Search results for 'tag:Resume tag:Paragraphs' matching tags 'Resume' and 'Paragraphs'

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"

Re: Help with converting indirect speech to direct speech

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:03:53 GMT

ok this is the whole thing! im very confused with changing this from indirect to direct speech! im not being lazy in trying to help my friend i just want to get it right! it looks like its a report and im not sure of the correct use for direct speech here!

t29. Mr. Berdennikov ( Russian Federation) notes with appreciation the objectivity of the Director Generalâs report on the Agencyâs efforts to implement the work plan on outstanding issues and other matters related to the implementation of the safe guards agreement. He also note that Iranâs cooperation with the Agency in that regard. The positive progress confirms that the Director Generalâs approach was correct and The Russian Federation fully supports his work in the regard. It was important that all concerns Member States did their utmost efforts to seek resolution of the Iran nuclear issue by peaceful means . 30. The reportâs conclusions that the information provided by Iran on its and past P-1 and P-2 centrifuge programmes was consistent with the Agencyâs findings were an important component of progress towards resolving the outstanding issues on the Iranian nuclear programme. In that context, the Russian Federation noted also that Iran provides the Agency with the copy of the uranium metal document. In some cases, the work plan was implement ahead the schedule. His delegation expected that it would continue to be implemented in a constructive and cooperative spirit, showing initiative. Ongoing implementation of the agreements between Iran and the Agency is require, and an expansion of the Agencyâs verification activities in Iran. 31. The Russian Federation endorse the Director Generalâs call on Iran to resume application of the additional protocol as soon as possible and to implement the confidence- building measures requested in the relevant Security Council and Board of Governors resolutions, including suspension of all enrichment related activities. That decision is justified because it did not make good economic sense to establish indigenous and expensive nuclear fuel cycle capabilities in States, like Iran, with a low nuclear power plant capacity. Proposals are being examined to establish international cooperation regarding uranium enrichment services on mutually beneficial and economically sound The Russian Federation hope that Iran will consider carefully the options for meeting its own nuclear fuel cycle production needs and make a balanced and logical decision. 51. Mr. Berdennikov (Russian Federation) Welcome the decision of Chad and Mozambique to conclude safeguards agreements and additional protocols with the Agency, and the decision of Cote dâIvoire to conclude an additional protocol. 52. The Russian Federation supports the strengthening of the Agencyâs verification activities, in particular by extending the application of safeguards agreements and additional protocols, and it is in favour of the universal application of the additional protocol. Thus, on 2 October 2007, President Putin have signed a Federal law on the ratification of the Russian Federationâs additional protocol and, on 16 October 2007, that document have entered into force. He calls on all States party to the NPT which have not yet done so to fulfil their obligations under the NPT and conclude comprehensive safeguards agreements with the International Atomic Energy Agency, and urge them to conclude and bring into force additional protocols. 77. Mr. Berdennikov (Russian Federation) My country have been following Agencyâs monitoring of nuclear facilities in the DPRK pursuant to the initial actions agreement of February 2007 and felt that, for the Agencyâs inspectors to perform their function effectively, appropriate coordination was needed between the Agency and the six-party talks process. 78. I stress the importance of the recently agreed second-phase actions for the implementation of the September 2005 Joint Statement. Work appeared to have commenced on disabling the three nuclear facilities in Yongbyon and was expected to be complete by 31 December 2007. It is also expected that the DPRK will provide a complete and accurate declaration f all its nuclear programmes by the same date. I stress the importance of compliance with safety requirements in that connection. Furthermore, it is to be hoped that, within the framework of the six-party talks, general agreement will be reached on the role that the Agency can and must play above and beyond the verification of the shutdown and sealing of the DPRKâs nuclear facilities. 79. Cooperation between the DPRK and the Agency was essential, as well as the restoration, at the appropriate stage, of that countryâs participation on the Agencyâs work and the application of Agency safeguards in the country. As the international body with the authority to conduct unbiased, reliable and trustworthy verification of the peaceful nature of the nuclear activities of States, the Agency will, of necessity, play an increasing role in the resolution of the Korean nuclear issue. 22. Mr. Hoxha (Albania) Our country has got full confidence in the Agencyâs handling of the Iranian nuclear issue and supports its efforts to resolve it. 23. The Director Generalâs report clearly demonstrated how right the international community have been to treat Iranâs nuclear programme very seriously. Once past nuclear activities have been clarified, Iran must continue to build confidence about the scope and nature of its currentnuclear activities. 24. While resolving outstanding issues on the scope and nature of Iranâs past nuclear activities is a major step towards reaching a politically negotiated solution, further steps are needed, including ratification and implementation for the additional protocol, as call for by the Security Council and the Board of Governors. 25. The Security Council had twice unanimously called on Iran to suspend sensitive nuclear activities, such as its enrichment activities and the building of a heavy water reactor. It is regrettable that the Director General has to conclude again that those demands had not met. Albania is seriously concerned that, contrary to the decisions of the Security Council, Iran had not suspended its enrichment related activities, and that it have continued with the operation of the Pilot Fuel Enrichment Plant and with the construction and operation of the Fuel Enrichment Plant. A halt in sensitive activities would greatly facilitate ongoing diplomatic efforts. 26.As stated in paragraph 43 of the Director Generalâs report, confidence in the exclusively peaceful nature of Iranâs nuclear programme required that the Agency be able to provide assurances not only regarding declared nuclear material but, equally importantly, regarding the absence of undeclared nuclear material and activities, through the implementation of the additional protocol and transparency measures. Like other delegations, Albania urged Iran to implement fully the provisions of its comprehensive safeguards agreement, to ratify and implement the additional protocol and to provide the Agency with all the information and cooperation it requested. 27. We urge Iran to respond to the long-standing requests related to the scope and history of its enrichments programme in a comprehensive and transparent manner so that the work plan could be implemented in full and without delay, providings answers to the secretariatâs questions on all the outstandings issues. 28. Iran must now live up to the requirements of the international community. It should offer full, unreserved transparent and continued proactive cooperation to convince the world of the exclusively peaceful nature of its nuclear programme. Thank you, Madame chair

Re: Top of Resume, Stating reason for 3 year gap in Employment.

Grammar Geek — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 02:21:25 GMT

Saturdays are slow, David. We have real lives here - softball games, trips to Sears, battling the grocery store. Don't get too upset if we take a few hours to respond.

Are you looking for help on the paragraph about your gap? Don't put that on your resume! It is WAY to much information for any propsective employer to hear. Simply mention something about returning to the workforce in your cover letter. 3 years is not something that sounds like "got fired - couldn't find a new job."

Your grammar is fine, but I don't like the "and more so" part. I'm also not sure if you should have a "the" before "clientele." Lastly, I would not capitalize adminstrative/financial.

You might want to check out Monster and Career Builder's resources for sample objectives

Top of Resume, Stating reason for 3 year gap in Employment.

David1971 — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 18:16:15 GMT

To prospective employer,
I am offering an explanation for sabbatical due to the gap it created in my work history. Thank you.

I am currently returning to the workforce from a 3 year sabbatical. I spent the previous 3 years to raise my daughter until she was prepared to enter pre-school. Before this sabbatical I did not have any breaks in service from any job since high school/college. This was a pre-arranged agreement between my wife and myself that she would take the time off for our first child and I would do the same for our second child.

Objective -

I would like to obtain a position in which I work directly with the clientele. I am also eager to find a position where I can utilize my past experience, education, and more so, my strong work ethic to advance within the Administrative/Financial services industry.

Please help with these paragraphs! I need this area of resume to look as gramatically correct as possible. I knew when the time came to go back to work this was going to be a pain in the a** explaining it on my resume!! Anyway, Thanks for your help and any ideas you may have.

Dave

Re: Please help me with my Cover Letter and Resume

nona the brit — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 13:28:07 GMT

Your resume

The summary section is a rather odd mix of different types of information. It's a waste of space to summarise information that is found elsewhere in the CV, just write a brief paragraph on your aims and personal qualities etc, and this section is often entitled 'Personal Profile' or something similar. I would include your scholarship information in the education section.

cameraing - find a better (real) word.

pre-press

Re: need real bad help with my Covering Letter!

KÃ¤fer — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 10:52:37 GMT

sorry for beeing away for so long!!

I had to travel a bit to take part in a Recruiting-Event....

your last paragraph is really good. I just put the last one in because i was asked for the salary but honestly i really had no idea how to say it "nicely".

In the middle part i have the problem that in a german resume you always have to say what you have allready done and where your skills are. I made the experience in reading through some resumes on the internet that the englisch ones are more compact. Though i am not a native speaker most of the time the perfekt word to make it sound good and short wont come to my mind, so i always have to sneak around what i really want to say. Kind of complicated i know but my only chance :-)

If you have any further suggestions you know how thankful i am for your help!! I've been to the library and looked in some books but they are from 1999 and i think things might have changed since than, so i really am very thankful for your advises!!!

If i can help with anything, please ask i'd be glad to return your enthusiasm!

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Doll — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:08:23 GMT

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a ~~global culture~~ west-dominated global culture trough ~~entertainment imported~~ foreign-made entertainment TV programmes by which the local culture in many countries has become more and more affected.

The first reason of importing foreign-made TV programmes for the most TV companies is diversity. In order to attract more TV-viewers they need a variety of programmes for all ranges of the society .

Secondly, it is obvious that in many countries ~~and~~ due to limited resources such as skills, technology and funds it is not always possible to produce locally. In addition to that, foreign programmes could be inappropriate in many cases for the local and regional culture of the country and values of the society could greatly be affected, bringing new lifestyle vision which is widely different and inappropriate. Children and youngsters are the most vulnerable (vulnerable what?), and that (what is that?) would be seen in the change of their behaviour. Breaking local cultural rules could be disastrous; a very simple example today is the notion of family has become of a less interest for an increasing number of people who look to be more independent than before, resulted in more single, single parents and increasing rate of divorce more than ever before.

Finally, the point that could not be ignored is, importing more and more TV programmes leads to a very serious lack in skilled and talented individuals~~; this~~ which may kill local production instead of encouraging it. Talented individuals are more likely to leave the country and become less motivated or change completely their careers. TV companies have become more consumers( have become more consumers? I didn't understand) than producers and by importing more programmes they increase costs which result in less (less what?) or put them out of competition (People switch to other foreign TV Channels).(I didn't understand the last sentence)

To resume, I believe there is a necessity in importing some selected TV programmes that could be beneficial like scientific or educational ones. Encouraging local producers and talents should be the priority.

I have tried to do some corrections. As for comments, I didn't like your introductory paragraph.You don't tell us what you are going to discuss. Sentences starting with there is no doubt.. and the first reason... should be in a single paragraph.

Imported foreign-made TV programmes? What for?

Anonymous — Fri, 11 May 2007 18:02:31 GMT

This is the topic:

In many countries television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. To what extend do you agree or disagree? I should write at least 300 words.

In below I tried to give what are the advantages and the disadvantages and I gave my opinion at the end. Would you please, anyone who could have time to correct and/or comment my txt. I had also the difficulty to separate paragraphs and put comma`,` ponctuation where necessary.

I would be also very grateful if make any comment regarding this issue...

Thanks to all of you (Sorry if my english is not good to express this Idea)

=========================

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a global culture west dominated, trough entertainment imported TV programs the local culture on many countries has become more and more affected.

The first reason of the importing TV programs for the most TV companies is diversity. In order to attract more TV-viewers they have to have a variety of programs for all ranges of the society (Children, Adult, Old people, Women and Men, â¦ ).

Secondly, it is obvious that in many countries and due to limited resources (Skills, Technology and/or funds) it is not always possible to produce locally in addition to that, foreign program could not be appropriate for local and / or regional culture of the country, values of the society could affected greatly, bringing new lifestyle vision widely different and inappropriate to the local population. Children and youngster could be the most vulnerable, and that would be seen in the change of their behaviour. Breaking local cultural rules could be disastrous. A very simple example today is the notion of family has become of less interest for more individuals who look to be more independent than before, resulted in more single, single parent and increasing rate of divorce more than ever before.

Finally, the point that could not be ignored is importing more and more TV programs leads to a very serious lack in skilled and talented individuals; this could kill local production instead of encouraging it. Talented individuals are more likely to leave the country, become less motivated or change completely their careers. TV companies have become more consumers than producers and importing more programs they increase costs which result in less of put them competition (People switch to other foreign TV Channels).

To resume, I believe there is a necessity in importing some selected TV programs that could be beneficial like scientific or educational ones. Encouraging local producers and talent individuals should be the priority.

============== End ================

Any comment please?

Anonymous — Fri, 11 May 2007 17:04:18 GMT

This is the topic:

I would be also very grateful if make any comment regarding this issue...

Thanks to all of you (Sorry if my english is not good to express this Idea)

=========================

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a global culture west dominated, trough entertainment imported TV programs the local culture on many countries has become more and more affected.

============== End ================

Would you please comment my essay?

Anonymous — Thu, 10 May 2007 18:47:11 GMT

We have been given an essay with the topic as below:

In below I tried to give what are the advantages and the disadvantages and I gave my opinion at the end.

Would you please, anyone who could have time to correct and/or comment my essay. I had also the difficulty to separate paragraphs and put comma`,` ponctuation where necessary.

I would be also very grateful if make any comment regarding this issue...

Thanks to all of you (Sorry if my english is too good to express this Idea)

-------------------------------------- Essay --------------------------------------

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a global culture west dominated, trough entertainment imported TV programs the local culture on many countries has become more and more affected.

----------------------------------------- End ----------------------------------------------------