Any suggestion for improvement is welcome!

The flow, structure, not to much repetition?

(Sentences not too long or short etc.)

Mistakes in grammar and punctuation if I missed any...

Thank you!


But then the unthinkable happened.

You see everyone in the kingdom had a task.

From the lowest to the greatest.

And even the lowest was a job of honor.

No one looked down on their duties.

Serving such a great king and his son was more than anyone could ever wish for.

And yet there was one servant that became ungrateful.


As a matter of fact, he was the highest authority in all of the kingdom below the king himself and his son Prince.

He was endowed with more beauty and privileges than anyone else.

Apart from Prince of course.

And yet it was this very fact that made him ungrateful.

You see the king had just given him a promotion.

A task more beautiful than anyone else’s.

With more subjects under his rule than all the others.

The king had entrusted him with this in full faith in his ability to perform it well.

He was to build a city with more splendor than anything else in the kingdom.

And that became his downfall.


Oh not the task itself.

He started out with great delight and diligence, thankful that such an honor was bestowed on him.

But then it happened.

Slowly, without realizing it, he lost sight of the king and his son that had so generously given him this great honor.

He forgot meeting them after each shift. To enjoy their company.

He was so enthralled with his task and the authority that accompanied it, after all, he became the overseer of many, that he forgot who had given him this privilege.

Soon he started to have unthinkable thoughts.

Thoughts about a kingdom.

His very own!

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