Hello: The letter is too long to revise word-by-word here. You make a lot of small errors, most of which you can correct by going over an English grammar and usage book. To get you started I'll give you specific suggestions on the second

Although this letter (which is too long to review in full) is grammatically correct (with some awkward wording) I would change the tone. In the opening sentence I would use a much stronger word than "considering": it makes you sound like

Your letter is basically a good one and though I won't go through it sentence by sentence I will give you some basic suggestions to improve it. 1) Use spell check so you can avoid misspelling "treasurer" and other words 2) Check and

It's a long essay for this sort of question, but I'll edit the first sentence for you. I am in my senior year of college, about to graduate in a few months. You don't need to include "currently attending college", since being

It's two different sentences. The stranger smiled. His eyes traveled down her dress and then back to her face. The "and" is a preference in sentences structured like this one. The comma is unnecessary in the sentence that includes