>CHUCKLES FOR MATURE COUPLES AND OTHERS .....
>
>My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
>
>He thought he was God, and I didn't.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Marriage is a three-ring circus:
>
>Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
>
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>
>For Sale :
>
>Wedding dress, size 8.
>
>Worn once by mistake.
>
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>There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
>
>Before marriage and after marriage.
>
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>
>
>Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
>
>Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but
>
>when they go, they take your house and car.
>
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>
>The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
>
>seemed way too qualified for the job.
>
>"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual
>
>experience in picking lemons?"
>
>"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced
>three times."
>
>
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>
>
>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
>
>remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
>
>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me
>
>the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
>
>The old man says without hesitation,
>
>"I now pronounce you man and wife."
>
>
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>
>
>Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
>
>All the DNA is the same.
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
>
>Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
>check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
>
>Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward
>looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you
>like to buy?"
>
>
>Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
>
>
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>
>Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
>neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a
>table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may
>not have 45 minutes."
>
>They were seated immediately.
>
>----------------------------------------------------- ----------
>
>The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
>hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
>
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>
>All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
>
>escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting
>groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
>
>The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even
>the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the
>bride gave him back his credit card.
>
>
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>
>Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
>get used to the idea.
>
>
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>
>
>Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
>your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
>what would you like them to say?"
>
>Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
>spiritual leader, and a great family man."
>
> Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a
>
>wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in
>people's lives."
>
>Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
>
>Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to
>you?"
>
>The Lord replies, "A minute."
>
>Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
>
>The Lord replies, "A penny."
>
>Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
>
>The Lord replies, "In a minute."
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is
>
>unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up
>men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
>
>Wh at do you think I should do?"
>
>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell
>me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>
>John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
>
>"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
>
>"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
>
>"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
>
>"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
>
>With his last breath John said, "I do!"
>
>
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>
>
>A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and
>I have to talk to you about it."
>
>The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
>
>The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
>
>The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
>
>The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
>what should I do?"
>
>The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to
>
>her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
>
>A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
>wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours
>
>You want my advice?"
>
>The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
>
>"Take the poison"
they are really good ... thanks Emotion: big smile

>The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
>
>seemed way too qualified for the job.
>
>"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual
>
>experience in picking lemons?"
>
>"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced
>three times."
[Y]Emotion: smile