(10/02/2019): In most successful organizations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers is important, while other people said that other factors are more significant. What is your opinion?

Many people argue that communication between managers and staff plays an integral role in conducting business. While communication is one aspect to consider, I still believe that many other factors are more important.

On the one hand, it is indisputable fact that to grow a successful working business, communication must be put on top quality. First of all, a breakdown in communication is necessary, especially when an emergency occurs such as problems with machines and raw materials. As a result, staff cannot address it on their own, they have to communicate with their managers constantly. Also, some working places such as hospitals, restaurants or supermarkets which custom survives must be high on their agenda, managers find it difficult to see the whole picture without communication and contacting directly with their staff and workers.

On the other hand, I believe that job satisfaction and working environment must be taken into consideration when choosing a job or company. Traditional managers tend to dictate or impose restrictive laws to reach a consensus without taking into consideration worker’s satisfaction. When workers enjoy their decent salaries, colleagues, and working environments, then the company may benefit from the loyalty of their staff. Furthermore, supportive work colleagues cooperate is also important to ensure everything runs smoothly and maximize profits without any management.

By the way of conclusion, I believe that while communication plays an integral role when conducting a traditional business, it will be replaced by workers cooperative without management’s effect in the future due to job prospects and working environment.



Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: In most successful organizations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers is important, while other people said that other factors are more significant. What is your opinion?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Many people argue that communication between managers and staff plays an integral role in making a conducting business successful. While communication is one aspect to consider, I still believe that many other factors are more important.

On the one hand, it is indisputable fact that to grow a successful working business, communication must be put on top priority. quality. (Quality does not make sense here.) First of all, a breakdown in communication is necessary, (That does not make any sense. "Breakdown in communication" is the utter failure for people to get the information that they need. Is this failure necessary? ) especially when an emergency occurs such as problems with machines and raw materials. As a result, staff cannot address it on their own, (Wrong comma, incorrect punctuation, comma splice error) they have to communicate with their managers constantly. Also, some working places such as hospitals, restaurants or supermarkets which custom survives (That makes no sense. I do not understand what you mean. Survive is a verb. It means that it does not die. A custom is a traditional action.) must be high on their agenda, managers find it difficult to see the whole picture without communication and contacting directly direct contact with their staff and workers.

On the other hand, I believe that job satisfaction and working environment must be taken into consideration when choosing a job or company. (That is off-topic. It is not about selecting a job.) Traditional managers tend to dictate or impose restrictive laws (Wrong word. Only governments make laws.) to reach a consensus without taking into consideration worker’s (One worker?) satisfaction. When workers enjoy their decent salaries, colleagues, and working environments, then the company may benefit from the loyalty of their staff. Furthermore, supportive work colleagues cooperate (That does not make sense.) is also important to ensure everything runs smoothly and maximize profits without any management. (That does not make sense.)

By the way of conclusion, I believe that while communication plays an integral role when conducting a traditional business, it will be replaced by workers cooperative without management’s effect in the future due to job prospects and working environment. (That does not make sense. I do not understand your point.)