Any suggestion for improvement is welcome!

The flow, structure, not to much repetition?

(Sentences not too long or short etc.)

Mistakes in grammar and punctuation if I missed any...

Thank you!

5

Oh, what a thrill that would be.

Or so he thought.

No one would be above him.

No king with his son.

He would be the one on the throne.

Making all the decisions, but most of all, receiving all the praise.

Everyone would bow for him.

Yes, for HIM, the Lightbearer.

That was his name.

And he would tell the king and his son Prince what to do instead of the other way around.

Oh, he couldn’t wait for it to happen.

What a delight that would be.

If only he was God.


And that became his fall.

He started out so well.

The king had never withheld anything good from him.

Rather he had given him access to almost every place in the kingdom.

No beauty or privilege or gift was held back from Lightbearer.

He truly was a light that shone brightly among all the inhabitants.

A display of the generous kindness of the king and his son Prince.

But how he would have loved to take their place.

So he decided to tell them frankly.


Why were they king, and he was not?

Now, what could they answer?

The king’s heart broke for his beloved Lightbearer.

The one that brought the kingdom so much of his own joy and delight.

He was the leader of many celebrations.

Livening them up with the most exhilarating music.

Bringing everyone to dance.

Rejoicing in the goodness of the king and his son.

But all that had come to an end.

His partying, meant to honor the king, became more and more about himself.

Showing off his extravagant beauty.

Beauty that had never been his own.

Rather it was bestowed on him.

Oh, the king had not held anything back.

But...it still came all from him.

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