realization in the sphere of politics in quite an unusual situation. It was right in the middle of a fierce discussion I had with a friend who was trying to convince me war was essential for the development of the world and human civilization. His opinion did not amaze me as much as the excitement I felt while discussing this matter with him. I realized this is how I wanted to feel at university or at work â I needed the thrill that political issues and fighting for what I believe in bring me. Moreover, politics is challenging, and I love taking challenges!

Since having discussions on political issues with my friends is quite common, I have spent a lot of time researching different political matters in order to be ready when a friend prompted me to start another discussion. Gradually, I started connecting what I read with my personal life. Since I was growing up in the Post-Communist period in Bulgaria, my whole life has been influenced by the political changes that occurred at home, so I was eager to gather as more information on Communism as possible because this is the political system that left the biggest mark on the first years of my life. In the early years after 1989, when Communism fell, periods of poverty and misery interchanged with periods of happiness and hope until finally my country started slowly stabilizing after disastrous inflation. A lot of questions about the situation in Bulgaria were bothering my mind, so I was trying to answer them both through private reading and my history classes. Now that I have collected a knowledge in history (including Bulgarian, World, and American history), I feel ready to commit myself to applying my knowledge because I believe the best background for studying any subject connected to politics is being familiar with the political development of countries with rich history.

Besides my interest in different political systems, another reason for choosing European Studies for my undergraduate education are the changes my country experiences now. Bulgaria is now entering a vital stage of its development by joining the European Union in 2007. However, instead of only reading about it, I want to participate in this process. After taking my degree in European Studies, I would like to work for my country, either at home or representing it abroad. Since I prefer to work abroad, and take positions in international organizations, a top priority is learning foreign languages. I have already mastered English, and I am now working on my German. My goal is to learn at least two more European languages, such as French and Spanish. A factor aiding communication in the âglobal villageâ we inhabit is speaking with people in their native language. By spending a year abroad during the four-year undergraduate course, I will have the chance to practice both my language skills and gain âinternationalâ experience in the field in which I want to develop professionally as well as explore a different culture and its people.

It is very important for me to be able to communicate effectively with people, and I am happy I have been developing this quality by taking different summer jobs at the seaside in the recent years â bartender, receptionist, guest relations officer in a hotel, and a tourist guide in a leading international tourist company, My Travel. I worked with people from different nationalities, which has been a very valuable experience because I gained some diplomatic skills and the precious quality to work effectively in a team. Furthermore, the British tourists I have worked with really motivated me to take the long journey to Great Britain, and have encouraged me. Since I left my home town when I moved to the capital to do my high school education, I am used to traveling and changing places, and I love it. Therefore, it will be no problem for me to adapt to a new environment and start working effectively for my future, without fearing I would be away from home. As I have written in my diary, ââHomeâ is whichever place I grant the title âBest to spend an exact period of my lifeâ.â

please help me with my Personal Statement

Tubo — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 16:27:14 GMT

this is my personal statement. i 'm not sure about it especially the 5th paragragh.

thank you very much for any help!!!

As a senior majored in business Administration, I have been exposed systematically to concepts and theories of every aspect of management such as logistic, marketing and human resource management. I am now applying for acceptance into your MSc program of Management, Economics and Consumer Studies because I want to be trained in modern business theories and practice. I believe that holding a masterâs degree of your school is the key for the door of success.

I am in the state of being maximum energetic, doing my best for a promising future. Throughout four years in university, I had an interest in participating in student activities as well as class-room learning. One such activity in which I took part in was the donation for Red Across Association. I was an executive member of this organization where I directed events such as getting touch with Red Across, assigning the donation collection, distribution and transporting as well. My duties within this organization included managing our budget, supervising the actions of volunteers, and making preparations with regards to facilities and transportation. For me, this extracurricular involvement was very important because it was the very first time in which I was able to act as a manager!

My study process was not roses all the way; however I struggled to overcome all handicaps and won finally. Students in our school have to choose whether to take part in A-level or B- level class in math. Although I was not good at math, I chose the A-level, the harder one; because I know it is one of the most important subjects for students majored in management. Unfortunately, I failed at the final examination of math that semester. The feeling of disappointed defeated and helpless suddenly came hourly. A senior advised me to ask the professor pass me through the back door. But the telephone numbers were so hard for me to press at that time, when my fatherâs face constantly obtruded, smiling at me. His eyes glittered with encouraging. The ray of light tinged my fingers and pushed me handed up the phone. I dropped the chance of makeup and told my tutor that I would like to study math again so that I can master the mathematic knowledge. My professor quite supported me for my preciseness. Not only did he give me lots of encourage but also analyze the cause of my failure. He suggested me to do my lessons before and after classes and spent more time in self-studying. Everything comes to him who waits. I passed the exam of A-level course. And now, when I reflect on those days, I realize that since I can tackle the difficulty in math, I wonât be afraid of any other obstacles no matter in future study nor life.

Besides academic study and activity, I was send to the youth palace learning folk dancing when I was 6 years old; I really liked this activity because all the teachers would like to pick me up as the principal dancer. Whirled across the stage to the music gave me the sense that I was the most elegant one among all the girls. I started learning sketching when I was 12, my father even sent me to the China University of Art to have some training. Although I lost the stage, magnesium light and applause, I got a quiet space for drawing along, tasting the joys and fascination from another aesthetics. I have to say that dancing gave me confidence and taught me how to work in a team, and drawing shaped my taste of esthetics as well as the virtue of patience. When I was a high school student, I was appointed as an art editor for our school magazine. During that period, with the assistance of some friends and teachers, I organized picture shows. Like any one who fascinated with art, I am absolutely mad about the art of advertisement. Apart from these, being impressed by my father, I love music, especially playing musical instruments. All of these have greatly influenced my romantic and preciseness personality.

A question that I often ask myself is "What shall I do to make sure reaching my goals?" Having these goals will help motivate me to do something. The goal in front of me is to acquire the kind of education that will enable me to contribute to the development of business studies in my native land as an instructor in university. To achieve this, I believe that I should hold a masterâs degree before I have the ability to pursuit a doctorâs.

Personally, I feel that I am a strong leader and shall be able to communicate well with people. I take pleasure in working one on one with individuals, but also in working in a group effort. I am persistent when needed, and I am confident in myself. I am excited about finishing school and being able to start my career in marketing. I have no doubt that I will persevere and be successful.

Please help me with my personal statement for university

artem — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:58:49 GMT

Dear all,

i have recently applied to university, and as required, i was supposed to write a personal statement of motivation.

the requirements are :
------------
The motivation letter has to include four items:

What is the international background you have, regarding nationality, place of birth or residence, previous education, international experience?

Why do you want to enroll in the English-language, International Program in Business Administration?

Why did you choose XXXXXX University?

What are your career aspirations?
------------------

i have looked over the site and at all the tips...and below you see what i have produced.
could you guys please look at what i have written and give me suggestions on how to improve.
Thank you very much.
--------------------------------------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

Motivation Letter

My name is ........... At the moment I am in progress of finishing the last year of the International Baccalaureate Diploma Program at the ......................... In May I will be taking my exams in Business Higher (H), Math (H), Economics Standard (S), BiologyEnglishand Dutch (S). After obtaining my Diploma I am hoping to follow the International Business Administration course at UNI XXXXX.

First a little about my past. I was born in xxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I lived six and a half years in xxxxxxxxx, after which time I moved to the Netherlands. In six years I was growing up, I became attached to the fast moving and developing environment around me. With my parents being businessman and woman, traveling the world was part of my life, visiting countries in Europe as well as going to the east up to Thailand. I saw many cultures from a very young age, and this has without doubt made me more tolerant and unbiased of cultural differences which I find important when interacting in society, and in the future in the business world.
After coming to the Netherlands I immediately pursued an international education, which started at the American school in The Hague, and later led to the school XXX where I began my studies to acquire the IB diploma.

Apart from school I was part of some non-curriculum activities. The Russian Club in Leiden for example. The club included Russian school, which I attended to help me maintain my Russian, but alongside this, the older members of the club including myself, organized public plays performed by the young and older children of the Russian community. This organizing of plays helped me develop organizational skills.
Last year I also worked at a voluntary youth summer camp, as a group leader, organizing events and activities both for the children and other staff of the camp, this allowed me to improve my leadership skills.
My other outside curriculum activities include water polo and the gymnasium. I go to the gym on average about 3-4 times a week. The sports complex at uni xxxxx is definitely something I would like to join.
Apart from this I work on the Saturday market in Leiderdorp for an extra source of money.

My parents played a big part of my development towards the business world. After the fall of communism, my parents, having just finished their Universities, found themselves in a quickly developing world of business opportunities. Throughout my childhood I grew up with my parents always talking, thinking, and doing business. My parents took me with them on business trips and showed me their companies. My parents always told me how I would later become a businessman, and how great it would be, with all the opportunities. This has always stuck with me, and that is what I want to become.

In 2003 my mother had an idea to start up a business in the Netherlands, Teddy Kids Palace, a daycare center. This was perfect timing, as my Extended Essay was due to start. I already decided to do on a business, and the daycare gave me a perfect opportunity. I did an analysis on the target market, I helped my mom make a business plan, and calculate the appropriate prices. When it finally opened I also helped out with the administration work. Being involved in a real business, seeing it start up and turning into a successful company, only reinforced my desire to study business at university level and to hopefully later pursue it in my career life.

Now with my exams coming in May, I have been looking for possible universities to attend. I decided to look for a university in Holland mainly because I feel like this is my second home. The Dutch culture and the freedom, along with so many international people around, fits all my needs.
When choosing universities, xxxx and xxxxx were my two final choices. When looking for information on the universities, xxxxx stood out all the way, both by reputation and by the available courses. I would be very proud to be in a University that is ranked number eight in Europe.
I also have some acquaintances from xxxx one of which is currently following the IBA course. With all these incentives xxxxx is definitely the University of my future.

I choose the IBA course because it fits my future and my international background.
In the past two year I have been studying Business and Economics at the xxxxx . Although both subject interest me, I find that business attracts me more. Accounting and Finance was my favorite part of the syllabus, and after looking into the 3 year Bachelors program, I found the syllabus to be exactly what I was looking for.
For my future I looked in to the possible Masters degrees, Finance and Investments is where I see my future to lie in.

My friends have always said I have leadership qualities, and always try to be better then the rest. I try to set high goals in my life as well as achieve them. I like to have control over a situation, and I see myself to have both a critical as well as very strategic mind.
I am very confident that I will be able to complete the Bachelors program with success and am hoping to be challenged by the IBA course.

Regards
Artem

thanks for all your help guys

Re: Need Your Valuable Suggestions-Motivation Letter for MA Programme in Marketing

maggiewongwmj — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 07:51:41 GMT

Dear Mr. Mountain Hiker

Thank you for your help again and ,may I ask some questions regarding the letter, please?

Do the "motivation letter" and "personal statement" refer the same thing?
When writing personal statement, should I write it in a letter form?
How many words should a motivation letter contain normally?

I am looking forward to your reply.

Best regards,
maggie