Search results for 'tag:Yours sincerely tag:Commas' matching tags 'Yours sincerely' and 'Commas'

Politely asking for feedback on my letter of motivation

Richard1985 — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 15:52:40 GMT

Hello,

I am Richard, a Dutch undergraduate student applying for a Masters programme in London, England.
As a part of the application form, I have to give 'further information' , which I interpreted as roughly analogous to a letter of motivation:

"
9. Further Information
Please state your interest in the subject and give information on any related activities, relevant courses and projects. Continue on a separate sheet if necessary.
"

I have written a first draft, and I was wondering if some of you would be willing to comment on it. I have read several other posts on the forum, and found them most informative.
I welcome comments on any aspects, but especially suspect myself of being a little too enamoured with comma's. Also, the end lacks in zest, I realise I will have to work some more on at least that part , and there is a small bit about some research I am doing at the moment, which I don't know where to place. Comments on any other subjects are also very much appreciated. Thanks!

Dear Sir, Madam,

My enthusiasm for your course in International Studies is engendered both by its specific content and by its method of instruction. The programme is perfectly suited to my aim in pursuing a Masters degree in International Studies, namely acquiring a thorough empirical knowledge of the various social and political structures in East Asia, both at the national and international level. I have already, besides my philosophy studies at the Radboud University Nijmegen, followed a half-year course on contemporary Asia, at the University of Amsterdam. Through its courses, this program gave me some knowledge about various parts of East Asian social and political structures, and it certainly whetted my appetite for a more thorough investigation into East Asian societies. During my philosophy studies, I have focused on political, social and cultural philosophy. Among the topics treated in those courses, two chime especially well with the modules available.

First, there are the various theories concerning political and social practice in democracies, some descriptive but most normative, like the theories of Rawls and Habermas. Their normative character theoretically makes them context-independent, but in practice they seem to be elevating an abstracted version of the political and social systems in contemporary Europe and the USA to the status of ideal political system. Through modules like âPolitics and History of Japan and East Asiaâ, âThe Politics of Culture in Contemporary Chinaâ and âIntroduction to Contemporary Chinese Cultures and Societiesâ, I hope to gain an understanding of the structure of civil society in these countries, and to use this knowledge to refine notions about civil society and its role in a democracy, instead of dismissing non-complying structures outright as flawed, as is often done. A possible outcome might be a âvarieties of democracyâ hypothesis, mirroring the âvarieties of capitalismâ paradigm which has surfaced in economics these last few decades.

A second set of modules, âAsia and Globalisationâ, âInternational Relations I: Theoretical Perspectivesâ and âNation, Transnationalism and Globalism in East Asiaâ, could function in very much the same way for political philosophy concerning international relations and globalisation. This field has been burgeoning over the last decades, without, however, yielding a limited number of guiding theories. Here I have no specific research object in mind, but I feel that this is a subject which will see the most interesting new theorizing in years to come. Knowledge about the complex interstate relations, both within the area and between these countries and the world at large, may function as an empirical touchstone and hopefully even illuminate the way in which an understanding of these processes should be sought.

It is not just the content of your modules which appeals to me; your method of instruction, focused on interactive group work following student and staff presentations, mirrors the more fruitful modules I have taken. The Radboud Universityâs Honours Programme, an extra-curricular programme for selected students, is explicitly centred around thorough student discussions of the literature prepared, guided by the staff. In my experience, this results in a far more nuanced understanding of the subject, and especially its pitfalls, than an ordinary staff lecture. This method of instruction, coupled with assessment by essays, also promotes the development of skill in arguing clearly and succinctly both on paper and verbally, an attribute which can never be honed well enough.

In short, your programme in International Studies chimes perfectly with my research interests, and its method of instruction is a most fruitful one. I look forward to continuing my academic education and research at your institution.

Yours Sincerely,

Richard

Here's the part I want to splice in somewhere:
I am currently writing my Bachelor thesis on the shifts in the intellectual debate in late Tokugawa and early Meiji Japan, and its relation with the vast changes in institutions and governance around the same time.

I could expand a bit on this, make it into its own short paragraph, but it doesn't seem to fit into the current format. I would, however, like to include something about research I've done. So I don't really know what to do with it. Any ideas?

Re: Quick Question on how to write a formal letter!!

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 13:20:22 GMT

Hello .. I will give you some help in writing your letter ..

I'm going to tell you how to write a very formal letter..

You should write your address right aligned in the top of the page..

after you finish writing your address skip one line and write the date also right aligned on the page..

next you should skip 1 line and then write the sendee's address .. in other words the person who you want to send to..

after that skip 1 line and write your greetin with no indention .. and since you dont know who you are senting to just write " Dear sir or madam, (dont forget the comma)

then skip another line and start writing your paragraphs .. and there is no indention too .. dont forget to skip 1 line between each paragraph..

when you finish writing your paragraphs skip 1 line and write " Yours sincerely, " or " Yours faithfully " .. but dont write something not formal .. like best wishes or other stuff ..

then skip 1 line and write your name..

dont forget that there should be left and write margins and there are no indentions through out the letter ...

Motivation letter for a Master's degree: feedback highly appreciated

Eeva — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 20:08:56 GMT

Hello,
I was looking around on Internet for help on writing a motivation letter for applying to a Master's degree and found this very worthy site.
I would be really grateful if someone had time to take a look at mine. I do understand that I am the one to write the letter but I would appreciate comments from others as sometimes it is easy to lose track of what is important and relevant and what not when re-reading one's own writings.
Also, I do not have a feeling of commas in English so I tend to just leave them out. Maybe it would be possible to take a look at that.
Thank you very much in advance.

Regards,
Eeva
P.S. Do not hesitate to contact me if you have similar problems with Estonian, I'd be glad to help.

Dear Mrs. Hamilton,

I am writing to apply for the Master of Science programme in Econometrics at the Universiteit van Amsterdam.

I graduated from the University of Latvia with BSc in Economics in June 2006. During my studies I became interested in public sector economics and especially in statistical analysis of problems related to the field. In fact, I am planning to pursue a career in public policy research with an international research or regulatory organisation where the use of econometric methods is highly relevant. For this reason I want to develop my quantitative abilities further in an environment that supports intensive learning of a broad range of methods and applications of econometrics.

Already prior to my third-level education I had a strong interest in mathematics and enjoyed problem-solving and as a result attended various mathematicsâ contests throughout the secondary school. During my studies at the University of Latvia I developed a strong interest in the application of statistical methods in economics. The related courses at the university taught me the use of such statistical analysis tools as STATA and SPSS which later on were utilized in my bachelor thesis writing process. I further used the acquired analytical abilities while working for a research project for the Baltic International Centre for Economic Policy Studies. In fact, I am currently employed by FirmX where statistical tools are used daily to analyse market research problems.

There are several reasons why I think this course in the Universiteit van Amsterdam in particular is the best place to develop my quantitative skills. Firstly, this specific course has an interdisciplinary approach to teaching econometrics. This allows the development of a wide range of expertise guaranteeing broad-minded graduates who have all the prerequisites of becoming successful in a number of specific fields without losing a broader perspective. Secondly, the very good research reputation of the Faculty of Economics and Business of the Universiteit van Amsterdam corresponds to my desire to deal with economic research further and ensures the superior quality of the provided education. Last but not least, the international aspect of the university as well as the city of Amsterdam is very appealing. Not only does the multiplicity of backgrounds provide a variety of opinions which in study process is an asset in itself but it also constitutes a valuable experience in the light of a possible career in an international organisation.

I believe that my analytical abilities and interest in the application of mathematics and statistics in economics provide a solid base for the MSc programme in Econometrics at the Universiteit van Amsterdam and a policy researcher position later on. Please do not hesitate to contact me in case you have any questions. Thank you for your consideration. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Eeva Mmm

Re: [URGENT] GREAT BRITAIN: job application in London - cover letter

nona the brit — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 11:46:54 GMT

corrections in bold and other areas you need to look at are highlighted for you. Watch out for the length of your sentences. You tend to run on and try to connect too many ideas and are not using enough commas.

Dear Sir or Madam (US uses colon, UK uses comma or nothing after salutation)

This letter is to express my interest in the ZZZZ/YYYY position within your GGGG/HHHH Team listed on http://www.YYYYYYYY.co.uk (Recruiter Ref: YYYYYY). I earned an Economics Masterâs degree in September 2006 from the the YYYYYYYY University, Berlin. I graduated within the top 10 of my class and last year this university won the title 'Elite University' in a German-wide excellence initiative. The department of economics is ranked 5^th in Europe and 2^nd in Germany.

The advertisement said you seek someone who is passionate about the fixed income market and is able to work independently to produce accurate, detailed materials while meeting tight deadlines. Analyzing the events that influence the world economy as well as the fixed income market is my passion. Due to my stock market activities, mainly on the French small and mid-cap market primarily using fundamental analysis combined with technical analysis, I was able to finance my entire studies. In 2005, as well as in 2006, I generated an after-tax return of about 60% per year.

During my studies I gained placement experience in several well-known companies, where I often did accurate and self-reliant research and analysis work and prepared exact decision memos (?). My academic focus on empirical economic research and on transition economics helped me a lot in developing strong analytical and quantitative skills by using the right tools.

My work experience and extracurricular activities as a member of the stock market group of the University of Berlin are the best proof that I am quick to learn, a strong team player, and also able to work effectively alone. I am eager to learn more about the position at Johnnyâs Bank & Co., and I look forward to meeting with you. My curriculum vitae is enclosed.

Thank you for taking the time to review my application.

Yours sincerely,

Johnny Cash

Re: i need help fast

nona the brit — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 13:46:16 GMT

Amendments highlighted in blue, comments and other errors in yellow (esp. random commas).

I graduated with a B.sc second-class upper division honours (do you mean a 2:1? If so, that is the normal way of expressing this) in statistics from Olabisi Onabanjo University (OOU) Ago-Iwoye, Ogun State Nigeria in Dec 2004. I wish to pursue my academic career to mastersâ level by studying industrial mathematics.

In view of the key challenges facing business, industries, government and academic (decide on plurals or singulars and be consistant) on how to effectively interpret, the vast amount of data generated in the world today, mathematicians are faced with even more challenging demands for new methodologies on how to solve, draw inferences and make decisions under conditions of partial information and uncertainty.

It is against this backdrop that, I am applying to be trained in the current concepts of Industrial Mathematics at maters level, so as to acquire outstanding skills and knowledge to help change the situation in my country, Nigeria.

As a budding researcher, I have had relevant experience in my undergraduate programme through various field surveys, data collection, general linear modeling, data analysis and inference. I have also been trusted with the responsibility of analyzing large amounts of data during my mandatory national service, where the results were used for the welfare of the people.

However, I believe that understanding the natural and human worlds in this âinformation ageâ, requires a mathematical approach such as stochastic models and methods, which are essential components for research and applications across a vast spectrum of fields. I hope to be equipped with this and much more during the masterâs programme in your university.

I believe this course will prepare me for a broad range of careers in the financial and industrial sectors ,where a high level of quantitative and mathematical skills are required for the challenges faced in Database management. It will also make me to effectively create, maintain, document data tables and assemble data sets for analysis and Inference.

I hope to enhance and improve my knowledge on relevant concepts of mathematics, such as Operation Research, Multivariate Analysis, Stochastic Processes, Numerical Analysis, Time Series, General and Advanced Linear Modelling, Game Theory and Model Selection so as to meet up with the current challenges in the Financial and industrial sector in Nigeria.

Furthermore, I strongly desire to develop the skills and insights required to communicate statistical / mathematical results and skills that augment substantial managerial abilities. I don't understand this sentence. not clear whether you want to learn to communicate results to managers, or gain management skills yourself. Re-phrase.

In pursuit of career excellence, I wish to acquire knowledge in the following areas; application of time series analysis to financial economics, operation research to management(in industries, business and government) in decision making for optimum solution (this part doesn't make sense), and understanding methods of analyzing data when confidentiality of individual records needs to be maintained.

Given the great opportunity to participate in this course, an enormous investment will be contributed to my career building. It will also allow the sharing of ideas, skills, expertise and experience with likeminded mathematicians across the globe, which will result in future collaborations.

I hope to use my acquired knowledge and skills to play a fundamental role in facilitating recent developments in mathematics, information, management control and medical sciences in my country.

I believe that this masterâs programme will enhance my contribution to the collective body of knowledge required for qualitative, statistical and mathematical analysis. It will also give me a chance to change the Nigerian perspective about the importance of proper collation of data and its analysis.

It will provide me an opportunity to acquire new professional skills in making unique business solutions.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

I need help with the grammar, especially with commas :)

Anonymous — Thu, 23 Nov 2006 20:38:13 GMT

Hi,

tomorrow I must hand in my cover letter to my lecturer. Our task was to write a cover letter and a curriculum vitae. It was not very difficult to write there is maybe a problem with my grammar. I want to ask you whether you could check my grammar. Pleaseeeeeeeee

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Internship Marketing

Dear recruiter,

An employee of Berliner Flughaefen GmbH (Berlin Airports Association) told me that you offer an internship in the marketing department. As you can see in my CV I am a student at the International University of Applied Sciences *** , working toward my bachelorâs degree in ***.

My university provide me the possibility to connect my theoretical knowledge with practical experience in the fifth semester. Therefore I want to grab the chance to perform my internship at the Berlin airports which I also connect for many years with my region *** . I also would like to understand in practise the individual processes at the âSystem Airportâ.

Thanks to my part-time job as waiter at the state theatre *** I have learned how to concentrate and focus on goals, but also that teamwork, thoroughness and commitment are important key elements for all kinds of work. Accordingly I see myself as a person who very highly values organisation skills and teamwork, and fulfil tasks which are given to me very accurately.

The enclosed curriculum vitae provide more details about my experiences and skills. If you affirm that I would be a positive addition in your team, please feel free to call me or write me an email. Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Soeren ***

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks a lot to everyone who will help me Thanks!!!!!

Greeting

Soeren

Re: Need Help On Letter Writing

Clive — Tue, 23 May 2006 02:16:47 GMT

Hi Peter,

1. Do I need to write sender's and recepient's address? Yes

2. My wife and I write the letter together, so at the end do I write Mr. & Mrs. Anna Lee or Mr. & Mrs. Peter Lee?

I suggest that you write

Yours sincerely,

then each of you sign it, one signature above the other, as 'Anna Lee' and 'Peter Lee'.

The print your names, below the two signatures as 'Anna and Peter Lee'

3. Do I use semi-colon or a coma when I write Dear Ms. Smith{:} {,} use a comma

4.Which one is the right format to write the admission letter?

Sender address Date Date

Date Recepient address Dear Ms.Smith

Recepient address OR Dear Ms. Smith OR

Dear Ms. Smith

The format on the left. Put sender address and date on the right, then recipient address below that and on the left.

Good luck, Clive

Re: Would you please correct my letter of motivation? (MA)

nona the brit — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 11:39:17 GMT

Hi I've highlighted the problem areas you might want to re-write or correct. Also, the name of our country is the United Kingdom, not Great Britain, so you should change that part.

I am writing to you to apply for the Master programme in Media Studies, which is offered by your university.

I hold a three years bachelorâs degree in Theatre and Media Studies from the University of Bayreuth (Germany). The date of my graduation was the 21^st of September 2005.

My subsidiary subjects were Literature and Sociology, in which I also placed much emphasis on my courses to be thematically related to Media Studies (for example ,Media Theory of the 20th Centuryâ and âTelevision Cultureâ)You don't need all these commas and apostrophes here. The topic of my final paper was âExpressionistic Silent Movie â An analysis considering as example itâs well-known representative âDas Cabinet des Dr. Caligariâ. The Final paper was graded 1,7 and the cumulative grade of the BA degree was 1,62.

My aim was right from the start to attend my postgraduate studies in Great Britain, due to the fact that former visits engaged my sympathies for the country and the language. The transitional period since my graduation did I utilise on the one hand to improve my language skills by reading English literature and on the other hand to gain professional experience in the field of IT and New Media. The job I held down for the last months consisted among other things of photoediting with Photoshop and GIMP. Furthermore I was responsible for the creation of a MediaWiki, which collected all of the companyâs relevant data.

Even though the job gave me an understanding of some practical aspects of professional everyday life and brought forward some continuative skills in the field of PC and New Media, I give top priority to a continuation of my academic studies. Actually I would like to expand my grasp of Media Studies in order that I can later have access â either especially academically or against any other background - to a broader base of knowledge. In addition I would like to use the multifaceted experiences, which studying in a foreign country will surely entail, for my personal development.

After an in-depth search on the internet, I arrived at the conclusion that the University of Bath with itâs special course offer will completely live up to my expectations of postgraduate studies. I would be very happy, if you give me the possibility to continue my studies at your university this October. If you should have an questions, please do not hesitate to contact me (email address).

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Re: HELP! I wish feedback on my motivation letter

Philologist — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 20:58:31 GMT

Hello Emilia,

It seems you did a quite good job! I have highlighted several phrases that caught my eye. I hope they will be useful in your quest for a scholarship!

Remember that you should use "Yours faithfully" instead of "Yours sincerely" if you do not know the name of the recipient. By the way, it is often beneficial to add a succinct summary of your letter in the last paragraph. People tend to remember the contents of your last paragraph, so try to make it clear why you should get the scholarship in that paragraph. A convincing conclusion is very important when writing letters to people who read umpteen letters a day

If you should have any further questions, please feel free to ask! I am by no means reprobating your letter, so don't be discouraged

Good luck!

Emilia wrote:

Dear Sirs and Madams, (comma)
Here I am; an open-minded Swedish-speaking young Finnish woman. I am studying for a masterâs degree in Mathematics with a specialization in teacherâs training at the Faculty of Mathematics & Natural Sciences at the University ***. I have always wanted to incorporate an international experience into my degree; however, the moment has not been right until now. Receiving one of the scholarship offered by the YY Organization would make it possible for (Consider "enable") me to participate in the degree program called the (Unnecessary) âJoint Masterâs Degree in Mathematics and Educationâ at the University ZZ. Courses in this program would definitely provide my degree with an individual profundity. (Full stop) Of course, having studied at one of the top U.S. universities is a notable experience for the future.

Presently, I am in the fifth year of my degree program (Full stop). I have a strong academic background and my plan is to have completed all courses in the main and minor subjects (Are there other subjects? If not, this part is unnecessary as you already refer to "all courses") by the end of this academic year. My intention is to take some additional advanced courses and write my masterâs thesis in the academic year of 2006-2007. I am contented with my choice of study field. I have worked full time as a teacherâs substitute for one semester and it was a very positive experience. Topics on mathematics education and how a young person develops his or her mathematical thinking interest me. In five years I picture myself working professionally with these issues. Full stop It is very likely that I am doing research. At the University ZZ I intend to participate in courses from the âJoint Masterâs Degree in Mathematics and Educationâ program. There are special courses focusing exactly on this special area of mine (unnecessary) and simultaneously this program will give me the chance to interact with other like-minded students in an intercontinental environment. Since I also would participate in the program representing the good Finnish reputation in mathematics, I am convinced that I could contribute to broadening their international point of view as well.

I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore, comma my personality shows a big (not very formal, consider large) sense of responsibility and consideration. I easily adapt myself (remove) to new situations and I only regard it as a multi-faceted experience to study and live at a big campus. I have been volunteering one year as a tutor for exchange students coming to Finland so I am quite familiar with what one might come across abroad. I enjoy meeting new people and getting acquainted with other cultures. I particularly hope to befriend native speaking people in order to improve my English skills in a natural way. As link in the chain, this would also facilitate the work on my masterâs thesis, since I opt to write it in English. I am an active person with a lot of energy and a big passion for nature and outdoor sports, comma so the region of Madison with its magnificent nature is an ideal place.

Re: With a comma or without a comma

Cateran — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 14:11:26 GMT

Dear MrP

Your answer is valuable. Thanks a lot.

Yours sincerely

Cateran