A Poem For Nadia

A picture of perfection thou art,
how could I erase thee from mine heart,
Losin' thee linger I feel it's hard,
without thee I'm an incomplete tart,

I LOVE thee,
adore a time when the two of us called we,
I LOVE thee,
when thou spoken thy belong to me,

Lost a sun, elegantly thou came like a rainbow,
incoparable beauty i long to it now,
vanished its color drag out mine feelin' of morrow,
then my days swathed so hollow,

Nadia...
Nadia...
Nadia...
Nadia...

Mine tears burst to river,
mine soul weak and shiver,
insanity has turned mine faith to a killer,
resisted a Man we used to call Father,

flew up thou art mine Angel to heaven,
know now how to remove mine heart that lament,
walk alone along the pavement,
to thee i promise to be strong, though bereavement forsaken,

Nadia...
Nadia...
Nadia...
Nadia...

For thee i forgive,
succumbed not ina deep grief,
there's a time when all things should leave,
but our memories would never drift,
I lost interest after the first thou art met losin' thee. It is an egregious mismatch of register. Even Shakespeare stopped using thees and thous. Not a single line sounds sincere. Scrap it and start again, Beatrix. Try to say what you feel clearly, simply, directly and without cliches (picture of perfection; erase thee from mine heart; tears burst to river; Angel to heaven; heart that lament; bereavement forsaken; etc etc) or superfluous Nadias.

An incomplete tart indeed.
Dear Mister Micawber,

Dont you know that most girl sometimes want to hear or create things dramatically...a lil bit cliche too. If I write things directly and as simple as how most men want...I would lose the sense of dramatic situation. I know that the poem is dedicated for a lady and should've been written in the way most men would say to her...I'm sure you wouldnt mind if I try to make it a bit 'over'.

Thank you so much Mister Micawber =)

E!
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BeatrixDont you know that most girl sometimes want to hear or create things dramatically...a lil bit cliche too. If I write things directly and as simple as how most men want...I would lose the sense of dramatic situation. I know that the poem is dedicated for a lady and should've been written in the way most men would say to her...I'm sure you wouldnt mind if I try to make it a bit 'over'.

Usually ladies feel disturbed when men say things which are a bit 'over', though.