Search results for 'tag:Resume tag:Promotions' matching tags 'Resume' and 'Promotions'

Letter to HR - need grammar check

vincent tee — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:32:54 GMT

Hi English Guru, I am pretty poor in English. Could someone please help to comment & refine my letter below to the HR in a more gently way of expressing? (grammar mistakes and restructuring of sentences) Many Thanks!!

Dear Human Resource,

Fist of all it is a great opportunity working for BAT for the past 2 years and thank you for considering my transition from the project team to support. There are few important points that I need to emphasize for your understanding. Actually, it isnât important for BAT to review my current rate because RM6300 was an outdated 2 years ago charges and this rate was agreed to only within a specific job requirement however I have work way above these requirements. I would like to confer in order for both parties to reach a win-win agreement based on a conclusive justification.

From my investigation, I have approached people who work in this particular industry (from a BW Project Manager, other BW Consultants and a headhunter) commenting my current rate as a contractor for BW Consultant specializing in Front End is really not at par with industry standard. On top of that from what I am working now is beyond the agreed job scope, providing services not only for Programming but also BW Support, BW R&D Development, Graphics, Multimedia and also Training Management to all Asia Pacific regions. I have contributed beyond the previous agreed job requirements for all BAT Projects yet my current employer dosen't know about this issue. These values contributing to the organization will determine that I am worth more than I should.

I have fought for all project completion with success and met all datelines, sometimes till midnight yet no overtime charges being paid. Therefore, if the company were to bond my service for another one year or two, if the organization gives nothing but just low remuneration (a net pay) to the individual, what motivation is there to encourage the individual to give back to the organization more than the simple completion of allotted work?

With all the justification mentioned above, I am looking for mutual benefits for both, BAT and myself. What BAT concern, is to pay my rate according to my skill set, 7 years of experience in IT sector and appropriate rate based industry standards for contractors and I will do my best to contribute my experience, talents, skills and abilities to the organization and the team. An appropriate market rate will be RM400 to RM500 per day or RM8,500 per month.

Yours Sincerely,
Vincent

Grammar Check & Engish Sentences (please try to help)

vincent tee — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 12:55:00 GMT

Dear Human Resource,

Yours Sincerely,
Vincent

Urgent Letter to HR - Grammar Check & Engish Sentences

vincent tee — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 20:12:23 GMT

Dear Human Resource,

As a contractor, the company is not obligated to provide:

EPF and SOCSO
Allowances
Bonuses
Medical / health benefits
Loan / company stocks
Training
Family benefits
Company insurance

As a contractor, we will have:

No chances of promotion availability
limited annual leaves
No Retirement saving plan
No Job security

As a contractor we will face:

Insecure job security, no annual increment, promotion benefits and as inflation rises, every dollar we own buys a smaller percentage of a good or service.

About my accomplishment to BAT:

I have successfully completed 3 major projects for BAT (ASPAC MI, Japan FREE and AME)
Since all ASPAC MI reports are running using web browser, I am one of the pioneers to develop all BW web reports for ASPAC MI, Japan FREE & AME Project in SAP Platform, therefore I have a strong technical skills and do understand the technical architecture very well.
Did my own research & successfully implemented BW with Web technology.
For further information please refer to my resume as enclose

Yours Sincerely,
Vincent

looking for help with my covering letter and cv..

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:45:17 GMT

I am looking for somebody who could check for me my covering letter and cv.. Here will need not only substantial support but also grammatical as I am not native english speaker.. I will be greatful for help.

------------

Dear XY,

I am writing to you with regard to your advertisement for the position of a Management Trainee Program. After reading the job descriptions, I feel I can meet these requirements.

Since I wish very much to work in the project logistics field, the position you are offering seem to me to be a unique opportunity to extend my multicultural experience and to gain invaluable knowledge of freight forwarding industry. My ambition is to work for so prestigious, dynamic and forward thinking company like YYY. In the next 3-5 years I want to progress to a managerial function and want to play an integral role in the company.

I am a postgraduate with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration together with a Masters degree in Business Administration. In recent years I have had various experiences in working on my own initiative as well as part of a team, in very diverse environments, with and without clients, which has improved my problem-solving and networking abilities, and also my organizational and communication skills.

I have demonstrated a good communication skills together with administrative abilities while working as a Executive Assistant was responsible for the organisation of the office work and the support for the Managing Director. Other skills I demonstrated working as a Marketing and Promotion Assistant for a big international company include good team work, exceptional customer handling and using my initiative. Good analytical and project management skills was very useful, among other things, during my trainee in Production Planning Department at DaimlerChrysler.

Due to the fact that I am interested in learning foreign languages, I gather my work experience in Germany, Poland, England and in Malta, and in this way I could building my understanding and experience of other cultures and communities. Currently I am fluent in Polish and English and have a very good working knowledge of German.

I would welcome the great opportunity to work as part of your successful team, to benefit from your extensive experience, and to put my training, experience and enthusiasm into practice for your association. I believe my background and skills will help me be an asset to your company in a very short time.

My resume is enclosed. I would be most grateful for the opportunity to discuss this further with you in an interview. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

-----

Career Objective

To utilise my knowledge of languages and high-level interpersonal and communication skills in a prestigious, large company which is forward thinking, dynamic and will give me early responsibility and support my career development.

Profile

A hard working, self-motivated and well-organized person, with the energy and enthusiasm to be successful in my chosen career. Credibility to represent the high standards of the company and flexible to meet these needs. Effective communications skills both verbally and written. The ability to think clearly and quickly under pressure. A strong team player but also can work well on own initiative.

Education

09.2006 â 04.2007 ZZZZZZZZ College / United Kingdom,
Course: ESOL (level 2), Cambridge Certificate

03.2004 â 08.2005 VVVVVVVVVUniversity of Applied Sciences / Germany,
Course: Transport/Logistics

03.2003 â 01.2005 ***/ Poland,
faculty of Business Administration, Master Degree (Distinction)

10.1999 â 02.2003 ***/ Poland,
faculty of Business Administration, Bachelor Degree (2:1)

Work Experience

04.2007 â 10.2007 Marketing and Promotion Assistant

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY / Malta

Â· organizing trainings and meetings for a sales staff

Â· dealing with German and English speaking clients

Â· assisting in the development of existing ideas and creating new projects

Â· research and collecting information for new business plans

Â· helping with budget calculations for new projects

Â· companyâs products promotion

Â· creating job advertisements

05.2006 â 04.2007 Receptionist

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ / United Kingdom

Â· providing a high standard of customer service

Â· greeting, check-in and check-out guests

Â· assessing residents needs and delegate duties to the appropriate departments

Â· general office work

06.2005 â 03.2006 Executive Assistant

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/ Poland

Â· secretarial support for the Managing Director and other senior members
of the organisation

Â· translations (German to Polish and vice versa)

Â· coordination of meetings, travel procedures for the Managing Director

Â· reception duties when required

Â· general office duties

08. 2004 â 03.2005 Trainee (Production Planning Department)

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV / Germany

Â· helping with construction plan layouts

Â· assisting with the processing of, and implementation of improvements
in the production process

Â· assisting in developing new âkitsâ and determining variances in the
production process

Â· participating in weekly process technology development meetings

Â· general office duties

10.2002 â 02.2004 Personal Assistant

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK / Poland

Â· representative at international fairs (Equip Auto Paris, IAA Frankfurt)

Â· translations (German to Polish and vice versa)

Â· general secretarial and office duties

05.2002 â 06.2002 Trainee

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR / Poland

Â· providing a high standard of customer service

Â· assisting with clientâs bookings

Â· gather clientâs requirements and preferences in order to provide appropriate advice on destination

Â· general office duties

Additional Information

Â· Language: Polish â native, German â fluent, English â fluent, Swedish â basic

Â· Computer literate with good working knowledge of Windows, Microsoft Office, SAP/R3 (basic)
and using the Internet

Â· Full Driving Licence

Â· Tour Leader Licence

Interests

I am a very sociable person and enjoy travelling, learning about different cultures, sailing, dancing,
reading and art.

looking for help with my covering letter and cv..

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:38:17 GMT

------------

I am a postgraduate with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration together with a Masters degree in Business Administration. In recent years I have had various experiences in working on my own initiative as well as part of a team, in very diverse environments, with and without clients, which has improved my problem-solving and networking abilities, and also my organizational and communication skills.

I have demonstrated a good communication skills together with administrative abilities while working as a Executive Assistant was responsible for the organisation of the office work and the support for the Managing Director. Other skills I demonstrated working as a Marketing and Promotion Assistant for a big international company include good team work, exceptional customer handling and using my initiative. Good analytical and project management skills was very useful, among other things, during my trainee in Production Planning Department at DaimlerChrysler.

My resume is enclosed. I would be most grateful for the opportunity to discuss this further with you in an interview. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

-----

Career Objective

Profile

Education

09.2006 â 04.2007 ZZZZZZZZ College / United Kingdom,
Course: ESOL (level 2), Cambridge Certificate

03.2004 â 08.2005 VVVVVVVVVUniversity of Applied Sciences / Germany,
Course: Transport/Logistics

03.2003 â 01.2005 ***/ Poland,
faculty of Business Administration, Master Degree (Distinction)

10.1999 â 02.2003 ***/ Poland,
faculty of Business Administration, Bachelor Degree (2:1)

Work Experience

04.2007 â 10.2007 Marketing and Promotion Assistant

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY / Malta

Â· organizing trainings and meetings for a sales staff

Â· dealing with German and English speaking clients

Â· assisting in the development of existing ideas and creating new projects

Â· research and collecting information for new business plans

Â· helping with budget calculations for new projects

Â· companyâs products promotion

Â· creating job advertisements

05.2006 â 04.2007 Receptionist

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ / United Kingdom

Â· providing a high standard of customer service

Â· greeting, check-in and check-out guests

Â· assessing residents needs and delegate duties to the appropriate departments

Â· general office work

06.2005 â 03.2006 Executive Assistant

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/ Poland

Â· secretarial support for the Managing Director and other senior members
of the organisation

Â· translations (German to Polish and vice versa)

Â· coordination of meetings, travel procedures for the Managing Director

Â· reception duties when required

Â· general office duties

08. 2004 â 03.2005 Trainee (Production Planning Department)

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV / Germany

Â· helping with construction plan layouts

Â· assisting with the processing of, and implementation of improvements
in the production process

Â· assisting in developing new âkitsâ and determining variances in the
production process

Â· participating in weekly process technology development meetings

Â· general office duties

10.2002 â 02.2004 Personal Assistant

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK / Poland

Â· representative at international fairs (Equip Auto Paris, IAA Frankfurt)

Â· translations (German to Polish and vice versa)

Â· general secretarial and office duties

05.2002 â 06.2002 Trainee

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR / Poland

Â· providing a high standard of customer service

Â· assisting with clientâs bookings

Â· gather clientâs requirements and preferences in order to provide appropriate advice on destination

Â· general office duties

Additional Information

Â· Language: Polish â native, German â fluent, English â fluent, Swedish â basic

Â· Computer literate with good working knowledge of Windows, Microsoft Office, SAP/R3 (basic)
and using the Internet

Â· Full Driving Licence

Â· Tour Leader Licence

Interests

I am a very sociable person and enjoy travelling, learning about different cultures, sailing, dancing,
reading and art.

cover letter for MBA

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 06:41:07 GMT

Hi there! i am just strugling to draft a nice cover letter for MBA ! your Comments and suggestions would be Apriciated a lot.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am pleased enough to write about my deep desire to earn MBA degree from internationally reputed University of Calgary. Couple of years ago, I enjoyed building up small company as a hobby, by importing agriculture machinery from Europe. At that time my deliberation was also toward my Bachelor in Business studies from one of the top business institutions in Pakistan. The success of that practical and academic experience at same time gave me a great courage and self confidence in business environment. My hobby became my passion when my peers and coworkers revealed that I had made significant contribution to my family business.

Then a challenging job offer from a multinational brand Coca-Cola gave me a wonderful opportunity to learn from âbig think tanksâ in Coke performing in hostile market. Getting an opportunity working with well known market leader in beverages was my first hand experience in corporate level. My performance and professionalism was highly admired by the management by awarding me the title of âemployee of the yearâ in 2003. Our whole sales distributors were increased from 123 to 144 in just one year. This ultimately contributed 4.97% increase in annual sales. I had an honor to be the youngest in the history of that unit who won the title. My creativity, leadership qualities and significant contribution to respond the market fluctuations timely, were key elements in the achievements of this Coke Award.

I felt myself as flying in the skies for this achievement. This reward not only gave me a great boost and encouragement to fulfill my self-esteem need but also to the thirst of knowledge. The words from my boss added oil to the flame, when he said there is always place empty at the âtopâ. My childhood dream to become top executive can only be fulfilled if get further education, was revealed to me when my education became hurdle to further promotion in that Company. And to accomplish my dream to fill up the empty place at the top I determined to pursue higher education.

The best option in my opinion was to go abroad and get familiarity and exposure of international culture along with the studies. Therefore, I went to Netherlands and earned my Diploma in Human Resource and Quality Management from one of the prestigious institute in Netherlands. I have no words to explain my feelings when my course Coordinator over there recommended my name for a company which was looking for the Position of Human resource Manager. I have honor for being a pioneer in the establishment of Human Resource Department in the Smaak Group of Restaurants B.V Netherlands. It could be very ordinary for some people, but for a âVillage Kidâ belonging to a middle class family from a remote village with very limited resources, was infect incredible achievement. The key duties of jobs were to organize the Hierarchy of management and to provide a structure of internal communication among all the departments and all the chains. This was unexpectedly complex and hard to be done but its matter of great pleasure for me to say that I was amazingly admired by the employer for this success.

My restless nature inspired me once again by reminding the target of my life to be a significant asset of any business entity. But this dream can only be true if I get my higher education along with the experience I already have. I think that by having an MBA degree from this university would really be an added advantage and would also create a spirit of dynamism and leadership qualities from my inner self. So for me MBA is a ladder to be at a position where I can display my vision and contribute at the level of my satisfaction. I believe that you will find, I exhibit intelligence, common sense, initiative, maturity, and stability, and that I am eager to make a positive contribution to your university. I want to enhance my skills and polish my abilities by joining the friendly environment and getting a bright vision from the most cultured and knowledgeable faculty of your university.

This is all I have to say and again I would like to mention that I am desperate to be a part of this friendly and welcoming environment. My background and ambitions after graduating would make you to extend your sympathetic consideration to my appeal. I consider myself the best candidate you are looking for an MBA Program.

For more details I have enclosed my resume which will give you further information about me. I am desperately looking forward to seeing you in the interview and satisfy your queries.

Sincerely,

Re: My Grammer is correct?

nona the brit — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:40:13 GMT

I take it this is for your CV/resume and part of a list, so that full sentences are not required?

Staff nurse for almost one and a half years (this sounds quite clumsy though. It would be better to put 17/*** months) in the Diabetic Mellitus department. I have clinical expertise and experience in many aspects of medical care including providing all care for patients, health promotion,educating diabetic patients and pre/post operation care for eye surgery.

Suggestions on my motivation letter

astrid — Sat, 22 Jan 2005 12:11:28 GMT

Could you please have a look at my motivation letter and provide me with some suggestions, that would be most helpfull! Thank you very much in advance!

Kind regards,

Astrid

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a motivated student at The Hague University of European Studies and about to graduate in July 2005. Aiming at an international career in the field of the European Union, I would welcome the opportunity to participate in the Master of Advanced European and International Studies offered at your Institute.

During my studies I have been faced with a broad range of fundamental problems with which contemporary societies, and in particular the European Union, are confronted. As nowadays 'globalization, cosmopolitanism and integrationâ are the buzzwords of our society, it is of vital importance to me to gain analytical and comprehensible insight in these processes in order to deal with the fundamental problems our global world is facing.

Being deeply interested in issues related to European integration and creating a European identity, I took a high number of courses on European Law and decision-making and European migration policy. These subjects taught me that the European Union is a very special entity with a promising perspective, but in which a lot of work still needs to be done. Therefore, I would like to dedicate myself to the promotion of a higher consciousness of European Policies and citizenship. With this vision your master would offer me an excellent opportunity to increase my knowledge with regard to the European Union and its International Relations.

The international aspects of my current studies reflect my great interest and curiosity in global education and foreign languages. A six month study at the faculty of Law and Political Science in Clermont-Ferrand, provided me with an indispensable cultural experience. Additionally, my work placement at Amnesty International in Santiago de Chile from this year will provide me with professional work experience in the field of International Relations and Human Rights Issues. Both experiences show that I am able to express myself in other languages and easily adapt to new situations. Moreover, I know how to deal with cultural differences due to the multicultural environment at my University in The Hague and my commitment to the Erasmus Student Network. My open personality creates an outgoing person with strong interpersonal skills.

Please have a look at my resume which provides further personal details. I would very much like to be accepted in the Master programme at your Institute. If you should have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me by phone or email.

Yours faithfully,

Astrid Janssen

Need for help , need for ur advise regarding my cover letter

unlimited_power — Sun, 12 Dec 2004 11:32:42 GMT

this my cover letter i will send to emploer i hope to get a position in his institution , i hope to get the advises regrding the required corrections to that letter to be finally suaitable to use in such purpose, thank in advance for all

Asharf Rashed
176 Gisr el suiz st., Holiopolis, Cairo, Egypt
E-Mail: asharf135@hotmail.com
PHONE: +20-10-6056731

December 12, 2004

Name of the person I'm writing
His function
His organization
His address

Dear Dr. (his name)

I believe my previous expertise and my ability to work as a part of a team, would qualify me for a healthcare quality management position. I am presently affiliated with a highly regarded governmental institution working as a quality manager for The National Medical Training Institute in Egypt. I have developed talent and experience as a Healthcare quality professional. Because Healthcare is a multi-displine field. I have worn a numerous hats, including: planning and designing of new services, leading many quality improvement projects, management of information and statistics in addition to conducting many researches to provide a high quality services gains the more customer satisfaction and expectation.

Before my current position. I was highly involved in healthcare industry, working for El Zeraayen hospital â 260 bed capacities- where I was leading the hospital accreditation process by ISO. And implementing of Total Quality Management strategies. Then applying the Six Sigma methodology dreaming to reach the 6 sigma level â 3.4 errors per million opportunities- .

My high degree of motivation has been recognized by my previous employers who have quickly promoted me for greater responsibility which allowed me then to work as a quality manager of the National Medical Training Institute â the highest authority In Egyptian Ministry of Health for promotion of the healthcare profession in Egypt.

The enclosed resume in response to your selection criteria presents the facts you require, but I would appreciate interview so you can see how I would best contribute to your great organization.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Ashraf

Re: PinkNails Wants Help with Essay

anon1 — Thu, 25 Nov 2004 01:26:01 GMT

Whenever something bothers me, I write about it. [Who does this first sentence relate to the rest of your paragraph?] I am a literary explorer who has written for small entrepreneurial newspapers to a weather news channel. [I donât like this sentence now as much as I did last night before going to bed. Somehow it has to express a range.] I have known I wanted to be a writer at the age of eight. [Why? How?] My first journalistic experience occurred in 1996 as an active member of Torontoâs Metro Youth Council. I recorded the minutes of formal meetings and assisted facilitators with interactive youth programs addressing issues affecting youth, global concerns, crime, jobs, affordable education and various training programs. My notes formed the final proposal presented at the Conference of Major Metropolisâ in Tokyo, Japan, in 1996.

For the past twenty years I have spent my summerâs visiting my relatives in New York City and have developed an interest in going to school there. I am attracted to Columbia Universityâs magazine journalism program for its impressive alumni who have worked for major publications including GLAMOUR, Rolling Stones and The New York Times Magazine. Attending the Delacorte [?] lectures given by leading editors in the industry will provide me with the information I need to become a writer and editor in the magazine industry. I am particularly interested in the spring workshops where students get the chance to create their own magazine prototypes from start to finish. Enrollment in Columbiaâs graduate program will also make me eligible for a fellowship in the Columbia Journalism Review. [This paragraph seems scattered. You start by talking about visiting your relative in NYC, and you end your paragraph by talking about fellowship in Columbia Journalism Review.]

In the future, I plan to work towards creating my own magazine or assist major publications in providing more of a representative voice that blacks can relate to. [Why not state this at the front of you essay so that we know what your ultimate goal is?] I have found that there is a lack of homebred magazines in Canada, that give a face to important issues ranging from health and relationships to finance and business and other issues affecting African Americans and African Canadians today. In my opinion [as opposed to who else?], the Canadian and United States magazine, newspaper and television industries are very different. However, Americaâs media industry features far more diverse media outlets and opportunities for research. My goal is to work in a prestigious news, magazine or broadcast organization where I can bring both a Caribbean-Canadian and American perspective to my work. [Didnât you say you plan to work toward creating your own magazine? Something that blacks can relate to? Or is your goal to work for someone else? Or is your goalâ¦?]

Throughout my life, my education and work experiences have fuelled my desire to be involved in a professional media environment. My experience as a freelance writer for print and on-line magazines within Toronto has led to my interest in journalism. [But didnât you know at the age of 8 that you were predestined to become a writer?] In October of 2002, I joined Urban Vibez Magazine, a small urban hip-hop magazine in Toronto. As junior editor in chief I edited and directed the preparation of their materials for publication.

One of the things I loved most about that job was the occasional argument between my co-workers over an ambiguous statement or questionable comma in the work I edited. [You love arguments--that ought to go over well with the admissions committee.] The adrenaline of staying on top of deadlines and researching communication news for an upcoming issue is what I crave.[Maybe it is just me, but it leaves me with the impression of poor work habits.] Working with a small staff enabled me to work closely with their advertising, circulation and promotion departments, which helped me to understand the intricate details involved in publishing a monthly magazine. Overall, my time spent with Urban Vibez magazine helped me to realize the creative writing role I wanted to pursue in the magazine industry. [There seem to be a lot of times, places and experiences that have shaped your ultimate goal, no?]

My love for being in front of or behind the camera further propelled me to intern for The Weather Network in their Marketing and Communications department in 2004. One of my biggest accomplishments was designing, writing and releasing a seasonal newsletter to The Weather Networks Extreme Weather Team. The outcome of this piece received positive responses from Extreme Weather Team members.[awkward phrase] Aside from assisting with contests and advertising initiatives, my experience with the Weather Network has reinforced my goal of pursuing Masters degree in magazine journalism so that I may assist behind the lens by writing for media magazines.

In 2001, [why are talking about 2001 after having discussed 2004 in the prior paragraph?] I started a small job recruiting and resume consulting business in which I prepare my clients resumes and portfolios for todayâs job market. After graduating from high school, I stumbled into a five-week contract position with Ingram Micro, an information technology wholesaler, and quickly excelled to a full time marketing role. My experience at Ingram Micro enabled me to visualize how an Undergraduate degree could enhance my performance, communication skills and develop my craft of creative writing. It also helped in the development of my overall administrative skills. I eventually left Ingram Micro to pursue my Undergraduates degree in Communication Studies and Humanities at York University.

[stopped editing]

Aside from working part time and putting myself through school, my interests primarily involve freelance writing and the completion of my memoir. I have submitted several articles and opinion pages to print and on-line magazines, local newspapers and community bulletins within Toronto. The articles I have written address a variety of topics including health, relationships and child abuse issues as well cultural events and Internet piracy. I also enjoy reading and collecting magazines, acting and interior design. In addition, I have worked as an extra in the film and television industry in Toronto.

I consider my undergraduate education to be my greatest achievement. I paid for it, I struggled for it and I gave up a great deal of my life for it. I also realize that my educational path is not complete. As I approach the completion of my Undergraduate degree, I realize that in order to reach the level of success I have set for myself, I will need to further my education. That is why I am applying to Columbiaâs graduate program in Magazine journalism. My education, experiences and unique perspectives have prepared me for enrollment in Columbiaâs magazine journalism program. By attending Columbiaâs Masters of Journalism program, I will become more marketable as a journalist in Canada. This experience will enhance my understanding of the relationship between Canada and the United States by allowing a cross-cultural and balanced exchange of knowledge with those that I encounter.

PinkNails,

Your essay is weak and chaotic. I canât give you much help. These essays are supposed to be written by YOU. They want to see how well you write. They want to know can you organize your thoughts into a coherent series of arguments to present your story or case.

Columbia wants your BEST writing. Not my best, or our best, but YOUR BEST.

I think you need to think deeply about your essay and your career ambitions. If you are truly serious about Columbia, you have to kick it up several notches.

I have given you some comments to think about. What you do with those comments is up to you. You can provide another revision to the forum for review. But itâll likely be the last one we will look at. We canât afford to spend too much time on any one individual, especially when she is crafting an admissionâs essay that is supposed to be written by her alone.

The other thing is that Colombia could take a sentence from your essay, throw it into Google, and up comes this discussion. So much for your argument that this is solely your effort.

Anyway, something to think about.

MountainHiker