Search results for 'tag:Resume tag:Articles' matching tags 'Resume' and 'Articles'

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"

Re: Research Paper or Tearm Paper about an author of a book...

Feebs11 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 23:00:18 GMT

Tristankhalil wrote:
Hello Everyone,

This is my first post in this forum...

I am so glad that I had found my best resources and references for English!

I am so blessed that I found Englishforums.com

I badly need help especially in correcting my English grammar.

Guys, I need help in this.

A cousin of mine, ask me to make a research paper, a biography about J.K Rowling.

May I ask? Is rearch paper and term paper the same?

Below is what I've already started... (I just copy and paste them from MS Word...

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

TERM PAPER IN ENGLISH

AN

AUTOBIOGRAPHY [Autobiography is a biography written by the author about him or herself]

OF

J.K. ROWLING

SUBMITTED TO:

Mrs. Ermelyn A. Merin

SUBMITTED BY:

Kimm T. Abanid

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Table of Contents

Title                                                                                                    i

Table of Contents                                                                              ii

Introduction                                                                                        iii

Acknowledgement                                                                              iv

Chapter 1: Biography of J. K. Rowling   (what should I write here?) Information about the author's life

Chapter 2: Accomplishments/Contributions (what should I write here?) Information about what she had achieved

Chapter 3: Summary of her best stories/works (what should I write here?) summaries of her stories

Chapter 4: Conclusion (what should I write here?)

Chapter 5: Bibliography (what should I write here?) this is for a list of the works referred to during the research carried out.

Chapter 6: Values Emphasis (what should I write here?)

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Introduction:

            We all know and very familiar with Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and even the villain, Lord Voldemort a.k.a. Tom Riddle. We have seen movies starting from Harry Potter and the Sorcererâs Stone up to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. We have witnessed the adventures of Harry Potter and his friends in the world of witchcraft and wizardry. We have also seen how Harry was treated by the Muggles. There are so many to mention it here. These are great movies of fantasy, arenât they? But, they originated in the book series!



Now, in this term paper, let us know the woman behind these successful stories of Harry Potter. She is Joanne Rowling a.k.a. J. K. Rowling, her pen name. In the website of Time Magazine, J. K Rowling is one of the runner-up in the âPerson of the Year 2007â. âThe Harry Potter series has sold 400 million copies worldwide and made its creator one of the wealthiest and most influential people in the worldâ¦â, Time said. [1]



But, who actually is J. K. Rowling, aside from being the author of best-selling Harry Potter book series? What was her life before? How did she able to reach the top? And what are her plans now that the book series is about to end?

In this term paper, we will have an in-depth about the life of the famous author, the first woman who become a billionaire just by writing a bookâ¦

[1] Source: http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/personoftheyear/article/0,28804,1690753_1695388_1695436,00.html

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Acknowledgement:

            I wish to thank all those who helped me. Without them, I could not have completed this project.



Mrs. Ermelyn A. Merin â my English mentor, who encouraged and challenged me to make this project. She guided me through this project, never accepting less than my best efforts. Thank you, Maâam.



Mr. & Mrs. Narciso Abanid â my parents, who are always supporting me, morally, financially and spiritually. I love you, Pa, Ma.



Kenneth Abanid â my brother, youâre my inspiration. Be good always.



Tristan Khalil A. Singkala â he helps me in encoding this project.



To all my friends and classmates.



            And lastly, to our Creator, our Almighty Father, for giving me wisdom, guidance, patience and understanding.

I thank them all.

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Guys, you might wonder, why I've been asking this much? It's been 5 years ago since I studied English 1 and now I resume college, I jumpstart in English 2 because my English 1 was accredited in my course (I need/have to... to save money on my monthly school fees... I'm an Information Technology Student).

Thank you in advance.....

Research Paper or Tearm Paper about an author of a book...

Tristankhalil — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 14:30:14 GMT

Hello Everyone,

This is my first post in this forum...

I am so glad that I had found my best resources and references for English!

I am so blessed that I found Englishforums.com

I badly need help especially in correcting my English grammar.

Guys, I need help in this.

A cousin of mine, ask me to make a research paper, a biography about J.K Rowling.

May I ask? Is rearch paper and term paper the same?

Below is what I've already started... (I just copy and paste them from MS Word...

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

TERM PAPER IN ENGLISH

AUTOBIOGRAPHY

J.K. ROWLING

SUBMITTED TO:

Mrs. Ermelyn A. Merin

SUBMITTED BY:

Kimm T. Abanid

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Table of Contents

Title i

Table of Contents ii

Introduction iii

Acknowledgement iv

Chapter 1: Biography of J. K. Rowling (what should I write here?)

Chapter 2: Accomplishments/Contributions (what should I write here?)

Chapter 3: Summary of her best stories/works (what should I write here?)

Chapter 4: Conclusion (what should I write here?)

Chapter 5: Bibliography (what should I write here?)

Chapter 6: Values Emphasis (what should I write here?)

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Introduction:

We all know and very familiar with Harry Potter, Hermoine Granger, Ron Weasley and even the villain, Lord Voldemort a.k.a. Tom Riddle. We have seen movies starting from Harry Potter and the Sorcererâs Stone up to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. We have witnessed the adventures of Harry Potter and his friends in the world of witchcraft and wizardry. We have also seen how Harry was treated by the Muggles. There are so many to mention it here. These are great movies of fantasy, arenât they? But, they originated in the book series!

Now, in this term paper, let us know the woman behind these successful stories of Harry Potter. She is Joanne Rowling a.k.a. J. K. Rowling, her pen name. In the website of Time Magazine, J. K Rowling is one of the runner-up in the âPerson of the Year 2007â. âThe Harry Potter series has sold 400 million copies worldwide and made its creator one of the wealthiest and most influential people in the worldâ¦â, Time said. [1]

But, who actually is J. K. Rowling, aside from being the author of best-selling Harry Potter book series? What was her life before? How did she able to reach the top? And what are her plans now that the book series is about to end?

In this term paper, we will have an in-depth about the life of the famous author, the first woman who become a billionaire just by writing a bookâ¦

[1] Source: http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/personoftheyear/article/0,28804,1690753_1695388_1695436,00.html

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Acknowledgement:

I wish to thank all those who helped me. Without them, I could not have completed this project.

Mrs. Ermelyn A. Merin â my English mentor, who encouraged and challenged me to make this project. She guided me through this project, never accepting less than my best efforts. Thank you, Maâam.

Mr. & Mrs. Narciso Abanid â my parents, who are always supporting me, morally, financially and spiritually. I love you, Pa, Ma.

Kenneth Abanid â my brother, youâre my inspiration. Be good always.

Tristan Khalil A. Singkala â he helps me in encoding this project.

To all my friends and classmates.

And lastly, to our Creator, our Almighty Father, for giving me wisdom, guidance, patience and understanding.

I thank them all.

------------------------------------- Page Break -------------------------------------

Guys, you might wonder, why I've been asking this much? It's been 5 years ago since I studied English 1 and now I resume college, I jumpstart in English 2 because my English 1 was accredited in my course (I need/have to... to save money on my monthly school fees... I'm an Information Technology Student).

Thank you in advance.....

Re: C.V.

Sakota — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 00:10:42 GMT

Hi Anon,

first of all it depends where are you applying for job...Resume format is mostly used in USA, Canada (many other countries) while Europass CV is official format used in Europe.

From your Resume (format that you provided is Resume format) it seems that you recently graduated from school. Therefore, I would recommend reading this article on resume writing for graduates by Rade Santrac.

In case you are located in one of the EU countries then you should use Europass CV format. You can find MS Word template on official website of EU commission. Europass CV template is very complicated with tables embed inside many tables...so, lot's of people find it hard to control all those tables in MS Word.

You can use GetResume.com online Resume and CV builder to create your Standard Resume or Europass CV, download it in PDF for free. Also, you will be able to download eBook in PDF about Resume writing for free, as well

Good luck with your job search!

Re: I'm trying to write somekind of novel - "jobless"

Mister Micawber — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:25:57 GMT

Isn't this fun? I have underlined the remaining problem areas (note that you have created a couple of new problems with your adjustments... and maybe I missed one before):

I donât know what to do. My girlfriend just left me, I donât have enough money, but I have a lot of debts to pay, and I donât have a job. Actually I have, but since my employer did not pay my salary for three months ago, I just consider myself as jobless. Finding a job seems like more difficult nowadays. I sent a lot of email and my resume everywhere but the response was not as expected.

For 5 years, after I was graduated from the university, I studied a lot of computer stuff, reading a lot of books, manuals, articles etc. Sometimes, Iâm really tired being in this industry because you need to know more, to learn new things for every single day to make sure you are good enough and thatâs the reason why the employer want to kept you in the company.

Now it's my bedtime.

Re: I'm trying to write somekind of novel - "jobless"

Hampeh — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 12:57:51 GMT

Thank you teacher

Re: I'm trying to write somekind of novel - "jobless"

Mister Micawber — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 12:45:16 GMT

Much better! I've underlined some problem areas again:

I donât know what to do. My girlfriend just left me, I donât having money, but I have a lot of debts to pay, and I donât have a job. Actually I have, but since my employer did not pay my salary for past three months. I just consider myself as jobless. Finding a job seems like hard stuff nowadays. I sent a lot of email and my resume everywhere but the response was not as expected.

For 5 years, after graduated from the university, I studied a lot of computer stuff, reading a lot of books, manuals, articles etc. Sometimes, Iâm really tired being in this industry because you need to know more, to learn new things for every single day to make sure you are good enough and thatâs the reason why the employer want kept you in the company.

Re: I'm trying to write somekind of novel - "jobless"

Hampeh — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 12:25:16 GMT

Thanks for your prompt reply. I really appreciate it. I'm not really good in English especially in grammar, but i try my best to make a correction for the problems as stated.

Re: I'm trying to write somekind of novel - "jobless"

Mister Micawber — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 11:58:20 GMT

I've underlined some problem areas:

Iâm jobless.

I donât know what else to do. My girlfriend just left me, I donât have money but I have lot of debts to pay, and I donât have job. Actually I have but since my employer didnât pay my salary for 3 months, so I just consider myself as a jobless. Finding a job seems like a hard stuff nowadays. I sent a lot of email and broadcast my resume everywhere but the response was not as expected.

Since past 5 years, after graduate from the university, I study a lot of computer stuff. Read a lot of books, manuals, articles etc. sometimes, Iâm really tired being in this industry. I.T. industries because you need to know more, to learn new things everyday to make sure you are good enough and thatâs the reason why the employer want keep you in the company.

I'm trying to write somekind of novel - "jobless"

Hampeh — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 10:12:16 GMT

Hi all, Iâm trying to write something. If you think Iâm good, maybe I should consider myself to write a novel.

Iâm sure there are a lot of grammatical errors. So hopefully nice guys here can help me to improve it. Thanks in advance.

Iâm jobless.