Search results for 'tag:Resume tag:Pronunciation' matching tags 'Resume' and 'Pronunciation'

Re: How to distinguish the pronunciation of the vowels

Mister Micawber — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 10:11:49 GMT

.
You have a problem, but I can suggest little more than practice and concentration; I presume you have a tutor or teacher or acquaintance who can listen to and advise you. I hadn't noticed that Chinese students have much trouble with vowel sounds before-- I thought the consonants were more difficult.

While there are plenty of regional variations in English pronunciation, the pronunciation of e.g. the /e/ in egg is usually similar enough to elude the sensitivities of a learner. Practice saying and listening to (pronunciations are available at MERRIAM-WEBSTER ONLINE, for example) lots and lots of simple words with those vowel sounds:

apple, cram, fat, hat, rat, sat and bat, etc.

egg, eft, end, bend, send, fend, rend, et cetera.

by, sigh, guy, rye, die, fry, sky, etc.

Re: Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:57:03 GMT

The response from the United States of America to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Message from Her Majesty the Queen.

   â¢   Let us start with your header, the use of Majesty. Here is how it is derived: After the fall of Rome, Majesty was used to describe a Monarch of the very highest rank - indeed, it was generally applied to God. The title was then also assumed by Monarchs of great powers as an attempt at self-praise and despite a supposed lower royal style as a King or Queen, who would thus often be called "His or Her Royal Majesty." The first English king to be styled Majesty was Henry VIII.
   â¢   We can't stand people that think of themselves as Gods. And technically it would be Goddess in this case. "Goddess" have you even seen a picture of your queen.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

   â¢   Yes we sure do elect some bad presidents but that is what you get when you stop inbreeding the "Royal" blood line and end up with nit wits like your son. We like to see change occur every once in awhile. It is expected that we will elect a bad one every now and again but we will just elect another president. You on the other hand are stuck with your nit wits.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she
does not fancy).

   â¢   "Monarchial duties", What is that? What does she do, exactly? Oh, I forgot. "Nothing" So we will gladly let her do her duties. We just won't pay her unless she does something useful. And it figures that she would not want Kansas, that is where a lot of strong pioneering women come from in our history. Pioneering implies that she must do something.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

   â¢   Wow, you are a deluded country. If you have not noticed, "The People" rule here, Congress and the Senate just try to keep us happy so they can keep their jobs. And as for the questionnaire if we are happy, we will not notice. If we are not happy, and we do not have the congress or senate to blame, You Will Notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

   â¢   So, you think that our authority was conferred to us by you. You gave us the rite to be the United States of America.
   â¢   You should pick up a history book, WE TOOK IT. We will let you know when we want to GIVE it back. Unless you think you can take it back. LOL. Like that would be possible, You can't defend yourselves let alone attack anybody. It might behoove you to remember. The only freedoms you have are the freedoms you can defend. We're Good. How about you?

1.Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

   â¢   noun, adjective Chiefly British - "We are Not British"

2.The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour",
"labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut"
without skipping half the letters,? and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'.? Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels.? (look up "vocabulary").

OK, You are starting to sound like the French. Do you really want to be associated with the French?

3.Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let ***
know on your behalf. The *** spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize.

   â¢   You still using Microsoft, we moved on to Apple, Linux, etc... And using "like" and "you know" is extremely efficient to educated people. For example; The British are becoming "like" the French. And that implies, "You know".
   â¢   See rather than write paragraphs the thought was expressed in a simple statement.

4.July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

   â¢   What, is it to embarrassing for you. I think we will keep it, unless you can take it. LOL

5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

   â¢   Nice try, but we can still kick your butts without the guns. They call our lawyers, sharks, for a reason. They eat their prey, go ahead take them on. Our therapists make them feel better after kicking your butts. And as far as only shooting grouse. If you didn't already kill every other animal in the forests that you no longer have, you might actually be able to go hunting. When is the last time you saw a deer in the woods in your country?

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

   â¢   A vegetable peeler will be just fine. By the way do you grow potatoes, carrots, or anything that requires a vegetable peeler. Didn't think so, you have to "farm" for that. And that is just so beneath you. Just keep buying our food.

7.All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

   â¢   Oh my God(Majesty), you are using that to better us. No wonder you lost your kingdom. Oh we have a "horse" if you want to sell your kingdom. We might even give you two horses.
   â¢   And we understand the British sense of humor. To laugh you must smile, to smile you must have nice "Teeth". "You Know"

8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

   â¢   Jealous? Remember that whole "No taxation without representation" thing. You should look into it.

9.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

   â¢   For someone who "used" to have India, you think that you might have learned something about spices. All you got out of that era was vinegar. Come on, go through the Chunnel to France and start learning how to cook. If we take any criticism about our food it will have to come from France.

10.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

   â¢   Ok, Our beer sucks but if we are going to take criticism about it, Germany will have to do it.

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

   â¢   Stick to Documentaries, your country is incapable of producing entertainment movies. You don't laugh, you don't cry, you don't feel, and you think that you can entertain a populace. It would be "akin" to watching black and white, silent movies. Again, go to France, India, Germany, even Japan. But in the end, I think it would be best if you just make Documentaries.

12.You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

   â¢   You just don't get entertainment. Yep, we Americans are going to go nuts over watching guys in shorts run around the field for 3 hours and maybe make a score. There might even be an upset match of 2-1. The excitement of it all has me watering at the mouth. And when we are done being thrilled by the game we can switch the channel to watch a bunch of guys piled on top of each other move around on the ground for another three hours. Look up sarcasm in the Oxford English dictionary.
   â¢   Don't worry though, an american can fix it. In soccer, you need to have more excitement. Switch the goalie to a girl and after each successful goal, that goalie must remove an article of clothing. No more of those 1-0 matches, from my figuring almost all matches will be, 10-9 or 10-8. Rugby is easy, just switch to girls, we will never turn the channel.

13.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is under standable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

   â¢   First get your facts straight, if you learned to do proper research, you would know that Toronto, as in the Toronto Blue Jays, is not with in our countries borders.
   â¢   Second, of course we know their is a world outside of our borders, we supply it with food, we keep it employed by buying its products, and we get a laugh at them when they try and criticize us.

14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

   â¢   Hell, we thought you did it. Come on you can tell us.

15.An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

   â¢   Ok, but you must pay all our Social Security benefits, Welfare Benefits, Wic Benefits, and government subsidies back dated to 1776. Want to call that one even? Else, you might owe us some money. We will send the lawyers over.

16.Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

   â¢   Ok that confirms it. You are pansies.

God Save the Queen!

   â¢   If you weren't paying attention, according to you, God is the Queen. Let her save herself. But if she did that you would have to call her an American.

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good
sense of humour and NOT humor.)

   â¢   PS. Go ahead and share this with your friends in the UK (those with a good sense of humor. oops my mistake, there are none) I would go on but, "You Know"

Message from John Cleese

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:25:54 GMT

> *Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.!*

> A Message from John Cleese (British comedian)

> To: The citizens of the United States of America:

> In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President

> of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the

> revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties

> over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which

> she does not fancy).

> Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for

> America without the need for further elections.

> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

> A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of

> you noticed.

> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following

> rules are introduced with immediate effect:

> You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

> 1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will

> be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

> 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and

> 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without

> skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the

> suffix -ise.

> Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable

> levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

> 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises

> such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form

> of

> communication.

> There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on

> your

> behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account

> of

> the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn

> your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

> 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

> 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,

> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and

> therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

> Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to

> sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then

> you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

> 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything

> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if

> you

> wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

> 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for

> your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what

> we

> mean.

> 8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will

> start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you

> will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of

> conversion tables.

> Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British

> sense of humour.

> 9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been

> calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

> 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French

> fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato

> chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in

> animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

> 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually

> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to

> as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be

> referred to as Lager.

> South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the

> greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.

> They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

> American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so

> that

> all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

> 12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as

> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to

> play English characters.

> 13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of

> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in

> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American

> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds

> or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try

> Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they

> regularly thrash us.

> 14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to

> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played

> outside of America or Japan. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that

> there

> is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will

> learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to

> take

> the sting out of their deliveries.

> 15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

> 16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's

> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all

> monies due (backdated to 1776).

> 17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never

> mugs,

> with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

> God save the Queen.

> Only He can.

> John Cleese

(If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you. T.T.)

Re: Received Pronunciation & Mid Atlantic English

Zerox — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 08:50:27 GMT

Anonymous wrote:
It really bugs me the way Americans say a 'British' accent because more than one country makes up Britain, there is England, Scotland, and Wales, all of which have very different accents. Then of course all three countries have many regional accents which are again very different. I think I know what is ment when it is said I'm a friends fan and I know the episode where Ross puts on a 'British' accent so I presume that's what your refering to, but very few people in England actually speak like that.

I believe I don't have an accent, I'm from the South West so had a rather 'farmer' accent but neither of my parents were from the area so I managed to get rid of that pretty quick, I can still put the Dorset accent on when I want to but that is rare, I currently live in Devon and am able to pick up the Devonish accent which is similar but with the emphasis on different letters but again tthere arn't many occasions when I do. I can tell by listening to a person which county in the South West they are from so I get rather annoyed when people lump them all together as 'farmers' or the 'South West' because there is such a difference in just a small area.

I now speak Estuary English, Tony Blair also speaks this and when I was in Canada I was told I had a very nice English accent. It is quite posh and what I call 'speaking properly' because you don't drop any letters, you say all the T's and H's which are probably the most commonly dropped letters especially in what I would call 'Chav Speak' but I am aware that there arn't Chav's in America I think the best way I can describe it from my point of veiw is common and trying to be more common because it's cool (I don't know why) it comes from housing estates and they all have ASBO's which makes them cooler somehow. Anyway moving on from my dislike of chavs, although I should quickly mention that I'm not a snob it's difficult for people to understand the whole chav thing and I didn't even bring emo's and goth's into the equation.

The original poster was asking about RP (Received Pronunciation) also sometimes reffered to as a 'BBC' accent because for years all BBC news readers had to speak with it. It's generally seen as a very posh accent, I don't know if you've ever seen 'The Good Life' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLwcHuhwHRY&feature=related) Margot - the woman in that clip - speaks RP.

This is a good clip for explaining different British accents, although it mainly covers the many London accents, and misses out most of the others still: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLsVh6Qrpew&feature=related

I loved the comment about a Newcastle accent being posh, thats not at all the way it is regarded here.

George Harrison is from Liverpool along with the other members of the Beatles so has a scouse accent, but within Liverpool there are different accents depending on where your from so his accents may not completely match the other Beatles.

I'm not going to try and explain accents I don't know well so don't think this is all of them, I don't even know how many there are.

If you want to learn one I'd go for Estuary it's not very hard and one of the best for others to understand.

I hope I've helped, although I may have just confused things even more.

Doesn't Tony Blair used to change his accent depending to whom he was talking? For example, when speaking to younger speakers he used more glottal stops and so on. Moreover, I'm fascinated by Estuary English. Is it kind of a deviation from RP? What is not there what is in RP, and vice versa?

Re: Received Pronunciation & Mid Atlantic English

Anonymous — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 03:27:27 GMT

It really bugs me the way Americans say a 'British' accent because more than one country makes up Britain, there is England, Scotland, and Wales, all of which have very different accents. Then of course all three countries have many regional accents which are again very different. I think I know what is ment when it is said I'm a friends fan and I know the episode where Ross puts on a 'British' accent so I presume that's what your refering to, but very few people in England actually speak like that.

I believe I don't have an accent, I'm from the South West so had a rather 'farmer' accent but neither of my parents were from the area so I managed to get rid of that pretty quick, I can still put the Dorset accent on when I want to but that is rare, I currently live in Devon and am able to pick up the Devonish accent which is similar but with the emphasis on different letters but again tthere arn't many occasions when I do. I can tell by listening to a person which county in the South West they are from so I get rather annoyed when people lump them all together as 'farmers' or the 'South West' because there is such a difference in just a small area.

I now speak Estuary English, Tony Blair also speaks this and when I was in Canada I was told I had a very nice English accent. It is quite posh and what I call 'speaking properly' because you don't drop any letters, you say all the T's and H's which are probably the most commonly dropped letters especially in what I would call 'Chav Speak' but I am aware that there arn't Chav's in America I think the best way I can describe it from my point of veiw is common and trying to be more common because it's cool (I don't know why) it comes from housing estates and they all have ASBO's which makes them cooler somehow. Anyway moving on from my dislike of chavs, although I should quickly mention that I'm not a snob it's difficult for people to understand the whole chav thing and I didn't even bring emo's and goth's into the equation.

The original poster was asking about RP (Received Pronunciation) also sometimes reffered to as a 'BBC' accent because for years all BBC news readers had to speak with it. It's generally seen as a very posh accent, I don't know if you've ever seen 'The Good Life' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLwcHuhwHRY&feature=related) Margot - the woman in that clip - speaks RP.

This is a good clip for explaining different British accents, although it mainly covers the many London accents, and misses out most of the others still: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLsVh6Qrpew&feature=related

I loved the comment about a Newcastle accent being posh, thats not at all the way it is regarded here.

George Harrison is from Liverpool along with the other members of the Beatles so has a scouse accent, but within Liverpool there are different accents depending on where your from so his accents may not completely match the other Beatles.

I'm not going to try and explain accents I don't know well so don't think this is all of them, I don't even know how many there are.

If you want to learn one I'd go for Estuary it's not very hard and one of the best for others to understand.

I hope I've helped, although I may have just confused things even more.

RP vs. GA Pronunciation

BillyHD — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 15:01:13 GMT

Hi everybody!

What is the technical term for the phenomenon that the RP and GA pronunciation differ in words like "due", "enthusiasm" or "presume". I know that it's about the /ju:/ vs. /u:/ sound but I don't know the technical term for it.
Same problem for the GA pronunciation of the words "hot", "fought", "bought" and "wrought": Does anybody know the technical term for this pronunciation problem?

Thanks!

Language & Communication Skills Trainer - India

ikasu — Tue, 17 May 2005 12:21:22 GMT

Tracmail India Pvt. Ltd. is looking for native American (US & Canada) Language & Communications Skills Trainer for their call center facility at New Bombay, India.

Tracmail is a division of TWS Holdings a Premier Business Process Outsourcing Solutions provider. TWS Holdings has its head quarters at New Jersey.

Tracmail, the Indian arm of the company is located at Vashi, New Bombay, around 50 â 60 minutes away from both the Bombay main town & the International airport. Tracmail primarily focuses at servicing North American customers and specializes in outbound collection and inbound customer service processes. Our clients include a large American Financial Services company having global presence and a North American Telecommunication company.

As a Language & Communication Skills Trainer, you will focus on the English Language, Pronunciation, Conversational & Communication Skills and North American Culture to young Indian Call Center Executives.

This job will require you to work in shifts (mostly night shifts) and train both experienced and new hire executives.

Requirement: Bachelorâs Degree Required (Education, Applied Linguistics, Education, English, TESOL/EFL, or Communications); ESL/EFL/TESOL certification; 2+ years formal ESL teaching experience.

Job Description:
Â· Deliver formal, prepared classroom language curriculum to newly hired employees.

Â· Quality monitoring of transactions to identify job-related language & communication issues.

Â· Coach individuals 1 on 1, providing linguistic and conversational feedback on performance.

This is a 1-year consultant position renewable based on performance.

If you find this position interesting, please send your resume in .doc format to ikasu@tracmail.com stating your contact information, qualification, details of experience, current location, date of availability and expected compensation.

As a part of this contract, Tracmail will provide you with:
Â· Competitive salary (based on credentials and experience).
Â· Fully furnished accommodation.
Â· Local Health Insurance (within Indian territory only).
Â· Round trip economy class airfare from your current location.
Â· 3 weeks paid vacation.
Â· Transport to and from work.

Re: Why American English??

Guest — Tue, 15 Mar 2005 08:40:12 GMT

To the citizens of the United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium."
Check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z'(pronounced 'zed' not
'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh
You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary."
Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show.
If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English."
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.
English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon."
If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football."
There is only one kind of football.
What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
It is a difficult game.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2006.

You should stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns.
You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler.
Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.
November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England.
It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned.
They are crap, and it is for your own good.
When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts.
You will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips.
Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium.
Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps."
Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.
The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager.
From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager."
The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine."
This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2006) prices with the former USA.
The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults.
If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Someone please read this and tell me if these stuff are true.

Guest — Fri, 11 Mar 2005 07:24:06 GMT

I READ THIS FROM OTHER WEBSITE AND PASTE IT HERE. I HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH THIS MESSAGES.
--------------------------
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium."
Check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z'(pronounced 'zed' not
'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh
You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary."
Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show.
If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English."
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.
English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon."
If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football."
There is only one kind of football.
What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
It is a difficult game.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2006.

You should stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns.
You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler.
Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.
November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England.
It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned.
They are crap, and it is for your own good.
When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts.
You will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips.
Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium.
Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps."
Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.
The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager.
From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager."
The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine."
This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2006) prices with the former USA.
The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults.
If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Re: Phonetic pronounciation

Happy — Sat, 09 Oct 2004 15:59:53 GMT

Thank you very much for your prompt reply , but i am sorry i did not come across this word 'uv' and don't know how to pronounce. can you give me a better eg.
such as the same pronounication like (hair, hare ) .

since you did not advise me any free website that have taught the pronounciation of phonetics, i presume there isn't any,do you know of some disc i could buy to help me (but i want those that have break the word for pronunciation, many times , the discs which i bought back has taught us how to pronounce all word , but without breaking the word.

many tks