One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter window.

The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.

The people in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the window of their building.

Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer!"

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You`re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don`t trouble the other employees.
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

A month later the boss returns and says: "You`re all working very hard, and I`m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavowed all knowledge of the missing cleaner.

After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we`ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
These jokes are good tho my brother who is in microsoft won't like them
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
You may have noticed that a new TV ad for Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program uses the musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from the Mozart's Requiem.

"Where do you want to go today?" is the cheery line on the screen. Meanwhile, the chorus sings "Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis," which means, "The damned and accursed are convicted to flames of hell."
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
I rest my case ........
The bus station one is cute. Thanks
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Hey all ur microsoft jokes are great. Do u by any chance work for microsoft?!!
I wish I was .....

By the way, the MCSD in my 'screen name' stands for Microsoft Certified Solution Developer. Working for Microsoft is a dream !

Anita, I remember reading your earlier post about your brother working for good 'ol Bill. Could you ask him to plug me in ?