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Re: Help proofreading "A Doll's House"

Mister Micawber — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:53:58 GMT

I have underlined some problem areas:

The Woman Within the Doll

The Baltimore Sun wrote that back in 1879, âA Doll's Houseâ by Henrik Ibsen âshocked and offended people wherever [it] was played,â and that the dramatist assured it was not about a woman, but about âanyone who had to live according to the rules created by othersâ (Hyder). Society thought to be outrageous that a woman would get involved in manly things, for her role in society was exclusively to care for the family and please her husband. Women did not enjoy the rights women do now. They were not taken seriously, and decisions were made by the man who was and still is considered the head of the family. Nora's choice to become free, independent and leave her husband, along with some of the characters' actions made this play to be scandalous for its time.

Ibsen wrote in a letter that the story in âA Doll's Houseâ was about a woman who feels:

" Oppressed and bewildered by belief in authority, she loses her faith in her own moral right and ability to bring up her children... [She is bittered because,] like certain insects, (ought to) go away and die when she has done her duty towards the continuance of the species... [she shakes] off of cares, [but then she feels] a sudden return of apprehension and dread. She must bear it all aloneâ (Doll).

Nora had a beautiful life, she had a husband, beautiful children, and everything she wanted. Earlier in her marriage, his husband suffered of an illness of which he needed to recover somewhere in the south, but this was concealed from him by the doctor and Nora. Not having the means to afford a trip so costly and out of love and desperation, Nora decides to ask for a loan without letting Tolvard know. She forges her father's signature to obtain the loan because she does not want to trouble her father either, who is very ill himself too. However, she is responsible and works secretly from home in order to make the payments. Eventually, Tolvard finds out about her secret and feels that his life, happiness and reputation will be lost once Krogstad, who lent the money, publishes the then scandalous situation out of revenged for having fired him from the bank he now manages. He quickly turns against her. That is the moment when Nora starts to understand things she did not understand before; she realizes she does not love Tolvard anymore just as he does not really love her as she thought, and decides to leave for good to discover herself. [Too many pronouns-- I don't know who's doing what to whom]

The scenery consists of the Helmer's apartment and nowhere else. The description of the apartment depicts the decision that Nora will have to make. There is a door to the right which leads to the entryway and another to the left which leads to Helmer's study. Nora will have to decide which door to take: freedom or Helmer [Tolvard / Helmer: we don't know if they are one or two]. The place is not âexpensively furnishedâ, but it is comfortable, just like Nora's marriage, she lives a comfortable life, but there are certain things she lacks that are more important than riches. No woman could even consider back in the 1800s doing such a scandalous things as to leave not only the husband, but her children too.

The main character in the story is Nora, a seemingly selfish, materialistic woman who cares a lot about money and in living a good life. This is to be expected since her father liked to spend money himself and live a life he could only could afford with credit. He used to called her his âdoll-child, and he played with [her] the way [she] played with [her] dollsâ (Ibsen 1041). She was obviously very protected and spoiled by both, her father and her husband, who provided anything she needed or wanted. Her father raised her not think for herself and just play her role in society. âWhile [she] was at home with [her] father, he used to tell [her] all his opinions, and [she] held the same opinions. If [she] had others [she] said nothing about them, because he wouldn't have liked itâ (1041) [All the bracketed pronouns are distracting; it would be better to give the exact quotes]. This repeated again as a married woman; she would not express her opinion to Tolvard, for they never talked seriously, but seemed to have trusted Dr. Rank better. Norah was greatly misunderstood. She was a loving person, she loved her husband so much that she was willing to forge her father's signature to obtain a loan to take her husband south in order for him to recover from a deadly illness [You said all this before; cut it.]. She is willing to do anything for him. Eventually she realized she does not have to play the doll anymore. One can only imagine people's reaction throughout the play's events.

Tolvard Helmer seemed [Be consistent in verb tenses] to be an ideal husband. He is loving, admirable, honest, ethical, hard-working and successful, but there seems to be a dark side of him. He is a prideful man, he won't ask for money to anyone, to [Commas are not conjunctions.] do so would be humiliating. To him, honor and appearances are more important than family. He does not believe people can change and become good, as he did not believe Krogstad was a good person although he had been honest for a long time already. Also, he is so affectionate that makes one wonder of his sincerity; he calls Nora diminutive names such as featherbrained, spendthrift [These are not diminutives.] , a squirrel, a song-bird, lark, strange little being all the time (994). One cannot think of a woman who would like being called like that and who would not be affected emotionally. Tolvard's reaction after finding out Nora's secret is amusing. He had told Nora that sometimes he wished â[she] was in some terrible danger, just so [he] could take [his] life and soul and everything, for [her] sakeâ (1038), yet he quickly turns against her calling her a wretched woman, a criminal, unprincipled, untrustworthy of raising her children, incapable, etc. His hypocrisy is clearly revealed when as soon as he realizes that Nora's mistake won't affect his reputation he forgives her (1039-1949). There's a saying that goes something like a good friend is hard to find, specially during difficult times; Tolvard was nor a good friend neither that perfect husband he seemed to be. He loved to have control of his wife's life, and his conversations usually tend to imply that Nora would be lost without him; that she needed his guidance and teaching. Tolvard did not love Nora, â[he] thought it fun to be in love with [her]â (1041).

Dr. Rank is in love with Nora, and that seems to have been the main reason he visited the Helmer's house. This character is not essential in the play, but it causes outrage when he dares to reveal Nora his secret. This is almost vulgar for him to do, and very dishonorable, specially during those times in which people were very conservative. It is as if he had taken advantage of the trust the family had in it and ended up tarnishing his reputation.

Mrs. Linde is one of Nora's old friends from school. She gave up her true love for money, but in the end things did not turn out the way she had expected. Her husband died leaving her in a terrible financial situation making [On the other hand, commas are essential for separating dependent clauses.] it necessary for her to work in order to sustain her mother and brothers. After her mother passed away and her brothers did not need her help she left town. Not to have someone to take care of made her feel âcompletely alone in the worldâ, and it frightened her âto be so empty and lostâ (1032). She needed âsomeone to take care ofâ, she wanted to be a mother and wanted the companionship of a husband. In the end, she was supposed to have helped Nora hide her secret. She could have convinced Mr. Krogstad to get the letter back, but she did not intercede (1033). She might have been envious of Nora, after all, Nora had all she was longing for; a husband, beautiful children, and a good life.

Lastly, Krogstad is the one who lent Nora money to save her husband, and threatens her to tell her husband if she does not convince Tolvard to let him keep his job at the bank, but just as Nora did, he once made a mistake, which caused him to loose his reputation. He was a man who seems to have been harden by life's difficulties. When he was left by the woman he dearly loved âit was as if all the solid ground dissolved from under [his] feetâ (1031). This might have caused him to become the âhalf-drownedâ kind of man, as he refers to himself. After finding love in his life he turns from the revengeful person into a forgiving one.

In conclusion, Nora realized of her true value as a human being and as a woman. She decides to leave everything and everyone, husband, children, luxuries to a journey to liberate herself. To do such thing was unthinkable at that time and caused turmoil, but it was the best choice she could ever make. To leave one's children is a terrible things to do and was not necessary, but looking beyond that, without prejudices, it is not hard to understands she is trying to figure out who she really is and what she believes in. This is essential to one's happiness; therefore she is determined to make necessary changes in her life even if people think bad of her. It seems that daring to do so back in the 1800s was just as bad as selling drugs or prostituting oneself.

Re: Urgent! please help me to proofreading it..

julielai — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:13:21 GMT

Hi,

Is this a JUPAS essay? The content is okay. Some problems with grammar and wording.

I've highlighted the parts that you need to fix.

To be a business woman has long been my dream. It (Do not use pronoun here) not only helps me to develop a logical and analytical mind, but also enrich my knowledge. This knowledge also enable (verb agreement) me to serve myself and (too self-serving) the community. So I have chosen Marketing for my major.

Learning the development of practical skills and academic and professional knowledge is one of the reasons why I have chosen (article) Marketing programme. It has a strong emphasis on interactive and student-centred learning methods. It also provides a comprehensive business education, which has attracted (wording) me to put it as my first choice.

Besides, I have the (You haven't got the chance yet) chance to visit (wording) companies overseas and companies in the mainland to conduct project work and to present our findings at the annual marketing symposium. I can also spend a semester studying in another university overseas or in the mainland. It is a good chance (wording) to step beyond (wording) Hong Kong and experience other countriesâlife and culture.

After completing this programme, I can learn a lot of skills such as communication (adj. here) and oratorical skill. This knowledge can significantly serve (wording) myself. The oratorical skill can enrich my social circle (not really). The analytical skill learn (verb form) from the programme also enable_ (singular) me to train (wording) my thought, and develop my logical and analytical mind. These skills will greatly affect my interpersonal relationship and my career in the future.

In addition, this knowledge can help me serve the community. I will apply the critical thinking learn (same here) from the programme to solve real and practical business problems in the marketing world. The analytical and communication skills also enable me to face the challenge and serve in an increasingly complex business environment. Furthermore, I hope I can play a part in using the key business knowledge and skills to deal confidently with broad issues in a global business environment. Even if I do not pursue in marketing in the future, I will try my best to put into practice what has been learned.

In conclusion, the programme I have chosen of study helps realize my goal. I will try my best to fulfill my dream to be a successful business woman. After graduation, I will also endeavor to serve the community and contribute _ _ (preposition) business world.

Could you please proofread this page for me :)

David_G — Tue, 01 Mar 2005 02:11:51 GMT

Hi all,

I'm not a native speaker of English, so I guess proofreading is necessarily for my essay. And, could you please look for non English phrases or expressions as I might not notice them, but you certainly will recognize that it is a strange way of expressing a point. Suggestions are always welcomed. I would really appreciate your effort in helping me.
This essay is intended as a reaction paper for a university course. The pronoun I is emphasized, and that is why I have used it a lot.

Thank you very much in advance. I hope it is not too long.

Adaptation

Adaptation can be defined in anthropological terms briefly as the interaction process between changes an organism makes in its environment and changes the environment makes in the organism. In my case, the environment was the most influential part. I used to live in a nuclear family where every member of the family felt obliged to help and take care of the others. There, no one is expected to face his problems alone, no one is expected to carry the burden alone, and even it is not true that it is your own responsibility to decide in difficult situations without taking the other members' concerns into account. Life there could be described as living on a ship where your acts could sink the whole ship if you weren't very careful. Whenever you are in trouble you feel overwhelmed by the reaction of the people around you. Everyone wants to contribute, to take part in the helping process. It is not only in crisis, but even in the smallest parts of everyday matters. I was dependant on others majorly in my life, and also they were dependant on me in parts of their life. Not to mention the routinely stuff like cooking for example, and other household duties. I rarely needed to cook my own dinner which I regarded as a normal thing. I can describe that as group subsistence where the division of labour is obvious almost in everything. It has all been changed since I've moved to Vancouver. The environment changed completely from group subsistence patterns to individual subsistence patters. Suddenly, I'm alone taking responsibility over everything and anything going on in my life. There is no one dependant on me, and I'm independent from others. Things that were rare became usual and things that were usual became rare. It was hard on me to adapt to this sudden change in my life, but eventually I have adapted to it by developing new strategies, and organizing my life in a way I could handle all the duties by myself. Learning that I'm responsible for everything in the house made me change my way of looking to things around me. I started to divide my week to days for certain type of work, and not to mention the great change in my daily routine. It is rare that I don't cook my meals for example. What I'm trying to say that people sometimes adapt to new environment where they never imagined themselves to do. So, people are adaptable in nature they can almost adapt to any environment and, my case is just a simple example where the environment change completely to the opposite and still I'm able to adapt to it successfully. Meaning that the environment is what shapes the individual into what he thinks he is more than it is his nature to be the way he is, and it does alter him much more than how he thinks he has altered it.

Could you please proofread this essay for me :)

David_G — Mon, 24 Jan 2005 02:20:07 GMT

Hi all,

I'm not a native speaker of English, so I guess proofreading is necessarily for my essay. And, could you please look for non English phrases or expressions as I might not notice them, but you certainly will recognize that it is a strange way of expressing a point. Suggestions are always welcomed. I would really appreciate your effort in helping me.
This essay is intended as a reaction paper for a university course. The pronoun I is emphasized, and that is why I have used it a lot.

Thank you very much in advance. I hope it is not too long.

My Life and Human Evolution

As a part of this continuous evolution, I can probably see human evolution through my life. Human ancestors started from a primitive way of living, and eventually made it through what we are now, and how our life is much more sophisticated. In comparison, I or any person living started his life without a prior knowledge about life, or skills that would make it easier for him to adapt to it, but eventually made it through life, and became knowledgeable and skilful. I can see a relation between the two. If I would zoom into my life and remember my thoughts and feelings about it while I was going through it, I would probably imagine or understand how it would feel going through all this years of evolution to this time just like a person living from the beginning to the moment.

When I was a child, I wasn't hopeless or disappointed that I was just new to this life without the power or freedom to control or manipulate things around me. Nevertheless, life was so easy going, simple, and mysterious. I was happy much more than a grown person, but I wasn't realizing it. I was looking forward to growing up, and gaining more knowledge to understand and control aspects around me. Year after another, I learn more about life and have a broader look over it. But, I have noticed a strange thing going on. Every year, when I think about the one before, I find myself happier and living a simpler life than the year I'm in. Life isn't as good as it used to be even though the second year I have achieved more of what I was looking for and became more informed, I feel the first one was better in terms of happiness. The more I go back in years the more life was wonderful and nice. I have realized that the more I know about life the more it becomes complicated. That is probably due to the fact that when I understand more about things around me, I become aware of more issues which lead to more worry. More negative ideas are available to my mind, and there is more possibility that things get worse. Life isn't that simple anymore. But, that does not mean that I do not want to go on. I still in my nature want to discover more issues and achieve more of my dreams, while I know that life is going to be more complicated.

Human evolution could be understood like this. In the beginning, it is so simple and nice, and I'm sure that people at that time are much happier than us since they had less to worry about. As years pass by, humans start to create and invent new things which make life easier in one aspect, but much more complicated in others. For example, humans started with no tools, but once they started making them they brought the whole issue of weapons. Also, if a person living thousands of years ago, he would not realize the danger of diseases that could be caused by viruses, the effect of polluting the environment, or even that a shooting star could hit the earth. His life is obviously simpler than now, and he is certainly happier. Just like a child growing up, the more time pass by the more life becomes complicated.

The evolution keeps going on because that is how nature works, and humans keep looking forward to the future because that is their nature to achieve their goals. They will always try to improve their life no matter what the consequences could be, and the price could be their happiness.