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Dear all,

could you please have a look at this paragraph?

- I'm not sure about the comma usage + tenses

- I'm not sure about the "One of my most embarrassing moments IS WHEN" - shouldn't there be rather "WAS WHEN"?

- "(...) and I probably made many mistakes ALONGSIDE" - does it make any sense? Can I use the word "alongside" like this?

- The whole paragraph probably sounds a little bit clumsy - any stylistic suggestions?



"One of my most embarrassing moments is when I was supposed to have a presentation about XYZ, and I was just unable to let the words out of my mouth. First of all, I didn’t get his poems at all (the book XXX was quite new at that time; Google wasn’t much of a help either), so the outline of my presentation was pretty weak from the very beginning. Second of all, I was under time pressure, so I didn’t spend any time rehearsing my presentation. Third of all, once I realized that I was f*cked, I completely lost it and started rambling and probably made many mistakes alongside."


Thank you so much!

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One of the most embarrassing moments I experienced was the time I was supposed to give a presentation about XYZ. I was just unable to force the words out of my mouth. First of all, I didn’t understand the poems in the book at all (the book XXX was quite new at that time; Google wasn’t much help either), so the outline of my presentation was fairly weak. Secondly, I was under so much time pressure that I hadn't spent any time rehearsing my presentation. Once I realized that I was f*cked, I completely lost it and started rambling and probably made many mistakes alongside."

I started helping you before I read the entire paragraph. I don't know how casual you want your writing to be, but I was replacing some vocabulary with better choices. I finally hit the "F" word and realized the tone you intended. Additionally, you wrote "I lost it," which is quite casual, supporting my impression that I had misread your intention in writing this. I'll tell you that "alongside" is not used correctly at all. Perhaps you mean "as I progressed through the talk." I almost deleted this post, but then I thought it might serve you well in some way. If not, I'm sorry to have dragged you through my comments.

Comments  
Thank you so much! Emotion: smile Btw I probably meant the phrase "along the way" – can I use this one as well? Does it sound natural?