Any suggestion for improvement is welcome!

The flow, structure, not to much repetition?

(Sentences not too long or short etc.)

Mistakes in grammar and punctuation if I missed any...

Thank you!

7

No warning pierced through this wicked mind of his.

Now fully being developed into a true abyss.

So Lucifer made a plan.

Nothing could bring him from it.

He rallied all the servants, as many as he could find.

He started talking to them.

Revealing what was on his mind.

Soon they were infected.

One-third of the whole kingdom.

They began to think the way he did.

Being blinded by pride.

Not seeing anymore.

The king and his son as their way to provide.

The ones that gave them life.

They put their gifts above them.

And now they wanted to be God.


Oh, foolish angels.

Servants of the highest king.

Brilliant creatures.

What darkness this would bring.

Of course, Lucifer’s army was no match

for the king and his son.

Two-thirds of the angels remained faithful.

Never leaving their side.

Not succumbing to Lucifer’s foolishness.

To his pride.


So the king gave them the power to prevail.

Kicking all rebels out.

To another part of his kingdom.

It was still a place of great beauty, they got to inhabit.

Yet it had much less glory, than where they had used to live.

Right next to the king and his palace.


Oh, they could still visit.

Appear before his throne.

He would still call for them.

For purposes of his own.

But their greatest privileges had been gone.

A glory that was only in the presence of the king and his son.


Slowly their appearance began to change.

The shining of their faces fading.

Their colors growing dim.

Grey slimy creatures they became.

Without the king’s presence, all became dark without and within.

You might be interested in:

A Fair Story 9 Punctuation

still looking for the "right" use of punctuation , what reads pleasantly and flows well...(see/review also former posts please, thank you!) 9 Now before all this happiness happened...

A Fair Story 1

1 Long (or was it short?) before the existence of time as we know it, a king had a son. This king was very wealthy and famous among all his realms. He was the most powerful...